Relationships - How many times have you

Don't give up hope, it can happen when you least expect.

Thanks, I've not given up hope, it's just 10 years is a long time! It's like when you go on holiday with someone, the best bit is the company and all the stupid things you see and no one else does and they become the memories, as well as other stuff you actually went for.

I'm early 40s now and kinda feels like I'll get to early 60s and be like, ohh sharing things with someone would have been nice! 🙂

Some friends of ours were together at uni. Split up moved on, got married, had kids, got divorced.

Bumped into each other years later, got together, got married. And are now really happy 14 years later. It's never too late, things can work out

cheese@4p

Don’t give up hope, it can happen when you least expect.

Not that anyone should take relationship advice from me but

Don’t give up hope, it's way more likely to happen when you least expect

Similar to you, early relationships were fine, then met my ex and, boom,  we had 16years together. Separated for two years now and I've met lots of great people via dating apps, but that spark is elusive, the odd flicker, but nothing that's properly ignited.

I suppose the difference in our circumstances is my separation is relatively recent in comparison and that I've got to a place where I'm happy being single. I don't want to be single for the rest of my life but I'm also content on my own. I've just ordered a new bike for the first time in 10years so that's helped 😀.

I'd say don't overly worry about it, it'll happen when it happens.

Very similar to twistedpencil 15yr relationship ended a few years ago, quite a few dates since but not amounted to anything.
Kind of resided to life alone, it not grim by any standard and I get to pretty much do what I want when son is not round. Plus I don't really do anything where meeting someone would naturally happen.

I think its harder as you get older. There are several factors causing this i think. Im 56 and am virtually invisible to women. This cuts down drastically on the pool of potential partners. From those that are left, lots will be at an age where there is lots of baggage that will make you or them uncomfortable and a poor fit. It also seems to be a time of life where some people seem to not appreciate the joy in things so much.

I have had the same splendid partner for the past 18 yrs, and we do lots together. However if i became single now, then i really dont think i would make the effort to meet someone new.

Ian

Don’t give up hope, it’s way more likely to happen when you least expect

I haven't, it hasn't (for well over 10 years)

Im 56 and am virtually invisible to women.

Speak for yourself. 😁

This cuts down drastically on the pool of potential partners.

By the time you hit 50 your choice of suitors, male or female, is very often "hot, intelligent, not broken, pick any two" IME.

I got lucky. My current girlfriend, the very first date we had I told her "the very last thing I'm looking for right now is a serious relationship." Two years later, we'd bought a house together. She's the best thing that ever happened to me. It can happen.

I am now on my own after 42 years together with my partner. I really have no idea what to do next but most folk are happier with someone in their lives

I do think tho that as you get older that " instantly smitten" feeling is not going to happen - you just don't have the same raging hormones as when you were younger. I guess its going to be much more of a slow burner

Remember its all about hormones and evolutionary pressures - and by my age all that is gone 🙂

Separated from my boys mother in 95, had maybe 4 relationships over the following 17yrs, then got together with the woman of my dreams in 2012, so it can happen 🤗

December '68. I'm a gawky 15 year old in Baswich youth club with my mates Calvin and Geoff. I saw this sparky new girl come in with a couple of friends. Straight away I said to my mates "That's the girl I'm going to marry".
We started "going out" in March 69 and we're still loving our lives together today.

So, in answer to the question - just the once.

Maybe you need to find a different spark? The most intense feeling for anyone I’ve ever had was a girl I went out with about 25 years ago. Pretty much as soon as we met it was like there was electricity in the air, we completely and absolutely fell for each other and could not bear to be apart. We lasted about a year and finally split for a couple of reasons, but the electricity was still there. I was absolutely devastated and it took me ages to get over it. I spent a few years comparing every subsequent relationship with that one until I finally realised that actually that level of intensity was pretty unhealthy. No too long after that realisation I met my current partner, I love her with all my heart but it’s a very different kind of love. We’ve been together 18 years and have two lovely kids, I couldn’t imagine being with anyone else.

TL;DR stop comparing with something that is gone, find something new.

you just don’t have the same raging hormones as when you were younger

Yep, I suppose when you get to 50 you should be grateful if it still goes up 🙂

I think memory also plays tricks on you, the first loves tend to be more sexual and less washing up ,as you pretty much are only together for fun times as soon as it’s living together and the household chores.

Yep, I suppose when you get to 50 you should be grateful if it still goes up 🙂

... and your seduction line is "well, it'd be a shame to waste it."

A mate of mine has met his ideal partner this year - fairly whirlwind romance and he's likely to be moving in together. He's around 50. She's also into walking and camping and has a lovely old VW camper. Really pleased for him as it's finally worked out.

Me, no major relationships until I started dating my now wife. 27 years married now !

I found my girlfriend on Tinder.

That caused an argument.

In my early 20's I had one brief relationship, just over a year, with someone who I thought was the best person in the world. However, we ended up in different parts of the country and for her, this was the end of it. I was miserable for a about a year.

Then, on a night out which was never ment to be a night out, I met her, The One. We made each other laugh and were both ready for somebody in our lives. She made me understand that there was quite a bit of sadness in me that I had never explored. She had things to work through too, which I was able to help her with. There's been tough stuff to deal with. It's not always been perfect, but the love has never waivered.

We hit 31 years together in a couple of months.

Im 56 and am virtually invisible to women.

Speak for yourself. 😁

Same here. Knocking on the door of 50, overweight and two kids in tow.

Been pretty much fighting them off until I met the current one.
It's not the same sort of feeling as I had with the ex. Or the one that got away.

the current one

Who said romance is dead?

Who said romance is dead?

🤣😂🤣 it's good in many ways, but I don't think it'll go the distance. A few flags are starting to appear. Not red ones, but maybe amber.

Anyone had lightning strike twice?

Okay nothing to do with relationship but actual lighting ...

Yes, lighting does strike twice or three times at my hometown to a particular tree but not on the same day. I think the 3rd strike reduced the three to just the trunk while everything else got burnt off.

Thanks all, some interesting points.
I have had children with someone since but that was a huge surprise when it happened, and they are the best thing in my life so super glad it did as going from short relationship to short relationship it was never on the cards and I was hoping I'd get the chance to be a dad so at least that's good, but that relationship did not actually last a great deal of time so 2 years after it really feels like back to square one.

I did meet someone in the summer, it lasted about 4 months, they were really what I needed at the time, and incredibly funny/same wavelength but I bought it to an end as those feelings hadn't shown and I feared I was back on my way to where I'd been in previous relationships where everything's just nice, not floaty amazing.

I did actually meet that person id fell for years after and I we were in completely different pages by that point so it's not a what if, more a not wanting to settle for something that's only half way there

Dating apps are a killer though, I'm not an oil painting so get by on personality and a decent sense of humour, apps don't allow for this...

It's no surprise I'd met that person id fell for through work where we were actually able to get to know each other properly and let something develop.

For me I’d say three times. I’m about to turn 55. This fist time for me was in my late teens, we were together for around 8years. 2 year prior to splitting we’d live in Italy for just over a year and had a fantastic time. Money and job opportunities ran out and we had to come home. Not long after that we split. I was devastated and it took me about a year to move on.
Then I met my daughters mother, we were in it for some fun neither of us were serious and two years in she was expecting so we decided to get married. Then it all went wrong, I can’t say that I truly loved her. The only good outcome from it was my daughter.
So the second time…. Was an old mate. She’d had just broken up with her bloke. I’d first met her in the early 80’s she was/is a stunner, very intelligent & confidant. First meeting her all those years ago I was completely smitten but it didn’t come to anything. Any a long story short we bumped into each other at gig which was followed by a steamy year of behaving like teenagers. Thenit fizzled out.
Now I’m with the woman I’d consider my best friend, we’ve been together for near on 20 years. Some we’re not easy especially when kids are involved but we got through. Our girls are now breaking out for themselves and we are rediscovering ourselves and it’s fun again.
Just don’t give up, there’s always someone out there.

Most disappointing thread title for some time...

Lower your expectations and you'll suddenly find lots more available partners. I'm not saying take anyone or the next person along. Just don't expect a teenage crush type spark. Some relationships are best when built up over a period of time.

I'm sure if you joined lots of local groups that interest you, and really try to be sociable. Then you'll be bound meet someone who you like and could possibly build a relationship with.

As for lightning striking (like hair standing up on your neck and electricity running down your spine), then just about every time I met someone romantically and there was mutual attraction. Real love takes much longer to develop.

As I've been in a relationship with the same women for nearly half my life, previous relationships seem like an awfully longtime ago.....

can't believe we're not going to talk about the lighting hitting the tree.

Relationships do come when you least expect it or want it, such as: just bought a new bike and have to explain this rather odd hobby to her (in my case).

I met my partner at age 52. Eight years ago. I went on a date with no expectations and now we're still together. She is fit smarter than me honest and loving. Me well I'm dependable and loving if more than a little thrawn Don't give up hope.

I have been talking to some female pals of mine about this. Take any opportunities that come your way and follow them up - but don't be weird I was told. Thats gonna be tricky for me. Apparently the collection of trolls and teddy bears beside my bed is a huge red flag and need to be hidden.

but don’t be weird I was told.

But do be yourself, which in my case is fairly weird.

I have a room full of lego, RC cars, partially exploded computers and Scalextric. And another room full of bikes in various states of repair. I also collect comics/graphic novels. And have a caravan, which i use to go on mountain biking trips with mates, or the kids.

The home automation also makes me a bit weird, apparently. And Barbequing at Christmas.

See what happens when you mention that the previous evening you walked out to the top of a hill miles from anywhere and slept under the stars, when it was below zero.

I've *still* got plenty of dates (and repeat dates) once that lots out in the open...

Being picky just three provoked that spark. One also worked on most levels except me not being keen on three kids and keeping her in the style to which she wished to become accustomed (She moved to Switzerland with someone capable of paying for the lifestyle but I've no idea if she had the kids). Two worked on even more levels except me not being keen on moving to Australia (she moved to Fremantle and social media tells me our lives are mirrored on opposite sides of the planet). Three is sitting in front of the wood burner and looks happy, like me, two pigs in French shit.

.....except me not being keen on moving to Australia.....

Yep.

She's still there, married with a couple of kids.
Her parents had died, my mum was still alive and I'm an only child, so caring duties were mine.
Plus, I really, really didn't want to move to Australia!

Only twice for me, once when young and once when I was 34 (now nearing 42).

The first one was a bad idea (worked together, poor age differences (17/23 so at totally different stages of life)) but was instigated by her, didn't have the bottle to resist or end it early and ended up falling for her just in time for it all to come crashing down. Still not totally unsure about how or why it ended as there was a 3rd party involved on her side which was muddied by the work/social problem but I have my suspicions thanks to people I trust telling me things after the event. It also put paid to my career path with the company as her and the new partner basically blocked my progression. Never dip your pen in the company ink I believe is the saying!

The second was also through work but this time a customer. She was just coming out of a messy divorce and over the next two years I properly fell for her without realising. Didn't go anywhere though as she was (for want of a better phrase) 'damaged goods' by then and just couldn't trust anyone to get close to them. That was nearly 10 years ago now and she still isn't with anyone.

Haven't really tried since then as I'd pretty much given up before I met no2, a series of very poor quick relationships (one in particular did an awful lot of damage) over my time has destroyed any desire to do any chasing so it's just me now and will most likely be until my time is up. Doesn't help that I don't want kids, not even step ones, so that really reduces the pool size down. I've never been one to be remotely popular with the ladies anyway (beyond invisible mostly, actively repelling them is closer to the truth!) so there's pretty much no hope of anything happening for me now. Just means I can try and achieve my dream of a small house somewhere with riding nearby, a small workshop for my Mini and lead a simple life of riding, tinkering and the odd little adventure, don't need anyone for that!

@reluctantjumper that's sad. I hope you're wrong and one day, when you're off guard and least expecting it, someone comes along. I don't know you, but I reckon you are being too critical of how you come across to others. There is someone out there for everyone.

At 24 and not really having had a proper girlfriend, I met a girl from school I used to really fancy. She felt the same apparently and we got together. Only, she had baggage in the form of a boyfriend/ fiancee who she said she was leaving. I ignored all that because here I was getting jiggy with a cute girl thinking my luck was in. Anyway, she swiftly turned out to be a lying cheating (there *was* a clue for me) nasty piece of work. It wasn't that my world collapsed but my naive bubble of infatuation popped. I'm not sure if i was permanently damaged by that but 10/10 never seemed achievable after that, it was something I thought I'd had (in reality - 3/10) and got burned by.

And while that's not to say I haven't been happy in relationships since, I think I've been too cynical to be patient, too easily settling for less. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, but I can have no complaints.

Then I met someone which absolutely blew me away, they were very attractive and I thought I’d never stand a chance, but things kind of worked out and we were together for a year, i was totally in love with them (like nothing I’d had in previous times, it was like a 10 out of 10 feeling rather than a 5 or 4) they were attractive but also supportive and just really nice to be with, but things didn’t work out, wrong time wrong place in some ways.

10 years later, countless dates and a good few relationships on, some of which were really fun, I’ve just never found the same spark, I’ve given things time in different scenarios, but nothing, I’ve been for a bit of counselling, didn’t really get me any further.

I’m not pining after that person still, but for the feeling, in my head i’m just going to keep dating and not settling for what I had initially, but could lead to a lonely life…

This is a very circuitous way to go about admitting you have someone buried under your patio

I don’t know you, but I reckon you are being too critical of how you come across to others.

No, I'm a complete and utter social moron 🤣

@reluctantjumper

This sounds like a premise to a romcom. Where the lead (you) finds love in the least likely of places.

You'll meet someone I'm sure of it, just don't be so hard on yourself. But you will very likely have to get yourself 'outthere' more to increase your chances of meeting someone.

Get on meet up and try some of your local events.

https://www.meetup.com/lp/meetup.com/lp/how-to-group-start

Or try some local Facebook clubs that also meet up, like local walking/nature groups etc.

This sounds like a premise to a romcom.

If you break them down, lots of Hollywood Rom Coms are pretty much just either grand gestures, stalking, ghosting or straight up lying, No wonder folks are confused about relationships.

I know everyone means well, but I'm not sure it's really very healthy generally to keep punting the message of "oh, it'll happen when you least expect it, just keep holding on". If people are happy, then, that's what's important, right?

If people are happy, then, that’s what’s important, right?

Yes, i took a year off completely after the divorce, did nothing, no dating, rode my bike, bought toy cars and lego worked out who I was as a person, rather than half a couple.
Redecorated the bedroom (i kept the house).
Then spent a year or so just having fun. Not looking for anything except the odd date and a bit of fun (yes, i was upfront about that!)
Then after that, started leaving myself open to see what happened. And that first couple of years meant i was pretty happy in myself, didn't need anyone else.

And if real people did what happened in Hollywood romcoms, the prison population would be three times what it is now.

I met MrsMC on a charity walk up Ben Nevis. Doing something that interests you will mean you have more chance of meeting someone with a shared interest that will open unexpected possibilities..

Yep, I  met a former partner when we joined a running club together

Those pointing out the role of hormones in the fabled "lightning bolt" moment are spot on.

I've fallen head over heels 3 times. Fancying the pants off them is a key element. I'm lucky in that I'm still with number 3 after 13 years. But if i found myself single at 51, with a small beer belly and a shaved head, it would take someone well out of my league to get me going again.

Never tbh. And at 53 dont think I will.
Weird parents and about a 2 on the hot or not scale means probably not destined to meet anyone.
I just get on with existing, and try to minimise drama when possible.

how many ?
1,2,3,4 and 5.

1) back in '87 when I was 17 and she was 16 - together for six years and bought a house (thought it was going to last forever!)
2) in '93 way too soon after (1) and she turned out to be mental - destroyed me that did.
3) in '96 after a couple of years singledom. She was ace, a horse riding instructor. Restored my faith in women but was obvs still hung up about her ex so that had to end.
4) in '99. Quirky French lady we were together four/five yrs and rented a couple of places together. One day she just upped and left!
5) in 2011 after many yrs enjoying singledom met a Peruvian from Iquitos in the Amazon rainforest whilst travelling. Probably had some of the best times in my life travelling around with her. Was like waking up next to godess every morning, honestly thought I was in heaven. Had to move on to New Zealand though and although we kept in touch for a while it just faded out. Still friends on FB.

fast forward to 2022 and after nearly 30yrs apart I'm back with (1) - happy as can be 🙂

Never in my life ever logged into a dating site btw.

I quite enjoyed that little story Keva

A romcom?! 🤣🤣🤣🤣 It would bomb even if it could get commissioned!

You’ll meet someone I’m sure of it, just don’t be so hard on yourself. But you will very likely have to get yourself ‘outthere’ more to increase your chances of meeting someone.

I have so little free time at the moment that just seeing friends, family and doing any of my hobbies is a tough ask right now, let alone anything new! I did try the dating apps and speed dating once, a complete fail on both. The speed dating was a particularly good one as I went to five separate nights at a local pub, 20+ women at each one. I left with the dubious honour of the only bloke to go to five consecutive nights and not get one single person put my name down as a match. The organiser even offered to refund me the fifth night's fee but I just left and gave up on the idea.

Raaaaargh!

This thread has taken me down memory lane....

Was particularly interested in birds as a teenager. More interested in London clubs, drugs and dicking about with a couple of mates.

Always saw my uncle as the kind of person I would end up being... never married, had no kids, retired at 50 and spent his time doing whatever he wanted. He's still so content.

At 19 I went travelling (any excuse to leave the shithole I grew up in). I met a girl in Australia. She was from Munich, me from Essex. Returned back home and thought that would be the end of it.

It wasn't. She visited me, I rode there.

Few years long distance... Me taking lots of time off and her doing her work experience uni stuff in London helped. In 2008 I went over to the Vaterland.

21 years later and we're still together and I think stronger than ever.

Although, that doesn't mean there haven't been moments in that time that I've questioned what we're doing. Some of those moments initiated because of other girls I've met.

One from Brazil who was wow and I still see occasionally.

One from San Francisco who was massively on my wavelength and a right laugh.

Both had me questioning the idea of monogamy.

Was particularly interested in birds as a teenager

Are you Chris Packham?

Both had me questioning the idea of monogamy.

A bit of the old polyamory on the cards then 😉

Five. Difficult to express just how much I’m missing my most recent friend and partner - we got together around thirty years after we first met.

I don’t hold out much hope of meeting someone like her again.

Count - never say never. Amongst the folk I know who have had a partner die at our sort of age about half find someone else within a couple of years and the other half don't so the odds are not that bad.

sent you a PM

Really only once, had a fair few lustful relationships but only one that stole my heart.

After 38 years together she passed away, can't say I'm looking for love any more. I hope you others like Count & TJ find happiness but I don't think I will ever find the pure connection with another person I had.

Was particularly interested in birds

...

A bit of the old polyamory

Mr overshoot - I'm in the same position - after all those decades growing together with someone that can never be recaptured but it doesn't mean there might not be some companionship or even love to be found. I know folk who have from similar positions.

Count – never say never.

sent you a PM

Should I buy a (cowboy) hat?

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I know everyone means well, but I’m not sure it’s really very healthy generally to keep punting the message of “oh, it’ll happen when you least expect it, just keep holding on”. If people are happy, then, that’s what’s important, right?

Bang on. 20 year marriage here followed by a 1 year relationship and an 8 year one which I ended last year.

My two adult daughters live with me which keeps me on my toes, stressful job, but I'm away mountain biking in the motorhome most weekends and really couldn't be happier with my lot. Got my shit squared away really. Will almost certainly live like this till I drop. Just have no interest in actively looking for another partner. Totally selfish but I just cant imagine having to consider someone else in my plans.

Lolz @scotroutes

@cougar

Poly want a cracker?

I thought I was in love 3 or 4 times in my life but looking back I'm not sure I really was. The last woman I was in a relationship with I thought was the real thing, it was definitely different to previous relationships. We had a spark that I hadn't felt before. It ended 3 months ago and looking back it was probably lust more than love, I realise it was quite superficial from here.

Probably only once - I met my current other half 30 years ago (i'm 50 in a few weeks)
We had a few breaks in the early days, longest was a bit over year, when we both had relationships with others - i really liked the girl i spent some time with, but looking back it was infatuation, rather than a proper connection.

We've been married 15 years and have 2 teenage girls.

Being honest i'm pretty close friends with a girl at work at the moment - nothing physical has happened, and won't either as i'm not the cheatin' kind, but the lust fire is burning pretty bright - need try and put it it out.

tjagain mrOvershoot & CountZero

My brother is living proof that it can happen again, he was fairly quick off the mark after his wife of 36yrs died but as he said he had already been mourning her for the previous 10yrs as MS ate away at her. Equally I know plenty of people who have had their partners pass away and are happy in their single skin. Best wishes to you all either way.

23 to 39 with the same woman, then after a rough spell she calls time on it this January.

I'd echo the above, Interesting, Hot, Baggage, pick two would be my version.

You've got to be a bit more open minded as you get older.

Current prospect is interesting and an absolute stunner, but has a 15 month old and a a violent Ex.

I'm seeing it as picking up an 18 month old Santa Cruz!

Failed toxic relationships, marriage… gave up and decided to be a life long bachelor - then at 38 met the woman of my dreams:). 8 years later and we now have a nine month old.

You really never do know what’s round the corner - I’m not going to say, don’t give up, but keep your heart open to opportunity

Dickyboy

tjagain mrOvershoot & CountZero

My brother is living proof that it can happen again, he was fairly quick off the mark after his wife of 36yrs died but as he said he had already been mourning her for the previous 10yrs as MS ate away at her. Equally I know plenty of people who have had their partners pass away and are happy in their single skin. Best wishes to you all either way.

Carolyn was MS too, it does change your relationship you just can't escape that, perhaps the 10 years as a primary carer plus a stressful job means for the moment (its been 3 years since she died https://singletrackmag.com/forum/topic/im-in-need-of-some-support-from-you-lot-sad-content-im-afraid/ ) I am happy to just be with me.

I've always been a self reliant sort of person and at the moment having to share day to day stuff with someone else doesn't appeal, though a recent stay in hospital did highlight some support issues.

In a way I feel more for you that have had a relationship breakup as at least we parted still in love.

Divorced with 3 kids and engaged to be married again. This time it's real, looking back at the previous I don't think I was ever really happy (maybe when we first got together as teens), rather didn't know anything else.

Now I know it's real, she may infuriate me every now and again but that fizzles out rapidly.

I spent a couple of years single and getting over the divorce, it was hard setting up a new life for myself and kids but that was my focus. I wasn't interested in women during that time, though towards the time of getting with my current one I was certainly starting to get lonely.

Sometimes if you want it to happen, you have to make a way for it to happen. Other times if you aren't feeling you want it to happen, then bask in the life you have and live it, enjoy it. No matter what circumstances be they easy or challenging, life has to be lived when you are able to live it.

I’ve always been a self reliant sort of person and at the moment having to share day to day stuff with someone else doesn’t appeal,

yes, all of this, but don't exclude maybe finding someone you want to share day to day stuff with...

I'm a bit of a mess, me. I spent the last... ooh 8 years with someone, trying NOT to fall for them, gradually I did... then we spilt up and I'm obsessed. She doesn't wanna know though.

That was after a loooong time with the only woman I'll ever marry. I messed that up too. Arf.

3. And the last one really messed me around mentally and have been single ever since.

Thanks for the responses everyone, it's easy to get wrapped up in your own head a bit bit this thread helped me know it's not just me going through life in a slightly random way.

Had a quick date last Sunday which I'll not take any further and have another potential on the cards, I'm not trying to force it, but if I dint try a bit I could very easily end up sitting around in my own forever. I get the break thing and people not wanting to be tied down, but it's been like that for most of my adult life so I'm keen to see what the other side looks like.

I'll see if there's any meet up style things going on, they sound good and more my style, I did try speed dating earlier in the year but it was quite a small pool, but kind of fun in a waaay out if my comfort zone kind if way.