'Er indoors has gone dancing.
First time since Covid.
Sooo, having a night in on my own, I fired up the turntable and plugged in the guitar for a little strum along to The Band (Music From Big Pink, Levon fans).
Something missing. so I popped into the newly decorated kitchen to open a bottle of Chateau Spar Pike Hill.
The corkscrew (posh, eh?) pulls right through, leaving the cork in situ.
I've got this, simply push the cork into the bottle and we're cushty.
It went everywhere.
After wiping down the most obvious bits I thought I'd got away with it, but no.
I look up.
The white ceiling resembles a sloppy bandage poorly applied to a fresh bullet wound.
I've tried soap and water. It took some of the paint off, but left the stains.
She's back about in about an hour.
Help.
Forgiveness is easier than permission.
Hands up and say sorry.
Bleach
Don’t worry. You won’t see the wine for the bloodstains.
Take a dump on the floor so she wont notice the ceiling?
Tesco sell white matt emulsion!
Take a dump on the floor so she wont notice the ceiling?
Nice thinking. Or buy a random pair of knickers and leave them draped over the sofa arm.
Ooooh what a feeling
Red wine on the ceiling. Bollocks.
Burn the house down, blame it on the cat/dog/random electrical item.
Meet her at the front door with your kit off two glasses and the bottle.
That will distract her one way or another. Deal with the problem tomorrow.
I guess this depends what you're going to be in trouble for.
In the same situation my wife would laugh loudly at my predicament and then leave me to sort out at some point with new paint - it's my house too after all. OTOH I'd be in the bad books for drinking the good stuff on my own.
Tesco sell white matt emulsion!
In the fledgling years of my career I used to build exhibition spaces, make plinths, hang exhibitions - painting everything pristine white - so that an invited audience of the great and good could see the exhibition on the Friday night, with booze and nibbles before of the general public got to see it on a Saturday morning - and in doing so they'd spill red wine on it all
Red wine laughs at your threat of white emulsion. Its not interested in being painted over.
Throw some white wine up there.
martinhutch
Full Member
Tesco sell white matt emulsion!
Yeah, but I drank the remains of the wine and can't get a bike out of the garage because the big tent is hanging up drying.
I've accepted my fate.
I shall behave like a gentleman on the deck of the Titanic.
boombang
Full Member
Burn the house down, blame it on the cat/dog/random electrical item.
Thanks, a reasonable response at last.
Can you lend me a colourblind dog, a thirteen amp fuse and a screwdriver?
Half an hour isn't much time for two coats of paint. You're doomed. I suggest using the time to prepare your overnight bag and check out somewhere to stay on booking.com. I'd normally suggest sleping in thcar but after a bottle of wine best not.
Alternatively brazen it out, at the first reproach crank the amp up and go into a Sex Pistols, Oassis and ZZ Top medley.
Remove the kitchen lightbulb. Tell her you'll get a new one in the morning..... Along with some white emulsion.
I shall behave like a gentleman on the deck of the Titanic.
Go down on her?
I shall behave like a gentleman on the deck of the Titanic.
Alternatively, lie seductively on the sofa and tell her to paint you like one of her French girls.
No no no.
Red wine on the ceiling
Pink champagne on ice...
Sudocrem
Whilst you’re in Tesco can you pick me up a packet of rhubarb and custard creams please
Hide the bottle. Just deny it.
At least it wasn't marmalade.
Which is what can happen if the weight blows off the pressure cooker when your'e making marmalade in one. I saw it with my own eyes.
Whilst you’re in Tesco can you pick me up a packet of rhubarb and custard creams please
Yes please, our Tesco Express let me down
I have not been forgiven for getting tyre sealant on the freshly decorated kitchen ceiling 4 years ago. You my friend are furked!😋
Create a chemical bomb from bicarb, bleach, stale farts, white wine vinegar and fairy liquid. Chuck it on the stain and see what happens.....🤔
Which is what can happen if the weight blows off the pressure cooker when your’e making marmalade in one.
This is some kind of euphemism, yes?
20 minutes.
May god have mercy on my soul.............
Should I spend it with the Ibanez RG, the Jap Strat or the Bullet Mustang?
getting tyre sealant on the freshly decorated kitchen ceiling 4 years ago
Yeah, I'd stick with that story...
Are you dead yet? If so can I have your bikes?
What size are they?
20 minutes? Well, 15 now...
But still. Plenty of time to flood the bathroom sufficiently to destroy the kitchen ceiling, I'd have thought. Light candles, fling bubble bath around, and then blame it all on some "me time" which got out of hand.
So to speak.
The best thing to displace red wine stains is white wine. So you'll need to open another bottle.
You're welcome.
But still. Plenty of time to flood the bathroom sufficiently to destroy the kitchen ceiling, I’d have thought. Light candles, fling bubble bath around, and then blame it all on some “me time” which got out of hand
Almost genius.
If he blamed it on "you time" he might actually get away with that. I mean, who couldn't be overwhelmed by a romantic gesture gone wrong?
HG Mold Spray. Works like magic. Assuming your ceiling is white.
Tape a sudocreme covered cat to the ceiling with a packet of Whiskers on the sideboard.
Spin a tale around shoplifting, the cat being accused unfairly and an ensuing fight leading to the cat knocking your glass over....
Oooof.
Could have been worse.
She's more annoyed about the lack of adequate ventilation and mask compliance at the dancing venue.
I have to repaint the ceiling myself and she'll let me have them back on birthdays and 'special occaisions'.
We have a new greenhouse.
I'm sure it'll be quite comfy.
Thanks all. Nothing worse than waiting for a verdict from a hostile jury......
Closed out too soon.
I was going to suggest awaiting her return stood under said claret stain whilst wiping the carving knife, to explain to her she'll never have to worry about that bloody neighbours cat/dog/neighbour* ever, ever, again.
*delete as appropriate
At least it wasn’t marmalade.
Which is what can happen if the weight blows off the pressure cooker when your’e making marmalade in one. I saw it with my own eyes.
my earliest memory is my dad on a stepladder scraping stewed rhubarb off the kitchen ceiling
Yeah, I’d stick with that story…
😄
The real one is more mundane I also gave Mini and Mrs Sims tinnitus with the noise of the tyre leaving the rim and bending it.
This was like one of those shite US programmes on Quest, or some other godforsaken channel, in that it presented a very false sense of jeopardy only for all to turn out okay.
Woe is me
Deny there are any marks on the ceiling and ask if she’s suffering from floaters in her eyes. Go the extra mile and show you are a concerned and supportive partner by offering to book an eye test for her.
This was like one of those shite but strangely addictive US programmes on Quest, or some other godforsaken channel, in that it presented a very false sense of jeopardy only for all to turn out okay.
You're single, aren't you?
She's sat in the front room, ostensibly watching Question Time.
In reality, she's stockpiling a list of situations when this can used as evidence for the prosecution.
Believe me, this is going to be worse than;
'The meal with our friends when you ignored me, got pissed and spent hours talking to the other blokes about The Battle of Britain'..
..'You've never liked my sister'..
..'We should have bought a Dyson, not a Henry'..
..and that all time classic, 'Why do you need another bloody RC Car?/Guitar/Bike etc?'
Combined.
At least it wasn’t marmalade.
Which is what can happen if the weight blows off the pressure cooker when your’e making marmalade in one. I saw it with my own eyes.
Better than getting baked and leaving a Heinz [s]sponge pudding[/s] chocolate claymore to boil dry like my flatmate did. They go with a hell of a bang. Wrecked a cooker hood, bent the cast iron hob top, burnt the laminate where the pot landed (the one that was being boiled, not smoked) and put chocolate pudding absolutely everywhere.
Good job it was his flat. Took the sting out of my mate burning the carpet with a fag the next weekend.
Watching QT can cause all sorts of medical issues.
Sleep in the car, lock the doors and rent a bodyguard
Leave it as a conversation piece! In my parents house, we had a plastic cork from a very cheap bottle of 70's fizz stuck in the polystyrene tiles in the living room for a good 15+ years.
People actually commented when it was removed!
I'm sure Mrs Rusty will understand... Oh see that man of mine... 🤣🤣🤣
Edit: get a tattoo?
Ooooh what a feeling
Red wine on the ceiling.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
a packet of rhubarb and custard creams please
Say what now?!
These are a thing?!? And no one told me?!?
’We should have bought a Dyson, not a Henry’
Get rid.
Painting over it might be an adventure, tends to show through a lot of paint. Try a mixture of hydrogen peroxide and baking soda, about pancake batter consistency. Apply to stain. Leave. Return after watching approx half a series on netflix. Wipe off paste. Might take off stain. Do it when the distaff side is out, if it works you can claim to have painted it.
If the paint is latex based, alcohol will soften it, so alcohol really 'soaks' in. If the paste doesn't work, an alcohol soaked rag might take off the remains of the stain, because it takes off the surface of the paint.
If that fails get a really good stain blocking primer.
Are you dead yet? If so can I have your bikes?
If she changes her mind and decides to kill you can you please move the big tent so I have easy access to your bikes?
I'm not sure that's red wine staining on the ceiling this morning...
Op, are you there? Knock twice if you're safe...
Reminds me of a story from my youth when a friends and his lady companion managed to get bodily fluids on the roof liner of his dad’s car. A bit of gentle rubbing removed the offending matter, but it also removed about 10 year’s worth of dirt leaving a very obvious clean patch. So they set about cleaning the whole roof which then didn’t match the rest of the upholstery, so they cleaned that as well…
By the time the sun came up the car looked like it had just left the showroom.
a packet of rhubarb and custard creams please
Say what now?!
These are a thing?!? And no one told me?!?
The biscuit thread last night was a source of many amazing revelations....
maccruiskeen
Full MemberOoooh what a feeling
Red wine on the ceiling. Bollocks.
😂 This deserved more recognition
For future reference - live on your own. There's tomato seeds on my kitchen door that have been there for 4 years. Nobody cares. 😀
She’s back about in about an hour.
Her: Is that red wine on the ceiling?
You: Yes, yes it is, Impressive, no?
And walk away...explain nothing
I squoze an abscess on someone's back the other day (at work, mind...) and it jettisoned the contents all voer my surgery wall!
Grim!
Narrowly missed a beautiful canvas print of my son running on the south downs!!!
Oh the laughs we have..
DrP
When my son was younger he had a lump appear on his jaw. I give it a gentle prod and the jet of goo hit me in the teeth.
Throw some white wine up there.
Underappreciated comment.
If that doesn't work, try squirting a bottle of lemonade at it.
Pressure cooker safety valve activation of 1992 was fairly spectacular: Approx 2 litres of beef stew, exiting under 100 psi via a 8mm hole. Marmite stock dripping off the kitchen ceiling for what seemed like hours.
Falling asleep cooking pea and ham soup after a night out with ‘the boys’, 1988,whilst the then Mrs CFSB was away on a course, until the following lunchtime took some explaining. Two( sadly) overcome by smoke budgies and a scorched cooker hood…..
I challenge your red wine stain with the mighty gearbox oil episode of 2011.
Still never forgotten..ummm the sticky stinky marks that never went away.
My daughter dropped a tube of glitter about 5 years ago. Still finding it.
She’s more annoyed about the lack of adequate ventilation and mask compliance at the dancing venue.
People still wear masks?
Granted, I often see the odd lunatic outside, or driving their car. On their own...
