You don't need to be an 'investor' to invest in Singletrack: 6 days left: 95% of target - Find out more
when Rimmer is showing Kryetn his slides of his holiday in the diesel decks with the scutters.
KRYTEN: Sir, can we just take a break for a while? My intelligence
circuits appear to have melted.
RIMMER: Well, we're not going to get through them all if we have a second
break.
KRYTEN: Sir, that's a gamble I'm willing to take.
It's a response I often use when the wife is talking to me about her work.
Here's the scripts for the first 8 series if you're bored at work (like me) http://www.ladyofthecake.com/reddwarf/html/scripts.html
Anyway, what are your favourote bits and/or quotes?
Too slow chicken marengo!
Spin my nipple nuts and call me Susan.
And many many more!
There are hundreds!
Stoke me a flipper; i'll be back for Christmas.
Jenny who?
This is Pete, he's 9 years old. Which in sparrow years makes him... erm... 9 years old! So, that makes him... erm...
Smeg-head.
I've seen westerns; I know how to speak cowboy. Let me do the talking.
Dry white wine and a perrier please! And what about you two chaps?
Go to red alert!
Are you sure, sir? It does mean changing the bulb...
AUTO DESTRUCT: 55 seconds to detonation
BROWN: What's happening? What the hell is going on?
RIMMER: (standing to attention) Ah, sir. There is no time to explain,
but, by a bizarre series of accidents the ship auto destruct system has
got switched on and we need you to deactivate it.
BROWN: Something's wrong. Something feels different. Wait a minute, I
never used to be a man!
RIMMER: Look, you stupid woman, we'll explain later.
BROWN: Why have I got male sexual organs!
RIMMER: If we don't override the autodestruct system within the next 20
seconds those male sexual organs will be in orbit around the nearest
planet. Along with every one else's organs sexual or otherwise.
CAT: Well, I think in all probability, Wilma Flintstone is the most
desirable woman that ever lived.
LISTER: That's good. I thought I was goin' strange.
CAT: She's incredible!
LISTER: What d'ya think of Betty?
CAT: Betty Rubble? (Pause) Well, I would go with Betty... but I'd be
thinking of Wilma.
LISTER: This is crazy. Why are we talking about going to bed with Wilma Flintstone?
CAT: You're right. We're nuts. This is an insane conversation.
LISTER: She'll never leave Fred, and we know it.
Fish! Today's fish is Trout a la Creme, enjoy your meal
Fish! Today's fish is Trout a la Creme, enjoy your meal
Fish! Today's fish is Trout a la Creme, enjoy your meal
Fish! Today's fish is Trout a la Creme, enjoy your meal
Fish! Today's fish is Trout a la Creme, enjoy your meal
Fish! Today's fish is Trout a la Creme, enjoy your meal
or
Rimmer: Step up to red alert
Kryten: Sir, are you sure? It does mean changing the bulb.
p.s. http://www.reddwarf.co.uk/news/2016/01/22/begin-again-again/ They've actually finished filming on the second of the two new series I believe.
So, what is it?
somebody punch him out. 😉
only joking.
Kryten: Well the Space Corp directive 195 clearly states that in an emergency power situation a hologramatic crewmember must lay down his life in order that the living crewmembers might survive.
Rimmer: Yes, but Rimmer Directive 271 states just as clearly: No chance you metal bastard
"The Committee for the Liberation and Integration of Terrifying Organisms and their Rehabilitation Into Society."
Rimmer: Let's get tough. The time for talking is over. Call it extreme if you like, but I propose we hit it hard and hit it fast with a major -- and I mean major -- leaflet campaign, and while it's reeling from that, we'd follow up with a {whist} drive, a car boot sale, some street theatre and possibly even some benefit concerts. OK? Now, if that's not enough, I'm sorry, it's time for the T-shirts: "Mutants Out" ... "Chameleonic Life Forms, No Thanks" ... and if that's not enough, well, I don't know what will be.
So what is it?
The flintstones bit, for me. Or scrumping for cars. Actually that whole episode's fantastic.
Name?
Dave Lister
Occupation?
<pause>
Bum.
Would you describe the accused as a friend?
No, I'd describe the accused as a git
I lied twice
Didn't think of that
Different episode
I've been to a parallel universe, I've seen time running backwards, I've played pool with planets, and I've given birth to twins, but I never thought in my entire life I'd taste an edible Pot Noodle.
That's an excellent suggestion sir with just two minor drawbacks . . .
of course.... lager.. the only thing that can kill a Vindaloo.
Given that god is infinite, and given that the universe is also infinite... would you like any toast?
Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast. (often said to Mrs Hound when leaving for an early ride)
And not a quote as such, but the bit where Kriten asks spare hand 2 for his opinion....
Holly;
"On our journey back to Earth, we have encountered many strange and bizarre things. Only last month, we came across a moon shaped exactly like Felicity Kendal's bottom..... We flew around that one a couple of times."
Agree with trailhound
Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast.
"Well, let's forego the noise and the revolting burbling sound and go straight to the really gross part where you always, and I mean always, having blown your nose, have to open up the handkerchief and take a look at the contents. I mean, why? What do you expect to see in there? A Turner seascape, perhaps? The face of the Madonna? An undiscovered Shakespearian sonnet?"
"Mr Flibble's very cross"
Love Quarantine!
No vacuum cleaner should give a human being a double polaroid!
Well, I can't say as I'm totally shocked...
(Polymorph, if you can't place it)
No vacuum cleaner should give a human being a double polaroid!
"Is this normal?"
"What, taking photos and showing them to your mates? No!!"
Ooh, and "I tell you one thing: I've been to a parallel universe, I've seen time running backwards, I've played pool with planets, and I've given birth to twins, but I never thought in my entire life I'd taste an edible Pot Noodle."
WOMAN: "La mango estis bonega! Dlej korajin gratulonjn' al la kuristo."
RIMMER: (Snaps his fingers) I would like to purchase that orange
inflatable beach ball and that small bucket and spade.
WOMAN: "The meal was splendid! My heartiest congratulations to the
chef."
DWAYNE DIBBLEY?
We'll always have Parrots.
And the whole sprout surprise thing.
And "April, may, June and July fool" from queeg
Basically all of series 2 and all of Norman Lovett.
Holly: We are talking jape of the century. April, May, June and July Fools.
Dog milk
BONGO: I know that this probably won't interest you, but I'd hate myself for the rest of my life if I didn't at least suggest it.
ACE: Suggest what?
BONGO: If you're interested, I'll be in my quarters at lunchtime, covered in taramasalata [i]*scribbles furiously on paperwork*[/i]
ACE: I didn't know your bread was buttered that side, Bongo.
BONGO: It isn't. I've been happily married for 35 years. It's just, a chap like you can turn a guy's head.
ACE: I'm sorry, Bongo. Lunch is...on Mellie.
BONGO: Would it make any difference if it was...hummus? [i]*scribbles even more furiously on paperwork*[/i]
Not taking a pitcher of you mates privet ' s drawing a mustache and eye brows on it, then posting it around the ship with a sign saying have you seen this missing french man!.
:-Dlol
You make love like a Chinese meal. Small portions but so many courses
And the "lister to red dwarf" speech from the same episode - shows signs of spoiling fora rumble...
Rimmer: where did you get these learning drugs from, Lister? I want names, i want places, i want dates!
Lister: Arnold Rimmer, his locker, this morning.
Dog milk
Nothing wrong with dog milk. It's full of goodness, full of vitamins, full of marabone jelly.
I don't know who you are, but boarding this vessel is an act of war. Ergo we surrender!
"Stay back, Pete Tranter's sister".
"Ahhh Smug Mode"
Used regularly at work 😀
So what is it?
I've come to look upon you all as people I met
I once caught a 12lb black ribbed knobbler
LISTER: What, we used to do it all the time, back home. We used to go
down to the canal. Never any fish in that! We used to go condom
fishing. I swear! One time I caught this two-pound black ribbed
nobler! It was about that big! (Holds hands about half a meter
apart.)
KRYTEN: I think we've experienced this period of time before, Sir.
I did all the laundry, and then we watched TV. Wow, we won't see the like of those days again.
From White Hole as well I think
So what is it?
That's about the fifth time you've posted that, and it's made me laugh every time!
We attack tomorrow, under cover of daylight. It's the last thing they'll be expecting; a daylight charge across the minefield.
KRYTEN:
I've never seen anything like this before. A group of men who display all the normal life-signs, but seem totally incapable of movement.
HOLLY:
Never seen QPR play away, then?
Listen buddy; we all feel peckish after making love, but most of us settle for pizza!
I'm so gorgeous, there's a six month waiting list for birds to suddenly appear, every time I am near!
"No way are these my pants, they bend!"
And
"Where's my pea gone, I earnt that pea and I'm going to eat no matter where it is etc"
"It landed amongst your dirty socks"
"I'll stick with the toast"
And
"Super"
And
"Boys from the dwarf"
That's about the fifth time you've posted that, and it's made me laugh every time!
Aaaaand that one.
" Broadcast on all frequencies and all known languages, including Welsh. " - RIMMER, Legion
RIMMER: "Over the years I've come to regard you all as... people... I... met."
Lister: "It's Winnie the Pooh!"
Rimmer: He’s got a skullet.
Lister: A skull what?
Rimmer: A bald mullet. A skullet. Bald at the front, mullet at the back. You wouldn't want to go out in public with this guy.
"But where do all the calculators go?"
Either Mr Rimmer had the incredible good fortune to land on a populated planet, or - Or what? - It's too hideous to contemplate.
From rimmerworld , I think my favourite episode is marooned though
TTIWWG!
[img] 
[/img]
[img] 
[/img]
[img] 
[/img]
[img] 
[/img]
KRYTEN: Well, is anything the matter?
RIMMER: Anything the matter? They're dead.
KRYTEN: Who's dead?
RIMMER: (Pointing to the skeletons) _They_ are dead. They're all dead.
KRYTEN: My god! Well, I was only away two minutes!
They've been dead ages!
Are you a doctor?
He's dead Dave, everybody's dead, everybody is dead Dave.
Wait a minute Hol, are you trying to tell me everybody's dead?
Rimmer: I just wanted to say that, over the years, I have come to regard you as … people I met.
Or after he's made solid...
Kryten , Unpack Rachel and get out the puncture repair kit!
[img] 
[/img]
"Mr Flibble is very cross, you shouldn't have run away from him. What are we going to do with them Mr Flibble?"
[i]< Mr Flibble whispers >[/i]
"We can't possibly do that! Who'd clear up the mess?"
Every sailing boat I have owned has been called "polymorph"... 8)
"Ah, so you're a waffle man!"
Lister very carefully measuring out vindaloo curry powder.
"So simple Lister can understand"
Not quite right but the one below too...
"I'm trying to navigate a ship the size of a small city through speeds never previously encountered by human kind. By the time we've seen something we've already passed through it. Even with an IQ of 6000 is still brown trouser time".
Lister on death...
If he comes near me I am going to rip his nipples off.
Holly did Rimmer never work in garbage disposal?
So what is it?
alphabet head
I'm gonna eat you little fishy, I'm gonna eat you little fishy, I'm gonna eat you little fishy because I like eating fish.
I am Holly, the ship's computer, with an IQ of 6000.
The same IQ as 6000 PE teachers
From Gunmen of the apocalypse (Rimmer to Lister) -
It's pathetic watching you grind away day after day. It's like a dog that's missing it's masters leg. That groinal attachment's supposed to have a lifetimes gurantee, you've worn it out in nearly three weeks.
Tongue tied, although not strictly a quote.
Rimmer: "I've seen Westerns, I know how to speak cowboy."
[Steps up to the bar]
Rimmer: "Dry white wine and Perrier, please."
Kryton: I knew I was lying. No silicon heaven? Preposterous! Where would all the calculators go?
I am Holly, the ship's computer, with an IQ of 6000.The same IQ as 6000 PE teachers
I am Holly, the ship's computer, with an IQ of 6000.
The same IQ as 12000 supermarket trolley attendants.