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I've not been on here much this year, well unfortunately this is why and it has been building up from last year. There is change on the short term horizon at work which should remove the current causes, but I don't feel I can just reset one day and move on to the next thing as if nothing had happened.
Bit of a disorganised post so bear with me. Outside of work my willpower is very low, I procrastinate doing the most basic routine things all through to making an effort to go for a day out on the bike. I snack on unhealthy stuff, can't be bothered cooking anything beyond absolute basics, and stay up till the early hours for no reason. Weekends my motivation is also low, most often I just hang about to recharge and get up late. My main procrastination activities are probably researching adventures and DIY projects, watching videos of others doing such things, and buying equipment or tools in preparation for doing them - I've always been like that only now I struggle to get to the actual doing part. Couple of times I've had motivation to take a long weekend off or once a whole week, go to the wilds do some day rides, it just feels unbelievably good but all comes crashing down when I return. I've put on a stone and an inch or two of waistline. I'm quite solitary by nature and don't have a partner or own family so this isn't affecting anyone else nor do I have anyone who would notice or who I'd want to bother with this.
I've been successful at work for many years but eventually got placed in a situation I haven't been able to get on top of, taking over a failing situation from someone who left (well now I know presumably why). Every week and most days I feel I stumble through it, defeated, exhausted, overwhelmed, with no satisfaction or enjoyment. The problems just keep flowing towards my door, the meetings and messages are relentless, the pressure and urgency high. It's just unwinnable, my role is one where planning meets reality so every matter feeding into it that was ignored, not thought of, done badly etc. all comes out. Designs, timelines, equipment, staff, I am given and to work with it. And they keep changing before during and after. And the criticism keeps coming for why it's taking longer or more expensive than someone thought it should and I'm tired of explaining, defending, preempting that. As I said, this whole thing is coming to a stop now anyway, as it happens due to mostly the same root causes as my troubles. I expect to continue in the same role in a different area that's not already such a mess before I arrive.
Was thinking of making moves to leave, until I heard the end is in sight. Didn't fancy starting a new job in a bad state or being unemployed. And I'd have been resentful for this having driven me out of a job and place I liked for many years. Not sure what to do now. Not really in a good state in or outside work after all this, and I doubt removing the original cause is going to fix all the other stupid things I'm doing that feed into each other. Could take 2 weeks off, pretty normal, not sure it'd fix much. Don't fancy taking a couple months unpaid leave as I'd been hoping to use that option (only allowed every few years) to do some big adventure trip, rather than recover from this saga at my own expense. Without any structure to my days I could get worse.
WWSTD? Probably could just continue but feels like this trajectory continues to nowhere good. And I do appreciate how fortunate I am compared to many others who have similar troubles but also finances, relationships, kids etc. to think about.
I would get signed off by the docs, then wait to get moved into the anticipated less stressful role and see how you get on.
Work isn't worth losing purpose for.
I’m a project manager of sorts and from time to time get these rotten egg projects where you simply can’t make them work properly whatever you do. They will burn you out if you let them. Conversely to what everyone who isn’t a PM will say, do not own the project as your own, don’t take pride in the outcome, just turn up do what you can and go home at the end of the day.
Any project is never the sole responsibility of one person, everyone involved is responsible for how it turns out including people previously working on it who have now left as their issues will be baked in, so to speak.
Sounds like the end is in sight, I’d rough it out for a while and disengage a bit until it ends.
Sounds pretty miserable. If it's burnout then I don't see how you recover without rest.
But I think i'd be looking for what positives I could find.
There is change on the short term horizon at work which should remove the current causes, but I don't feel I can just reset one day and move on to the next thing as if nothing had happened.
As I said, this whole thing is coming to a stop now anyway, as it happens due to mostly the same root causes as my troubles. I expect to continue in the same role in a different area that's not already such a mess before I arrive.
If you really are prepared to stay in the same organisation then I think you want to make the most of this change. Have you got a trusted colleague you can talk through the current situation with and figure out how to make sure you hit the ground running?
As above, I'd see a doc asap. It doesnt sound sustainable. You need a break.
You don't say it in actual words but if the problem that is the root cause, and is being taken out of the scenario, is actually people (as is often the case), the light at the end of the tunnel is not the oncoming train.... mitigate the situation now (doctors, chat with trusted colleagues), with the realisation that things are changing for the better.
DO something for the current situation short term, but hang in there.
I know it's difficult and a vicious cycle, but the unhealthy eating, staying up late and lack of exercise will obliterate any motivation and make it difficult to cope with the work stress that's probably a trigger for all this in the first place. I would be extremely selfish with work and prioritise getting outside every day, even if it's just for a 30 minute walk. Cook or buy in some healthy meals. Wind down early evening and get a decent night's sleep. It'll maybe give you some perspective on work. If it's that bad, get signed off and look after yourself. Take care mate
Three things you can do in the short term:
- Make an appointment with your GP and tell them this
- Use your work's EAP to access free counselling sessions (sounds like the kind of place that would have one)
- Ask work for an occupational health assessment, mentioning burnout and stress
And I'd echo the advice above about confiding in a trusted colleague. A burden shared...
Edit: excellent advice above my MrGrim on the lifestyle side of things, it's difficult to unpick habits that are driven by stress, but it's do-able and will really help.
I've been through this and your description of project life is bringing on my PTSD!
I don't think this is especially helpful but in brief I started looking for a new job, keeping my options open, figuring out how much of a pay cut I could take to facilitate a sideways or even backwards step.
I started planning also for a break between jobs to decompress although finances and circumstances ultimately didn't allow for this.
And finally I relented and asked the doctor for some help with the chronic stress/sleeplessness and general anxiety and was prescribed the lowest possible dose of Sertraline.
After dismissing a few potential job opportunities (lots of movement in my industry, wonder why 🙄) a recruiter approached me directly with a slightly lower paid role which was sort of tangential to what I was doing, but close enough that my experience was still relevant. I almost dismissed it but in the vein of being open to change I interviewed, was successful, and am now the happiest I have ever been in work and am preparing to experiment with coming off the medication.
Point being - I don't see any point in work making you miserable and I have little faith in employers making the changes necessary (see: every workplace 'mental health week' campaign ever which are always about YOU making changes and fixing YOURSELF) but the good jobs are still out there.
All the best! 👍
Unfortunately a lot of the 'agile mindest' people like to talk about often translates to 'I don't want to do any boring planning, I just want cool stuff that will make me rich!'
Has anyone used the phrase, 'We need to think like engineers!' yet? Unfortunately for most non-technical people 'think like an engineer' means 'Do some magic and make something appear in front of me.'
The answer to, 'Think like an engineer' is, 'Sure, give me the specification document and I will find the solution that involves the most acceptable compromises.' Any spec changes need a re-evaluation of the project (which depending on the project can take anything from hours to weeks) and then the plans have to be updated.
I'm pretty sure I'm just teaching you to suck eggs here, but ime many project leaders, particularly technical people, can be far too accommodating.
It might be worth just writing down what you feel your areas of responsibility actually are. For example, it's not your responsibility to deliver a product. It's your responsibility to interpret the specs and plan accordingly. Any unexpected blockers have to be communicated so changes can be made. The impact of any spec changes have to be evaluated and communicated but it's up to other people to make decisions based on your information.
To use an analogy, you are a traffic policeman directing traffic. Your responsibility is to direct traffic in the most efficient manner you can. Your responsibility is not to ensure the guy who is running 15 minutes late because he failed to plan his journey properly gets to his meeting on time. That's his responsibility and nothing to do with you.
Your new favourite phrase is, 'That's not my responsibility. That's xxxx's.' People think this is somehow not being a team player. These people are idiots. Any team has defined roles and responsibilities. If you start doing other people's jobs then that's not being a team player. If you find your team is short of players then everyone has to agree who will take on their responsibilities and stick to this new delegation. And crucially, responsibility has to come with authority to make decisions. If someone doesn't want to give up authority then that's fine but then it is their responsibility.
Oh, most important, when communicating, especially when it comes to missed deadlines, changes in spec, etc, always communicate these things via email. Then when people question anything you just refer to the email you sent and wait for them to tell you they 'somehow missed it.'
Anyway, like I said, I'm sure you know all this already but everyone needs to be reminded of it from time to time because it's far too easy to get wrapped up in 'the product'.
Sorry to hear your going through this, have been in similar situations in the past and it isn't any fun to get through at all.
Given some of what you have mentioned above it may be worth you doing a little research into ADHD and Autism to see if anything you see there rings a bell. If it does there won't necessarily be anything to help in the short term but it might give a new viewpoint to look over some of the things that have been causing issues and point towards tools/strategies that people have found can help in this situation.
Get signed off sick this week, preferably tomorrow.
I've been through this 3 times ish
Second time was luckily dealt with by a change in line manager.
Third time was just a gradual build up of stress and responsibility which resulted in my LM suggesting I needed some time off. I ummed and ahedd about it and tried to push through.
Cue Saturday evening work when I just lost it and repeatedly screaming and punching our living room door. To say my son was worried was an understatement. I went off sick the next day, took three months off and got back on the horse afterwards. I'm still at the same company and surviving. We've also got a new living room door.
First time was the worst. Ended up taking 8 months off and thought it would finish me. But it didn't. I survived, got another job and paid off the mortgage. But it did take time.
I'm now 52 and know I won't survive a fourth time.... But am nearly at the stage where I don't need to go back to work afterwards, so not so worried.
TL;DR: I survived, you will too. But stop work NOW. TODAY.
For the sake of your doors if nothing else
Your new favourite phrase is, 'That's not my responsibility. That's xxxx's.'
Google "not my monkey."
The abridged version is, someone has a problem monkey on their back. They talk to you and the monkey jumps off their back and onto yours. The trick is to not accept that monkey in the first place (which is easier said than done I know).
As others have said, talk to your GP. Your workplace will have a policy for fully paid sick leave, at my previous employer it was 4 months.
Society and employers are still not great at treating wellbeing and mental health in the same realm as physical health. As said, do not take your annual leave, speak to your GP if you at the point you need a break in the cycle. But I would say it takes several months to start to recover so you need to be aware of that and not dive back in too soon.
I think Romesh Ranganathan is on Desert Island Discs with a quote along the lines of we do the stuff that makes us feel better (routine, exercise, sleep) and then we stop, and feel crap, and can't motivate ourselves to pick it up again - you are definitely not the only one. And probably not helpful at this time, but later when things are in a better place, do have a look at ADHD/neurodiversity executive dysfunction (esp what gets called procrastination but is not) and hormone dysfunction (highs and lows of dopamine etc) and see if you recognise any traits.
And also very much a project is not the responsibility of and should not rely on one person. If you've been left to deal with stuff alone that sucks but is also worth thinking on, can you avoid the same in the next role/project? Definitely talk to someone. Good luck.
This isn't you, its the situation you find yourself in. Make time for yourself where you can - if that is just relaxing then its ok, make it a conscious choice to do so and don't be hard on yourself for not doing something else.
A lot of this sounds like nonsense until you find an idea that resonates. What I found useful was framing things for what they were (anxiety/worry) and acknowledging. The other technique was thinking about the event and separating your reaction. You can't control events but you can work on your reaction.
I left my last job in fairly underwhelming circumstances. It wasn't working. I had nothing lined up, but nothing was better than where I was! It worked out. I took a couple of weeks as a staycation. Rode my bike plenty, pottered around and got all those little jobs done that I'd been avoiding.
Then started to look for a new job in a better frame of mind. I don't know if that helped or if I was jut lucky but I was in a new role about 6 weeks later.
I have no specific advice other than my unhappiness in my previous job had got to the point that I agreed with my wife that I would resign even if I had nothing lined up. Luckily I secured a new role, accepting a small pay cut, but well worth it. Good luck.