[Closed] Really struggling

Some stuff on this thread may help -
https://singletrackmag.com/forum/topic/five-live-discussing-male-depression-and-suicide-today/

Watch the Tyson Fury video, he does say some really good stuff.

You still in Manchester? Can't offer much more than a bike ride and a chat. But if you want to play out on Monday night let me know.

https://www.bacp.co.uk/search/Therapists Directory BACP

Speaking to somebody face to face will help, even try an initial meeting to see if it feels right.

Please go to your GP urgently. There are lots of running help sessions and groups through the NHS and others which can be provided via your GP.

Thanks Dezb. Will have a listen.

Harry, yes still in Manchester. I hope I can try and get out soon.

I am really awful at speaking to others about this and asking for help.

You are ill, so seek help from someone qualified to make you better.
You wouldn't try to treat yourself if you had the Bad Cats Aids, you'd see a doctor (or vet), so don't try to treat your own mental health either.
That said, you've taken the first step. There is some good advice on this forum from other people who have suffered. Talking helps. You are not alone.

Gone from exercising 4-5 days a week to nothing.

In my experience, depression makes it hard to get motivated to get out, but lack of exercise just makes the depression worse. Try to summon up the will to get out. Remove obstacles and make it as easy as possible so you have no excuse to give yourself. You'll feel (a bit) better for it.

Harry, yes still in Manchester. I hope I can try and get out soon.

Excellent. We should have a putting the world to rights moan-a-thon MNPR Special. With crisps, obviously.

Mate, you have taken a large step in posting here, clearly you recognise you are not coping, if your leg was broken, you'd be seeking medical advice now, think of it the same way, you require medical help and the best thing to do is seek it straight away, no shame in that at all.

It is hard when you are down and lose enthusiasm for things, but especially as weather improves, try and get out on bike or just for a walk, i find some fresh air and light exercise a real boost, and don't be afraid to pull on your friends and be honest with them

In my experience, depression makes it hard to get motivated to get out, but lack of exercise just makes the depression worse. Try to summon up the will to get out. Remove obstacle and make it as easy as possible so you have no excuse to give yourself. You’ll feel (a bit) better for it.

This +1

I've having a bad week, very much derived from stuff happening at work and I forced myself out on the roadbike last night. It did help
When i went through counseling we did talk about how i would retreat inwardly and not seek help and why that might be.
Speak to your GP or a nurse practitioner, they will refer you to your NHS trust's services. If you can afford it seek out a private practitioner. I spoke on the phone to a couple before i decided on seeing mine. It was worth the money IMO and has given me tools to manage things

I feel like I keep coming back to this point every couple of months. I've been dealing with this, badly, for nearly 20 years now. Each time I get more exhausted with it.

Work have been great, but I'm letting them down. I'm not often off because of it. Sometimes I want to pack it in and just go and do something with no responsibilty.

I just wrote a really long post detailing my anxiety, depression and lack of motivation then the forum logged me out and I lost it.

In short, go and see your doctor, they deal with this a lot and in my experience were really helpful. And don't try and do this in your own

Hi swdan, the forum also logged me out when I was trying to reply.

I have been put off massively going to my GP. My last few visits which were about my back injury, I mentioned my anxiety and depression and both times it was dismissed. I feel that they don't care. I ended up getting help through work.

Aye oop Col

I've lost my mojo bike-wise over the horrendous weather and axle-deep filth of late, but I've just been getting out for a walk instead. I find it really helps just getting the boots on and heading out for a stroll on't moors or round the reservoirs.

If you fancy it, then come over and we can have a jaunt, finishing in the brewery for a pint where we can bitch and moan about everything. Or I could pop over there if thats easier

And another ****ing thing.... 😀

then the forum logged me out and I lost it.

Might still be there if you use the Back button (same thing just happened to me on another thread).

In short, go and see your doctor,

This.

Thanks binners.

What happens when I try to plan something I want to do. I start to over analyse it, think about how it can go wrong, how I might find it really hard physically and that I'm unfit and letting myself down (if planning exercise). I then worry that if I'm with other people will they not enjoy my company, or not like something about me. Sad, but that's what happens in my head. I always seem to find a reason to try and stop myself from going.

I struggle to get outside when I'm like this. Even into the garden where nobody can see me.

I have been put off massively going to my GP. My last few visits which were about my back injury, I mentioned my anxiety and depression and both times it was dismissed. I feel that they don’t care. I ended up getting help through work.

Change your doctors, or ask to see a different GP in the practice or the nurse practitioner.
Also specifically say 'I feel anxious and depressed'. It's incredibly hard to verbalise it (I know from personal experience), but it triggers the process you need

Col - I can assure you that if you're feeling unfit then after being out with me you'll be feeling like Mo Farah 😀

Seriously though... I know exactly how you feel. Been there myself on many occassions so I totally understand. But the weather seems to have bucked up so if you fancy it, please just gibve me a shout

Also... try and smile. I do it just to annoy people 😉

Another offer of a ride & chat here Colin, and your company has always been enjoyed when you've been out with me, Andy etc.

Thanks for all the replies. Trying to get some work done, which is futile. Wondering if it is worth the effort today.

Binners, I once had an mtb coaching course and I was told to smile when I was riding. I was constantly worrying about making a mistake.

Thanks Stace. Always enjoy the rides.

As I've written several times, I'm awful for over-planning ride routes and then get doubts because of the weather forecast, heading out or coming back to Suburbia around rush hour or school-run times etc.

Sometimes I find it's best to simply eat something like a banana; fill my two water bottles; grab a big handful of jelly babies to put in a zipper bag; check tyre pressures; get changed into my cycling gear and head out with a single specific goal like climbing a particular cat4 hill... How I ride to it, up it and what comes after just comes down to gut feeling at the time.

Grey, overcast, but supposedly dry days like today don't help me kick myself out of the door... Especially as I've had some sort of on/off mild lurgy since the weekend and I have relatively big plans for next week.

Yet I'm sat here contemplating the idea of cycling up Petersfield's Bell Hill cat3 climb for the first time since around last October, as some sort of real world prep for next week, but that means a 3+ hour ride... Which feels quite daunting and scary, having rarely done anything longer than 1 hour on the turbo (or a very rare non-commute outdoor ride) since November.

Once out, it's very rare I'll come back home regretting a ride, but the anxiety/indecision beforehand can drive me mad.

As others have said if you had a physical ailment you would have little hesitation in asking for expert help ( unless it really was bad cat aids). So go and seek the expert help. Taking a couple of days off work doesn't really change things. either take a decent chunk of time off with a plan to mead your head or stay at work. Is work the source of your troubles? More than likely something somewhere is acting as a trigger ( IMO) You need to remove that trigger whatever it is or find some way to live with it.

You have some nice offers from folk local to you there - use them. Make the date now so you cannot back out.

Counselling: The key thing with counselling is the relationship between the counsellor and you so don't be afraid to shop around or change counsellors after a session or two if nothing is happening. Personally I am a big fan of person centred counselling but plenty of other schools exist and many skilled counsellors will use a combination of techniques.
Drugs: They really are only a treatment not a cure so you need to do something else to change things as well. Best used to give you some breathing space and / or to let you remember what a more normal state of mind is. Can have nasty side effects.

Take up those blokes on their offers, get some expert help be it from your GP, workplace or an independent, good luck and get well soon,.

What happens when I try to plan something I want to do. I start to over analyse it, think about how it can go wrong, how I might find it really hard physically and that I’m unfit and letting myself down (if planning exercise). I then worry that if I’m with other people will they not enjoy my company, or not like something about me. Sad, but that’s what happens in my head. I always seem to find a reason to try and stop myself from going.

I struggle to get outside when I’m like this. Even into the garden where nobody can see me.

this is me, for the last year.
let's all get together somewhere (rammy, rivi, philips park, wherever) and try to do something about it?

let’s all get together somewhere (rammy, rivi, philips park, wherever) and try to do something about it?

I'm up for that. I've been a right miserable **** of late and I need to sort myself out.

Rammy/Turton Horseshoe ride? More of an adventure than Prestwich but without any truely massive BFO hills.

Go and see your GP, that was the very first thing I did. (I'm in the process of changing surgery).

I was surprised at the number of people on STW that are having mental health issues, so you are not alone.

Lets get it in then folks? It'd be good to see you all. I've been virtually a recluse over the last couple of months, bike-wise. Just been wandering down to the brewery instead. In the rain. Need to sort myself out. I'm a right fat git!

I'll warn you though: I'm in an annoyingly good mood at the moment, generally. 😀

I’m in an annoyingly good mood at the moment, generally.

Oh do **** off. 😉

doing Hit the North kicked me up the arse a little, in that I started to realise riding bikes with other folk isn't as hard as i've let myself believe lately. so yeah.

This probably isn’t the best place, but it’s the easiest right now.

Based on help and information in past threads to people asking for help, I'd say it's an excellent place and a very good first step. Good luck.

I was surprised at the number of people on STW that are having mental health issues, so you are not alone.

IIRC 1 in 3 of the population at some point in their lives?

I always found that it was easier to convince myself to go for a 5 minute ride than anything more. That was always the plan, on the bike, turn the pedals then go home. Sometimes I did just that, sometimes I went further but I never set myself any more of a target than turning the pedals.

As for GPs, go and see a different one every time until they listen. Yes they are busy and will not always pick up on something if you're playing it down. I had it somewhat easier, just walking in and collapsing into tears unable to speak got the message across, but with hindsight I should never have waited until I got to that point (twice)

Lots of this rings true for me with one exception... Motivation.

I CAN NOT STOP.

Running, working out, DIY, doing stuff round the house, doing stuff with the kids.... whatever.... anything and everything ... even work (kinda) .... trying to be everything to everyone ....all at 100mph.

But 100mph is also the inside of my head about EVERYTHING.... Everything I do and don't... Everything I say and don't say .... Everything I feel and don't feel.

I can get away with it most of the time... but it's like walking a tight rope and I've fallen a few times of late... constantly rowing with myself and I am aware of it but sometimes I can't or don't even want to stop it.

It isn't healthy probably physically and well as mentally and I really need to get to see someone.

Well done OP and the rest of you guys .... I'll make enquires.

Edit ...sorry... a barely readable rant at myself... and it's the tip of my iceberg.

I know how the op feels tbh. It’s rubbish.I sincerely hope you can get the help that you need.
Got through the winter without a “blackout” , the wind was a convenient excuse for me last week & I couldn’t be arsed to ride when I had a complete pass Monday/Tuesday. Just laid on the sofa with the Malta story& Jeremy Kyle ffs.

I’m aiming to give myself a stern talking to and ride on Friday.
Perhaps you can all chip in and send binners to Euston?
🙂

Mods, i asked in the other thread but is is possible to create a dedicated sticky thread to have a place to discuss these things collectively? Not to aggregate all peoples concerns in one place, but to be a permanent location for people to share help they receive and offer advice.? It seems STW has a base with a lot of experience here and seeing it front and center on the boards might be the help someone is looking for, regardless of the day they happen to log on. There's a passion to help others and i feel it might be helpful?

to the OP, you just took a courageous step. Strength to you sir. Seek that help, its out there- here and in 'real life'

Done it.

https://singletrackmag.com/forum/topic/mnpr-25th-march-cheer-up-you-miserable-ers-edition/

I have no excuse for bailing out now.

OP you said above that you worry that you're not fit enough to keep up with others and you get worried, i always felt like this, i have a good friend who is seriously fit (doing 10 Ironman events in 7 days!) and he invites me to go out for a ride and i always put it off as i feel like i'm slowing him down. I usually started the ride with an excuse as to why i'll be slow and even rode my singlespeed to have a reason, but when i voiced this, he simply replied "perhaps i just like riding my bike with my mate". I forgot that however fit he is, he simply enjoys riding bikes too and that 95% of his training is alone, so it was nice for him to have someone to chat too as well.

Once out, it’s very rare I’ll come back home regretting a ride, but the anxiety/indecision beforehand can drive me mad.

Jeeso. I though this was just me. I can have an evening ride in mind for ages without a specific plan. Come the time, the planning - and options - often drives me into an anxious heap. WHAT IF I DON'T ENJOY IT?!?! FFS. Get on the bike, start riding, see where it goes. A favourite trail. A new trail. A quiet spot. A great view. Time to think. A pint. A dog to stroke. There'll be something. And it will be good.

You know I'm sat at home waiting for the call Jimmy.

IIRC 1 in 3 of the population at some point in their lives?

Bloody hell, thats an alarming statistic!

Its an epidemic in our society.

Well, I managed to get out the back and clean my bike. It had been annoying me sitting in the state it was.

I often forget that I should be just enjoying the fact that I am riding my bike. I place too much pressure to be a better rider, go faster on the downs, pedal all the way to the top. Always feel like I'm being judged, and holding people up. And doing one ride a month which is a big all day ride, is probably a bit much. As much as I have enjoyed those rides, having smaller/shorter rides should help.

Sounds like you may enjoy a short-ish ride with a bunch of non-judgemental old fat bastards then.

Join us if you fancy it.

Your call.

There's lots of good stuff on this thread already so I'll just say 'hi' as someone who's also experienced depression (and other mental health conditions still ongoing) as well as a nervous breakdown at work. As has already been said admitting a problem and starting to share it is probably the biggest step, so well done. I've received a lot of benefit in the past from support groups (scary if, like me, you're a bit shy & nervous) not least 'normalising' my condition and finding out that what I was experiencing was surprisingly common and that I wasn't some sort of oddball

I have been put off massively going to my GP. My last few visits which were about my back injury, I mentioned my anxiety and depression and both times it was dismissed.

It's a shame but hardly unheard of. One of the problems with GPs is the "General" part of their title and most would freely admit that mental health isn't a strong point. GPs are, however usually, the gatekeepers to more specialist services (such as counselling and Community Mental Health Teams) and can prescribe medications such as antidepressants (which some people take issue with, but I found to be really helpful - I'm currently on lifetime meds. for other MH issues and they really help). If you feel able to go back to the GPs do try a different one; out local surgery's website lists our GPs and their specialities/interests so you might find one with a MH interest. A GP who'll take mental health seriously is a godsend, so I do hope that you find one.

Good luck.

You weren't holding me up on that Nan Bield loop from Staveley, I seem to remember getting dropped on the climb and you breathing down my neck on the descent until my OTB.

😉

FWIW I know what you mean about comparing yourself to others' riding. I've been less troubled by such thoughts since I had an epiphany and gave up enduro racing a couple of years ago. There are just too many people faster than me to make it worth caring now!

Thanks again for all the messages. Feeling a bit more normal, now that I've been reading through the replies. I know I need to explore options with my GP again.

You weren’t holding me up on that Nan Bield loop from Staveley, I seem to remember getting dropped on the climb and you breathing down my neck on the descent until my OTB.

😉

I was surprised that I managed the majority of that climb. I guess there is some fitness buried somewhere. Less so now. And apologies again for not catching it on the GoPro.....

st colin - you have taken a massive step in reaching out to STW.

As above, visit the doctor or ask for the practise nurse.

Get yourself out into some sort of greenery, somewhere with trees, fields, sit down and look at the flowers, birds and nature. Something small such as sitting by a river or stream is so calming and easy to do.

If you really are struggling then call the samaritans 116 123 they are there to chat to and maybe can help with some little everyday things to get you through.

bunnyhop x

People often say 'oh I'm so slow, I don't want to hold you up' on bike rides. But there are two key points here:

1) No-one goes on a social ride to train. I do that on my own, if I've asked you on a ride or agreed to go on with you it's cos I want your company, not because I want to go fast.

2) You'd have to be a right bastard to make someone feel bad about being slow. And no-one needs bastards as friends, so don't ride with these people.

Get yourself out into some sort of greenery, somewhere with trees, fields, sit down and look at the flowers, birds and nature. Something small such as sitting by a river or stream is so calming and easy to do

This is something that I have found helpful before. I have so much on my doorstep.

And no-one needs bastards as friends, so don’t ride with these people

Thankfully I've only met a few of these types. And not rubbed shoulders since.

It will be dark on Monday. Sorry.

FWIW I know what you mean about comparing yourself to others’ riding. I’ve been less troubled by such thoughts since I had an epiphany and gave up enduro racing a couple of years ago. There are just too many people faster than me to make it worth caring now!

Maybe this is something that is having a negative effect on me. I tried racing about 6 years ago and really enjoyed that access to trails I got, and I mainly enjoyed the atmosphere. The racing part was okay at the time, I feel that going against the clock makes me push myself, but afterwards I was very very hard on myself. This outwayed the positives.

I'm booked on the 2nd round of the PMBA at Graythwiate. Have been thinking of selling the place.

It will be dark on Monday. Sorry.

I have decent lights. Well, if they still work.

Re the doctor - make an appointment about depression, not your bad back. Take the NHS test first and mention your score. If it's high (sounds like it will be) that should get things going.

I was there 7 or 8 years ago and am better (if not completely) now. Your GP can help.

All the best,
Murray

Get yourself out into some sort of greenery, somewhere with trees, fields, sit down and look at the flowers, birds and nature. Something small such as sitting by a river or stream is so calming and easy to do.

I've had to do just this in my lunch break - admittedly the river running through Livingston is probably one of the least inspiring patches of water but I went down there with a massive slab of chocolate and for a bit I did feel better.

I tend to feel like Ro5ey on the last page at the moment - I do a lot to try and fill the time so my brain isn't thinking about anything other than the task at hand.

1) No-one goes on a social ride to train. I do that on my own, if I’ve asked you on a ride or agreed to go on with you it’s cos I want your company, not because I want to go fast.

2) You’d have to be a right bastard to make someone feel bad about being slow. And no-one needs bastards as friends, so don’t ride with these people.

there was one guy, a couple of times, who turned up to MNPR rides, proceeded to drop us all in overgrown twisty singletrack and then slagged us off on here the following day.

he was "asked" to not bother coming out with us any more.

tbh this is one of the things that gets my anxiety up to bottling out of ride levels; the possibility that another him is going to turn out and slag me off for being unfit/slow/fat/whatever. and i accept that it's probably irrational, probably unlikely to happen, but that's not how my brain sees it sadly. someone, who's a friend of the mag, wrote a blog about riding HtN a few years ago and said some pretty hurtful stuff in it about some of us non-racer types who were there. i don't even think he realises how it affected me to read it, especially seeing as how he seemed so supportive on rides, and i genuinely hope he doesn't really feel that way but again my mind won't let me fully believe that and it's that kind of thing that keeps me away from riding, the potential that someone will see me struggling to get up a climb and think it's something i should be ashamed of.

That's a big problem with being based at home for work. Some weeks I don't go out to customers much, others I'm out maybe every day. When I'm at home I quickly spiral into thinking too much and it gets out of hand.

Maybe this is something that is having a negative effect on me. I tried racing about 6 years ago and really enjoyed that access to trails I got, and I mainly enjoyed the atmosphere. The racing part was okay at the time, I feel that going against the clock makes me push myself, but afterwards I was very very hard on myself. This outwayed the positives.

i did a PMBA enduro round at grizedale a few yeara ago and this was exactly how i felt. i mean, it was great- i finished all 5 stages, wasn't last, sprained my thumb and hit a tree pretty hard but overall i had a great time. after a day or so, with hindsight, i felt i made a complete fool of myself by going. it's daft.

there was one guy, a couple of times, who turned up to MNPR rides, proceeded to drop us all in overgrown twisty singletrack and then slagged us off on here the following day.

I can only imagine how you and others felt. That's what I worry about alot. If it means anything, I've always had a great ride on any MNPR's. Really friendly bunch. My last one was last year over around Marple, during the moor fires.

it's only been one lad, who only came on two rides, and was told to not come any more.
the rest of the time, the MNPR rides and all who come on them are fantastic.

I hate group rides except the few MNPRs I went on. Everyone was great. The 'road' ride made me laugh because it was carried out in exactly the same way as MTB rides with everyone stopping at the top of the climbs and the end of the descents. But that's why it was fun - social rather than chaingang.

Sorry to jump in on this thread -does anyone know eddiebaby (John) personally? Sounds like he needs some help.

Sorry to jump in on this thread -does anyone know eddiebaby (John) personally? Sounds like he needs some help.

No, sorry. Hope he is okay.

Brilliant work on here - not just the supportive messages, though they ARE great, but the honesty and bravery to come out & talk about what's wrong with ourselves

Me, I'm generally OK. Get my share of being pissed off but I have nothing to compare to you people. I've had relatives & friends go through this though, to fairly heavy extents and, God, I WISH THAT I HAD KNOWN EARLIER - that's why it matters, dicks like me are ten-a-penny; we're not bastards and we don't ignore you, we just don't see the signs

I'm utterly shit at spotting this stuff and so I need help. I want to help my mates, you lot, my family, but I need to know that it's a real problem and that you need help/ I can't be anywhere near the only one who's this shit at it.

That's why you have to talk about it

On that subject, re eddiebaby; think we need a paging thread ? I'm off to start one.

I hear you, OP. I really do. It's probably my worst month of the year right now: first, because it always has been, and secondly, because my dad died in March four years ago.

I have been on sertraline for years now, and am currently on 50 mgs (although I have been as high as 150 mgs). I don't want to up the dose again, but I could probably stand to right about now. In any case, I would say a couple of things:

Please don't let your GP brush you off. Your mind is suffering in the same way as your body might; they are supposed to help. It's their job.

And even if it means allowing someone like binners to force you out of the house by coming over, tying on your walking boots, and dragging around the walking trails until you get to a pub, try to take someone up on their offer. It doesn't cure anything, but it does serve as a reminder that you are not alone. And at least in my more clear-headed moments, this is helpful to remember.

Whatever the case, even if you feel like you're repeating yourself or being annoying or whatever... don't stop coming on here! Not that it needs saying again, but this place is great at giving a shit.

Haven;t read the thread properly; but this stood out.

Always feel like I’m being judged, and holding people up

You can't mindread. so don't.

If you're holding people up, ask them if it's an issue. Ask for an honest repsonse, take the response as honest. You can't mind read.

Well, I managed to get out the back and clean my bike. It had been annoying me sitting in the state it was.

An excellent step. Things like that are artificial blockers: "Oh I would go for a ride but my bike needs a clean.. the chain needs oiled.. I need to fix that puncture.. I might be unfit.. I need new gloves.. its windy.." etc.

Remove as many of these blockers as you can so you have less excuses to give yourself. Hopefully one day you'll be sat there going "I would go for a ride but... errr... actually yeah why not?"

I'd honestly say you're a good fit with the people I'm aware you ride with.

Even when I've ridden with people who do slow the group down, it's only ever become an issue if they're also a dick in some way.

Anyway, get down the GP again and ask for a different doctor. It can take some time to get access to MH services but making a positive step could be a benefit in itself.

I'll ping you later sometime.

Even when I’ve ridden with people who do slow the group down, it’s only ever become an issue if they’re also a dick in some way.

Nobody gets dropped, unless they are a ****.

st colin - I was out on that ride with you in Marple.

Please feel free to come and ride with us anytime again? Even if you fancy a daytime pootle let me know?
I too work from home and agree that your mind can wander and things rear their ugly heads.
Our Marple group really and truly ride for the fact we get out, enjoy each other's company and love just being out in the countryside, with the views and wildlife. (were you there when my friend got thrown off her bike by a badger?). They never have and never will race each other round or tut at people at the back. The plus point is good crisps in the pub after.

I've suffered with depression since my teens. I didn't really do anything about it until my son was born five years ago. Man up, cheer up, smoked weed and drunk with the odd attempt to get some help between feeling ashamed and alone. Lashing out was a coping mechanism and suicidal ideation was a regular thing.

Meeting my wife in my early twenties was a big turning point and I managed to feel okay for a while. I'm stuck in a job i have no interest in and I have no real formal education to speak of. I'm no genius, but I'm not stupid either. Depression has seriously affected my working life, self esteem and confidence. I'm definitely not who i should and could be because of it.

I've been on Citalopram for the last four years and still have bad days and occasional thoughts of ending it. The worst part is that the tablets help stop the worst of it, but also make me feel like a passenger in my own life. I love my kids and my wife and try my hardest, but by god, some days are hard. Can't see me ever coming off the tablets, which saddens me to a degree. I just have to stay in the job and keep on providing for my family.

You're not alone OP.

If you can, try and find out what early intervention mental health teams or similar are operating in your area. They do some excellent work (ok, I'm biased as my other half sets up this sort of thing!) and as you've already mentioned CBT can be incredibly useful. Unfortunately mental health provision can vary a lot around the UK so you may have different teams with different names offering the same service, but it does seem to be improving a lot.

You've made a great step in talking about it on here and it's absolute nothing tk be embarrassed about, we all have our mental health difficulties and there's nothing wrong with having people help you with it.

Remember, it's mental health not illness. If anyone wants to maintain or improve their physical health they need to work at it, eat healthy, etc. And mental health is no different. In fact a lot of the aids to this are the same, certainly don't ignore the impact that a healthy varied diet can have on mental health.

Hope this thread is helping, if you want any more detailed info do shout up and I can ask my other half.

This book helped me a lot.
https://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Clearing-Releasing-Awakening-Unconditional-ebook/dp/B00BW4XZUK

"This book has given me a different perspective on a way to help myself. Instead of going through the long process of psychotherapy and analyzing the reasons why I do the things that I do, it has you start in the present and accept your feelings and emotions without suppressing them. I have spent many years suppressing my feelings and not dealing with them because of guilt. This book is helping me to accept the feelings that I have as they come up from my subconscious. There is a lot of information in this book that if understood and applied can change a person's life"

Thanks again for all the replies. Up in the office today. Huge anxiety on the way in, sat in the car wondering if I should even go in. Feel sick, headache, sore eyes. It's going to be a stressful day.

How are you today?

I'm hoping you feel up to getting out. Just for a short while, either bike or on foot. Also try and find company, being with others is a benefit and will help keep your mind from negative thoughts.

Last night I was feeling very low. With a bit of effort I made myself go out and meet some friends in a local pub quiz. This was a challenge but I did it and it stopped me staying in and going over bad thoughts in my mind.

bunnyhop x

Hey bunnyhop. I'm okay, marginally better. Meeting some friends tonight at the Velodrome in Manchester to watch my first ever track event. Very nervous about being social later.

Sorry to hear you haven't been great. Hope the pub quiz was good in the end?

This thread makes pretty interesting reading - I know there have been others but this one resonates with me mainly because you mention the riding and making excuses.

I've been working from home since March last year and in that time my mental health has gone rapidly downhill (it wasn't great to start with, I've made two attempts previously to end it). In addition to this, my work is incredibly stressful with two bosses who manage to make me feel pretty worthless and useless at my job. I'm not riding at all really, and when I do it puts me in bed for a couple of days afterwards with a migraine.

I did try CBT but it didn't really do much for me. I've not gone to the doctors as I've not registered since I moved down here but I suppose I should, I just don't like leaving the house. Pretty much every day I think about ending it, most days I have a bit of a cry and all I want to do is climb into bed and sleep. If there was a painless way of doing it, I'd have ended it a long time ago but I'm a bit of a coward when it comes to the pain side of things (see two previous failed attempts). I don't have any kids and live separately to my other half who I don't think really understands what is going on. I've got a hideous temper on me and frankly have behaved like a right bastard recently.

Basically it's all pretty shit and for two pins I'd run away and never come back. I was up working until 1am last night and back at it again this morning at 6am - I get a pitiful bonus on Monday which would be enough to live on for a few months so I'm tempted to jack the job in and just rest. Seems like a waste considering I've worked this hard to get to this point but I've well and truly had enough and it's not like I have to support anyone or that it affects anyone but me.

Not what you'd call an inspiring post eh! I don't have any solutions to the OP's issues, just to say that you're not alone in feeling how you do and that I hope you find a way to deal with it better than I am.

Hi flange. Sorry to hear that things aren't so good. Share a lot of things you have said. Regarding work, I've been close to packing it in. The difference is that my work has been very supportive. Although I have a new boss who isn't as forgiving as my old one.

I know it's easier said than done, but I moved country to change jobs because I had bosses like you have described. It's not worth the stress. I stayed in that job for nearly 13 years.

Thanks Colin, appreciated. I've spent the last hour seeing if it's financially viable to leave my job and I think for a few months it probably is. In that time hopefully I can find something else that I actually want to do and even if I don't, the way I'm feeling at the moment anything has to be better!

You have to attribute how you feel now to your current job situation. Hopefully you can find a solution.

My last one was last year over around Marple, during the moor fires.

Was that the Marple trip where we made Daz bleed, or the one where there wan an idiot on a cx bike? (Hi!)