Quick, spec me a poem to send to the OH!

Roses are Red
Violets are blue
Your sister loves Oral
I wish you did too

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat which doesn’t go, and doesn’t suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals, and say we’ve no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I’m tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick flowers in other people’s gardens
And learn to spit.

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go
Or only bread and pickle for a week
And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
And pay our rent and not swear in the street
And set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practise a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

Edit: You might have to change "I" to "YOU" in some places

Roses are red

Violets are surreal

Can badgers sing?

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I've got a knife,
Get in the van.

I know I've done wrong
Now it's time to take stock
But look on the bright side
I've got a bionic ....

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Sorry.

Roses are red

Violets are blue

Poems are hard

Bacon

I woke early one morning,
The Earth lay cool and still.
When suddenly a tiny bird
Perched on my window sill.

He sang a song so lovely
So carefree and so gay,
That slowly all my troubles
Began to slip away.

He sang of far off places
Of laughter and of fun,
It seemed his very trilling
Brought up the morning sun.

I stirred beneath the covers
Crept slowly out of bed,
Then gently shut the window
And crushed his ****ing head.

Old pooper scoop's been a bit of a dick

(But no, he's not been dipping his wick)

But he's upset you, and it's not a good look

So he's giving you free reign with his cheque book

If it's bad as in forgot a birthday / anniversary / memorable event type bad, this is perfect

Sorry is such an easy word
As easy to pass as a healthy turd
A healthy turd is not so thick
As me, I'm sorry, I'm such a prick

Talking of prick, remember mine?
It pointed straight up and hospital time,
Now I'm back home and on the mend
I needed some help for a message to send

I know I've failed, not got things right
I'm poop by day and poop by night
But I love you so much it's hard to know
How I managed to scoop you, now gizza blow?

https://poets.org/poem/just-say?mbd=1

Roses are red
over you I do fawn
please may I hammer my frozen sausage
lovingly into your lawn

Roses are red
Headsets have races
Lets put frankencock
Through its paces

Roses are red
Violets are blue
A Singletrack thread
wrote this poem for you

There was a young man called Poopscoop
Who sadly made a bit of a cockup
He wants to say sorry
You're making him worry
So please will you hug him and make up

There is a definite theme about cocks here.Lol

Some of these are fabulous 🤣

Haiku's have the beauty of brevity.
"I was wrong,
Sorry"
Easy to say difficult to live

Some of these are fabulous 🤣

Just needs an 'appropriate' sketch / image / photoshop to go with them for a card....

One of my favourite Love Poems is "Having a Coke with You" by Frank O'Hara - most of who's output is naff, but this...this is one of the best

Having A Coke With You
is even more fun than going to San Sebastian, Irún, Hendaye, Biarritz, Bayonne
or being sick to my stomach on the Travesera de Gracia in Barcelona
partly because in your orange shirt you look like a better happier St. Sebastian
partly because of my love for you, partly because of your love for yoghurt
partly because of the fluorescent orange tulips around the birches
partly because of the secrecy our smiles take on before people and statuary
it is hard to believe when I'm with you that there can be anything as still
as solemn as unpleasantly definitive as statuary when right in front of it
in the warm New York 4 o'clock light we are drifting back and forth
between each other like a tree breathing through its spectacles

and the portrait show seems to have no faces in it at all, just paint
you suddenly wonder why in the world anyone ever did them

I look
at you and I would rather look at you than all the portraits in the world
except possibly for the Polish Rider occasionally and anyway it's in the Frick
which thank heavens you haven't gone to yet so we can go together the first time
and the fact that you move so beautifully more or less takes care of Futurism
just as at home I never think of the Nude Descending a Staircase or
at a rehearsal a single drawing of Leonardo or Michelangelo that used to wow me
and what good does all the research of the Impressionists do them
when they never got the right person to stand near the tree when the sun sank
or for that matter Marino Marini when he didn't pick the rider as carefully
as the horse

it seems they were all cheated of some marvelous experience
which is not going to go wasted on me which is why I am telling you about it

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

Poetry is shit.

Oops I did it again
I stuck my cock in a hen
Hen and cock, hey there's a joke
Now I'm stuck in this bird, my cock is broke

I wish it wasn't so unfeasibly hard
Not just my cock but writing this card
Viagra ain't got nothing on me
This rhyming is sicker than Ian Brady

Now what was I saying, oh I'm sorry, that's it
I know I'm a bastard, an arse and a tit,
But my heart's in the right place, I do mean you well
You're like a Turkey to me, you both make me swell

Really really sorry to raise the tone (it's apparent everyone knows something I don't about the OP) but this one has been known to do the trick:

The Passionate Shepherd to His Love
BY CHRISTOPHER MARLOWE

Come live with me and be my love,
And we will all the pleasures prove,
That Valleys, groves, hills, and fields,
Woods, or steepy mountain yields.

And we will sit upon the Rocks,
Seeing the Shepherds feed their flocks,
By shallow Rivers to whose falls
Melodious birds sing Madrigals.

And I will make thee beds of Roses
And a thousand fragrant posies,
A cap of flowers, and a kirtle
Embroidered all with leaves of Myrtle;

A gown made of the finest wool
Which from our pretty Lambs we pull;
Fair lined slippers for the cold,
With buckles of the purest gold;

A belt of straw and Ivy buds,
With Coral clasps and Amber studs:
And if these pleasures may thee move,
Come live with me, and be my love.

The Shepherds’ Swains shall dance and sing
For thy delight each May-morning:
If these delights thy mind may move,
Then live with me, and be my love.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I'm not good at rhyming
Penis

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I bought a new bike
Without telling you.

Sorry.

Roses aren't red
Violets aren't blue
its all a con
looking at you

Roses are red,
Violets are violet,
Quantum entanglement,
The universe isn't real and time is just an illusion.
It's your fault I did the bad thing.

There was young man called Poopscoop

Who's member developed a droop

To the doctor he went

And got fitted a stent

And now he's cock-a-hoop

(sorry it's not medically accurate!)

roses are red
your brothers called stephen
I know it was wrong but
it was only the tip so lets call it even

Pointy birds
Pointy, pointy.
Anoint my head
Anointy, nointy.

“To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up."

please may I hammer my frozen sausage
lovingly into your lawn

That is glorious.

I hope the official STW couple use such euphemisms.

Glad to see someone already recommending Dr John Cooper Clarke, here's another:

I’ve Fallen in Love with my Wife

The doorbell used to say ding dong, but now it breaks out into song
If I’m forlorn it ain’t for long, could I be wrong or have I -
Fallen in love with my wife?

Fare thee well my fairy fey, we cared so slightly anyway
Call me Krazy with a Kapital K - I’ve fallen in love with my wife

I’ve fallen in love with my wife, she populates my days
With marital breakdowns running rife, I have to keep her under my gaze
If you love somebody - set them free, that don’t make no sense to me
I’m keeping her under lock and key - I’ve fallen in love with my wife

Rainbows and butterflies, occupy the summer skies
Imagine my surprise - I’ve fallen in love with my wife

Every time I talk I mumble, every time I walk I stumble
I’m dancing like a drunken uncle - I’ve fallen in love with my wife

I’ve fallen in love with my wife, she populates my days
She’s not that far from a carving knife - I have to keep her in my gaze

I don’t swear but what the hey, I’m all right and she’s OK
Get out of our f***ing way - I’ve fallen in love with my wife

I’m her fella, she’s my mate, she steals the chips right off my plate
No wonder I’m losing weight - I’ve fallen in love with my wife

I steal a kiss, she takes the piss, we lived a life of ignorant bliss
All that and now this - I’ve fallen in love with my wife

I love you I love you
I love you almighty.
I wish my pyjamas
Were next to your nightie 😃

Roses are red

Violets are violet

Not ****ing blue.

Good to see a couple of recommendations by the good Dr. JCC. Was going to suggest I Wanna Be Yours but beaten to it.

Rose’s are red
Violet’s are blue
I don’t know what colour Betty’s knickers are

O the comfort,
the inexpressible comfort
of feeling safe with someone
having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words
but to pour them all out, chaff and grain together,
knowing that a faithful hand will take and sift them
keep what is worth keeping, and then,
with the breath of love, blow the rest away.

Sorry I ****ed up.

-- If that doesn't get you laid, nothing will.

O the comfort,
the inexpressible comfort
of feeling safe with someone
having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words
but to pour them all out, chaff and grain together,
knowing that a faithful hand will take and sift them
keep what is worth keeping, and then,
with the breath of love, blow the rest away.

Sorry I **** up.

— If that doesn’t get you laid, nothing will.

Hmmm, to me that reads that I can spout any old crap I like and my long-suffering loved one will put up with it lovingly. That's a relationship that won't last very long because I'd be telling her that she's a doormat. 😀

Automatic push-button remote control
Synthetic genetics command your soul
Automatic push-button remote control
Synthetic genetics command your soul
------------------------------------------------
Driving me nuts, bolts, screws
I got the blues from paying dues
For programmed news of honey-coated lies
Your eyes can't believe
That weave the Devil's magic with the latest gadget
From the Mean Machine
A'running the Same Game with Another Name
Down in your brain, blowing your mind
Stealing your time, smooth and slick
With the latest trick to get rich quick
From nonsense at your mind's expense
As your mind digs the scene
From the Mean Machine
Designed to drive your brain insane
Loudspeakers blasting inside your head
Saying what someone else said
For you to do what they want you to
No. Go. Fast. Slow.
Getting you high off the latest lie
Telling you when, where, how and why
As your mind digs the scene
From the Mean Machine,
A'running the Same Game with Another Name
Factories of insanity playing on your vanity
As they distort your sense of self
Telling you what you need and how to succeed
As they steal all of your wealth
Probing your mind, trying to find
How to scheme on you best
From programmed schools with Devilish rules
Putting you to the test
Death dealing devices sold at high prices
Designed with you in mind to buy
As they kill you slow and some of y'all don't even know
Y'all paying the Machine to die
Mechanized lies dressed up in disguise
In forms of various kinds
Treachery and deceit the people must defeat
In the battle for free men's minds
For complete domination is the goal of this nation
Of all free thinking thought
And those who oppose will be killed by their foes
The flunkies whose souls have been bought
Transplants to revive the living dead
Replacing the truth with lies instead
Newspapers, radios, TVs
Spreading lies across the seven seas
Robot men with computers for brains
Space ships, cars, trains and planes
All calculated to blow your mind
Moving faster than your sense of time
Living luxuriously soft while the people slave hard
For the Devil would have you believe he is God
Chemical drugs that keep you high
While the Mean Machine creates another lie
For power and glory and world wide fame
While Running the Same Game with Another Name
It's the computer's equation for world wide invasion
That comes in the name of peace and goodwill
But all of them are lying as they keep on trying
To set the people up for the kill
Population control of the people with soul
All over the planet Earth.
Manipulating their will with a tiny white pill
To control their natural birth
Behind the scene schemes furthering the Mean Machine's
Dreams
Of conquest and world domination
From the farthest depths of the universe
To the smallest earthly nation
Radar, Sonar, Laser beams!
Jets, Tanks, Submarines!
Megatons, H-Bombs, Napalm, Gas!
All this shit will kill you fast
All products of the Mean Machine
The Devil disguised as a human being
And he will even preach that God is dead
And some of y'all will believe what the Devil has said
And he will then act as the world's police
And the sun will rise up in the West
And set down in the East
And when it came time to the end...
And when it came time to the end...
And when it came time to the end...
The men will look like the women
And the women like the men
And some will dance in a hypnotic trance
Like as if they have no care
But these will be signs of the changing times
That the end is drawing near
For it was prophesied many centuries past
That the end will come in a fiery holocaust
And only the righteous people will survive the blast
And the Devil's machine will bring about its own end
And peace, love and joy will reign once again
And man will understand man
And man will understand man
And man will understand man
And man will understand man
And man will understand man
And man will understand
And live in harmony and peace
And the sun will once again
Rise up in the East

He wanted a poem, not a 3 part series

Gonna need a ferking gert card to write it in as well 🙂

I’ve been a naughty boy (no, not that naughty)

Can’t believe 2 pages in and no-ones asked what bike you bought 🙂

Roses are blue
Violets are red
I'm no good at poetry
But try me in bed.