[Closed] Powered by fairy dust. Driven by Jabba the Hut. Every time.

I have a kia c'eed (well mrs Ed does cos my focus went to the scrap so we are back to one car)

not sure if it's the gearing in it or the ECU chip but it doesn't like being driven at 70 and if you overtake it'll do it but the engine sounds really... irked is the best word I can think of, it needs to be reminded that the driver is in charge and that 70 is acceptable

it wants to be driven at 60.. great on fuel for a petrol, loads of toys and a really big boot and legroom in the back - but dull

no I don't wear a hat

'One Life, Live It'

The Land Rover it's usually attached to was possibly road legal once in it's life and it's generally a toss up who will have the biggest beer gut and hairiest face - the bloke driving it, or his ever beautiful grunt of a Mrs sat next to him!

Anyone in a Nissan Almera , green ones especially.

anyone in a Nissan almera what, chl? Here's another correlation - the longer a car related thread goes on, the less chance there is of the replies actually responding to the OP

Travelling at warp factor 10 and the drivers over inflated sense of self worth that requires them to have a personal reg plate.

Stopped at the lights on the way home yesterday. In front of me was an Evo, and in front of that a bus.

The lights changed, the bus set off. After a couple of seconds, the Evo gunned it, revving the knackers off it and roared forwards, for the ten yards or so before he had to brake sharply for the bus which had just about made it to the other side of the junction.

Why?!

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Pook - Member

the longer a [s]car related[/s] thread goes on, the [s]less chance there is of the replies actually responding to the OP [/s] more it becomes a conversation rather than purely being about the original post.

Nissan Micras, regardless of the age, gender, ethnicity or hat wearing tendencies of the driver, are, without exception, a hazard to all other road users.

Two pages and no mention of Range Rovers yet?

I mustn't tar all of them with the same brush, but there does seem to be a strong correlation between Range Rovers with extra chrome bits, blacked out windows (basically any sort of modification) and dangerously impatient driving.

Murdered out (sic) Range Rovers with [b]personalised number plates[/b]. Always, always, round here, driven by fat, inconsiderate idiots or their muppet wives who hurtle down singletrack roads surfaced with squashed bunnies at 60mph to their overpriced barn conversions and expect other traffic to simply vaporise on their approach.

They will slow down for oncoming traffic under certain special circumstances:

• if struck head on by an anti-tank missile
• if the oncoming vehicle is an HGV following an erroneous sat-nav
• erm, that's it

I'm eagerly awaiting the launch of the special edition Powered By Fairy Dust Range Rover based on Katie Price's pink personalised one... should be the ultimate fusion of muppet and deadly four-wheeled weapon.

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Anything with "addison lee" on it.
Tossers.

This, a thousand times this.

Ok, back to correlations then...

29er bikes in the forest - jumps and berms you've just built rolled over and skidded on. 😛
Bit of rain - horse rider gone up the (very clearly a) mountain bike track your working on churning it up. 👿

Range Rover Evoque's

Pretty much always driven by a certain type of lady.

Perhaps good looking once now its only the beauty salon that keeps her acceptable, she drives her expensive car with vigour to try and recapture the sense of her fading youth. Back to her expensive house filled with fancy baubles and trinkets. Outwarldy her life is comfortable and free of troubles. She would give it all up for her husband to look at her the way he did 10 years ago

+1 for hats, in particular bobble hats on teens in the summer, my neighbours kid (bobble hat afficianado) was bought a fiesta 07 plate, when he passed his test it lasted exacty 1 year before he wrote it off in a boy racer related incident, what did they do 2 weeks later went out and bought him an 07 sxi astra in bright red.
That'll teach him to be careful on the roads and learn a lesson.

I give anything with an "idiot dent" a wide berth.... ie: a perfectly vertical dent in the rear bumper and bootlid that can only have come from reversing into a bollard/lampost.

What do I win?

Half of my fleet:
- V8 Range Rover;
- 1.0 Micra imported from Singapore with idiot dents from fence posts in the driver's door/front wing.

People driving people carriers, specifically Poxhall Zafira's drive like utter weapons. Whether it's because they're just filled with anger because the Mrs made them buy it, or they're out to prove something (God knows what), they should be banned. Yes you fat squat skinhead, I'm referring to you

Oi, I've a C-max.

Fact's about C-max's - you can fit a double matress in the back if you've no kids and therefore no rear seats in it and there's kneeling room 😛

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= driven by

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The car that waits to pull out in front of you at the last moment never achieves the speed limit.

Oh and people that stop on roundabout cross-hatch areas so a complete light cycle occurs without me being able to move, OK occasionally it's just people that misjudged the traffic flow but so often you see people nipping out on their amber/red change when it's obvious they've going to block traffic coming from the left. Sometimes I wish I had a carton of eggs in the car so I cold launch some at them.

having read all this thread I am so pleased I haven't driven since Feb 2nd, just reminds me of all the things that wind me up when in the car.

That said, I'm bored friggin sick sat at home all day, well apart from all the cycling i've watched since then 😀

Can't believe nobody has mentioned 'baby on board' signs

Just what purpose do they serve - other than to warn other road users that the driver is about to do something incredibly stupid/inconsiderate?

Nissan Micras and BMWs are gradually being superseded by (new) Minis and Audis.

The absolute worst thing I can imagine is a red Nissan Micra, being driven by a spectacled old bloke who can only just see over the steering wheel, wearing a flat cap and driving gloves, sporting a 'L' plate, a 'baby on board' sign and a 'powered by fairy dust' sticker - with pink fluffy covers on steering wheel and seat belts. (Possibly with a fish badge on the bumper)

The couple who live opposite me have a 'baby on board' and a 'back off, toddler on board' stickers in the rear window of their 4X4. We live at the end of a Cul-de-sac which has lots of young kids playing in the street and out of everyone who lives nearby they are the only ones who feel the need to bomb down our road at 35mph and slam the car into their drive.

It's starting to really wind me up.

4x4 - that's the hardest sum they can do. (And, even then, they need to take their socks off);)

go round and have a word with them and whatever you say just end with

"wont you think of the children"

No, I hate children. I want them to plough into a few of the little shits, then get put away for a few years so their kids end up in some home from hell. It's win win for me.

50 to 55 mph in the middle lane of a motorway,hogging the lane, without any awareness about anything except the 10 ft in front of them. Good conditions, not much traffic on first or second lane, just cars on the outside.
Illegal to undertake. Overtaking requires sitting at 45 or 50 let them get ahead by a far distance, then accelerating and moving into the second and then outside lane.

Head position - fixed at straight ahead only. Would require some movement i guess to look at the speedo, conditions and the mirrors or move lane. Body position in seat - so upright you drive slowly thus removing the need to brake which in turn would result in tipping fowards.

Crazy.

Ok, someone explain the 3 month bump?

Jamie
Ok, someone explain the 3 month bump?

Got a baby on the way, or just too much cake?? 😉

Out riding today there were about 15 of us taking up the left lane and the cycle advance box of the left side only. A white freelander ploughs through the box and his whole car is in front of the white line passed the box.

Funnily his reg was actually PN15, mad me chuckle.

(Motor)bike helmets with fake ears / horns / mohicans, etc, stuck on. No, you're not amusing, you just look stupid. Ditto eyelashes on headlights. Please bugger off you waste of skin.

Irony strikes. I am like a midget Jabba and I have been looking at a 2nd hand 4x4 whith this exact sticker on the back..

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Small hatchback, lowered and windows darkened. Exhaust cost more than the car is worth = c0ckmobile. Will be driven by said c0ck.
Loudness of exhaust is inversely proportional to top speed of car.

I'm genuinely baffled by the new breed of the 'centre lane owners club' who drive at about 75 in the [s]cruising lane[/s] first overtaking lane until they get behind a slower vehicle, then just sit there until it pulls across when they go back up to 75. No effort to anticipate or move into lane 3, even if there's absolutely nothing behind for miles.

Can anyone explain any logic to this?

edit - Oh, and you can't buy that CRV, if only for the fact the previous owner has made no effort to put the spare wheel cover back on straight the last time it was used.

and its got a dent in it. Makes it more appealing..

Can anyone explain any logic to this?

Some people think changing lanes is dangerous.

So on safely entering the motorway from the slip (at about 40 mph) they'll immediately axe across into the second lane irrespective of whether there's the empty lanes or it's rush hour, then stay there for the next 200 miles until they're faced with that difficult "leaving the motorway again" dilemma.

I had an incident with one of them centre lane idiots.

I was doing 70 and this character overtook me doing about 75. A mile or 2 later a few HGVs were in lane 1 with a car and caravan overtaking in lane 2. This clown slowed to 60 so I moved over into lane 3 to overtake her and the car and caravan.

The car and caravan cleared the HGVs, moved back into lane 1 as I was just clearing the clown in lane 2 at which point she started to accelerate really hard leaving me stranded at the side of her in lane 3.

I ended up flooring it just to get clear of her. WTF are they thinking ?!?!?!?

That's exactly it Simmy. With the old style CLOC, you could understand that they were going slower than 70, so leave lane 3 for overtakers, but faster than trucks, so don't go in 1. Bobbins, but some logic at least. The new breed, I just can't fathom.

I'm a superb driver and have no problems with other roadusers who obviously respect and recognise my skills.

For example, I can be bumbling along at 45mph in the middle lane and want to get into the slow lane, and all I have to do is swerve over without signalling. The other drivers give me cheery pomps on their horns and wave energetically.

In a slow moving queue of traffic I can just move over and everyone gives way (even the master race cars) and lets me in. Also more happy tooting and waving.

It's gratifying to have my skills so openly respected.

Strangely when I'm not driving my rusty dented Ford Transit I don't get recognised so easily.

Driving the missus's tiny Fiat is very stressful because of the lack of respect. I think there's tooting and such but I can't hear or see it because of the high pitched whining and agitated gestures coming from the passenger seat.

Men driving a shopping trolley with 170bhp+. I always think sad/bless-either (22-35) live at home with his parents still or (35-45) 5ft8 in height.

Beside me it's Audi drivers, new models, old models, doesn't seem to matter they all drive like t*ts, they seem to have taken over from Beemer drivers.
Another beside me is older drivers who travel at 40mph everywhere, 60mph limit then 50mph limit and even when they get to the 30mph limit its still 40mph and when they get to hills they lose the ability to press the go pedal harder or change gear, and breathe... i feel better now.

Taxi Drivers
Plumbing and Heating Engineers
Multi drop delivery drivers.
Anyone who was not born in the UK
Blokes with status cars on credit.
Women who look the other way(didn't see him)
Women in 4x4's updating their Facebook status.
Frustrated dads in tourans.
Young people.
Estate agents
Recruitment agents
Anyone who just doesn't get it yet.

Anyone who is not me.

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= The absolute worst standard of driving you will ever see. I'd get out of the way if I were you. Anything could happen

*awaits flaming for racism*

On a serious note - a mate years ago got done for riding his motorcycle wearing a drag helmet. The opening was like a slit not much bigger than in the photo there. Anyhow, these helmets were banned for road use not because they weren't tough enough but opening was too small. Modern Simson helmets are also not for road use I think, for the same reasons.

This got me thinking, why is it that the headwear above is allowed when driving?

I've just had Two weeks driving in northern Cyprus ,

Driving over there was a little tiring as people do the oddest things, no real rules and all very haphazard,

Highlights included:
Following a woman at 50 along the main coast road who suddenly threw a 3L plastic bottle out the window which shit the bejesus out of the wife and kids,

An old woman holding up about 50 cars as she took around 4 minutes to cross the main road, she really old and hunched, a man got out to help her get on the curb.

1st thing I noticed driving on my return to the UK was the sheer aggressive aspect of driving here, the thing is over there it was ok I didn't get angry when the woman chucked the bottle and nobody ran the old lady down for daring to cross the road,

I drive 400 miles a week to work and I see a lot of stuff but what I mainly notice is the angry aggressive way in which we think we have the right to destroy all that do not confirm to what we consider to be the correct driving etiquette,

Women in 4x4's updating their Facebook status

I saw a woman on the M42 on Monday sat in the middle lane (nothing in lane one of course 😆 ) totally oblivious to everything going on around her due to the book she was reading on the steering wheel 😯

Felt like doing the world a favour and just running her off the road into the nearest ditch 😡

Aggression? I overtook a old ST170 this morning. The driver took it really really badly weaving allover my rear.

1st thing I noticed driving on my return to the UK was the sheer aggressive aspect of driving here

Agree..

2 observations lately

2 weeks ago
11pm, diversion off the the M6 thru brum:
its a thursday night my shitty old focus is loaded up to the max, ive got a bike on the back 2 kids and a grumpy wife in the car, wtf would I want to race your poxy done up corsa away from the traffic lights????????????

and last week some guy cut up a cyclist going over the shepherds bush roundabout, cyclist shouted at him to 'look wher he was going' end of.
about 2 miles down the road driver has got out of his car pulled over and waiting all puffed up to have a word with the cyclist ?!!?

Zedsdead - Member

On a serious note - a mate years ago got done for riding his motorcycle wearing a drag helmet. The opening was like a slit not much bigger than in the photo there. Anyhow, these helmets were banned for road use not because they weren't tough enough but opening was too small. Modern Simson helmets are also not for road use I think, for the same reasons.

This got me thinking, why is it that the headwear above is allowed when driving?

It's not the same thing at all, the niqab sits against the face and is very thin so doesn't block vision in the same way (or, at least, doesn't have to- depends on fitting, you could easily have one that moves around or actually gets in the way). A bike helmet's fairly thick/deep so gives tunnelvision, you're looking down a hole not out through a slot.

Bloke i know, patched-up biker, coming back from the Bulldog bash on his chopped 750 hardtail bike with his missus on the pad seat on the rear.
On the A1(M) and gets 4 scrotes in a ratty old Corsa trying to race him.
Flicks them the bird and drops a gear and shoots away.
Two minutes later this old Corsa is alongside again, rivets popping and black smoke from the exhaust.
He flips them off again and guns it.
Sure enough, the Corsa claws its way back alongside, rattling like hell and the 4 clowns inside desperate for a race..

Throttle wide open, 140mph then sees sign ahead, end of motorway half a mile...

cue frantic stamping down through the gears, hits the roundabout at 80+, slides the thing round speedway style then pulls onto the hard shoulder where his girlfriend woke up and asked "are we home yet?" 😮

Just back from a holiday in Wales, with one observation:

What is it with Welsh drivers and indicating (or specifically not) on roundabouts? They seem perfectly good drivers the rest of the time (apart from psycho bus drivers, but that's the narrow mountain roads) but very few indicate on roundabouts.

Should try driving in Western Australia...

Apparently using your indicators is illegal.

Don't even start me on the free ways, if you thought the mototrways in the UK were bad...
Ozzy freeways are a case of pick any speed you like as long as its less than the speed limit, and pick any lane you want and then sit in that lane without moving across at that fixed speed regardless of traffic conditions. I estimate less than 1 in 500 drivers on the freeway moves left when the adjacent lane (or three) is free.

Range rover sport drivers. Usally trophy wives. Fake, tan on the phone and in the middle of the road.

Id like to add new minis

either estate agents in the company car, drive in the same style they sell houses, by bending the rules as far as possible

or attractive 20something women on their mobiles

either way I give them a wide birth on my commute

Especially those new Minis that are bigger than a Land Rover.

On this prickly issue of middle lane motorists, I do have a solution to cure us of this behaviour 🙂

Some have suggested that it's a little extreme, however, tough times call for tough measures and we all have to do our bit.

Quite simply, anyone who does not obey the basic rule of the road: "Keep left unless overtaking", will be flagged down, stopped and told to get out of their vehicle. They will be swiftly beheaded and their head skewered onto a stake which is then planted into the central reservation as a reminder for all other road users.

I believe that by doing this, we shall, within a very reasonable time frame, see traffic flowing much more freely on our motorways and have instilled another layer of fear into the public at large. It might even reduce the reliance of terrorism as an instrument of inducing fear for those in power and thereby saving government's expenditure by billions.

Win win. Vote for me.

Middle lane drivers are great fun to orbit. See how many times you can pass, pull in, slow down and repeat. Great fun.

My record is 3.5!

I tend to give cars with anything on the rear parcel shelf a wide berth - eg. box of tissues, cushion, panama hat. They tend to be driven by elderly folk who do very random things - pull out without looking properly, driving round corners at 60 and then slowing to 35 on the straight bits etc.

Beside me it's Audi drivers, new models, old models, doesn't seem to matter they all drive like t*ts, they seem to have taken over from Beemer drivers.

The same regurgitated Jeremy Clarkson bullshit that regularly pops up. Have you ever heard that people focus on data that supports their prejudices and ignore the data that doesn't...

Middle lane drivers are great fun to orbit. See how many times you can pass, pull in, slow down and repeat. Great fun.

My record is 3.5!

What a brilliant idea, it appears pulling into the left lane after overtaking MLH (middle lane hogs) has zero effect but this sounds like it has wings. Must try it some time.

My dear late Grandma summed it up for me when I challenged her on this many years ago, she was a huge MLH... "It gives me options" was her answer! Not much I could say to that 😯

MLH is sometimes borne of utter ignorance - from no motorway driving element to the driving test...

I was being driven to a wedding a few years ago by a friend of mine who, in non-driving mode is perfectly intelligent and considerate. Up the M1 in the middle lane all the way c65mph - only putting the car into 5th when she hit 70, so over-revving... To all the cars passing her in the inside lane 'why are they all so impatient?'

She clearly didn't have a clue how about the basics of motorway driving... I decided that silence was the better part of valour...

My Granddad gave my Mum some driving advice back in the late 50's - 'assume everyone else on the road is an idiot'. Sadly it still clearly holds true today... I'm not sure human beings are psychologically well-enough adjusted to drive... ignorance, aggression, impatience, utter idiocy, lack of empathy, basic manners etc etc all seem to come to the fore when we get inside our metal boxes...

Roll-on fully autonomous self-driving vehicles...

Driving back up the M6 today, largely event-free. Got stuck behind one nobber in the middle lane doing about 60 with nothing in front of them, outside lane nose to nose doing 80+, left lane mostly clear. Rather than undertake I thought, a blip of the lights to wake them up, will clear up the road.

Blipped the lights, nothing. Longer flash, nothing. Another flash, they finally moved over, and I passed at 70 then moved over into the first lane. I said to my OH, "dollars to doughnuts, they'll pull straight back into the middle lane..." I got as far as "straight" and they'd pulled back out even though I was pretty much the only car in the first lane for miles and going 10mph faster than they were.

Baffles me, it really does.

The same regurgitated Jeremy Clarkson bullshit that regularly pops up. Have you ever heard that people focus on data that supports their prejudices and ignore the data that doesn't...

I know a lot of traffic officers around here and they say the same, at the moment it's Audis in 6 moths time it'll be something else it probably has something to do with car sales at the time it's not picking on drivers of certain models for a period of time it'll be BMW's or Merc's or Volvos or something else, it's probably something else elswhere in the country.
I take it from your rant you drive an Audi.

Landrover Defender two definite sub species:

Unadorned = Farmer, Forestry or similarly outdoor employed person
With sand ladder = Blokes in Camo who ain't in the Army (and never could be)

VW Pasaats tailgate. All of them.

I have to admit, if I approach slow middle lane'rs when I'm in lane 1, I tend to have a quick mirror check for the 5-0 then just undertake. I hope this approach makes them think more than just the other approach of cutting across them from 3 to 1 as is more legal, but it's probably fruitless.

I may try 'orbiting' during a quite time in future though, sounds like a good sport.

I gave up orbiting when once on an otherwise empty motorway, the nucleus reacted by moving from the second lane to the third.

Why not just make overtaking on the inside ok like the rest of the world?

It already is. You're allowed to pass on the left to overtake slower-moving traffic.

I know a lot of traffic officers around here and they say the same, at the moment it's Audis in 6 moths time it'll be something else it probably has something to do with car sales at the time it's not picking on drivers of certain models.

It is funny that this perception has increased since the aforementioned JC stated that since BMW drivers had migrated to Audi...! I'm not saying that some Audi drivers are not shite - I've seen many that are, but in the same proportion as any other make or demographic. I always think cars with a fish on them are driven badly - but it is probably just my ability to self select data to support my bias.

I take it from your rant you drive an Audi

I think my statement was a little short of a rant - but I that's how you see it... Yes, I drive an Audi, I have owned several over the last 10 years or so. A search on here would reveal that quite quickly. However, I don't fit some other Audi-related STW stereotypes: -
- No Orange 5
- Preference for 'natural' over trail-centres
- I am not an IT professional, although I currently work in an IT function
- Hopefully cycling isn't my new golf - been mountain biking for 26 years...
- I don't drive inconsiderately or recklessly

Apologies though grey, I was a bit harsh, earlier. Since a driver rammed my car deliberately in May and said it was my fault as an 'Audi driver' - despite witness reports to contrary, I am a little sensitive.

You're allowed to pass on the left to overtake slower-moving traffic.

That [i]could[/i] be misinterpreted! You may pass slower/stationary traffic in an outer lane to keep up with the flow; providing you are already in the inner lane (so no changing lanes in an M62 style) 😀

EDIT: Quite sure you know that, but just to make sure anyone reading & memorising that as a defence is clear!

No law against doing it in other circumstances though.

(and yes, I know)

Blimey you're right; I never knew that.

Oh, I thought undertaking was only allowed when traffic was queuing, (but wasn't quite sure how queuing could be measured or defined). Cool.

No need to worry about the middle lane drivers then? (TBH they never bother me regardless) .

No law against driving like an inconsiderate tosser either, especially if you consider yourself a bit of a driving god.

My record was five orbits. Pretty sure they got some sort of message, because they looked damn confused that the same car had overtaken them five times, driver and passenger madly waving with crazy grins.

I overtook a old ST170 this morning. The driver took it really really badly weaving allover my rear.

+1.

The CRV-driving knobjockey in front of me this evening was in the same league. After being overtaken very nicely (even if i do say so myself) on a perfectly straight, completely clear bit of road, her proceeded to hammer it back past me on a dodgy bend, ram his overinflated ego-mobile into the gap between me and the car in front, then test me and the missus to a "how not to..." display of seemingly random braking, cornering like a moron (brake late and ram it over at the last second), and as a special test, a sample of various anti-overtaking tactics including, but not limited to, a) sitting at 30 while there was traffic coming the other way but gassing it up to 60 if the road was clear, and b) sitting at 40, vehicle placed across both lanes on a stretch where there's a crawler lane of sorts (A660 between Otley and Pool Bank crossroads, for those that know the road).

They seemed to get very vexed when I didn't play along.

zokes - Member
My record was five orbits. Pretty sure they got some sort of message, because they looked damn confused that the same car had overtaken them five times, driver and passenger madly waving with crazy grins.

Counting like The Count helps if you have other people in the car. "Vun! Vun Orbit! Ah ha ha ha haaaa!"

I tried Orbiting a middle lane hogger and after doing it twice, got a hand signal off the passenger that's not in the Highway Code.

Sums them up perfectly.

Like the "lady" who was travelling down the dual carriageway in lane 2 with the left indicator on for at least a mile. Despite flashing my lights, this character didn't respond so, when we got level at some lights, I pointed over and shouted " indicator "

I got a response of " alright, alright, it wasn't done deliberately " with that attitude, I pointed out to the "lady " that if she payed more attention to her driving and put her phone away from her lap perhaps she wouldn't leave an indicator on.

At this point I will not type the words I was called as I like to remain on STW.........

Some people seem to think that Drivng is a seconderey thing they are doing.

Oh, I thought undertaking was only allowed when traffic was queuing, (but wasn't quite sure how queuing could be measured or defined). Cool.

We had to do a day of driver training at my previous company with some RAC trainers, in the classroom and out on the road for 3 or so hours of actual observation and driving. The instructor told me that off the record, most traffic police would consider the situation like described above, where you are in the inside lane doing a reasonable speed, there's someone in the middle lane doing 60 (or even better 3 or 4 cars all in a moving queue doing 60) and then a line of cars doing 70+ in the outside lane, it's safe and reasonable to stay where you are and pass rather than force out into the outer line to overtake and then cut back.

She also said that if they see people undertake, more often then not they'll follow you / have followed you for a bit and see how you drive based on a longer period rather than one incident. If you're weaving lanes to keep passing folks on either side based on which is clearest when, then you're more likely to get pulled rather than where you sit in the inner lane and occasionally pass stuff because it is 'in a queue' and 'moving slower'.

Orbiting sounds fun but probably won't enamour you. Almost as satisfying is staying in the inner as much as possible and doing your 2 junction stretch of the m25 in peace and getting to the exit at about the same time as the BMW driving taunt who's been in every lane all at once and thinks he's a racing driver!

No law against driving like an inconsiderate tosser either, especially if you consider yourself a bit of a driving god.

Well, there's a few of those; driving without due care and attention, for instance.