So I've had some health issues and despite me trying to ignore or eliminate other possibilities first my GP is getting quite insistent about timing and an appointment with a consultant.
I don't want to upset my 11yr old until I know a bit more (and have a diagnosis and prognosis) but I can't just sneak off to hospitals without lying. [and if I start that when would it end]
Next week being 1/2 term I'm going to find this harder and I daren't tell his mother or she will use it to blackmail me.
I'm also feeling a bit scared and uncertain and haven't told anyone at all yet.
Don't quite understand your post ( fair enough under the circs) but seem to be picking up on the fact that you are delaying an appointment with the key doctor due to various things?
If I've got that bit right then priority is to reverse that. Get the appointment booked, right now.
Worry about the details after that.
Aye, what he said, get appt sorted.
And tell folks when you know for sure, in your own time.
Best of luck buddy.
Agree - the most important thing is you get your health sorted ASAP. Leaving things rarely makes things better (usually worse) and that’ll be a worse outcome for everyone.
Just tell your 11 year old (if you have to) that you have some kind of routine checkup or minor thing to be looked at at this stage until you know more.
Don’t quite understand your post ( fair enough under the circs) but seem to be picking up on the fact that you are delaying an appointment with the key doctor due to various things?
If I’ve got that bit right then priority is to reverse that. Get the appointment booked, right now.
Worry about the details after that.
Done that this morning... I was sort of waiting on some tests to come back which were yesterday night that could have been good (had they found any pathogens to explain stuff).. then dig out medical insurance (assuming this isn't the last appt... which it could be if I'm positive) but I don't want to bugger it up by not following process and the OH has filed away the stuff and I didn't want to ask and raise questions.
I guess it hit me last night when the GP emailed me at 10pm... so I managed to get my details by phoning the physio ... and phoned the GP's reception to get them to book the first possible.
Just tell your 11 year old (if you have to) that you have some kind of routine checkup or minor thing to be looked at at this stage until you know more.
Thanks... that's like obvious in retrospect... but I'm not thinking so clearly or perhaps just trying not to think. (I'll get onto that wheel build in a minute).
I guess this is the part I'm really really dreading.... (should things not be positive)
It's ok and normal to be scared. You're now on the right side of the line, in the hands of the medical professionals. Trust in them and the process, taking it one step at a time. Try not to second guess or predict the future.
Tip: When you see the consultant take a notebook, write down what they say. There can be a lot to take in and process. It really helps to keep the mind focused around the process and the facts.
With your loved ones, tell them how it is today. Not how it might be in the future.
Good luck OP.
Im sending you a man hug. As above, take a notebook. If you have an idea of what sort of condition you are facing, then maybe write some queations down for you appointment.
Dont Google yet, its seldom helpful and can give a whole load of incorrect info without a proper diagnosis.
STW seems a good place to ask for help/advice or just get stuff off your chest.
I truly hope you are well
Ian
Having recently gone through something (that turned out to be nothing after several tests and an amount of vigorous prodding) I would suggest that you get checked ASAP and tell people when you have an answer. Delaying it and not wanting to know messed with my head.
If you need a cover story say that you are going to the dentist or having a "man-checkup".
So i've been on the receiving end of this sort of diagnosis and this is what I've learned.
Dont Google yet, its seldom helpful and can give a whole load of incorrect info without a proper diagnosis.
This. 1000 times this. Of course you'll ignore this advice just as I did so if you must search on line be very careful about WHERE you read things. Absolutely stay off any facebook groups.
This is your news to tell or not as you see fit. As you don't actually have a diagnosis there isn't much to tell so yeah just say you're having tests although if you do tell your 11 yo he is going tell his mum (I assume from the way you posted that you guys aren't together and don't have the best relationship) so prepare for that.
Taking a notepad to a consultant appointment is a good idea, but taking someone else is probably better. Even if they aren't in the room with you having someone waiting for you is invaluable.
If it were me I'd be talking about it right from the start. 'I'm going to the doctor to see what this thing is' then 'I've got to go for more tests' and so on. The kids will figure it out on their own terms which, for me, is better than thinking everything's fine then getting a bombshell.
Good luck with it all.
Im sending you a man hug. As above, take a notebook. If you have an idea of what sort of condition you are facing, then maybe write some queations down for you appointment.
Dont Google yet, its seldom helpful and can give a whole load of incorrect info without a proper diagnosis.
Cheers man ... and I'm pointedly not googling.
TBH it gave me a bit of a shake the GP emailing me at 10 at night from her own email.
I think we'd both half expected some positive results from the sample... (as in positive for some other explanation)
STW seems a good place to ask for help/advice or just get stuff off your chest.
I truly hope you are well
Yeah TBH it all feels like it's piling up but I don't want to upset those close to me before I know more. My biggest dread is telling my son.... if things don't turn out positive.
Totally agree with molgrips post above.
Steve.
Having gone through something that turned out to be something and another time when something turned out to be nothing - I would hold fire until you have a totally formal diagnosis.
In general children don’t necessarily manage uncertainty well. So, when you can - begin talking honestly about the situation to your boy. Again in my experience, children don’t do too well when things happen that they don’t expect - so be clear and don’t hide facts from him.
Just to reassure you - it is normal to be scared, I was definitely scared and sometimes I still am.
If you want to drop me a PM - do.
Take care,
J
Tell the 11 year old as soon as you know. My experience is I was told I had cancer (in the end I didn't but we found out much later), I told my children as soon as I knew, they talked about it at school and of course a lot of their friends had been through similar and were able to share. They were never in the situation of knowing something serious was happening but not knowing what
Harry
Having recently gone through something (that turned out to be nothing after several tests and an amount of vigorous prodding) I would suggest that you get checked ASAP and tell people when you have an answer. Delaying it and not wanting to know messed with my head.
If you need a cover story say that you are going to the dentist or having a “man-checkup”.
Ah yep.. this includes some "prodding".
I would suggest that you get checked ASAP and tell people when you have an answer. Delaying it and not wanting to know messed with my head.
Yep... as above I'd thought/hoped/assumed I had some infection... indeed saw the GP and got given a sample tube and for the first time in months had a solid(ish) sample. (described as semi-formed apparently) and thought maybe I'd been a little precipitous.
Then today after the email I was back to very loose and blood back in my stool.
Feels like a bit of a roller coaster ....and messing with my head.
Molgrips et al....
Yes.. makes sense
leffeboy
they talked about it at school and of course a lot of their friends had been through similar and were able to share.
again brilliant .
His best friends mum had a scare 2-3 years ago.... I'd totally forgotten about as she had a successful operation and its more or less behind them now. They are at different schools now but still in touch.
Re the "Prodding". Nothing to fear. Just let them get on with it. However, you should insist that they remove any sovereign rings or chunky watches.
Steve, thoughts are with you.
Hope it proves to be nothing serious
If I was in your situation, I would share with family now.
Children are resilient.
As is clear, others have a different view; there is no right or wrong time to share your concerns.
First off, thoughts with you Steve, hope it all works out well.
This is your news to tell or not as you see fit.
Just to caveat this slightly, and I'm sure this isn't your intention, but keeping children in the dark about this kind of stuff can be hugely damaging. I know of one family who's father had cancer for a year and a half, and the first their children (aged 5ish and 8ish IIRC) knew was when they were told he'd "gone to be an angel". The grief, the feeling of being lied to, the lack of a chance to say goodbye has real, long term, consequences on their lives.
There are charities who deal with this kind of stuff, so, should the worst happen and the prognosis is not what any of us want, there is a huge amount of support available to you and your son along that journey.
All the best, and I very, very much hope that this post is entirely useless to you
remove any sovereign rings or chunky watches.
Nooooo. Leave the sovereign and Krugerrand rings ON. They feel sublime under nitrile.
I have nothing useful to add -just hoping for the best outcome for the OP
Ive not a lot of use, i've had a tough 18 months with some health stuff, but i've been reassured they're more inconvenient than very serious, but in the moments lying in bed i've had 'what if' kind of thoughts and they're a horrible place to be in.
So all i really have to offer is my sympathy and my hopes for it all to work out for you mate.
Good luck buddy.
I'm glad you've gone to the docs - time is of the essence with these things, but hopefully it isn't as serious as you fear. I had stage 3/4 bladder cancer when I was 43 and we just told the kids that I wasn't well and would be in hospital for a while, and luckily I survived. Ours were a fair bit younger than 11. My son is now 11, and one of his friend's mum has terminal cancer - they're all being open about it and preparing the kids for the inevitable end fairly soon. Feel free to pm.
Best wishes Steve. Not sure I can best advise on the timings on telling your family, but lots of good advice above. Good luck for the right outcome.
As is clear, others have a different view; there is no right or wrong time to share your concerns.
Just to caveat this slightly, and I’m sure this isn’t your intention
I'm sitting a bit in the "wait until I have some further results" one way or another.
If it turns out to be nothing (which obviously I hope) I've just caused a lot of upset for nothing.
Somewhat ironically other than this I feel in great physical shape.
Best wishes Stevextc
I’m sitting a bit in the “wait until I have some further results” one way or another.
If it turns out to be nothing (which obviously I hope) I’ve just caused a lot of upset for nothing.
That's absolutely fair enough and sensible.
Sorry to hear that Steve, I have far minor issues I’m worrying discussing with family so at a very low level I can sympathise.
Best wishes.
Nothing useful to add, apart from good luck with the tests and results.
I had a scare this time last year, thankfully it turned out to be something of nothing, but that sinking feeling when referred to specialists will stay with me for a while, luckily I had my wife to talk to whilst waiting.
Virtual Covid arm bump!
In general children don’t necessarily manage uncertainty well. So, when you can – begin talking honestly about the situation to your boy. Again in my experience, children don’t do too well when things happen that they don’t expect – so be clear and don’t hide
This makes sense and it's a big concern but there's one big problem with it and that is that before diagnosis everything is uncertainty.
Sometimes the time between starting testing and knowing what's going on can grow, they work through the things that it could be and rule things out with certain tests, and keep going until they get there.
Personally, I think you're doing the right thing in waiting for now, but be prepared to let them know something about what's going on when they ask questions.
Hard to explain - I had a similar situation in February after going to the GP with back pain. She gave me anti biotics for a kidney infection, but also sent me for emergency CT scan to figure out why. At first it did not look good at all, but it took six weeks to get a proper diagnosis, which then turned out to be not as bad as what they were originally scared it was. I shared the kidney infection, treatment for that and that they were investigating further. I didn't share the full details of everything they were testing for, what other hospitals they were in consultation with,or what testing was ruling what out. I'm glad overall, I wouldn't have wanted to scare them with some of the things that were eventually ruled out, and it also gave me time to come to terms with things making the eventual conversations far better.
Also, be prepared for covid to make things awkward around consultations and seeing doctors - testing and treatment carries on in hospital but a lot of consultations are now phone calls. Make some time and space for yourself where you can also make notes and process things.
If you are worried about what I think you are contact Macmillan, they're brilliant. They have excellent family counselors that will help you work through in your own head exactly how and when to speak to people. Even the website has loads of useful info and links if you don't want to phone them. A good starting spot:
They also have drop in centres at most major hospitals where you can bounce your thoughts off a friendly stranger . Even if it's not cancer you're worried about, that link has some good ideas applicable to any serious illness.
Best of luck with it all, you have my sympathy. It's not easy carrying stuff around, but it's not easy sharing it before you know what's going on.
And drop me a message if you want.
Likewise, and I know it's easy to say, but get checked asap and try not to worry until you find out. It won't make a difference.
Easier said than done obvs, I remember the day I found a lump on one of the veg and although it was only a few days from that to all clear, they were a long few days.
The day i was told nothing to worry about though....that was a great day. Partly for the good news and partly for the pretty young NZ radiographer that told me it was just a variocele after she'd rummaged it a bit with her gel filled hands and ultrasound probe.
I've written this reply two or three times now but thought I'd just share with you mate.
The first thing to do is get this investigated to know what you are dealing with, if you don't the outcome is certain.
Once you know what your dealing with in a way it becomes easier to manage because there's a plan, milestones and support. Don't forgot though the initial diagnosis is not always correct so the associated prognosis could well change.
I don't know what your exact ailment is but I have a thread on here when I got the news which I found to be really helpful.
Generally blood in your stool is something less urgent so don't take that as being definitive.
I'm happy to talk about things I found useful and organisations who helped so please PM me if that helps. You're not alone, you just need to reach out and people will help.
Cheers.
Thanks everyone fort the amazing support.
I had my initial consultant appointment and that seems more positive.
I'm scheduled for full colonoscopy next week assuming I pass the Covid test Friday. The consultant is leaning towards it being my autoimmune problems. Having pushed a frozen sausage up my bum there was nothing obviously wrong not consistent with 8 weeks of diarrhea.
The OP topic went .... I had to tell the OH who is self isolating as she expects me to play run/fetch.
She was mighty pissed off at me "being so selfish" as to have this come up when she's self isolating and started shouting so Jnr overheard. So he's now informed I had to have some tests for "man stuff" (he recently did that at school) and they are quite positive and I need another test to be safe.
Meanwhile she's decided to tell the world ... including my best friend who just lost his wife and doesn't need anything extra to worry about right now so now I have him needing updates and worrying.
She also decided to tell some of her friends... so at some point I expect this will end up on social media. No idea if she decided to call my brother but doesn't seem that way yet.
She seems insanely bitter mate... Much sympathy and hope the little man and you cope well with it.
What’s she going to post, that you’ve got the squirts because right now that’s all you know !
steve, your OH's reaction seems to be completely lacking in understanding or any sense of caring.
Wrap your arms around the little man, give him a big hug, tell him you love him and that you've got some really great people who will help you get back to 100%.
That's what the forum are, metaphorically, doing to you.
What’s she going to post, that you’ve got the squirts because right now that’s all you know !
I dunno but I was really thinking one of the people she knows would post something and then it gets back to the kid with whatever speculation.
I already told her basically I've got the squirts and some blood and I'm getting checked and don't know anything else but that.
According to my mate she was more concerned about how this would affect her... but I didn't mention he'd told me.
Then yesterday she was "I suppose you will need me to pick you up" to which I said nope, that's why I chose that hospital so I can walk.... then she said "I was talking to xxxx and she said you will need picking up"... I was a bit taken aback as I don't want it discussed and certainly not speculated on at this point.
Either way after I pointed out she was out of self isolation by then she didn't care so I guess she just wanted an excuse to leave the house.
Well she sounds lovely!
The main positive is that the "when to tell the family (and the world in general)" question has been taken out of your hands, so you can play the brave little soldier card for all it's worth with a clear conscience.
Plus you are setting a great example to your son; you have a medical issue, and you are getting it sorted.
Best of luck, keep talking on here (we won't tell anyone - honest)
"LADS, ANOTHER PICOLAX THREAD ON ITS WAY!"
OP. I’m sorry if this offends you in anyway, I genuinely have your best interests at heart, but reading this thread, and what you’ve said on the other thread, I’m concerned for you. I know I don’t know the whole story, but from what you’ve posted I feel you need to get out of that relationship ASAP. There will be others on here who will give advice on how to do so (and what to do to maintain contact with your child), but you need to look after yourself (and your son)
Most colonoscopies are normal - hope yours is too. Would not worry too much at this stage. If you are of a certain age its not a bad idea to have a look through to check everything is ok,remove any polyps that can grow into worse problems over time.
I know I don’t know the whole story, but from what you’ve posted I feel you need to get out of that relationship ASAP.
From reading the behaviour I'd assumed it was an ex? Not sure why anyone would put up with that.
//////Deleted because he's already answered that question on a different thread and I felt bad about putting it in words.
