[Closed] Popping the question, engagement ring difficulties..

Buy one that looks the right size. Most good jewellers will be able to re-size to fit..

what I did:

while mademoiselle is sleeping like a tranquillised hog, sneak your pinky finger up her ring
finger and note at which point your finger is matched for diameter.

Er, if she doesn't wear rings, don't buy a ring.

<cynical b'stard mode>depends how normal she is, she may "expect" the finished article exactly to her dream ring - you may get the stone wrong, wrong colour ring, wrong size -then when her weight changes it wont fit and it will be your fault...<cynical b'stard mode>

however i like your style it's a good option i think. don't do the "stand in ring" thing though.

haribo starmix FTW

accepted practise these days is to buy a nice-but-cheap ring, in a size that's a bit too big, propose with that, then sort out the 'proper' ring a a later date.

it's a bit less romantic, but that's how everyone seems to do it these days.

Er, if she doesn't wear rings, don't buy a ring.

Trust me, she wants this ring.

meh had same issue just used one of my rings and we measured up at the later date.

if its the right girl it wont matter 😉

She doesn't wear any rings, never has really

Might go badly then. Why not propose with something she will like?
Pointless consumerism unless you really buy into all that stone/significance stuff.

Novelty ring for doing the deed. The gesture is far more important than the actual item of jewellery.

She can choose real ring after, if she wants one.

while mademoiselle is sleeping like a tranquillised hog, sneak your pinky finger up her ring

Might go badly then. Why not propose with something she will like?
Pointless consumerism unless you really buy into all that stone/significance stuff.

She definitely wants a ring...even I can get that hint.

@cb propose with something, not a full on engagement ring or even a ring at all perhaps something with a fun element, then go shopping together. Delighted to say my second wife believed strongly we should chose the ring together (and did hours and hours of research on stones and insisted we bought wholesale 🙂 ) thats so much better than the "hit and hope" of us blokes going into a high street store and hoping we get it right

Edit: shops are used to this, go in advance or call and give them the budget then they can show rings without discussing price with your fiance 🙂

Don't worry about the ring size as any jeweller will be able to resize. However do have the balls to choose the ring yourself. It really isn't that hard. If she doesn't like it then that tells you something about her. The whole idea is that you are meant to put the effort in.

I took an educated guess but made sure I bought from a jeweller who would resize for me. It helped that said jeweller also made the ring in the first place so I was confident it would be a good resize job too.

Ok then. Clearly there is a market for a novelty and cheap 'stand-in' ring before the proper engagement ring then.

Something adjustable 😉

[img] [/img]

I proposed without a ring, we then went and chose one together a week or so later...

Jubilee clip with a shiney bead glued on.

3 seconds! THREE SECONFS!

Am I right in saying that it's easy to reduce ring size, but not to enlarge?

Buy her a pair of shoes.
At least you know the size.

Buy her a pair of shoes.
At least you know the size.

No way, not another pair of bl**dy shoes.

Am I right in saying that it's easy to reduce ring size, but not to enlarge?

They just melt the ring, cut it and add in new slice of gold to widen a ring....

Am I right in saying that it's easy to reduce ring size, but not to enlarge?

Mrs danandem here- from a lady's point of view I'd say get a ring. I never wore one (or any other jewellery) before hubby proposed was delighted he'd chosen one for me - one he proposed with was so huge it fitted my thumb so had to go back to be resized but wasn't a problem. I knew he was going to propose on holiday but the ring was a surprise (I thought we would be choosing one afterwards)

3 seconds! THREE SECONFS!

😀

Good for all sorts of bodges. I've got a 2nd bottle cage lashed on with them. Solid

If you can't choose a ring together (which is what I did) a few friends have mine have bought a cheap ring with the promise of buying the real thing the following weekend.

http://www.jonrichard.com/rings-c16/jon-richard-cubic-zirconia-engagement-ring-set-p19426/s21320

GF told me if I ever proposed with a ring she might say no, however if I proposed with a Juliana Furtado and a Newfoundland puppy she would say yes...

Her brother just proposed to his other half with an empty box and a note in saying they'd pick a ring together, she was super happy he just proposed.

Unless she's pregnant and from a religious family why bother? 🙂

This...

I proposed without a ring, we then went and chose one together a week or so later..

stevied - Member
while mademoiselle is sleeping like a tranquillised hog, sneak your pinky finger up her ring

Thats how i read it as well !!

Get her drunk, then measure the diameter of her finger with a bit of dental floss while she's out cold.

proposing must have made her whole week Stoner?

I got a very cheap ring as a token gift to actually propose with, and then said we could go and look round jewelers and find one she actually liked.
She's got to wear it (hopefully) for the rest of her life so it helps if she likes it!

Bear in mind though that this route means she knows how much you're spending!

Also bear in mind that you will be subject to weeks of indecision about 'this one' or 'that one'!

I proposed without a ring, we then went and chose one together

Me too. My logic (fortunately accepted by the bride) was that there was no point choosing something I liked - she was going to be the one wearing it, so let her choose.

Needs some token you can use in place of a ring tho. For complicated in-joke reasons, I proposed with a toy aeroplane.

Buy one too big and get a bit of plastic tube you can tuck behind it so she can wear it on the day.

I proposed in cambridge and we spent an hour trying to find a jeweller who could fit a size adjuster to it which was annoying but she was in la la land.

sizing takes about 2 weeks if you need to get it done later, worth negotiating with the jeweller to ensure it is included.

If you buy from a high street jeweller like Fraser hart they just swap them out for one the right size.

+1 for the cheap stand-in then go out and let her pick one later idea.

FTW I found a cheapo (30 quid) one from HSamuels, checked stock, went to pick it up and none there. Bit peeved with the salesperson's attitute - email to group CEO, got £60 worth of vouchers to help with the "proper" ring.

Bought myself a watch with the vouchers, and went to a decent handmade jeweller with her.

She'll say she'll treasure the stand-in ring for ever - this is bollocks as you will pick something she thinks is hideous.

You're a man therefore you have no idea what she wants. Just keep repeating this to yourself 8)

Thats how i read it as well !!

the subtlety of a well-placed carriage return....

ahwiles - Member

accepted practise these days is to buy a nice-but-cheap ring, in a size that's a bit too big, propose with that, then sort out the 'proper' ring a a later date.

it's a bit less romantic, but that's how everyone seems to do it these days.

Really? That's utter madness.

I suspect the more grown-up, "life's not a Disney princess story" way would be to propose - then buy a ring.

IMHO OP would do well to separate the whole 'best day of your life' part of marriage from the real world 'rest of your life' part - too many people get all caught up with having a wedding and seem to forget it's about staying together the rest of your life, and in my experience the more expensive and over the top the engagement/wedding the more flaky the marriage.

Propose and then buy a ring together at a later date (if she says yes).

IMHO OP would do well to separate the whole 'best day of your life' part of marriage from the real world 'rest of your life' part - too many people get all caught up with having a wedding and seem to forget it's about staying together the rest of your life, and in my experience the more expensive and over the top the engagement/wedding the more flaky the marriage.

Agreed, 10 years of being together already should help a bit. 🙂

Does she have pintrest?

Another vote for proposing with something temporary (or even without a ring) then going and choosing a ring together. When we got engaged, I took my OH for a surprise trip to Brighton and we spent the afternoon going round the lanes looking at rings (before going back to buy the very first one we'd looked at).

Hula hoop

OP ... think your first idea it great.

It's what I did

And got a little adjustable diamond holder ring type thing for the going down on one knee bit .... see below
[img] [/img]

(if you push the ring side together the clasp expands )

Then you can get the stone mounted as is the lady's want and make a day of that design process.

I did the deed on a friday night and explained that we are going to get the ring designed tomorrow.

After we had that design meeting on the saturday I then surprised her with a posh lunch with her best friend.

Good luck .... and remember on the day/night to allow plenty of time for her to ring her mum/sis/ best friend to tell them the news.

My girlfriend's adamant she doesn't want anything ridiculously ostentatious since it'd limit where she could wear it comfortably. And more to the point, it's just a ring rather than anything functional. Me being a bit of a presenter means I've got the idea for a cheap and cheerful ring (couple of hundred) but then spending real money on getting her a decent violin as hers was stolen a few years ago and it used to be her method of calming down. Dunno whether I'm just over thinking, but seems better to get something she can actually use.
Turns out choosing a violin is a bit tricky too..... 🙄

Cant' believe so may of you say propose with a cheap ring and then go together to choose one. What a bunch of gutless wonders. Thats the easy solution. My wife lovers her engagement ring so much as she knows I put effort into choosing it and now know more about diamonds then she does. Yes she has to wear it for the rest of her life but its not like there are 100's of designs to pick from and if you are proposing to her then you should have a fair idea of the kind of thing she likes. If you end up getting something she hates then I would question if you really know her.

This...

Don't worry about the ring size as any jeweller will be able to resize. [b]However do have the balls to choose the ring yourself. It really isn't that hard. [/b]If she doesn't like it then that tells you something about her. The whole idea is that you are meant to put the effort in.

Ask her what size ring she takes. Then buy that size.

Ask her what size ring she takes. Then buy that size.

Kinda kills the surprise..?

cbmotorsport

Kinda kills the surprise..?

You're adamant that she wants this ring? She's been dropping hints yes? Therefore she expects you to propose already. Next time she drops a hint just ask what size. She still won't know exactly when you'll propose, she'll just be that bit more excited as it'll appear you are planning something.

Failing that, go to some shops, get an idea for what kind of rings she likes, try some on and then make a mental note of what size. Or if she has any female friends who are married or engaged invite them round or somehow contrive a meeting. Tell the friend to do the asking for you, perhaps trying to ascertain the size, using their own ring as a guide.

Obviously you'll be fixing your bike in the garage or splitting wood when this conversation happens so it'll appear as if you're none the wiser.

sizing takes about 2 weeks if you need to get it done later, worth negotiating with the jeweller to ensure it is included.

Popped the q Friday night, chose & bought the ring together on Saturday morning.

If she was pissed off about not getting a ring on the Friday night, she hasn't mentioned it in the last 8 years...

OP don't be afraid to ask for a discount, 10% easily do-able (we went wholesale and got closer to 50% buying stone seperately and getting it mounted). This is a key part of speaking to a shop in advance you can set budget and negotiate a discount with bargaining position of "if you don't agree I'll take my future wife to a different shop" - all of this can be done in private and not in front of the bride to be when your bargaining position is close to zero as the "I'll walk away" option isn't really available

Bought what I thought was what she wanted, and she appreciated the effort (I think). She didn't change it much.

My now husband didn't have a ring, stand-in or otherwise, when he proposed. We chose together after the fact and then had it made. Fine by me - another excuse for an evening out when it was finally delivered 🙂

woody74 - Member
Cant' believe so may of you say propose with a cheap ring and then go together to choose one. What a bunch of gutless wonders. Thats the easy solution. My wife lovers her engagement ring so much as she knows I put effort into choosing it and now know more about diamonds then she does. Yes she has to wear it for the rest of her life but its not like there are 100's of designs to pick from and if you are proposing to her then you should have a fair idea of the kind of thing she likes. If you end up getting something she hates then I would question if you really know her.

This!

I spent about a year choosing the right one which i had customised to my idea and purchased from a small bespoke jewellers.

She was as made up with the story behind it as she was the ring.

The journey home after picking the ring up i pulled over 3 - 4 times to look at the ring to be 100% sure, turns out I had nothing to worry about.

Be some body buy a ring.

get it in an M unless she has proper sausage fingers.

Proposed without a ring.
Spent an hour two at a diamond place and had one custom made to Mrs g-d liking (ready 3-4 days later).
It helped we were in Cape Town at the time and had local knowledge of where to get best prices but plenty of uk jewellers who'll do something custom (we had her off the shelf wedding ring adjusted to fit the engagement rings shape).

As for all the chest beating above about just go buy one, I think you need to judge if that's a big deal for her or not. Different people have different views and priorities.

We really enjoyed the process of picking and looking at stuff together.

Unless she's been going on about designing her own ring, buy a ring, a proper one. I'm not an 'I want stuff' kind of person but it was pretty special that my now husband actually went out and bought a ring - he had absolutely nothing to go on (his fault for saying he was NEVER getting married to ANYONE) but still chose the ring (and no, I wasn't pregnant :-)). It had to be resized - but the jewellers was totally prepared for that as a possibility - and I was just amazed he was proposing and he hadn't just bought me earrings. Generally resizing isn't a problem, unless it has stones all the way round, in which case it might be a touch trickier. Discuss it with the jeweller - if they can't say they'll fix it then buy one somewhere else.

Looking forward to hearing how this tale pans out 🙂

Resizing a ring takes 10 minutes, try to get within a couple of sizes.
I was a jeweller in a previous life.

[s]I want this one[/s] She wants this one

[img] [/img]

Thank you and yes 🙂

Congrats and all, but...

people still "propose"? and with a ring?

Rings certainly easier to chose for someone else than violins. That's a tough one! Lovely though

Have an idea ( for me smooth silver band diamonds inset into it so she could wear it on the bike etc ) go to a shop you like choose the ring that fits your idea try and match broadly the size of her ring finger, one of the fingers on your hand ought to be roughly the same size as her ring finger ,you can compare without being obvious and even while being romantic.
Discuss with sales person the potential need to resize and agree that contingency purchase and present ring. Guaranteed sex. Even if the ring is a size too big NB aim for too big not too small easier to get off after she has jammed it on in excitement and easier to adjust .

I used a jelly sweet ring. Was fun but it was raining outside, so had to keep replacing it with more!
Also had on hand a brass M10 nut, polo mint, gold hair band, and a few other novelties - created a lucky dip for the event 😀

accepted practise these days is to buy a nice-but-cheap ring, in a size that's a bit too big, propose with that, then sort out the 'proper' ring a a later date.

it's a bit less romantic, but that's how everyone seems to do it these days.

Is it balls the accepted pratice. I'm of the age where most mates have proposed to their other halves in the past 3-4 years and none did that. Anyway, in the end it's what you want to do yourself

I'd either get the proper ring or buy it with her. When I bought the ring I broached the subject of an exchange, if needed, and the jeweller seemed amenable to it. But you really can't go wrong with a solitaire ring

Also resizing is non-issue. If it's not offered free go elsewhere

lunge - Member
Am I right in saying that it's easy to reduce ring size, but not to enlarge?

Yes, but from what I was told, a good jeweller can do either.

I had a reasonable idea of MrsDummy's size, and bought the ring myself (I was pretty nearly right).

What I hadn't bargained on was a very good female friend who I showed it to (to check I hadn't got a terrible one) slipping it onto her finger and getting it stuck. That was a tense few minutes. I should have proposed really...

🙂

And got a little adjustable diamond holder ring type thing for the going down on one knee bit .... see below

If you buy a diamond separately it'll no doubt come in a ring box in one of these. Mine did. It's only for presentation though so don't go thinking she could wear it in this.

"Me being a bit of a presenter means I've got the idea for a cheap and cheerful ring (couple of hundred)"

A couple of hundred? YOWSERS!

My wife's engagement ring, which she still wears, cost £18, we've been happily married 14 years now.

while mademoiselle is sleeping like a tranquillised hog, sneak your pinky finger up her ring
finger and note at which point your finger is matched for diameter.

I'm confused, and excited by this post. How does putting one's finger in their partners bum let you know the size of their ring finger? I am assuming that you have to somehow measure the stretch. How reliable is this?

Find a goldsmith and get one custom made as it's way better vfm and unique. It is also the thought that counts.
As for sizing there's lots of good ideas ^^^^ dependent upon which the lady in question might prefer. Pros and cons to both. Good luck and definitely plan something specific to you both 🙂

Don't know where you are based but if you have somewhere like Birminghams jewellery quarter with manufacturing jewelers the will be able to adjust the size after (probably for free) and will probably also let you swap if she hates it. They also polish and check the setting the stones yearly for free.

Blimey, theres some real men like woody on here. 'I chose it so she'll bloody like it' eh?

I proposed on a beach on Saturday morning, with a curious square stone from said beach. I had a months salary at the ready and we went and Mrs officer chose later that day after we had a nice day bumbling about with lunch and cafe stops.

We kept the stone, which is in a box frame on the wall.

Scienceofficer - that's a bit of a cheap pop at woody isn't it?

For what it's worth, 10% of months salary on a necklace & she bloody loves it, 10 weeks till wedding day 🙂

Don't know where you are based but if you have somewhere like Birmingham's jewellery quarter with manufacturing jewelers the will be able to adjust the size after (probably for free) and will probably also let you swap if she hates it. They also polish and check the setting the stones yearly for free.

Yes she has to wear it for the rest of her life but its not like there are 100's of designs to pick from

Not sure if serious...

I did it with a token ring, then we went shopping together, Mrs njee20 had a lovely day looking at expensive rings, and ended up with exactly what she wanted. Interestingly the jeweller said that 3/4 of men buying engagement rings buy a typical single diamond solitaire ring (as I would have done), whilst 3/4 of women choosing their own ring buy something else (as Mrs njee20 did). Suggests a bit of a disconnect between what men think their partner wants and what they actually want...!

Not read any of the previous posts as it would be a bit laborious but I spoke to a ring designer to discuss my ideas then used [url= http://www.77diamonds.com/ ]77 Diamonds[/url] to get a stone – the ring designer said that she couldn't match their prices.

Anyway, I had a rough idea of what I wanted, got the stone and it came (very beautifully packaged) now we are going to meet the designer so she can complete the job (she only got it last week).

To give you an idea of prices - I got a (just over) half carat stone and it will be set into a platinum ring along with two alexandrite stones (it is an eternity ring and the alexandrite is our daughters' birth stone). The stone is high quality (although not flawless) and cost £800 and the designer is charging around £600 (depending on final design and size) so £1,400 all in.

High street shops would charge around £3,500 for a similar quality/size stone as a solitaire platinum ring - and not nearly as much fun or meaning behind it either.

You'll get a loose diamond cheaper from bluenile.com.

I doubt any goldsmith in the UK will be able to provide a loose diamond of comparable quality for anywhere near the same price.

Mine certainly couldn't and they'll all fully certificated.

robdob - Member

"Me being a bit of a presenter means I've got the idea for a cheap and cheerful ring (couple of hundred)"

A couple of hundred? YOWSERS!

That's part of the problem really, I haven't got the first clue about jewellery or engaging, so I'm trying to guess a price that isn't too little or too much. STWs collection of moneybags middle-management types only skews it further really, and I've no Audi to flog to raise the readies.

The ring's not to involve diamonds and she'd like Amethyst (I think, will have to double check that) in silver so not particularly expensive components. At the same time I want it to be something that'll last rather than risk the Buy Cheap, Buy Twice rigmarole.
I know full well that she'd be happy with something from an arts and crafts stall as long as it was from me, but it's so easy to get caught up in traditionalism/marketing bollocks.

Also, I'd be interested in those recommendations for the Jewellery Quarter if you don't mind Lunge. I get confused by the sheer amount of shops when I pop up for a look.