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Just heard an Esso fuel advert that claimed their fuels "work at a molecular level". I guess no one can argue with that, but it's not exactly a differentiator!
What about "compliant rear triangle"?
Yoda, laterally stiff yet vertically compliant, shirley?
😉
X% more plump/bouncy/lucious (basically anything that can't be substantiated).
Any perfume add.
SWEARY AT THE END 😀
Not marketing but....
Apparently only the front 4 carriages of my train will be [i] platforming [/i] at the next station rather than be 'on the platform'
I shall shortly be cadavering the ticket inspector.
Oh and I accidentally caught sight of the latest loreal ad for face gunk that is also a laser, apparently. The tendency to violence passes eventually.
Thanks, I had a little LOL at the Lee Mack thing. Almost makes up for his awful sitcom.
face gunk that is also a laser,
😯
"clinically tested"
...to do anything in particular? With any results worth mentioning?
I like platforming. It's got an edgy, counterculture feel to it. No cadaverisation for me though.
"Nothing works better..."
Not a huge vote of confidence, but often used as a selling point in ads.
i saw that laser face stuff on TV last night.
My wife always commenting how my face doesn't dry out like hers...i'm convinced it's because i've never used any moisturiser.
Steel is real
Bike for life
Rolls over bumps
Terrain hugging
Throw convention by the wayside and unleash your creativity. Mash up frames, forks and wheels to build a singletrack ripper, a do it all single-speed, or a cutting edge 29er with road wheel versatility and flat-bar handling. On-One is about choice, not compromise
[url= http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/2163472.stm ]This[/url]
This ^ was a marketing ploy that really was pointless.
For years a pub near me had a sandwich board with their usual stuff chalked on it. A piece of paper was sellotaped on the top with the legend 'Proper Steak and Kidney Pie'-- it was like that for years--- i always fancied the improper version....
The best one is making up a new substance name, copyrighting it, then proclaiming your product is the only one with this incredible substance in.
Bifidus Digestivum is one that springs to mind immediately.
My late father often used to say that the public were so thick they'd buy air or horse shit. If only he could see petrol station forecourts and rural markets now!
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Vauxhall's 'warranty that could last a lifetime'.
When I first saw it my cynicism hormones went into apoplectic overload.
The use of the word 'could' is particularly annoying.
The fact that lifetime means the lifetime of the car is galling enough, 100k miles apparently, but the slipping in of the word 'could' just makes the statement completely non-commital.
LOL @ Stoner. cadavering indeed.
I'm always taken by toothpaste adverts claiming "30% improved cleaning performance". Than what? A Sausage?
Vauxhall's 'warranty that could last a lifetime'.
You should check some of the bike warranty threads knocking about on here, and different understandings of the word 'lifetime'...
second hand nappies -- part used,free to collector
Deodorant that "only works when you need it". Great, I would hate to think I was wasting all that deodorant power by not being smelley.
English Chippy
I remember a TV advert for a soup which the voice-over proudly declared was made from "100% ingredients"
I'd hate to get to the bottom of a bowl of supposedly inferior soup to find a void that was there because they'd only used 80% ingredients and left the rest empty 🙄
The clangers used to have that problem, when the soup dragon went on the lash
Products the last up to...
So a product that last up to 20 years and fails in three weeks performed as advertised then, what with three weeks being under 20 years.
It's an idea that's gaining traction
In the Vue trailers theres a sound of a coin dropping to show off the high quality speakers.. sounds crap!
There used to be an ad on TV in NZ for flyspray that "kills flies dead". As opposed to the competitor brand that kills them alive.
Audi's A3 promo - Everything you need nothing you don't - really, then why has it got an entertainment system with handwriting recognition?
Aye, anything that uses 'up to' is meaningless. 'Up to' clearly includes the number nought.
Marketing is a nasty game but I guess someone has to do it. I pity them though.
Priced from...
is another one. Priced from £20. How much then? £1200 please!
...and then there's '97 out of 100 people surveyed agreed...'
Yes, but what people? Dozy ****s that were stupid enough to answer their door to you and were sad enough to listen to your inane banter?
anything that is "a fraction of".
24/5 is a fraction.
Improper, but still a fraction.
Good point! 😆
[i]Yes, but what people? Dozy **** that were stupid enough to answer their door to you and were sad enough to listen to your inane banter? [/i]
It's better than that. They have to say out of how many, so all they do is choose to quote the people who agree with their marketing campaign. They could have asked 8 trillion people but as long as they write on the screen that 75% of the selected 300 people they asked said this product was great then they're sorted.
Marketing people, kill yourselves.
One lady owner. Probably the worst one IMO.
The word "helps" in anything.......
Toothpaste, helps fight the causes of tooth decay. Yes, well err...... of course!
Domestos, kills all known germs..... DEAD. I'd be hoping they'd be dead if I'd killed them.
Ronseal, does exactly what it says on the tin. NO WAY!!!
'One lady owner', always love that one. Thanks for the warning.
"Up to 75% off everything".
Meaningless, patronising twaddle.
Oh! Remember those old Dolby Stereo adverts that they used to show on the TV, with the bit of Ghostbusters? "Only Dolby Stereo can do this". Do what? I'm watching on a normal TV so it just sounds normal! If I had a dolby TV, this advert would still be pointless because I wouldn't need another one!
"3 shades whiter"
Than what? in what spectum of shades of white? is it 3 shades out of 4 or 3 shades out of a billion? are these shades of white rangeing from looking at a white wall in a dark room to looking at the sun? is it greyish or yellowish or blueish or what? under what light conditions is this white you speak of? It's meaningless!
I also like the "83% of people survey agreed" type stuff where in the bottom of the screen in tiny text says "sample size 256" or something! yeah, and that sample size was lulled into a nice darkened room by pretty ladies and given free stuff if they ticked a box! (I got a free gilette mach 3!)
Pub near me sells 'real food'.
"New and Improved".
Either its new, or its improved.
Vauxhall's 'warranty that could last a lifetime'.
When I first saw it my cynicism hormones went into apoplectic overload.
It could last a lifetime - terrible brakes on vauxhalls - you'll be dead long before the warrentee wears out - before you get home even.
There are less noticable bolloxisms though. "Natural" in relation to advertising or labelling food means [i]absolutely[/i] nothing. 'Made with' means very little too
"Homemade"
You're saying that instead of using the big kitchen with all that stainless steel, fancy machines and big ovens at your restaurant you make this stuff at home, then bring it to work to sell!?
'Chemical free'. So what's it made out of then, photons?
or,
'95% fat free'. That'll be 5% pure lard then. And probably shedloads of sugar and salt to compensate but hey.
I bought a cooked chicken from the shop yesterday, that was "ideal served hot or cold". WELL WHICH IS IT ??????
"It works just like a magnet"
No. No it doesn't.
Last night on cosmetic ad. "100% showed results".
FFS. What results? What does show mean? Argh.
Also- ECO cars. They are still polluting. They may do less than others but there is still a ton of new materials and oils based plastics, paints and oil being carted about. They are by no means eco friendly.
Walkers sensations made with 'real ingredients'. As opposed to what exactly?
There's some anti-fugal nail stuff that claims on TV like " FACT: left untreated, some nail infections may get worse" - how can it be a FACT that something [i]might[/i] happen? Grr.
"new and improved" - great, so all this time I've been using old and inferior?
"No added sugar"
We decided it had so much sugar from the fruit in it, we'd not put any more in.
"new and improved" read as "not good enough first time around"
Retina Display
Thankyou Apple, and what exactly does that mean?....is it LED, LCD, OLED etc?...letting me know which will actually help me understand whether it will be crap outside in daylight for example, likewise some of the screen types above show blacks as dark greys and whites that have a yellow or blue hue to them, i'd like to actually know about the technology....but dont worry, just chuck the meaningless 'Retina Display' marketing term at me instead.
advert for salty spray made me chuckle
New and improved!
Nope, it's either new or it's improved. It certainly isn't both.
I love the junk mail that comes in an envelope marked "hand-delivered for your personal attention."
"Hand-delivered"?? Has the Post Office come up with some other way of doing it then? ...and my "personal attention"? Well, usually I get my valet to open the post for me but since you insist...