[Closed] Picolax - its my turn!

Just wait until you're on the table, you've been manoeuvered into the right position and the endoscopist says '...this might be a little uncomfortable...'

Thanks

I am going to have as much sedation as they will give me.

Get an ipad with Netflix or some other boxset streaming service.

It's a long, long day on the chanty.

Take a blanket. You lose a surprising amount of heat from yer bare arse.

I am going to have as much sedation as they will give me.

FORTY pages of the Eu thread? Good God man you'll be comatose for a week.

I am a veteran of colonoscopies and picolax. The main issue with it is just trying to just get the shear volume of it down. I think I had to drink 70 gallons every 30 seconds for 3 days or something. Well it felt like that anyway.

Once drunk don’t leave the house until your well and truly empty. At first you’ll wonder what all the fuss is about. First couple of goes is but trickle.

Then the fun starts. You’ll go and wonder when it’s going to stop. Don’t think it’s only a fart. Always be on the bowl before you attempt to slip one out :).

As for the colonoscopy itself I’ve had three. First time they tried to talk me out of sedation and I told them to do one and it was bearable if unpleasant. The second one they did talk me out of it and I swore I’d never be swayed again. It was agonising. Third one they managed to talk me out of it again and I can’t for the life of me think why I was swayed a second time. It was hideous. So yes, take all the sedatives going and don’t be dissuaded.

I am now totally disemboweled so there’s no chance of them foisting another one on me :).

Apparently I am full of shite and the doc wants to know why!

🙂 🙂 🙂

Legs Fingers crossed for you mate.

It's later on in the day when you've shat everything through and it feels like you're shitting shards of glass through a pin hole (thats the bile burning your ring piece) that it's the worst.

I've not had the dreaded colonoscopy so had no need to take the much revered arse emptier, Picolax.

However, I have experienced the laxative effect of Gastrografin, a contrast dye used in CT and other imaging procedures. Before my CT I had to drink copious amounts of this Pernod-esque tasting liquid to "improve the contrast between structures and different tissue types." NOBODY mentioned I had ingested an arsebomb.

Fortunately I made it back to the ward which had its own little room with a loo. Thank Christ for it.

Initially it felt like serious wind. Lots of gurgles and internal popping. Then it happened. I grabbed my arse like they do in silly films and made my way to the thankfully free toilet.

I'm sure it wasn't me and my arse in there. I didn't recognise either.

Imagine holding a bin liner full of encyclopedias over a pond and slitting the bottom with a pen knife.

That was the sound.

I was truly astonished by the volumetric flow rate out of such a small orifice.

Thank Christ it didn't happen as I strolled past WH Smith on the concourse...

Full out of it for me even if it does cost £20 in taxi fee's.

foisting

Thank god you spelt that right....

Imagine holding a bin liner full of encyclopedias over a pond and slitting the bottom with a pen knife.

I'm totally nicking that and passing it off as my own. Ok with you?

TJ, sedation?
I thought you were a rufty tufty Scotsman.
There'll be a few in the room when you're being done and they'll chat to help you relax.
You can also get the insider's view on the monitor which the endoscopist will be looking at; think of it like a trip to the cinema...

I had a colonoscopy a few weeks ago. Did'nt have Picolax(thought they'd stopped using it now), it was some other vile concoction...same result though.
The procedure itself went fine, no sedation or gas and air. Most painful part was the finger first of all(felt like Tyson Fury fingering me!!). The other uncomfortable bit was when they pump the CO2 in and the bloated feeling, feels like the camera is going to come out my mouth.
Quite fascinating watching it on screen, had a polyp removed then they lost it and spent half an hour searching for it inside me..Overall, it went well and the Doctor/nurses were great, although not looking forward to the next visit.

Yes sedation. I am a big wuss of a edinburgh dwelling metrosexual sasenach. I want a double dose. Shitting myself ( metophorically ) already

My mum had one last week. I've had two. They either give you Picolax or "Clean-prep". Similar results from both... Good luck with it all.

Had Picolax twice its not that bad, just remember to be near a toilet, tracky bottoms or shorts with elastic top all help for the run and drop event x a few times, invest in a toilet brush to remove stains and skids from bowl, a can of air freshener helps.

There is little pain just a feeling of emptying.

Had 2 barium enemas as well and a tube pumping me full of CO2 gas which was different, and a tv screen to watch the stuff swilling up your no entry valve,then a slow walk to toilet as loads of thick white stuff, Barium flows free accompanied by last night of the Proms wind section practicing.

However, I have experienced the laxative effect of Gastrografin, a contrast dye used in CT and other imaging procedures. Before my CT I had to drink copious amounts of this Pernod-esque tasting liquid to “improve the contrast between structures and different tissue types.” NOBODY mentioned I had ingested an arsebomb.

So the Barium didnt show anything so had the above, no pain and i quite like aniseed so all went ok till i got home, then whooooosh, and all this weird smelling stuff pooh and aniseed filled the bowl a few times.

They didnt find anything wrong just some weird internal plumbing which is rare the radiologist said but no problem to worry about.

Good luck, I presume the protocol is to swig the stuff after saying "bottoms up"?

When they say "don't get dehydrated & drink fluids" after the picolax don't as it just goes straight in the top and gurgles it's way straight out the bottom in about 8 minutes

I just got mrs tj to read the picolax thread in the hope of some sympathy. All I can hear is s****ing .

I was given MoviPrep before my colonoscopy. Effects on me weren't as violent as I'd heard described. The worst thing is trying to physically swallow the amount a sachet makes up.

It’s later on in the day when you’ve shat everything through and it feels like you’re shitting shards of glass through a pin hole (thats the bile burning your ring piece) that it’s the worst.

Nope, I don't recall that at all. Just a complete evacuation.

I had a colonoscopy a few years ago. No Picolax, instead they injected stuff directly up my a**e and told mt to wait as long as possible before going. I last 6 minutes - I know because I timed myself. The actual "op" was not too bad, you get to watch what the doctors are seeing. Beware there is no privacy and lots of people are in the room.

The worst bit was the gas they pumped into you. I kept farting for about two days, nothing subtle either.

My experience was non-eventful. However, that might have been because I was undergoing the procedure after 8 weeks of brown water about 30 mins after any food.

All I had was few mild stomach cramps and two 'slightly' urgent trips to the loo.

I had booked a days holiday and had planned some 'sit at the dining table activities'. My memories of the day are all positive 🙂

I had this a couple of years back. The picolax wasn’t really a big deal. A couple of extra trips, but nothing dramatic. I guess we all react differently. Procedure itself was fine and kind of interesting to watch on the screen. Took a few puffs on the gas and air to see what it was like, but it made me feel a bit nauseous, so preferred without. Sedation sounds good, but can make you feel rougher for longer.

I had movipreop which tasted disgusting, only better with a bit of cordial. Not as explosive as I'd expected but it did the job, the main issue was getting it all down. No sedative or gas for the colonoscopy and a 2/10 for discomfort I'd say (bearing in mind I had no inflammatory issues). I had a massive point of reflection when I was talking to a nurse about my job and she pointed out I didn't sound like I enjoyed mine.........whilst hers was witnessing people having massive pipes shoved up their ass, made me think. As a little treat the consultant did a cheeky 180 so I could see the view from the inside of may ass looking out. Nice.

At least with sedation you don't care what they shove up your rusty bullet hole.

Known the joy of two colonoscopies now, had picolax the first time and nukeprep the 2nd. Much of a muchness with the first gentle rumblings being deceptively mild before the relentless brown tsunami hit.

I very, very stupidly declined sedation both times as I was driving. 1st time was just an anal trumpet voluntary, Com-ode to joy if you will but the 2nd was utter agony as they steered a camera crew, sound engineer and best boy around the hairpins of my colon. For the love of baby robins, just take the sedative and get someone to transport you. It's difficult to drive home anyway when you're sitting on one cheek and crying the last remaining fluid from your spent, dehydrated carcass.

I’ve had two and drinking the disgusting Moviprep followed by the hours firing the Brown Laser were the worst bit.
I had full sedation both times which were two of the most pleasant, relaxing days of my adult life.

Had three; moviprep each time.
No sedation; a little gas'n'air once when manoeuvering round a bend.
There are no '...massive pipes'; it's a very small flexible camera.
Unless there's a problem, you can drive afterwards and bike the following day - there will be noisy farting.

For good measure have also had endoscopy but that required sedation.

So, there you go - topped & tailed as they say.

Had a colonoscopy a few years ago and before said procedure, my husband forwarded me the legendary picolax thread to read.... I remember checking and double checking the timings to take the vile concoction, followed by an extremely noisy and explosive leg trembling evacuation phase... On the day of the inspection, I found out that one of my neighbours was a colonoscopy nurse, so we were very well introduced by the end of it all. When I was settling into the bed I remember looking at the camera kit and thinking, that's pretty awesome stuff....then saw the lubricant and remembered... The procedure itself was just ok, had a bit of gas but wish I'd been sedated...it's just not natural is it, to be mega fingered up yer bum hole, is it? Following it, had some initial sharts and rather voluminous farts... Hope it all goes well.....

For good measure have also had endoscopy but that required sedation.

So, there you go – topped & tailed as they say.

I hope they wiped the camera in between.

That's how they clean the camera - out of the fundament and down the throat.

I didn't think much of the you tube film they showed me at the time, no car chases, restaurant or love scenes. I laughed a lot at the original thread then found it to have documentary precision and it did help change my perspective on Jackson Pollock.

Imagine holding a bin liner full of encyclopedias over a pond and slitting the bottom with a pen knife.

I thought this was good, but then...

I very, very stupidly declined sedation both times as I was driving. 1st time was just an anal trumpet voluntary, Com-ode to joy if you will but the 2nd was utter agony as they steered a camera crew, sound engineer and best boy around the hairpins of my colon. For the love of baby robins, just take the sedative and get someone to transport you. It’s difficult to drive home anyway when you’re sitting on one cheek and crying the last remaining fluid from your spent, dehydrated carcass.

*Applauds!*

I have had the cleaning benefits of Picolax twice now.

First time using my then workplace medical cover at our local private hospital. Very experienced Dr who measured his success to date in being able to get to the terminal ileum 98% of the time. Remarkably easy...sedation given, relax and watch the big screen. Thinks...Oh...what is that funny looking thing the camera is flying towards...ooohh...it's my an*s! Regardless, 3 true polyps removed from pretty far round, so a good result.

2nd time NHS. TBH equally positive experience...although the procedure was carried out by an 'apprentice' overseen by a very experienced Dr. Once I had asked the apprentice for sedation twice and got given it, same dreamy experience, although his steering was not as smooth as the previous so the experienced Dr took over. Good news was nothing found.

The Picolax was liberating...I'm positive it got rid of loads of cr*p in my system.

The most embarrassing procedure to date was the flexible cystoscopy. Seriously, you are not going to put that up there are you? Cold and fear on top of an already not hugely spectacular example is not a good thing!

Worst part of the procedure for me was the fact that there were 4 young women in the room - felt very embarrassed exposing my naked arse to all and sundry. The commentary of the woman who was controlling the scope was funny though - 'just going to be doing a left turn in a minute'.

Also had an endoscopy which was much more uncomfortable.

One thing for sure. You will see a new TJ after this 'cos no longer will I be full of it 😉

Had my routine, turned 55 Colonoscopy last year. No picolax for me disappointingly. I got sent a DIY enema (plastic sausage of liquid and a tube) in the post beforehand. Followed the instructions - lay on side, insert unfeasibly long tube as far as possible, squeeze, hold it in as long as poss before lining up for a bomb run.

After releasing a flock of bats, of biblical plague proportions into the porcelain. I had to drive to the hospital an hour away, terrified I would die in a shart spasm induced RTA. Thankfully the enema produced just one (admittedly apocalyptic) event with no aftershocks.

The procedure itself was totally bizarre - 3 ladies making pleasant small talk whilst they operated monitors and cameras.
One of them (let's call her the "driver") turned out to be a mountain biker and we chatted about 27.5 v 29 and the best local routes whilst she steered what felt like an industrial drain checking camera around my colon.

Very surreal.

I had ERCP (endoscopic retrograde cholangiopancreatography). That was immensely unpleasant.

This is the wrong thread to be reading when laughing sets off all sorts of painful spasms in my knackered lower back 🤣 ouch

These threads are always hilarious!!

On a serious note, hope everything is okay TJ 👍

I had experience of pucolax years ago when being diagnosed with Crohn's disease, kaboom is my experience.. but after ending up having 3 operations and resulting in having a colostomy bag for life thought I wouldn't have to go through it again. Well 20 years later they decided as a precaution I should have endoscopy, not funny when you have a bag and explosive output...but at least having the camera put up the stoma didn't hurt particularly..didn't have any sedation which surprised the guy doing the endoscopy. Hope it goes okay..

Thanks for the good wishes folks - and no thanks at all for the tales of woe!

Its purely precautionary - probable diverticulitis or similar. My poo blood tests ( several of them) were all negative. I very much doubt its anything serious

Here we go then. Eight am first dose taken. Its actually Moviprep I have but I expect the result to be similar.

If i could write as eloquently as some I would give you a commentary but fortunately my lack of prose writing ability may save you. Time now five past 8. No rumblings yet.

8:45 maybe 8:50.....

Commence firing the Brown laser

Should we run a sweepstake?

There’s only one kind of running you’ll be doing today.

Also... it helps if the utterly disgusting Moviprep is ice cold. It tastes slightly less bad then.

If i could write as eloquently as some I would give you a commentary but fortunately my lack of prose writing ability may save you

I doubt you'd be able to hold the phone steady in any case. And you can't type whilst sprinting.

I'll have the 8:55 to 9:00 slot.

"Slot" perhaps not the best word considering the context.

0905 - 09:10 for me.

“Slot” perhaps not the best word considering the context.

Spread betting?

Should we run a sweepstake?

Mopstake might be more appropriate.

No word yet... I'll take 930-935

No word yet… I’ll take 930-935

I suspect he has been somewhat distracted....

9.41. Explosions have been occurring for an hour now. Must dash - laters peeps

Helmets are a vital part of MTBing, and keto diets are safe and effective.

So the first eruptions were at 8:40?

I f we are playing "nearest the bull" I believe that victory is Percy's!

Helmets are a vital part of MTBing, and keto diets are safe and effective.

You are a bad person!

😆😆😆😆

Must dash

Pebbledash?

and, yeah, I'm claiming the win!

I’m claiming the win!

What is the prize? I bet it's shit.

Percy does indeed win this mornings shit prize.

Whats your address?

Keep it and spend it on a jar of Bovril. You'll be needing it by dinner time.

Keep it and spend it on a jar of Bovril.

I suspect the last thing TJ will want is a jar of what closely resembles what he's been firing out of his A-hole this morning.

No food or drink though.

Clear liquids only. He'll be starvin'.

Bovril is about the only thing he's allowed.

I think the not eating is the cruelest thing about this. I can cope with the world falling out of my bottom but nae scoff is harsh indeed

Well I survived. It was interesting with my arse imitating Niagara falls for half a day and some almighty farts while they were doing the procedure. Sedation despite me getting loads didn't knock me out as much as I wanted but did at least stop me from leaping off the table and running round like a mad man which I really wanted to do.

Everyone very professional and polite. Nothing nasty found

Glad to hear it but I do wonder WTF decides Proctology is the career for them!

Glad to hear it but I do wonder WTF decides Proctology is the career for them!

Political journalists?

I'm quite amused that this thread, which could be called "Shit Pattern for NHS Nurse" is (as I'm reading it now) just above the one titled "Shift Pattern for NHS Nurses"

🙂