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When complimenting a friend on achieving something tricky
'not as daft as he looks!'
Lack of preparation on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.
^^^
Think I might nick that for my email footer! 🙂
You’re a bigger arse than 10 bums
Better looking at it than looking for it
When trying to negotiate a lower price on an expensive digital printer the sales guy’s response of “I’ve pulled my pants down as far as I can” had me in stitches 🤣
I'd rather shit in my hands and clap
“Me pilot light’s oot more than yee” recently had me howling in response to one of the lads who never comes out!
The wind cannot read.
Now then. (as a greeting)
Expressions of wrath, ‘glesga-style’:
“You’ll be feeling the back of my hand across your face, boyyyyy”.
“You’ll be laughing on the other side of your face, boyyyyy”.
Don’t come the raw prawn with me
You make a better door than a window (to someone standing in the way)
Irish; to delay doing something… ‘putting it on the long finger’
“You weren’t made at Pilkington’s”
See also, “ye make a better door than a windae”
Exact same meaning
@johnnymarone
Flatter than a witches tit. Only way I’ve heard it used anyway.
"Colder than / as cold as" here.
Let's face it, it's nonsensical so it vaguely works as whatever simile you hand on it. Hot, cold, flat, pointy, white, black, wet, dry...
It's like how pretty much any verbed noun works as a hyperbolic metaphor for being drunk. "Oh man, I was totally plant-potted last night. Absolutely coat-racked."
"we're not here to f@#& spiders"
Mrs Lawman regularly comes up with one when you get someone on TV interviewing an elderly person who's unexpectedly lucid for their age... "Still got all the cups in his cupboard"
You're like friggin horse shit. Always int road
Never mind the quality…feel the width😜
put th'wood int hole - close the door
he's as wet as a can of p--s
as far fetched as a bucket of s--t from china
all from my dear old nana
"Been here since God were a lad" in reference to colleagues who've worked for the organisation a while. Like 40+ years, and there's chuffing loads of em,!
Ram it!
‘Appen as maybe - Yorkshire for perhaps
Aye up - As a greeting, see above. My standard way of saying hello.
Get outa road or I’ll poise thi - Shouted by my stepfather on a regular basis at kids playing in the road. I now shout it at cats and jackdaws in my garden.
Of no use to man or fish
Even when you have a $h1t, you're not finished until you've done the paperwork
An absolute clusterfu#@.
An Arabic? proverb: 'May you never spiral headlong into a bouquet of donkeys' penises.'
Picked up in Australia, meaning when something fits perfectly:
"Like a finger in a bum"
Grist t’mill.
Trouble at mill.
You know, old what’s-his-face.
From the US of A cop shows: ‘sitting around with our goddamn thumbs up our asses’.
"If you should so desire..."
I used to use this ar work in response to spurious complaints " I'll speak to them and make sure they are fully aware of their duties" sounds like you are going to tell them off but actually meaningless
like catching fog in a net / like herding cats in a thunderstorm
for stuff that's difficult / pointless / futile
And recently on this very site, to decribe owning a new pet
'I've realised I'm a dog entertainment manager'
"It's payday"
From my time in education:
'I'd be most grateful if....' is a much better way of getting someone to do something, it makes it a win-win.
'Please may I be excused.'
'Are you making good progress?'
Courtesy of the Sirius Cybernetics Co: ‘glad to be of service’.
Getting ones ‘knickers in a twist’.
SSDD.
Like a tortoise towing a caravan.
Hope your bollocks turn square and fester at every corner.
Hope your arse falls off.
Measure twice, cut once
Taking some details from a woman of mature years
"Is that Mrs or Miss?"
"Miss, I've been on the shelf all my life.......
Mind you I have been taken down and dusted once or twice"
I am disinclined to acquiesce to your request.
Get in the sea/bin.
There are no stupid questions only stupid people.
'Do you want a drink'.
(I realize theres been a previous 15 references to being bought a drink, but it seems legit to me.)
Everything fits with the right size hammer.
Just ****in ****t it.
Theyre nothing special , theyve got 2lb of shite stuffed up their guts ,same as the rest of us. Usually when talking about snobby folk.
Full as an egg.
ie I have just enough room for a pudding!
“With gap, scarcely wide enough to slip fag pape betwixt (tyre) and (seat tube)”
'I'd be most grateful if...' it's a win-win rather than bossing someone around.
'Are you making good progress?'
As much use as a ****ful of cold water.
sweating like a (insert area of country here, eg Geordie) in a maths exam.
sweating like a badger (in a sack)
As rough as a well-digger's arse.
He's got expanding wrists (tight fisted)
So tight (fisted) he squeaks when he walks
Not my circus, not my clowns.
Beg forgiveness rather than ask permission.
That's the badger.
Full arsed or not at all!
About as much use as fairy wings on a cement truck.
As good ideas go, that one's right up there with having my gums extracted.
As sure as a cat's a hairy beastie!
sweating like a (insert area of country here, eg Geordie) in a maths exam.
sweating like a badger (in a sack)
Sweating like a small nun at a penguin shoot.
“Short arms and deep pockets” for the tight fisted of this world
“As welcome as a fart in a space suit”
“Smooth as snake shit”
Nesh. Purloined from another thread.
(especially of a person) weak and delicate; feeble. Unusually susceptible to cold weather.
Nesh. Purloined from another thread.
(especially of a person) weak and delicate; feeble. Unusually susceptible to cold weather.
Not a phrase I'd heard till we moved to tbe East Midlands
a bit of Dylan Thomas...
Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
As much use as a chocolate teapot.
Hotter than a rattlesnakes arse in a wagon rut.
Crazier than a rat in a tin shithouse.
Policy-based evidence making.
My father used to use lightering/nautical terms like:
'... is a bit broad in the beam.'
'They're load has shifted'
'Fore and aft' (walk with your feet straight)
'walking with a list
watch points
and always 'bending' a knot
"Yorkshire screwdriver"
Sweating like a Conservative in a laptop repair shop.
Built more for comfort than speed.
Sharp as a marble
Thicker than a docker's sandwich
Thick as mince
I'd call you two-faced, but if you were you'd use the other one
Procrastination is the thief of time
Necessity is the mother of invention
I'm not as green as cabbage-looking - one of my Gran's faves, along with [do something right away]..."or there'll be wigs on the green".
you know what thought did? it followed a shit cart and thought it was a wedding...
Hotter than a fox in a forest fire
Rough as a badgers arse
and for non animal referenced balance
XXcking XXck
Face like a kicked in pisspot
Sweating like a glass blowers arse crack
Fellas got more feet than teeth
possibly a Jeremy Kyle reference?
Just some of many I’ve stumbled across over the years
I was on it like a tramp on a kipper.
On it like a tramp on chips
I think his parents were related.
Better looking at it than looking for it (often used at work because our stores ordering system is not exactly JIT)
There's no fixing fairies in there (something is clearly broken but someone wants to try it again to see if it magically works)
Zip up your man suit princess.
Face like a smashed crab
'Round the Wrekin
Two cheeks of the same arsehole
You got more chance of burning your arse on a snowball.
Drink coffee, do stupid things faster with more energy.
More chance of nailing s**t to the ceiling
Face like a welders bench
During my apprenticeship I worked with a rather odd plantfitter who often quoted rather odd and unique phrases.
I wish I were dead
I wish I were fed up
Sorry I`ve a pan on = Im busy
He/She is As thick as the floor
youv’e got more chance,of been bitten by a daffodil
Sweating like a priest in a playground
I'm hotter than a firefly's back pocket.
It's hotter than the surface of the sun.
Wetter than an otter's pocket?
"He's got a face like a slate hangers nail bag"
On a piece of red tagged equipment - "broken inside"
"deep water storage"
Couldn’t organise a w@nk in a brothel