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What phrases do you find evocative or amusing?
I'll nominate:
Not from these parts
Giving the ferret a run
Did you get a result?
About as useful as a clockwork orange
[Polite reminder from the Mods to not try to avoid the swear filter.]
Neither use nor ornament.
What are you having?
You’d lose your balls if they weren’t in a bag.
Also I quite like any phrase that includes 'Yeet' as in "I Yeeted it out of the window'. I'd never use it myself because you know middle aged person, but it's kind of an onomatopoeia, and always makes me chuckle.
But only when he says it.
About as useful as a clockwork orange
Makes no sense. Teapot, Shirley ? 🙂
Cockwomble
Back-eye
Thunder****
Get it right up ye!
'Clockwork orange' apparently overheard by Burgess from two old ladies on top of a Clapham omnibus.
Bi-Reet
Face like a dropped pie/smashed crab/slapped arse
He's pissed on his chips
I'll go to the foot of our stairs.
'Like a box of old shoes falling out of the loft'.
Shit the bed!
I also like 'I initiated a "CODE BROWN"' in response to any near accident when out riding.
"only you know the answer to that"
To be used in response to an array of domestic questions, such as "do I need to take a coat?" Etc.
Lies like a cheap Persian rug.
As much use as tits on a fish
They'd a face on them like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle
We've been in deeper holes with shorter ladders.
I couldn't get tired of kicking him
Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you
Keep buggering on, never give up; no one's going to look after you - you're on your own (Anabasis)
Illigitimi non carborundum
Good, cheap, quick - you can have two out of three
I like the Danish version of "speak of the devil":
Speak of the sun and it shines
If I fell into a barrel of tits, I'd come out sucking my thumb!
You're havin my eyes!
Got a face only a mother could love...
If brains were dynamite, he wouldn't have enough to blow his nose.
"off you ****" - I'd love to finish engagements like this but I'm not quite brave enough. ;o)
"Boris Johnson Resigns"
You've only got to know enough to know you know **** all.
Which I actually used at my IMechE membership interview when I was being questioned on the code of conduct first principle. It's so much more elegant than...
Practise competently and maintain up-to-date knowledge and skills
- Maintain our professional knowledge and maintain a record of continuing professional development.
- Only undertake professional services in areas of current competence
- Should disclose any relevant limitations on our competence to undertake professional work
- Quantify and limit risk in all aspects of professional work, including with those who are working under our authority
- Ensure that we maintain adequate professional indemnity insurance either via employer or personally.
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About as useful as a clockwork orange
I thought the phrase was About as useful as a chocolate teapot?
But my contribution: 'he/she is all fur coat and no knickers.
Thick as mince
Aye,they need to take the pie shop number off speed dial.
Did you have an extra bowl of stupid for breakfast?
Loved this one...
New dress, on the same old slapper
Used in the context of Microsoft windows 97 update from 3.1
And from Mark Twain apparently, "Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience."
As useful as tits on a bull
Would need twice the wit to be a half-wit
“off you ****” – I’d love to finish engagements like this but I’m not quite brave enough. ;o)
On that theme - “thank you for coming. Or however you reacted”.
Proper job
My favorite quote:
“I have noticed that even those who assert that everything is predestined and that we can change nothing about it still look both ways before they cross the street.”
Stephen Hawking
Always makes me smile when i see/hear it
I thought the phrase was About as useful as a chocolate teapot?
Or chocolate fireguard. Or ashtray on a motor bike.
Oh, and "not my circus, not my clowns"
Generally used when something goes wrong at work...
One more braincell and they'd need watering
Or chocolate fireguard. Or ashtray on a motor bike.
...or handbrake on a canoe...
Are your legs painted on
And
You're not made of sugar
There's no technology known to man that can measure how little I could care about what you have to say.
He’s all mouth and no trousers.
Going full tilt boogie (picked up from a James Lee Burke novel).
You can’t judge a pie by the look of the crust.
Built like a racing snake
He’s your dog, Charlie Brown
Wetter than an otter's pocket
Away and boil yer heed in a pot of pi$h
Lower than a snakes belly.
couldn’t find your arse with both hands. i don’t use it, but it makes me laugh.
I’m not as green as i’m cabbage looking.
and one my 5 year old has started using, “oh, my!”
You can't educate pork
What'll it be?
A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of small minds.
Slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through treacle
"You weren't made at Pilkington's"
As in, stop blocking the TV.
Lightning slow.
Thick as pork poo.
Thick as mince
Heard this is a film recently and it made me laugh out loud. It takes a lot to me do that.
"I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain it to you."
Just ace.
Fancy a pint?
Slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through treacle
Pratchett I think?
Reminded me of a few more
You make a better door than a window
Ah we'll give the village call and let them know we've found their idiot
Too clumsy to be trusted with a safety razor
S/He's got a face like someone set fire to it and put it out with an axe
If I told you how much I needed this drink, I wouldn't have time to drink it
"Just off to splash me boots". Used when taking a visit to the gents.
If we are getting to toilet tactics...
'dropping the kids off at the bath'
You can't polish a turd but you can roll it in glitter.
"To lose one <minister> is a misfortune. To lose two sixty looks like carelessness the end of the government"
"With all due respect."
Used in the context of Microsoft windows 97
No such thing. 😁
“Just off to splash me boots”. Used when taking a visit to the gents.
There must be a hundred of these. It's known amongst my friends as "going for a Belgium" because it's a small Euronation....
Ta da me duck. I love to hear old folk say this instead of goodbye. It makes me smile every time.
Shit happens, get over it.
Peter Cook, referring to Jeremy Thorpe, 'a self-confessed player of the pink oboe.'
Just do it!
When really needing a pee "ma back teeth are floating"
As an ex said to me "under that deep exterior you're really shallow"
He's/She's got a face for radio.
“Just going to turn my bike round” - alternative to dropping the kids off at the pool
How are you?
Fair to middling.
If we are getting to toilet tactics…
Away to see an old friend of to sea.
And from the Bob Mortimer book.
Better an empty house than an unruly tennant.
Albert Steptoe,'just because a prune is wrinkled doesn't mean it isn't sweet.'
Full of hidden shallows.
That's the badger
Even better if it relates to an actual badger!
"I'd rather shit in my hands and clap" than do whats being suggested.
The phrase " like a wiches tit " . Have heard it used to describe something as askew, cold, dry, and useless. Not heard a definitive use of the phrase as yet.
As attractive as a cold cup of sick.
And my neighbours grandfather used to describe his unwanted kittens as "off to join the navy in the morning", when in actual fact he was drowning them in a bucket, the ****.
" got a smile like a fence fire" about someone with beown stumpy teeth.
Cycling along in a group single file past a young couple (or anyone)
Orrate!
Eh up
How do?
Naa then
Going for a Belgium
Surely a reference to
Wetter than an otter's pocket
Fancy a pint?
Yes please!
As much use as a fart in a thunderstorm, when referring to someone completely useless.
The shitting in hands and clapping, and crayons one gets rolled out at work quite a bit.
Edit: Off for a Johnny Cash aka going for a slash. Or dropping the kids off at the pool when going for a crap.
Cycling along in a group single file past a young couple (or anyone)
Orrate!
Eh up
How do?
Naa then
We once did this when out for a walk in the countryside. Visiting friends, in Devon. Got some confused looks.
To describe a fight; ‘he was throwing them about like empty tracksuits’