Is it me or is this some sort of passive aggressive thing? I really hate this.
New PM at work and she is driving me up the wall doing this in meetings to me and others
Might be a tactic to try and remember names. I do the opposite... will avoid using names because I'm never 100% sure I'll get them right!
Bfw, i can’t say it’s something I get annoyed about.
Luckily I've been steeled against such people as I have 2 children who start every sentence with "dddddaaaaaaaaadddddd" - that's 7 syllables fwiw
Might be a tactic to try and remember names.
Probably this.
I can't remember names for the life of me.. but I can remember where and I really need to practice this (using thename over and over) in order to remember and appear less rude.
I can't remember patient's names, but I remember them by literally making a mental journey from the practice to their house..THEN I remember them.
DrP
Bfw, i can’t say it’s something I get annoyed about.
@Drac that should be a lower case b and needs an @ to be proper annoying
It's a trick they've learnt off some horrible business book to ingratiate themselves with you because everyone's favourite word is their own name.
Drac, I agree with you. Like Kelvin, its not something I'm good at so tend not to do it. I actually find it quite useful when others do it as it reminds me people's names. Bfw, I'm not sure why it would be perceived as passive agressive unless you think she is suggesting your weren't paying attention. Teams calls with cameras off or where I'm presenting and can't see the others faces mean I am more likely to name people (esp if I have the advantage of a participant list on screen!). Scotroutes might also have a point if there's any kind of transcript, then it won't be able to judge who a comment was directed at from eye contact / body language alone.
If you’re at a meeting and your name isn’t used, how do you know who they are referring to? It’s also handy if you have some sort of recording going on for minute-taking.
I don't think the op is objecting to the use of names per se. At the start of every sentence is quite unnatural sounding and can be quite irritating in a "give me you attention so i can tell you what to do Colin" its not very inclusive and can be a bit confrontational if intentional.
A lack of confidence perhaps from the PM Or poor active listening or straight up not paying attention meaning the PM os having to?
Engaging dynamic conversation makes a massive difference in a meeting especially if you are running it.
Might be a tactic to try and remember names.
Yeah when I was a PM I would try and use peoples names a few times in a conversation to help me remember first time I met them. Always made it a natural part of a sentence though. Rarely started each sentence with the persons name as that sounds instructional and almost aggressive which is the last thing a PM wants to come across as. Lead vs Manage etc
Im with the OP. Hugely irritating management trick used to engage and build rapport. So it comes across as false and disingenuous.
If she continues to do it after a couple of meetings where she can now clearly remember everyone's name then its just badly implemented low level management training stolen from the US. She probably thinks she's being authoritative and direct yet personable, but basically comes across as that really irritating boss from the grammerly ads.
Just return serve.
Could be rapport, could be for establishing power, who knows.
But I actually appreciate this, and do it myself before posing a question to someone. Firstly so that they know I'm talking to them, and so that I get a response from them.
My manager does the opposite, she asks a question, then the name, and then gets annoyed when people don't know she's asked the question. I understand that she probably expects everyone to be 100% involved in the conversation, but its just not realistic.
I always assume they've been on 'the course' that a certain subset of managerial bellends must attend, and have been told its a way to assert dominance/authority over a conversation...
Lots of cabinet ministers seem to do it when being interviewed...
It’s a trick they’ve learnt off some horrible business book to ingratiate themselves with you because everyone’s favourite word is their own name.
How to win friends and influence people.
There is definitely some truth in it, but if overdone it is really grating. I think Brits are much more easily annoyed by this kind of thing than Americans.
Might be a tactic to try and remember names. I do the opposite… will avoid using names because I’m never 100% sure I’ll get them right!
Yup, I'm terrible for remembering peoples names, usually takes 3-4 meetings before it goes in so this is a tictac I use.
its just badly implemented low level management training stolen from the US.
I think it sounds good, I'll run it up the flagpole at work and see who salutes.
I'm thinking maybe it'll help with leveraging all the assets.
Gotta pick the low-hanging fruit first!
Im with the OP. Hugely irritating management trick used to engage and build rapport. So it comes across as false and disingenuous
This. Politicians do it a lot, saying the interviewer's name often and unnecessarily. That is really annoying
Depends, sometimes its useful especially in online meetings when you can't eyeball someone you're directing conversation at.
But it can easily be passive aggressive / patronising.
My manager does the opposite, she asks a question, then the name, and then gets annoyed when people don’t know she’s asked the question. I understand that she probably expects everyone to be 100% involved in the conversation, but its just not realistic.
The problem with names first is you then kill everyone elses interest.
And that creates silos around the unicorn feed.
Sounds like your new PM is a people person:
I don't know why it sticks in my mind but one of the guys who got convicted for killing Stephen Lawrence was interviewed by Martin Bashir and kept using this trick of saying 'Martin' before every answer.
Seemed like he'd be told to do it by his solicitor or something because he thought it would engratiate himself to everyone and make him seem more human.
It was probably a control thing I think as well, but he wasn't smart enough to pull it off.
It almost jumped out as a tactic and made him seem the complete opposite of what he'd intended.
I do it to remember names. Really important for me to do that working with kids. Once I’ve got it I don’t keep repeating it though.
it is annoying, especially when high court judges do it. As in: "Johnx2 I hereby sentence you..."
'
Penny, Penny, Penny, Penny
I feel sorry for Ivor
+1 for name remembering technique. Though I’ll never use it again after reading that it annoys some people so much they’ll start a new topic about it on a bike forum.
Until someone else starts a “people that can’t remember your name” thread.
It would irritate me so thank god it hasn’t happened. Comes across a bit unhinged so probably from a management course or one of those ridiculous self help books. I also don’t like being called by my full name and really don’t like being called Sir or Mr. So if somebody called me Mr FunkmasterP at the start of every sentence I’d probably explode with rage.
I worked briefly at direct line in customer services and using the customers name repeatedly was a targeted part of the call script. I didn't stay long as even though I was good at solving peoples problems and got through calls quickly I only use people names if I need to let them know I'm taking to them. They made it clear that I had to start doing it or I'd be put on a performance review. I told them I wasn't going to and left.
far less annoying than someone who constantly refers to themselve in the third person.
"if someone was to say to me, Chris what do you think about XYZ, i would say"
makes me want to punch my screen
far less annoying than someone who constantly refers to themselve in the third person.
You can take that up with myself at your performance review.
(genuine line I had once from a micro-managing boss who repeatedly used "myself" and "yourself" in the wrong context).
It’s a classic tactic straight out of “How to win friends and influence people”.
Was the guy who taught you that tip called Murray?
I always felt it was a little extra strong.
But yeah, there are a lot of people that like to use my name at the start of a sentence. I'm used to it now, but I still sometimes find myself kind of wincing a bit at it. If it's taken to the extreme. I view it the same as close talkers.
New PM
All the people I've ever encountered consistently doing this long term have been PMs.
IME there's usually a bit of a power dynamic thing going on, as Pieface mentioned. Like it's ever so slightly off; just enough to mildly irritate, not enough to be antagonistic, so it triggers a thought in you which you then realise it'd make you look bad if you queried it, and further that you probably can't which reminds you of the hierarchy/power.
This. Politicians do it a lot, saying the interviewer’s name often and unnecessarily. That is really annoying.
True. Especially true on question time and those political debates. Was it Milliband who popularised it? Received plaudits for his 'engaging manor'?
Since then politions have not read the memo that the horse is well and truly dead and that they my cease with their flogging.
I find it really patronising in normal conversation, for reasons outlined above, it can be used to disarm someone, psycologicaly speaking, and is a really dirty tactic.
The only exeptions being in group meetings where it might be confusing as to whom a question or comment is directed to.
Case in point If I get an email that starts with:
Matt,
blah blah blah
Then I immediately put you into the 'arsehole bucket' in my mind, it could be lazy, it could be a power play on their part, I don't care, you're an arsehole if you can't prefix my name with 'Hi' at least, when it's clear that the only person your are addressing is me.
This. Politicians do it a lot,
I've noticed a lot start sentences with 'now look....'
Or even a simple 'look'.
Makes me want to punch them in the chops!
Just a thought and sorry if it's been mentioned but I'm guessing the lady in question has probably been subject to the same practice over her career and, incorrectly, believes it to be good practice?
It’s a trick they’ve learnt off some horrible business book to ingratiate themselves with you because everyone’s favourite word is their own name.
As others have said, it’s a system for remembering the names of people who are new to you, and whose names you need to remember for the purpose of the job. I’m terrible for remembering names, it’s a system I ought to use, but I forget when I meet new people… 🤷🏼
The last job I had, I worked with around 180 people, I think I knew the names of maybe twenty, and only because I worked directly with them, and we used personal radios across the site, so I needed to know who I was talking to.
I like it it means they've remember who you are which is better than i can do.
I think friendlier people tend to use your name more.
<!--more-->At the start of every sentence though, really? Just try it talking to yourself. It sounds utterly mad. Not remotely friendly, just unhinged. I’ve never heard anyone do it and would be a bit freaked out should it happen. I’d probably laugh, undermining their perceived power play or ask if they were okay.
I like watching Inside the factory, but cant stang Greg, and how everyone talking to him has been told to say Greg after every 3 words.
Definitely a power move for some little egomaniacs. Thankfully, I don't have a boss, so my approach is usually to make sure I'm saying their name more than they're saying mine. That can be amusing.
It can depend where you're from I think. I moved to a new area and everyone seemed to do it in normal conversation. Where I grew up you'd only do it if you were pissed with someone so after I'd moved it often seemed like my new mates were all about to kick off with each other.
I'd agree that it's partly a regional thing too. I'd never had my name used mid sentence before moving to glasgow, and it was more obvious as the english people I spoke to here didn't really do it.
Normally reserved for one to one conversations where there is a degree of emotional attachement to the conversation. I'm probably not the best person for that as I'm incredibly emotionally detatched in general conversation and have little genuine empathy. When I hear my name mid sentence, it derails the conversation as I'm then focussing on what I'm being asked for, what I should be doing and what is that person wanting me to do? Horrible, and does feel pretty confrontational, although I'm sure it's the conversational equivalent of a hand on the shoulder, friendly attempt at emphasising closeness.
I am the opposite. Have crafted a way not to use names unless absolutely necessary as within a nanosecond of telling me your name, it's gone.
I find it really patronising in normal conversation, for reasons outlined above, it can be used to disarm someone, psycologicaly speaking, and is a really dirty tactic.
Mark, what you have to realise, Mark, is that if I use a name at the beginning of the sentence, but it's not your name but something close to it, but I plough on regardless of the awkward moment, it just shows that I'm the Alpha in this relationship.
