[Closed] Parenting advice please. diff. behaviour with mum or dad.

Same behaviour, different tolerance levels to it?

I thought that,  but nah, I've noticed it too. They play up when she comes back from work .

It's the same with us. I think it is because they know they will get her attention, I just ignore them when they are being sods and consequently and they argue less.

I tried to get this across to the wife but she carries on helicoptering them..

Maybe they're so tired from 3 days of arguing that they just want to chill on Thurs and Fri?

In our case, it's because mum wants to achieve much more during the day...whereas dad is OK to just play...

Hi

Slightly different as I’m not a parent but with an exGF her kids used to play up constantly, fight to do homework go to school etc when she was around but were good as gold if I had them on my own.

I didn’t let them get away with anything and would sanction them when I’d threatened it and they knew it so played nice but she used to over rule me when she was there so it made her problem worse.

Ultimately me if the reasons we split up

Cheers

Steve

Her days are a never ending argument session with the kids (2 and 5) screaming at her, arguing with each other an generally being disobedient

You are the family across the road and ICMFP

*waves to howsyourdad1*

It might be because she is more familiar to them. You are more of a stranger (relatively). Kids tend to be better behaved with strangers. Kids tend to be closest to their mothers. IANACP.

Similar issue starting to manifest with my nearly 3 yr old and the missus.

Bottom line is when he plays up she gets emotionally involved - visibly frustrated, exasperated etc - and as often as not ends up giving in. I don't get sucked in, and just bore him out of whatever it is (tantrum, refusal to eat his tea etc). If red lines have been drawn I make sure there's consequences for crossing them. Upshot he tries it on a lot less with me.

I have two older kids from 1st marriage and learnt a lot of lessons from that. Main one is enforce boundaries and consequences. Be implacable and try not to get emotionally drawn in, that means they're winning.

Sounds like you've got this pretty much already. Harder to get your partner onside. Suggest that you pick a time when kids are asleep and suggest a powwow to agree how the two of you are going to handle certain situations/types of behaviour and then feedback to each other in a positive way.

Also emphasis that their behaviour (trying it on, fighting etc) is normal, not personal  (some women in particular really struggle with this). It's okay to be upset by it but never let the children see it, never beg them, never say "look how you're upsetting me", it's all just showing them that their behaviour is having the desired effect.

Finally, enforce proper bedtimes. Kids need 10-12 hours a night. No exceptions, no tvs or electronic devices. Kids who are tired because their parents can't/won't enforce bedtimes, will misbehave and shouldn't be blamed

I have no kids but my sister, a full-time mum (not one of these part timers who works! 🙂 ) aways said she had the kds for the vast majority of the time and so did all teh disciplining etc, but when they got time with dad it was a treat and they were delightful to him.

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In our case, it’s because mum wants to achieve much more during the day…whereas dad is OK to just play…

This.

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In our case, it’s because mum wants to achieve much more during the day…whereas dad is OK to just play…

Could be the answer

I get calls almost daily about son not getting up for school and arguing. But when I’m off he is up and ready for school and asking for the shower to be put on before seven.

I’m off doing day care this week, had to start a job off this morning so son was coming with me. 6:30 up and out the house by 6:50. We will be playing in the massive paddling pool in garden, swimming pool later.

But we have  a visit to coral reef, Swinley, flying the drone and other dad.biy toys things to do this week.

wife called earlier asking what I was cooking tonight. I didn’t think about that😮

wife called earlier asking what I was cooking tonight. I didn’t think about that

Pizza. Obvs.

Thanks so far. I definitely think she is a little ‘guilty’ of asking and not telling the children not to do things. Also, she rarely carries out the punishment, but rather let’s them off. I am much harder with them but also perhaps more ‘fun’ at the same time. However a part of me thinks that it’s a mother thing, like others have said the children are closer to her and therefore let it all go when they see her. Dunno! Glad to hear others have it.

They have more respect for one parent than the other. Wife is a push over while I’m the hard ass. They still give me shit but a lot less than the wife. Pretty normal practice with kids.

Has she tried to with hold pudding.

Haha she has!

Pretty normal. My daughter said she likes my rules cos there are none which is mainly because if I ask her to do stuff she pretty much does. Neither of us are perfect at this parenting lark so you have to flex both ways.

I definitely think she is a little ‘guilty’ of asking and not telling the children not to do things. Also, she rarely carries out the punishment, but rather let’s them off.

Then they will act as they wish if there is no consequence or incentive.

With us the main thing is mum always starts by saying no and then rolls back from there. I just say yes more often.

It's back to the whole thing about consequences. If the rules aren't enforced, the kids know they can get away with it. And they're persistent little sods. Nobody's the perfect parent but you have to be firm but fair more often than not. Your wife needs to set the boundaries and enforce the rules. Simples