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What do you tell people to do on a day to day basis that out of context sounds extremely bizarre?

No explanations needed, think it's more fun to let our minds come up with our own ideas. Genuine quotes/instructions only

Me?

I tell people, mainly women, to pee in the shower or bath


 
Posted : 01/10/2013 8:55 am
Posts: 33
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I ply house women with wine.


 
Posted : 01/10/2013 9:53 am
 igm
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Ok being STW

What's your preferred rubber?
Have you seen my new studded rubber?
What's your favourite lube?
Wet lube or dry?
What do you have at the rear? About 6 inches?

Note: I may not use these everyday, but they've all been said by or to me at some point.


 
Posted : 01/10/2013 11:59 am
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I tell myself to go sit in front of a computer for 8-9 hours.


 
Posted : 01/10/2013 12:14 pm
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I hate mouse milking


 
Posted : 01/10/2013 12:58 pm
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I have to tell people that they aren't oiling thier tool enough.


 
Posted : 01/10/2013 12:58 pm
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Are you a taker-offer?


 
Posted : 01/10/2013 1:00 pm
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i used to test condoms. several hundred a day 😯


 
Posted : 01/10/2013 1:25 pm
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I poke people in the bum, tell them to work harder and put more effort in.


 
Posted : 01/10/2013 2:13 pm
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I've got a bit more than we talked about, can you take it all?


 
Posted : 01/10/2013 2:16 pm
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I quite often instruct people to take a dump.


 
Posted : 01/10/2013 2:16 pm
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F*** me

😉


 
Posted : 01/10/2013 2:23 pm
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"We need to take a dump."

OK I work in IT and need to refresh databases often.

[Edit] I do not drive an Audi, or own an Orange 5


 
Posted : 01/10/2013 2:35 pm
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Looks like I'm hanging out the back if you today then


 
Posted : 01/10/2013 2:40 pm
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Houns, I say that too... are you "one of us"?


 
Posted : 01/10/2013 2:56 pm
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"Stick it up your arse" is an often used


 
Posted : 01/10/2013 2:59 pm
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Your nipples have seized.
If it was a horse, I'd have shot it.


 
Posted : 01/10/2013 3:05 pm
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Meehaja 3 numbers that are the same but not 999


 
Posted : 01/10/2013 3:16 pm
Posts: 20675
 

'Ringfence the unicorn' and assorted sales [s]bullshit[/s] patter.


 
Posted : 01/10/2013 3:45 pm
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"It's time to say your prayers"


 
Posted : 01/10/2013 3:48 pm
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yup. CH or CA?


 
Posted : 01/10/2013 4:05 pm
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I have in depth and first hand knowledge of piles.


 
Posted : 01/10/2013 4:20 pm
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Health adviser/call handler


 
Posted : 01/10/2013 6:51 pm
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what area are you? I'm a clinical advisor for yorkshire (P.S isn't it great being universally hated by the media/ general public?)


 
Posted : 01/10/2013 10:48 pm
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"Have you shot her before?"


 
Posted : 01/10/2013 10:56 pm
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I'm currently looking at some gussets with big cracks in them.


 
Posted : 02/10/2013 1:40 am
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You don't want to suck too hard!

It took me 2 days to crack it!

I'll put my probes here...and here

Are you going to erect that column?


 
Posted : 02/10/2013 2:36 am
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Lets get her nice and wet then give it a good pounding! was uttered about half an hour ago


 
Posted : 02/10/2013 3:20 am
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who's got the smallest hands it's tight in there


 
Posted : 02/10/2013 3:23 am

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