[Closed] Online dating help...

I'm sorry DD, but BikeBouy has it with real ale, faggots and farts. Errr I think? 😳

I'm so confused, you're all playing mind games. I think I'll go and chop some wood for the log burner and leave this to the players. 😉

This isn't going as well as I'd hoped.

@OP just be aware that unless her profile explicitly states that she's slim and athletic she will be without fail a bit of a chubster *

* And even if it does, she still might be.

offers DD a walnut whip and by walnut whip I mean....

#strangestbonerrightnow

#stillgotitevenafterJunky'sninjaedit

For the record, I've been dating the same woman for approaching 2 months now

What was your previous record?

15 years.

For women, finding themselves single after a long term relationship puts them firmly out of their comfort zone. I guess they just want to get back to that circumstance as soon as they can.

FCOL what a load of old tosh Shibby. 😐

Jeez, no wonder you're permanently trawling dating sites, you don't have a bloody clue about wimminz!

I would have thought that many women, just like many men, when coming out of a long term relationship want some no strings, feel good action.

Likes strings, water sports and fondue.

It does amuse me that it always seems to be the ones who spend so much time on dating sites that claim to be the "experts" on women.

It might come as a surprise to discover that not all women are the same. You know, like they might have individualities, characters, desires and everything!

Rachel

You know, like they might have individualities, characters, desires and everything!

FCOL what a load of old tosh Shibby.

That's my experience of women on internet dating sites. Of course, I'm sure there are women that embrace single life, buy sensible shoes, stop shaving their arm pits and dabble in casual lesbianism, but they tend not to go on match dot com.

......his and hers watches......microwave oven.......cuddly toy (cheers).......dart board......

It might come as a surprise to discover that not all women are the same. You know, like they might have individualities, characters, desires and everything!

To acknowledge this would make for a very dull thread...

Casanova

I'm sure there are women that embrace single life, buy sensible shoes, stop shaving their arm pits and dabble in casual lesbianism, but they tend not to go on match dot com.

Rachel

allthegear - Member

It might come as a surprise to discover that not all women are the same. You know, like they might have individualities, characters, desires and everything!

Oh dear, it's all getting complicated now.

I only open emails from 7s or above... Anyway, my internet dating days might be over! 🙂

I thought you just bought them a Babycham, complimented their blouse and boom, seal the deal.

double post

Shibboleth - Member
I only open emails from 7s or above..

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😆 Great thread, perhaps not for poor Dez.

Likes individualities, characters and desires

Likes running in the rain, dancing madly, chips ( no vinegar)

Likes casual lesbianism, Rachel and Cinnamon Girl

Ohhh look, ohhh the Girls have got involved 😆

Ohhh look, ohhh the Girls have got involved

You see? That's NLP that... 😉

*is still confused*

I don't do casual sex...*

* this may change if current "success" rate continues 😳

I have lots of Converse trainers - is that casual sex??

I like to dress up for it, is that too formal ?

Sex? What's that?

😉

emsz - Member
I don't do casual sex...*

Excellent. Everyone looks better in formal dress.
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I have lots of Converse trainers - is that casual sex??

I prefer low tops on a woman... 😀

Ok, can we stop talking about sex now, thanks

For women, finding themselves single after a long term relationship puts them firmly out of their comfort zone. I guess they just want to get back to that circumstance as soon as they can.

Ok, can we stop talking about sex now, thanks

Really? It's the closest most of us get to it...

Quite right. I've got a girlfriend, but she always stinks of sheep....

.
.
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......hold on a minute ........ummmmmm

I don't think the first half is so wide of the mark - and applies to men too. Second part I'm not so sure about.

Taken out of context, it does look like a wild generalisation Nick, but the sentence was specifically in reference to those women that are very keen to get overly familiar overly quickly. So yes, quite right in that the 2nd half of the quote isn't the case for every woman in the world!!

Right, off out to ride my bike, then home for some fine wines, Belgian chocolates, and some good ol' fashioned lady lovin'

I think the best approach to take, is not to have some prepared strategy based on ill-concieved prejudice of females as so dramatically 'other'

Pffft - where's the fun in that? Anyway thats the premises on which most of this threads is predicated so fat chance.

It does amuse me that it always seems to be the ones who spend so much time on dating sites that claim to be the "experts" on women.

Let's hope they are because us married type are utterly clueless, not that we have to bother any more, I for one have really let myself go since getting married. Kids play havoc with your bodies dontcha know (mostly from stealing all their Haribo and cake from the party bags they bring into dad taxi)

Dont go on POF. Full of ho's instagramed to **** and blokes chancing for casual sex

It does amuse me that it always seems to be the ones who spend so much time on dating sites that claim to be the "experts" on women.

A collegue of mine once said that it was self evident that single men know more about women than married ones, otherwise they'd be married too.

Best thing I ever did was to delete the online dating profile I had.

Best thing I ever did was to delete the online dating profile I had.

Eh? Was it like deleting an eBay listing before the end - you get inundated with 'did you 'sell', if not I'd be interested so inbox me [sic]' messages?

Eh? Was it like deleting an eBay listing before the end - you get inundated with 'did you 'sell', if not I'd be interested so inbox me [sic]' messages?

Not exactly, no. I said it was the best thing I ever did, I didn't say I ever got together with anyone.

Watch out Shibboleth, they are on to you:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/23/11-signs-dating-a-sociopath_n_3780417.html

Great thread. Especially as I've been considering doing the online dating thing. As a happily single urban chap, I thought it would be jolly good fun to date a different woman (who I don't know)once a week. A night out at a decent bar/restaurant with an interesting, and preferably hot lady.

What could possibly go wrong? Am I being naive?

As a happily single urban chap

Are you trying to be a smart arse? - as opposed to us sad married out of town types?

Outside fella 😈

🙂

Lol. I should add that I'm pretty sure I DON'T want a relationship at the moment, and I sure as ship don't want kids, like, for decades yet. Is it best to be upfront about such things.

Am I being naive?

if your doing it in Thailand theres no "Am I" discussion to be had

just look on it more like a safari for people who cant afford to go to africa to see hippos and elephants and stuff

Di i mention i knew a very very clever man quite high up in a motorsport organization who actually had a spreadsheet costing a relationship lifecycle over 25 years compared to high class call girls

I bet you cant guess which was cheaper and had far less issues

Hahaha. Quite.

Dez, apologies for earlier - I really thought it was an entertaining wind-up 😳

Good luck!

Di i mention i knew a very very clever man quite high up in a motorsport organization who actually had a spreadsheet costing a relationship lifecycle over 25 years compared to high class call girls

yeh.... but could he fit a spare wheel in under 1 minute like Bo and Luke Duke ....?

Di i mention i knew a very very clever man quite high up in a motorsport organization who actually had a spreadsheet costing a relationship lifecycle over 25 years compared to high class call girls

LOL once sat in on a room full of milionaires discussing life dating, women etc..
One drew the conclusion and I quote.
"If it Flys, ****s or Floats rent it. It's cheaper in the long run"! 😀

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This isn't going as well as I'd hoped.[/i]

All good for me! 😀

Will there be another round of messaging this evening?

A collegue of mine once said that it was self evident that single men know more about women than married ones, otherwise they'd be married too.

However, do you know the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About forty five minutes 😉

deadlydarcy - Member
Will there be another round of massaging this evening?

I do hope so....I've got the camera lined up.

DD - no, didn't time this well, got my son here tonight & Thurs and out rugby training on Weds... so maybe Friday, if she enjoys the mind games.. 🙂

HA. 😀

Likes rugby, fleecy blankets and Kinder Surprise.

* likes peanuts, scratching and fleas..

I Like curling my hand round a good pint up in the pub, long walks to the local paper shop and a sound beating at the hands of my local Dominatrix.

Would I do well on POF?

yeh.... but could he fit a spare wheel in under 1 minute like Bo and Luke Duke ....?

take around 3 seconds on average

Actually had another mate who like a ball of string up his arse ....the amount of women who were curious was more than i would have ever imagined

Likes Brick Built Fanjo's, Broken Rabbits and Penis Dunking...

Thanks for the link Hels... You might feel that I'm a sociopath, but other people's feelings mean nothing to me 😉

Glad this thread got back to the lighthearted banter that I'm sure Dez intended rather than falling into the self righteous abyss some seem to prefer. It shouldn't need reiterating, but the majority of my posts have been *slightly* tongue in cheek. Yes, I've done a lot of Internet dating, but I've never been on a first date where a little part of me hasn't hoped it'll be for the last time.

And I'm cautiously optimistic about the latest: she gets me, I get her, we click... Maybe she's a sociopath too!

Ps: of course single men know more about women than married men! How can someone who's only intimate with one woman know as much as someone who's intimate with a different woman every week?? 😉

Like going out, cozy nights in and breathing

Likes dancing like nobodies watching, farting like nobody has a sense of smell, and if you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve to get in my underwear 😉

And no topless selfies please.

Likes meat pies, brown beer and Dutch ovens.

Likes rigid forks, rubber queens and mule bars.

as much as someone who's intimate with a different woman every week??

Most men aren't though when they're single..... and half of those that say they are...are lying.

A few guys can do this, one possibly two of my best friends are like this (I'm loathe to include one of them because there are to many memories of him pissed/ketamined/coked out of his eyeballs bringing back fat chavs to the flat) and can charm women they meet on the street into bed with them. I didn't do too badly at uni by half but there's a reason why most men settle down, most women are too good for them. That or I hung out with too many morally bankrupt arseholes and so believe this to be the case, which might be true.

And I'm cautiously optimistic about the latest: she gets me, I get her, we click... Maybe she's a sociopath too!

Hah 8)

Likes my dinner on time, the washing up done and my shirts ironed....

should probably just get on with the ironing

should probably just get on with the ironing

This was the conclusion I came to last night also

My god. I've joined that site... Its got more teachers than the times Ed!

Likes Zumba, cats, and doing a parachute jump once whilst on a gap year in Australia 14 years ago but still harp on about it to anyone that'll listen cos it makes me sound edgy and adventurous..

Photos of cats in profile = run, run away and keep running until you can't run any longer. Then run some more.

Photos of ANY animal... RUN!!! And if they have e-cards with Marilyn Monroe quotes... *shudder*

Likes photocopier salesmen, cats and Quality Street.

"I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."

That's the one Mister P... I once ended up in the house of a young lady who had that stenciled on the bathroom wall. Presumably so she could memorise it while she crimped one off...

(I ran... As soon as I'd sealed the deal)

What about Mark Twain quotes?

Likes The Cannonball Run, slankets and Ugg boots.

Do women quote Twain other than when mocking golfers?

Something to do with not lying.
Also a pic of a gun, which appealed to me.
I'm in trouble aren't I?

Something to do with not lying.
Also a pic of a gun, which appealed to me.
I'm in trouble aren't I?

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