[Closed] Online dating help...

Don't message her,...wait till she messages you, asking you why you stopped messaging her...or she asks you about something...

You're coming over as far too eager...

Play hard to get, like you don't care,...then if she can't be arsed to text you, drop her like a stone.

simple,...very simple.

Then, when you first go to meet her and this 17st mamma walks in, you can run for the hills without an ounce of guilt

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Don't message her,...wait till she messages you, asking you why you stopped messaging her...or she asks you about something...

yes when you like someone and you are interested the worst thing you can do is to show this and everyone knows you should play mind games instead

Play hard to get, like you don't care,...then if she can't be arsed to text you, drop her like a stone.

[i]*wonders how it went?[/i]

Reluctant to bump this thread, but oh well, it's been done now!

I got a "night sweets xxx" at the end 😀 (or maybe 😳 )

Don't message her,...wait till she messages you, asking you why you stopped messaging her...or she asks you about something.

This comes from someone who hasn't used an online dating site (at least not the one I've used), I'm guessing? You stop messaging.... messaging stops, that's it. That's how these people ( 😉 ) show they aren't interested. They don't say "sorry I'm not interested" !!

yes when you like someone and you are interested the worst thing you can do is to show this and everyone knows you should play mind games instead

Well, I suppose kicking off the mind game early means everyone is warmed up nicely for when the real life relationship takes place.

I find interpreting online text is enough of a mind game!

I suspect [ no expert] the rule is if they keep texting and including things like night sweets xxx they are still interested

Likes walks in the woods, wind in my hair and maltesers.

Might thoughts exactly Junky! Here's hoping... 🙂 (she does seem to be too good looking to be true though!)(but there are quite a few pics to back it up)(so I'll keep going)

You're so romantic DD

Likes shots, roasts and cream.

Darcy its like you have a hot line to my soul 😛

that one is surely a euphemism DD

Right, after 4 years of regularly using dating websites, I can safely say I've seen every sort of woman the interweb can throw at us.

What you've got here Dez, is a text lover. And you've really not helped the situation. After a year or so, I realised that the only way to have any success on dating websites is to meet them ASAP. Firstly, this demonstrates that you're a proactive, decisive person (a well-known leg-opener) and secondly, it stops you wasting hours of your time texting/messaging women with no chance of sex.

You need to develop a routine of messaging that gets them off the website, gets their phone number, gets them in a safe, well-lit bar with plenty of escapes, and gets them in bed. My record was 3 messages.

I'm not saying this one isn't recoverable - it is, but it might take a bit of creative thinking. The problem is, she's probably not good in social situations which is why she's single, and why she's so comfortable indulging in aimless text banter. But you can exploit this vulnerability... (we'll cover that in lesson 2).

So, first job is to get her met. Get the conversation round to the sort of people you've been finding on the website (make up some hilarious stories to get her laughing) and moan about how POF is full of women that just want penfriends, rather than actual dates. That should get her working in the right direction... While you're at it, tell her how everyone seems so uptight... "What ever happened to a bit of good old fashioned flirting??"... I guarantee this will make her far more suggestive, reducing the sex barrier before you even meet.

I should charge for this shit, it's gold dust.

I'd prefer a hotline to another part of you Piggie. 🙂

JY, we don't all have a mucky mind like you. 😛

Likes cream pies, black pudding and sausage.

I suspect your hard to get strategy makes failure more likely as Very few people like folk who play "mind" games

It's hardly mind games, ... i'm sure if she was interested she'd be showing it, by maybe asking a few questions in return etc?

It's just a way of testing if that's in her or not.... constantly bombarding someone with messages is going to make it look like your desperate... IMHO.

I would have thought actually talking to her, would be better than a constant message flow too.

But you can exploit this vulnerability...

Classy

Likes cream pies, black pudding and sausage.

Now theres a google image search.....

Shibboleth - you are my hero 🙂

See that's why I posted on STW, not to have the piss taken (although that was good too).

Unfortunately, reading between the lines (and reading right on the lines) I think Shibbo may be on the money with the text addict thing - I was asking questions about gigs she'd been to and things like that and all I got was (or words to this affect), I never go out, as I have to look after my son. Hmmm... I'll see what this evening brings and maybe downgrade my sites to Burt Reynolds. 🙁

Its fascinating how folk deal with it differently and want different things from dating.
There are plenty happy to be a notch on your bedpost and plenty happy to have a relationship with you if you want the former be a player like Shib
Personally I was never keen on meeting someone till I at least knew I liked them which Shib would calling playing games and a situation hard to recover
Dez basically be yourself as that is what you will be in the long run

PS Dez you are getting advice from divorced men on relationships on STW - it cannot get any lower can it 😉

Likes being myself, dislikes players.

Likes Cadburys heroes.

Agree with Shiboleth. People worth persevering with are the ones that agree to meet up within a few messages

IME endless messages = the whole thing fixzling out before you meet or endless rescheduling and cancellations .

I never go for women with kids because I don't have any, but if I remove the children filter, the standard of women jumps right up. So I wouldn't be surprised at finding an absolute cracker on a free dating website.

Even with my picky criteria, I've dated a consultant surgeon, a BBC producer, a couple of solicitors, 2 vets... And all a minimum 7 out of 10 by my standards.

Thing is, POF is the first port of call for most new internet daters, because it's free. The downside is that it's full of serial daters that just leave a profile up permanently.

Sounds like you're genuinely interested in her, so a bit of patience might be the order of the day given that she's a single mum, but still get her met as soon as possible. Women love to portray a false image of what they'd *like* to be like - usually somewhere between Audrey Hepburn and Marilyn Monroe but without the monkey sex.

[i] it cannot get any lower can it [/i]

😀 Well, I could [i]care[/i] about the outcome!

I'm not really looking to just get laid (much), but I don't want endless texts going nowhere...

I know this is out there and radical but have you tried telling her this rather than us 💡

Love shibs long list of dates then moans about serial daters - thats you that is 😉

the forums on POF used to be a hilarious divide of the meet quick take it slow approach - its pointless listening to others as we are all different and we all want different things.
IMHO meet quick is for serial daters who want to quickly decide on "chemistry" or likelyhood of getting in knickers

Slow is for daters who want a relationship

What is POF?? 😉

POF = Plenty of Freaks 😉

flesh surely in your case SHib 😉

Love shibs long list of dates then moans about serial daters - thats you that is

Admittedly I've used dating sites as an easy way of meeting women, but not just for sex. But there's certainly no point dating a woman you have no chemistry with! And one thing I have learnt is that what might come across as chemistry when texting, rarely if ever translates to the real world. There's no way to know if you click until you meet, and even then I wouldn't form an opinion on a first date unless she was a complete no-go. In which case I'd just bed her 😉

Slow is for daters who want a relationship

Edit: For the record, I've been dating the same woman for approaching 2 months now, from Match.

I suspect [ no expert] the rule is if they keep texting and including things like night sweets xxx they are still interested

Its just the reverse of the forum thread insult. Men say mean things but dont mean it, women say nice things but dont mean it.

I dont think either of those statements are true..or am i playing mind games [s]babes[/s] you ****er

They are all psychotic, hormonal, bunny boilers. All of them.

I find a lot are overly familiar, very quick to use pet names etc. Part of this is often down to the fact that they've possibly spent several years in a relationship and this is the norm to them.

It's a double-edged sword though - the overwhelming majority of women I've dated for any length of time have been desperate to build a veneer of familiarity.

The predictability of it is almost amusing - first they try to establish if you're dating others or if you're still on the dating website (they're VERY quick to tell you that they've let their membership lapse, or they're so sick of being pestered by morons that they've deleted their account), then they'll start on the "are we just dating, or are we boyfriend/girlfriend?" conversation. Next it's dropping hints about the "L" word... I usually bail at this point.

But I suppose it's quite understandable... For women, finding themselves single after a long term relationship puts them firmly out of their comfort zone. I guess they just want to get back to that circumstance as soon as they can.

they're VERY quick to tell you that they've let their membership lapse, or they're so sick of being pestered by morons that they've deleted their account), then they'll start on the "are we just dating, or are we boyfriend/girlfriend?" conversation. Next it's dropping hints about the "L" word... I usually bail at this point.

Not judging or saying either approach is better to be clear just commenting.

"Dating" is not the same as "being in a relationship". And I wouldn't expect complete monogamy from someone I was messaging on a dating website.

I've dated more than one person at the same time, I've dated more than on person on the same day! And I'm sure I've dated people who have been conversing with others, and probably going on dates.

I think the nature of the internet dating beast leads to those questions, not "talking about feelings".

PS, is your expression when typing as smug as it comes across? If so, that might be the reason for your lack of success Junky... 😉

So different folks like different things and you like to get a rise from folk both on here and in dating terms 😛

Too right - I don't think my "dating" experience is going to be anything like Shibbs. Some useful tips though 🙂

Likes honesty, trust and Lindt Extra Creamy.

Some useful tips though

It's all the same process, whatever your motivation for doing it. And to be honest, my experiences have been quite an eye opener into the female psyche.

The main thing I've learnt is that they're far more predictable than most men think, and certainly far more predictable than they would like us to believe.

Whether you want to admit it or not, it's all game-playing. Some guys might use their sense of humour, their lifestyle, their values to win women over, and really, that's all I've ever done. But a bit of understanding about they angle they approach internet dating, plus a bit of NLP goes a very long way.

It's just a matter of playing the game better than everyone else. 😉

Likes NLP, cosy nights in and rohypnol.

Wow, there are some lucky lucky ladies out there....

😆

NLP?

Neurolinguistic Programming.

Just invite her to the Big Bike Bash - Tell her you have the inside line to the 001 race plate and she will be impressed

New Lower Price?

NLP?

That's a whole new thread! Let's get Dez walking before he runs 😉

Newly divorced I tried internet dating & had many 1st dates they are addictive & once you get your spiel down it's ridiculously easy, I prefered the adrenaline rush of 1st dates so had loads & didn't bother with more as it got boring then

Happily in a relationship now though 🙂

Also NLP?

Could Dez not just...mail Hora?
He has all the info that any man would ever need 😆

Also NLP?

It's basically fine-tuning the things you say and the way in which you say it in order to trigger specific behavioral responses.

Like my example earlier about the flirting comment. You basically encourage the other person to work for your attention/affection/approval...

Wow, this is like

"How the male brain works 101" 😆

Edit ; no one likes a smarty pants 😛

Brian - who's this Brian fellow?

Brian - who's this Brian fellow?

It's got capital B, so I don't think it's a misspelling, .... colour me intrigued! 😀

I met my girlfriend on Guardian soulmates, and we've been together for 2 and a half years and going strong.

I think the best approach to take, is not to have some prepared strategy based on ill-concieved prejudice of females as so dramatically 'other'. They're human beings like you, and - sorry if this sounds 'empathetic' - but people's emotions aren't actually a game, are they?

PS - people who refer to 'talking about feelings' in sarcastic speech marks probably aren't going to help you much.

The sort of person that uses the term "soulmate" without irony and is attracted to people that read the Guardian probably isn't any help to anyone. 🙄

I can't work out how such a hunk of gorgeousness as our Dezzie is stressing about such things... surely, Dez, you have the laydeez on demand?

[i]but people's emotions aren't actually a game, are they?[/i]

Oh, I agree. I certainly wouldn't want someone playing a game with me just to get me in bed..

There were some useful snippets in his first post. 😉

[i]surely, Dez, you have the laydeez on demand?[/i]

Seems like only a few distantly located MTBers are really interested.

@ shibboleth - not irony, just the name of the website!

Also showing your preference for prejudice whenever it can be applied, nice. I don't need to know what paper you read to know the kind of person you have clearly expressed yourself to be...

Just get out on ya bike! Jeeze there's more chance of finding a (sane) girl out on the trails than on POF.....who knows.....she might let you fix her puncture!

I don't need to know what paper you read to know the kind of [b]ingrate[/b] you have clearly expressed yourself to be...

As with the fairer sex, I find Guardian readers are equally predictable. They have a propensity for using nouns that they've perhaps read in the Guardian, or heard other smart-arses uttering, and they use them completely out of context in a bid to sound cerebral.

You did well to keep it civil this long though shib - a new personal record at 5 pages?

you both want different things from a relationship - he found a long term love you found short term gratification

I see little point in calling each other names as you both seem successful at getting what you want.

Seems like only a few distantly located MTBers are really interested.

Not that distant, babe. And to be fair I have just sold my last MTB...

😉

[i]Just get out on ya bike! Jeeze there's more chance of finding a (sane) girl out on the trails than on POF.....who knows.....she might let you fix her puncture![/i]

Er... you read the first post?

I'm just wondering what I'm ungrateful for...

Yay. Shibby argues again. I'm equally impressed that despite your best efforts to push a few buttons early on, you managed four pages. Careful now, stuff likes this gets you banned. 🙂

I'm moved that you called me a smart arse. Yes, I used the wrong word i agree (well done for googling it anyway!), mainly out of frustration for not being able to use the short word that most clearly applies to you...

But thanks for keeping up the prejudice and showing what a lovely human being you seem to be.

...and for using 'fairer sex' without irony

Oh please chaps...it's a fun thread.

Likes make-up sex, massage and praline.

Er... you read the first post?

Yep.

I'd settle for make-up Haribo...

Likes make-up sex

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eeish,.. it's not for me...

DD?

Do you like Pina Coladas and getting caught in the rain???

I really think you're "the one".

For the record, I didn't call faustus a smartarse.

Likes beaker-baths, reading posts properly, and being sufficiently educated to not have to google what "ingrate" means.

Would like to meet similar but with big baps.

Do you like the taste of champagne bigblackshed? 😮

I feel confident you will still be the biggest tit there shib 😉

No malice meant

DD?

Do you like Pina Coladas and getting caught in the rain???

As it happens, I saw him drinking a Pina Colada at Trader Vic's just the other day. His hair was perfect.

Brilliant thread chaps, at least it's lasted 5 pages and been civil for 98.2% of the whole thread.

DD, no mention of liking real ale, faggots and farts...?? 😆

Likes lazy Sunday mornings, vegans and walnut whip.

perks up and prays walnut whip is a euphemism