[Closed] online dating experiences

You have a pouty-schlong?

Or the philosophy of

pouty-schlong

Anna I like your thinking.

If you guys are worried about what the Mull of Kintyre looks like, I would avoid googling "map of Tasmania"

[i]No...more a philosophical observation on how people met via internet dating generally reflect those to be met in wider society. Your interpretation an interesting lesson in perspective though.[/i]

Whoa there missy 🙂 You posted a remark I interpreted in a certain way. I thought you were generalising that, all men [i]really[/i] want is the physical. You explained that wasn't what you meant and I put my hands up for possibly getting it wrong.
😉

[i]Or the philosophy of

pouty-schlong[/i]

Wasn't he that 12 century, Chinese philosopher who once said:
"[i]Pouty Schlong must never wear Thong[/i]" ?

I used Guardian Soulmates and OkCupid over the summer. The former was brilliant for meeting smart interesting women, all of whom had brilliant careers and a lot to talk about. The latter was a lot more chaotic but also lead to more random sexual encounters.

I tried Guardian soulmates for a while. The first girl I dated said that she lived in Guildford, but actually lived in Farnborough. After that fizzled out I started dating somebody else from 'Guildord', who actually lived in Haselmere! What was so special about Guildford that people pretended to live there?? 😕

I then started seeing a tall strikingly attractive blonde, but after a few dates, there was a niggling feeling in the back of my mind that something wasn't quite as it seemed, turns out she'd had gender re-assignement surgery - yes, she used to be a bloke. Now I'm quite open minded, but I just couldn't get my head round it all and called things off. 😮

Moving over to Match.com peoples profiles were no more truthful, and there's certainly nowt as queer as folk. I met a delightful young lady who liked nothing more than defacating in her own back garden, she'd have a crap under the bushes then carry it back indoors on a little trowel to flush down the toilet. She found it very liberating, I fould it a little disturbing! 🙄

Have fun out there 🙂

I met a delightful young lady who liked nothing more than defacating in her own back garden, she'd have a crap under the bushes then carry it back indoors on a little trowel to flush down the toilet. She found it very liberating, I fould it a little disturbing!

😯

There are some very strange people around...

[i]yes, she used to be a bloke[/i]
😯

[i]There are some very strange people around... [/i]

Yeah, we all know that she should have used an old newspaper to bring her turd back to the house. Some people eh ?.
😆

Well exactly, trowels are SO last year....

[i]Well exactly, trowels are SO last year.... [/i]
😆

Spot on, after all who wants to clean the trowel afterwards !.
😯

I found out by accident that there is, apparently, among some members of the fairer sex, a three date rule...
IME the ladies on MySingleFriend seemed more keen on this than the ladies of Guardian Soulmates
It doesn't seem to be a hallmark of quality or sanity however

The three date rule because that wont make them look like a slag?

WEIRD.

The three date what?! What rule? What am I missing?

Well I went on my third date with a girl the other night and didn't get any 'fun'

😡

The three date what?! What rule? What am I missing?

Possibly a lot, possibly nothing! That's the problem. It seems to be one of those unwritten rules that some ladies believe but others are unaware of. And you don't know whether the lady you're dating is a believer or not.
It's a minefield!
I got told in no uncertain terms by one lady that I must be gay if I didn't want 'fun' by the end of the third date. In fact, the issue was that she appeared to be funding the black economy of Columbia all on her very own 😯
She worked for the FSA too... so the reason the economy's in a pickle is the regulators were in the toilets supporting the South American criminal economy instead of keeping an eye on our own!

I can only dream of getting as far as a third date. I tried Guardian and Match and all of the girls I met were nice, but seemed to think after the first date that I was not for them. I have a niggling feeling that I might actually be dull 🙂

you don't think it's the fact you're GINGER !!!

I love gingers. For me its either Asian or ginger in girls.

hora - Member
I love gingers. For me its either Asian or ginger in girls

Both rampant and both a bit nuts.... yeah, fair point.

...and both awesome 8)

So we all now know Horas "preferances" and his "attributes" and hi ponchant for "swapping"..

Whats the next revelation?

The ginger lass I dated years ago was a complete basket case. Stunningly beautiful but absolutely barking.

* Yes, on looks alone I was batting way out of my league. It was probably a "sign".

yes, I guess it might be because I'm ginger. Top tip is to use black and white photo's so they don't realise until you actually meet 🙂

Another redhead fan here

Mmmmm

The 3-date rule is easily broken in my experience. Used POF on-and-off for 3 years and have an 80% hit rate of 1st date carnival knowledge.

That said, there is definitely a "certain type" of woman on POF... AKA mentally damaged.

Dating someone I met in real life at the moment, a lot easier to explain to people how you met... There still seems to be a bit of a stigma to downloading women off the internet.

The ginger lass I dated years ago was a complete basket case. Stunningly beautiful but absolutely barking.

There was absolutely mental ginger Icelandic bird. If I was single I'd have bought her fluffy kittens and sung to her homespun poetry.

9inch meat nails.

And Schlong..

Are these the same thing?

"is expecting a ban"

8)

Have skipped most of the replies. I'm with my partner Louise for 18 months now, met through POF. Had been on a few random dates before, there are definitely a few nut jobs out there 😆

All going well, living together, active together, she even bought an MTB last year!

You git Hora, you edited that..

Now I look like the 😈 one..

..had a quick glance on POF- Jesus theres ALOT that I'd consider contacting 😆

hora
had a quick glance on POF- Jesus theres ALOT that I'd consider contacting

Problem is that statement leaves two possibilities:

a) the women on POF [b]are[/b] actually lovely

or

b) Hora has absolutely [b]no[/b] standards whatsoever

And i think we all know which of those two possibilities is more likely hey! 😉

So let me get this straight, the three date rule:
If you get them into bed before the 3rd date then you're both slags.
If you don't get them into bed before the 3rd date then you're both considered gay. Heads you win, tails I lose.

maxtorque I wasn't searching for oompah loompah blonde's though.

matttromans. I'm going to sound like a prude here but if I was on dating site and the girl expected to be asked for sex by the third date I'd walk. I'd go on a dating site looking for someone to be with/date. I'd think she didn't think much to what she was doing/wanted.

If I was going on a dating site purely looking for 'fun' then fair play.

Plus - I've heard this before- people who have profile pics with children in them (why?) Or talk about cats repeatidly in their profile. Who cares? What next talk about interests being walking, breathing and talking? Is that the sum of their parts?

@ hora - female nutters have cats, it's in the rules. However not all cat owners are nutters.

And if they bring a cat along on a third date...

I love cats and dogs but If I wrote (guessing):

Hey, I'm 39 and I'd consider myself to be in fairly good condition for year/mileage. My dog Burt is my wingman in life. Burt goes everywhere with me- to the pub and we love to snuggle up infront of forums on an evening together. I like cars and I like going out drinking, sometimes Burt can't come but some pubs do let him in.

You'd read that and think 'GET A LIFE'.

Cat Owner = Nutter. Fact. Sorry, no exceptions. Any woman that is so lonely and so stupid that she'll open up her home to one of those vile, disease-ridden creatures should be left firmly on the shelf. Fact.

Oh, yes, that reminds me. Obviously, I've only ever seen women's profiles.
But the one, universal, maddening, comment that always gets posted when women fill out the "About me" section.

"Likes to laugh"

WTF ?, of course you like to laugh, we all do. So what are you actually telling me.

Solo - I've taken 'likes to laugh' as a code for 'so hideously dull and uninteresting that they can't find any form of amusement in their own miserable existence and therefore will require you to provide it for them'....This code is normally at the end of about a 1 line description which includes 'likes to go for drinks with friends and have nights in'....could be wrong though.

Matt.
yes, maybe something like that, I worked that out. But its the utter silliness of that phrase.

Anyway.

Carry on !.

I've dated a number of nutters - well - about 80% of my ex's can be clinically classified as a nutters

However, not all of them owned a cat - maybe 40% or less

The current one does and she's a bit cookie 🙂

There's an awful lot of nutter-calling on here.

One man/woman's nutter is another's perfect match, if you ask me. Just because they're not right for you doesn't mean they're not right for someone out there. It's just about finding the right one for you (yes, yes, says the smug married)

Couldn't agree more redwoods 🙂

(says the girl with a cat....)

Don't get me wrong - i bet I'm top of the list of girls ex-nutters for all of my ex's.... 🙂

Nutters????

A lad I work with uses a no strings, one night stand type site to find "fun girls". He met up with one, a few drinks, back to her place, she then takes the bread knife out of her handbag and puts it back in the knife block. At this point he said he was a little scared. But, being as it was the "little man" doing the thinking, he thought "well, it's got this far, so why not?"

So, they're now having a bit of "fun" on the sofa, when her BF bursts in from upstairs, he was asleep, gives him a few slaps before he manages to escape with some of his clothes, running down the street naked.

She contacted him again asking for another "date", only at his place. Not sure if she owned a cat though.

[i]Don't get me wrong - i bet I'm top of the list of girls ex-nutters for all of my ex's.... [/i]

Now you're just showing off 😆

Confession:
I've never really understood some people's disproportionate hatred of cats. I've had them in the past and I know loads of people who still do.
❓

I like cats, I also like bikes but if I was writing a personal profile it would only have one word mention with no pictures.

Solo

"Likes to laugh"

Pretty bad but not as bad as

"Likes nights out, but also nights in on the sofa with a DVD"

I don't have any experience of dating sites - I think it would annoy my wife. But I have another piece of map japery which pre-dates the internet.

[img] [/img]

Funnily enough, drawn by a cartoonist who was quite keen on cats.

Weirdly, some people on dating sites are not just looking for dates, but for life-partners. Hence their profiles are not mere "adverts" to attract sex-pests and time-wasters.

For example: I would make a point of droning on about my cycling habit. The number of "bites" would be usefully reduced to those women who don't mind; women whom I could tolerate. Or none at all, in which case none of my time has been wasted.

From my experience size 10 is actually her shoe size, her dress size hasnt been made by Millets as of yet. Called one for a chat. She said she had lied about certain aspects of her details. Seems a very common one that everyone wants a micro 8 wearing lass. I agreed and put the phone down......... 😉
All women are mad, its just how much madness you want to put up with to want to live with them......

The 3-date rule is easily broken in my experience. Used POF on-and-off for 3 years and have an 80% hit rate of 1st date carnival knowledge.

Date at the fairground every time was it?

Had a great date last night, she is wonderful. However, when I asked her about her plans for today she told me she's off to the coast to walk along the beach, she then went on to ask if I had any beaches near me.

I live near Birmingham

I live near Birmingham

You didn't regale her with tales of Birmingham's famous canal network (more canals than Venice) then? Sure you could have found a beach (OK, mudbank) somewhere along it. 😉

Missed out there Houns.

😉

Ha ha yes, the infamous Brum Beach

http://www.birminghamitsnotshit.co.uk/articles/a-trip-to-the-beach

What about the local builders yard, loads of sand there..

Me thinks you're not thinking laterally.. 😆

Anyhoos.. BOL and keep us informed.. 😉

Online dating for me has been pretty shocking......but I live in hope! 😆

Why? I was single I'd try woo'ing you

I've ridden across the Brum beach 🙂

It's why phat bikes are so popular around here rocketdog. ssstu is always there

v1st date carnival knowledge

You didn't regale her with tales of Birmingham's famous canal network (more canals than Venice) then?

😉

It's been nine years so I think I can post this now...

*deep breath*

My divorce from ex-MrsPJM had come through and I was living the single life while lodging with a mate of mine and whilst dabbling with a well known dating site I contacted a lass who looked like my type. She was a slow burner, but we seemed to get on well so I persuaded her to come out on a date with me. I drove over to her place to pick her up and whilst waiting at the lights, my car decided to go toes up and die by the side of the road. I had two choices, either phone for a tow and cancel or see the date through and pick it up in the morning. She seemed up for the meal and volunteered to drive me. I'd left my car in a very safe part of town and off we went.

The meal went superbly, the conversation flowed and we had a good time. I didn't want to chance blowing it at suggesting some "fun" so I let her offer to drive me home. We got to my mate's place when it all began to come undone.

"Can I possibly use your loo? I'm bursting for a wee!"

My mate was an absolute slob - we're talking mushrooms growing on the door, rampant mould and carpets that hadn't been vacuumed in months. He also had a very over-friendly Springer Spaniel. What could I do? I couldn't exactly say "No, I'd far rather you use the truck stop just up the road instead" could I? So I warned her that my mate was a complete animal and hoped that I could whisk her past the grubbier parts of the house.

She'd only just stepped past the door when the Spaniel bounded up and rubbed his streaming snotter on my date's black cashmere coat. The look on her face told me all I needed to know, so I hurried her up the stairs and pointed her in the direction of the bathroom.

Fifteen minutes later, she reappeared minus the dogsnot but was looking very furtive. It was clear that she wanted to go straight home so I walked her back to her car and briefly kissed her goodnight and bade her farewell, not expecting to ever see her again.

With my tail between my legs, I wandered back into the house and went for a much needed whizz, to be assaulted by what can only be described as the most virulent and obnoxious stench I've ever encountered. Angrily, I stormed downstairs and confronted my mate.

"You absolute animal! You knew I had company tonight, couldn't you have waited until she left before going for a turnout?"

He shot me a look and I realised the awful truth.

Did you see her again?

(I don't think there are any women who have nice smelling poo btw)

yes having poos that smell is not something that would out me off a person tbh.

I have to say getting upset about a stinky dump is a bit odd.

Sometimes you gotta go, sometimes it's the opposite of a crowd pleaser.

There's smelly poos and smelly poos. I'm a man of the world and realise that yes, women do have to use the bathroom sometimes, but this one didn't even bother to use a brush afterward. Any sympathy I might have had for a poorly belly was more than outweighed by the bathroom gore-fest that awaited me.

Kind of took the feeling of mystery outside and gave it a proper shoeing for me really...

This is not helping to re-assure me about the whole internet dating lark.... 😉

I got 'winked at' by a 62 year old over the weekend (i'm 37) which made me laugh - he might be being a tad optimistic. I can also read some negatives into that but i'm resolutely ignoring them!!! (although I did put up some more youthful looking photos!).

That's only a few years younger than my Dad.... 🙄

They are starnge places for sure

I used to look for women 6 years either side of my age [ 40 at the time] It mazed me who many womens age range was 21- a few under their current age. they also said they wanted a proper relationship - I doubted this

Oh yes and gym membership seems to be waste of money looking at the results 😉

Girls with gym membership- use it as a ticket to eat/assure themselves that they are good.

Guys with gym membership- growth hormone abusers.

missnotax - Member
This is not helping to re-assure me about the whole internet dating lark....

I got 'winked at' by a 62 year old over the weekend (i'm 37) which made me laugh - he might be being a tad optimistic. I can also read some negatives into that but i'm resolutely ignoring them!!! (although I did put up some more youthful looking photos!).

That's only a few years younger than my Dad....

I always thought you had a bloke for some reason.

I could write a book about bad internet dating experiences. There was the girl I dated for a few weeks - the first night she stayed over at my place she dressed for bed in a onesie, earplugs and ski-socks. I wasn't overly concerned as this was "post coitus" so I thought each to their own.
During the night I sleepily "spooned" her, she woke up and attacked me... Like proper fists, screaming, kicking, punching, gouging...
Apparently she'd "forgotten where she was" and thought she was being raped in her own bed!

I've mentioned a couple of others on similar threads: The RSPCA officer that turned up fro a date with a dead dog in her car (not the end of the world but one of her questions of our first date was whether or not I'd want to abort a pregnancy if it was Downes Syndrome... 8O); the diabetic who insisted on injecting herself in full view in a busy restaurant, she then got plastered on red wine so couldn't drive home and wouldn't leave my house for 2 days!

Many are single for a reason, and the vast majority around the 30-year-old mark are so desperate not to be left on the shelf that the sex can be fantastic, but they can be very difficult to shake off (that's not a euphemism).

I'm now dating someone I met in real life who seems infinitely better adjusted than any of the women I've met on dating websites...

I always thought you had a bloke for some reason.

I did 😐

Great stuff Shibboleth.. The onesie girl sounds awesome!

missnotax - Member

I always thought you had a bloke for some reason.

I did

Oh... they're all ba5tards.

Missnotax is 37?

Hands off rd, my thread.

Online dating for me has been pretty shocking......but I live in hope!

Try putting a notice in the bike shop 😉

Missnotax is 37?

If you have seen my photo and think I look older, I don't want to know 😆