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Following my divorce a few years back I've been dipping my toe into OLD :-O
So, what would you do if you had matched and with two people on OLD site and they turned out to be best friends, and you had already set a date with one of them when you realised.
I mean in my mind I have nothing to loose by trying turn this into the best possible outcome for me, cos when they find out I'll blow my chances with both of them for sure?
What are your experiences of OLD and how did you turn it into a success?
Best friends of yours or best friends of each other?
If the latter then they probably both know that they are both online dating and it's maybe not surprising that they've both found you to be an option. Ask both of them out on the same date and see how things develop? 😉
How do you know they're friends?
They were both talking about going to the same place on holiday on the same day, with a friend 😀
Sounds like a script for a cheesy romcom! Scribble the details down and Hugh Grant will playing you in the film before long if you play your cards right.
Not necessarily. I reckon plan to go on both dates. They will discuss after the first. If the second cancels you know why.
Bow Chicka wow wow!
My experience with OLD has been that once you're past your mid-thirties, there's a reason that most people are on an online dating site and they're not suitable for a long term relationship.
By definition, the ones that are, don't tend to be on a dating website for long, because they find someone.
I think that they can work if you're in a location and age category where there's an abundance of suitable people to meet and if you're laser focussed on not wasting time on people who aren't suitable.
I believe that the evidence is that they're not a great way of meeting people for stable long term relationships.
As you can tell, I didn't make it work, even though I had plenty of dates, and I no longer do it. I've had more success and more fun meeting people in real life.
Also...
Sounds like a script for a cheesy romcom!
I was thinking more low budget porn, but you do you, as it were.
You're doing better than a friend of my wife, who matched with her controlling ex.
To answer your question OP, I'd put the second on hold whilst you go on a date with the first:
"Hi, you seem nice, but I've got a date arranged with someone else, and it wouldn't seem right for me to be messaging you at the same time."
Then depending on her response, and if the other one didn't work out I'd message number 2 again, but not be surprised if she didn't answer.
Username checks out.
Shag them both. Then get back on the site. Do I have to think of everything round here?
You’re doing better than a friend of my wife, who matched with her controlling ex.
Couldn't she remember what he looked like?
Couldn’t she remember what he looked like?
They matched, she didn’t want to revisit more than that
when they find out I’ll blow my chances with both of them for sure?
Serious answer,
Why? They know you're on a dating site, and therefore dating people, because you... met them on a dating site? You suppose you're the only one getting their dick wet with either of them?
Your worst case scenario here is that you're rubbish and they compare notes.
OK. Perhaps not that serious. But more serious than the previous answer.
MrsMC likes to work with the Great Romance channel on in the background, and I'm pretty sure I've heard this thing work out
Take Cougar along for a double date?
<quote>Why? They know you’re on a dating site, and therefore dating people, because you… met them on a dating site? You suppose you’re the only one getting their dick wet with either of them?</quote>
good that someone with obviously so little experience of online dating can come up with such a “serious” answer 😂
One day I may have to dip my toe in in this world as it were. I have no idea what the etiquette is. somehow it seems simpler just to stay single
I have no idea what the etiquette is.
Go on to Facebook marketplace and search for second hand wedding dresses - gives you a list of newly single women you can sort by size and location.
LOLz
Ha ha, when I first came on here, I presumed, because of their username, that @Cougar would be of the middle aged predatory female on a dating site type…
Sorry to disappoint.
I've gone by "Cougar" for many years, like since the late 80s. The original inspiration was Top Gun. Obviously an alternate meaning has appeared over time, but it's kind of a bit late to change it now. Some folk only know me as that.
Sorry to disappoint.
Slightly sad, but then, as a fellow middle aged man, unfortunately I don't think I'm a target for the other type of cougars any more.
I think I may have a young lady chasing me right now ( I say young - she is mid 40s) trouble is I am so out of touch not having dated for 44 years that I may well be misreading friendliness and I have no idea how to proceed!
I think I may have a young lady chasing me right now ( I say young – she is mid 40s) trouble is I am so out of touch not having dated for 44 years that I may well be misreading friendliness and I have no idea how to proceed!
Is she bringing you pureed foods?
ROFL
I am invited round for food and wine - is that the oldies equivalent of netflix and chill?
Just you and her?
OP puts me in mind of possibly my favourite story, perhaps ever, from a close friend.
Was when we were in college, he and a couple of girls, one who was an on-off GF and the other who fancied the pants off him (he had no idea, and the girls were close friends), had a movie night (oceans 11, as you’re asking). Anyway they are all on a sofa under a blanket and girl A (not GF) decides to make a move and her hand starts to make its way up his leg, gets to the top and starts having a rummage. Our hero is surprised & delighted and lets this continue, but doing nothing. Meanwhile, to his left, GF is having similar thoughts. Her hand starts to make its way up his other leg, gets to the top and joins in, thinking that the other hand is our hero’s. Our hero is not providing any hands here.
Now, at this point what would you do? I’d wager not what happened next…
After congratulating himself in his head and having a big grin on his face he lifts his own, unoccupied hands out of the covers and, whilst pretty much doing jazz hands, proclaims
‘Look! No hands!
Quite why that was what came to mind at that point, I shall never know, the girls were furious with both him and each other, and I suspect he was in very real danger of losing everything that evening! He has since fathered children, the girls had a massive falling out but eventually started speaking to each other and alls well that ends well.
So to the OP, I would avoid movie evenings with the pair of them, or at the very least ones where everyone can see everyone else’s hands.
That's suspiciously close to a David Niven anecdote about him and Errol Flynn sitting either side of an attractive young female member of a minor european artistocratic family at a dinner party.
Unlikely one an 18yo with no appreciation for classic cinema would know/be able to get 2 girls to play along with though?
I don't know. It's a great story though.
I’ve been dipping my toe into OLD
I think I may have a young lady chasing me right now ( I say young – she is mid 40s)
Sounds like she may be looking to dip her toe into OLD too.
I presumed ……@Cougar would be of the middle aged predatory female on a dating site type
he has fake OLD profiles currently stringing along an unsuspecting chap thinking he’s chatting up 2 friends.
It's online dating - nothing's exclusive until clearly discussed and agreed. Most people on there will have multiple options on the go at any given time.
In short, don't worry about it. Go on both separate dates and see what happens.
had a movie night (oceans 11, as you’re asking)
I never watched that, I haven't seen the previous ten.
he has fake OLD profiles currently stringing along an unsuspecting chap thinking he’s chatting up 2 friends.
You should see my Snapchat.
When I reply "well, that's very nice I'm sure, but mine's bigger" then they get angry with me. 🤷♂️
Go on both separate dates and see what happens.
Go on the same date and see what happens.
Have Ocean's 12 on standby.
Haha, provided me with a bit of a laugh this thread did. I did the right thing and avoided a threesome, I mean any awkwardness, by letting one of them down
Good man- keep it simple. Dating looks like a minefield without adding more complications to the mix
I'm a couple of years in with OLD, and it's become a bit of a chore. However, I have met some great people, just so little chemistry.
I do wonder if I have massively high expectations after last dating in my mid 20s and that the same chemical reactions no longer operate in my late 40s.
However, the last few months have been positive as I've met a couple of people that I've genuinely fancied, unfortunately not reciprocated, but it means I'm not quite dead inside....
Last date went well and the second date is lined up for later this week... unfortunately I'm not sure I've matched with any of her friends, yet 😀
In my post divorce days when online dating in my late 30s it was a bit of a fail if I didn't have at least 2 different dates per week. I got so good at the banter and so came across as really confident most dates wanted a second date whereas I'd got addicted to the first date adrenalin rush until I found someone I really liked.
So I'd say date both and others as unless you try all the flavours in the sweet shop how will you now which is your favourite?
Username checks out.
Shag them both. Then get back on the site. Do I have to think of everything round here?
🎩👏🏻🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
so what's the Singletrack OLD provider of choice? asking for a friend ........
Our time i guess given the age demograpic🙄🤣
I did the right thing and avoided a threesome,
The *right* thing.
You sure?
I'm having loads of fun on the online dating, not having to use it would be *more* fun. But hey ho.
so what’s the Singletrack OLD provider of choice? asking for a friend ……..
TBH, going by the age of a lot of you, rather than looking for second hand wedding dresses, i'd be checking out the deaths section of the local paper.
Maybe they are both out looking for victims haha
Well as someone who has been on OLD on and off for the past 9 months I have a checklist!
1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Avoid narcissists & emotional leeches.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. Don’t like something just because you think other people will like it, because they won’t.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. Don’t sleep with people who have more problems than you do.
9. Make each other laugh
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Be honest
10. If they look nothing like their profile pic make your excuses and leave.
11. If your not shagging by date 3, what are doing? dump them, immediately
12. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
13. Work out what your red flags are, and don’t let lust make you overlook them.
14. Do not take dating advice from people in long term relationships, they suck.
15. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
16. Say at the end of the first date if you do/don’t want a second date (everybody works out sooner or later that it’s a numbers game, being upfront saves everyone time).
17. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
18. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.
After my wife died I wasn't really sure if I wanted to be with anyone else, but after 3 years and a 3 month road trip on my own last year I knew I at least wanted a bit of company so after a bit of nerves this late 50's bloke signed up to OLD!
Well you know what I was pleasantly surprised & 10 different dates later became serious with one lady. Sadly it only lasted 4 months but it was a very passionate & exciting 4 months.
Ironically we decided it wouldn't work long term on the last day of a weeks holiday as the being together all the time highlighted little things that would have boiled our piss after a bit We are still friends and meet up for lunch every so often and take the mick out of each other.
I took a bit of time out till last month, then decided with the nice weather and time on my hands to try again.
Now I'm no George Clooney but seem to do OK with at least attracting dates, I'm guessing being 6'3" and able to hold a decent conversation gives me at least a head start?
I'm dating a lady who is very keen, easy going, tall & so far no obvious weird traits! Plus and she has a cracking pair of very long legs 😉
Plus and she has a cracking pair of very long legs
Better than collecting boring old stamps I guess, big freezer?
Good advice MrOverhoot, I will use that, although some of them are learned quickly!
In two months I have only really learned how to perfect a bio and photos, it’s so much like a cv, get it right and you can have almost limitless amounts of interest. Then unfortunately it’s sorting the wheat from the chaff. And the rule fit/single/sane… seen a pretty face over and over.., wonder why!
One tip I was given is get a female pal to check or even write your profile or a buddys wife. Or a gay pal. Good photos as well
Been with my oh I met on tinder for getting near 6 years now. I posts on here about it years back.
Since then she's stuck with me through the cancer diagnosis, no sex for a year due to broken cock and now... semi broken cock due to a literal "semi" aka concorde dick.
She's way better than I deserve.
I got feedback from matches, some solicited some not!
TJ is right, if you have a female/gay friend that you trust their judgement at least get them to proof read your profile & vet your pictures.
I had a few dates that showed me the pictures of other men on OLD and bloody hell I was shocked at the weirdos profiles!
I seem to have been lucky to only have one slightly strange woman message me and one fanny picture!
Sadly for women it seems to be a much higher ratio of strange blokes and dick pictures?
8. Don’t sleep with people who have more problems than you do.
Isn't the ultimate conclusion of that rule universal celibacy? 😀
8. Don’t sleep with people who have more problems than you do.
Lord no!
I have only dated people with more issues than me. It's the only way I can pretend to them and myself to be normal.lol
Online dating sites are full of narcissists and psychopaths. Approach with caution and remember the hot/crazy matrix.
Online dating sites are full of narcissists and psychopaths
Only as much as any place full of random people is.
11.
My last went on for 6 frickin months without so much as a erm, well nothing more than kissing... whenever we were "alone" she had her dog there. This dog that yapped and whined if we so much as hugged goodbye. I lived in hope but in the end we both got bored and ghosted each other 😆
Got a date tomorrow with someone 16 years my junior. I really don't know what to expect.
I'd just be honest and tell them you're talking to 2 people and might meet both on a date.
I met my wife on Tinder, back in 2018.
It's a bit like finding something to watch on Sky tv, you gotta filter through a lot of the crap to find something good.
Was on tinder for probably 2 years, had a fair few dates, got catfished once, once had one seemingly nice lass over drinks stare at my bald head and then ask me if I'd ever consider a hair transplant, had one match call me at 3am to tell me about her ex and went into a lot of detail, we'd only exchanged numbers the day before and had never met in person, matched with a fair few who were more interested in how I'd support them and their kids than how we'd get on as a couple, got ghosted a few times, got matched with loads who seemingly didn't know how to hold a conversation, at the time I was doing some favours for a farmer friend culling rabbits and pigeons, one of my photos was me in country attire with a shotgun over my shoulder that a friend took, interestingly enough about the same time I uploaded that photo I got a free trial to Tinder Gold for 30 days and found I had 3 or 4 of vegans matched with me, I matched with a few of them and straight out of the door they wanted to have hot topic debates around ethics and how can I live with myself. Also quite a few who were only on there for one thing only.
Quite a few of the dates I went on went really well but for one reason or another it just wouldn't have worked out.
I'd just about given up when I matched with my now wife, we went for drinks, had a great time and have been together since.
Haven't you been on OLD long enough to know it's very unlikely to pan out with the first one, so you should keep the other on the back burner?
And it'd give them something to talk about as well.
once you’re past your mid-thirties, there’s a reason that most people are on an online dating site and they’re not suitable for a long term relationship
You’re doing better than a friend of my wife, who matched with her controlling ex.
These seem to be far more connected than they might be?
I think there are a lot of people who are attracted to "like my ex except ..."
Can we please have more positive stories? Some of you are scaring me and I had almost plucked up the courage to start OLD 🙂
I'm 62. Its very rare to meet new folk at my age and I have specific things ( keen cyclist but know how to party, no tories and must be eco friendly) I would need in a new partner reducing the pool further. OLD is really my only option but stop making it sound so scary 🙂
Well I guess in reference to my above post is a positive, as said I met my now wife through Tinder, we were chatting for a few weeks, I'd not long been catfished so was adamant that we meet up for a coffee before a proper date for those reasons exactly and so I could have an escape plan, so she facetimed me to prove that she was in the fact the person in her photos, we hit it off and were on facetime for probably 2 hours and we agreed to go out for a proper date the end of that week and go for some drinks at a few cocktail bars.
I'm one of these people who doesn't really get nervous but as soon as I walked into the bar and locked eyes with her I immediately didn't know what to say or even how to stand and position myself I felt awkward and nervous as, felt like I was punching well above my weight and I'll say her pics didn't do her justice I was thinking to myself "oh my god she's actually beautiful, what do I say, what do I talk about, I was 2 minutes late have I ruined my chances, how should I stand at the bar?". We drank the night away and laughed like I haven't laughed before, I stayed at hers, she took me for a mcdonalds breakfast in the morning before dropping me off and the rest is history.
She lost her mother 3 weeks later who was a massive support figure in her life and whilst going through the turmoil that caused she gave me the option to walk away and said she would understand if I didn't want to be around her whilst she deals with it all, I told her if I was going through the same thing I would appreciate someone to stick around even to be a distraction and take my mind off things even if eventually it didn't work which I did, it did work out and a year later we moved in together, 6 months later engaged, another year later married.
We've got a dog together, a house, fruit and veg growing in the garden and we're both as happy as muck, I didn't think people like her existed and she said the same about me so we're very well matched and very lucky. She's my best friend as well as my partner.
So how's that for a positive story 😛
I’m 62. Its very rare to meet new folk at my age
It's easily solved though. Go and do something social that's different to what you're currently doing. Do new things = meet new people. If you choose the right things then women will outnumber men, although I'd caution against doing something just to meet women, you'll come across as a bit creepy.
Ah that's lovely @eatmorepizza. I agree with most of overshoots points but please guys if you're the middle/older aged demographic ignore the 3 dates shag point. Older woman might like a little more time to get comfortable with a new man than that before diving into the potentially complicated world of sex in later life during peri or post menopause. Though everyone is different.
TJ another positive for you. Met my civil/life partner on POF(does that still exist?) 12 years ago. Best 1st date ever. Met up in my fav cosy pub. Talked so much I lost my voice the next day. 2nd date was 2 days later. Walk on the Downs and introduced my young black lab which sealed the deal. Moved in together a year later and have grown closer and more solid with each passing year.
It is really scary and takes time (years maybe)and practice. Don't expect instant results and don't lose faith if things don't work out just have a break and restart when you have the energy.
Ta chaps
Only as much as any place full of random people is.
Not true.
People who have a secure attachment type are more likely to be out of the online dating pool, because they tend to make strong, stable relationships.
People who have anxious or avoidant attachment types are more likely to be over represented because they tend to have fragile relationships that don't last.
It gets worse as you get older.
You think I talk crap, I think you talk crap. Hey ho, who's right, who's wrong? We'll have to agree to disagree.
Met someone on Bumble. Now we're married.
I have just been to lunch with an online date. Perhaps avoid first dates on a Monday daytime would be part of my advice!
I dont know if it was the weather, the mindset I was in 'cos of -its Monday but reality and expectations could not have been further apart! Oversold on the photos and bio for sure 😀
Oh well back to Sq1 😀
Crikey and people wonder why more women don't post on the forum? This thread really encapsulates why! and why if I'm ever single again I'll be staying that way!
You made the right decision and that shows it won't take long until you find someone else genuine. For positive stories, I met most of my ex's online, its not exactly time productive/conducive to a relationship to walk up to somebody in a supermarket to say 'are you single? do you want kids? do you mind if I'm obsessed with cycling and will have more tools than you?'. My now husband I met on POF and hopefully this will be happily ever after! I also had plenty of other dates in preparation for meeting this one, none of them were weirdos.
Can we please have more positive stories? Some of you are scaring me and I had almost plucked up the courage to start OLD
I met my now wife on Fitness Singles...
Can we please have more positive stories? Some of you are scaring me and I had almost plucked up the courage to start OLD 🙂
I started up again 4 years ago after a 17 year relationship (I'm 50 now). Took a while off first to sort of work on myself, work out what i wanted and so on.
In the first couple of years i turned around 100 good matches (and 2 or 300 terrible ones) into around 20 dates, 4 of those turned into short term relationships (2-6 month bracket) before we came up against some sort of an insurmountable issue, remembering that i'm still of an age where dating includes interactions with kids and potentially obnoxious/cheating/manipulative/abusive exes, plus issues around trust etc. You should be a long way past that!
And one that i dated for near enough 2 years (until Christmas). That ended because she wanted another child, as she's quite a bit younger than me. I do not want more children.
So, another 50 or so matches/conversations since just before easter, 7 or 8 dates, nothings stuck past first or second date though. Made 2 friends out of those dates though, so that's not bad. One recent date went very well, but she's off to New York then LA for a minimum two months with work, which may extend up to Christmas, so that's a no go! The other one i'm seeing again on Wednesday, we clicked very well indeed. My only concern there is that she shares a break room at the University Hospital with one of my best mates wives...
Having online dated on and off for best part of 5 years, as an over 30 (just), my advice is not to bother pursuing dates or even ongoing conversation with someone if you're not feeling it after a day or two of chatting and are having to convince yourself they might be alright.
But, if you are feeling it, meet them ASAP (in a non creepy/pressured way) as good early impressions over messaging/phone calls can be highly misleading, and it's quite deflating to meet someone after weeks of chat only to realise there's nothing there when you meet in person and/or they're not as advertised...