[Closed] Ok, so I'm 50 and never been in a proper fight.

I am 51 and was in a few, fairly comedic ones, when (a lot) younger. In my opinion it’s over-rated...

Should I engineer one?

Absolutely. It's actually not as hard as most people think. Just hang out with drunk people, wait till someone gets mouthy, then yell right in their face "You're a *ing * and your girlfriend's a fat ugly **** too." There will be a short pause then you just need to lie on the floor and curl up and cover your face. Once the fight is over, you will be celebrated for your courage. The resulting hangover will make any injuries seem inconsequential. was the favourite Saturday night entertainment when I was young. Important detail is you should only try this when there is a crowd of onlookers to prevent you getting stomped to death - trying it alone in a dark alley would be silly because there's nobody to witness your heroism and to save you.

They, as a rule, hurt! The black ear I received once was particularly shit! Unfortunately these days folk don't know when to stop or they could well be carrying so I'd avoid at all costs even if you're hard as ****!
Kebab man coming at us over the counter with the elephant leg knife in hand was an eye opener.
Most recent for me was angry Mercedes man he was wired and well up for it, for the above reasons I stayed in the van as I knew that one would have gone big time!
Avoid!

A good question. As people have mentioned above, it will probably hurt.

If you are going to engineer one, Id suggest learning how to fight, or at least how to deflect kicks and punches before taking it to the streets and get a stab vest Or pick on someone about 40 years younger.

It’s a good thing that you’ve never ended up in one. If you really fancy giving it a go though pick a small child or very short man. That way you can perform the hand on forehead manoeuvre and watch them fly in to an impotent rage as they struggle to land a blow.

Get a job in a rough pub. That way, at least you’ll be getting paid for it, and may even get compo if you do get hit (I did once 😊)

Me too, so I started Karate 5 years ago and now get the opportunity to give and receive a good hiding once a week in a controlled environment with similarly sober and unarmed people.

Invigorating and occasionally very, very painful.

pick a small child or very short man.

Be careful about that, you might lose, in which case you look like a *. Even if you win, you still look like a *. Better to take a mild beating from a big guy, that way you look like a heroic battler. The point of fights is not really to physically beat the other guy, it's to develop a public image as a hard man who's unafraid of anyone. The beatings you take along the way are inconsequential in comparison to earning your right to drink in rough pubs with other hard men.

in comparison to earning your right to drink in rough pubs with other hard men.

Pubs with flat roofs. It’s important to add the roof bit. Truly hard men only drink in pubs with flat roofs. None of this triangular malarkey.

I'm 40 and I've been stabbed twice.

Join the travelling community. They have some epic old fashioned battles, as seen on YouTube.

Somewhat shamefully, I followed a football team for many years. Always loved away games, especially somewhat rough, in London. I was eventually nicked at one & spent a night in the cells. But in those days it was all bravado. A bit of fronting up, a charge & a few punches or kicks. But it was with similar likeminded idiots, never with anyone not looking for it. It was usually one on one & all over in a few mins. None of this 6 lads stamping someone half to death.

Sadly, the acceptance of low level crime in the last few decades has brought down the acceptance of more serious crime too, with too many idiots ready to stick a knife in to someone.

I was glassed 19 minutes into the new millennium, so will happily walk away from a fight with a moth these days.

Just sign up for UWCB with the other middle aged IT guys?

Just sign up for MAWCB with the other middle aged IT guys?

FTFY

I remember there being lots of fights when I was younger, they were always the dumbest things that could possibly happen.

We were actually talking about this the other day. There used to be a rough pub on every high street. Where have they all gone?!?

Well, the first rule...

We were actually talking about this the other day. There used to be a rough pub on every high street. Where have they all gone?!?

There are 5 within 5 minutes walk of where I work. All in the town centre & non I would walk into after 2pm on any day let alone weekends

Engineering a fight with only other old blokes would probably a good plan. Any chance of a youngun or two in the mix could go wrong - they have not yet learnt it hurts in the morning so are a bit too brave and as already said play to a different set of rules and get a bit stabby early doors.

In the 80's I witnessed a fight between two grown men  whereby  one  of the protagonists declared the other to be  "a son of a mountain goat" before carefully weighing up the weapons he held in either hand, discarding the glass bottle of Tonic Wine and stabbing his opponent repeatedly with a Madeira cake.

You just don't get that these days.

Just sign up for UWCB with the other middle aged IT guys?

That's what I did, and it was mega - thoroughly recommended. 🙂

Had maybe three or four proper fights all before the age of 21.
Won 2, lost 2, I'd say.
It's often the small things that make a big difference - for one that I lost, I was wearing a tight jacket, so couldn't punch properly.
Couldn't do it now though, far too old and fragile.
Watch Knuckle on YouTube - they have Irish grandads fighting on that!

We were actually talking about this the other day. There used to be a rough pub on every high street. Where have they all gone?!?

Ours was was knocked down and replaced with some social housing flats.  So, exactly the same principal without having to pay a barman.

Had a few when I was younger. Proper gnarly ones with any weapon close to hand used to inflict pain.

We're both grown up now though and I get on with my sister quite well these days.

Forget about it OP. It can ruin your life.

In the 80’s I witnessed a fight between two grown men whereby one of the protagonists declared the other to be “a son of a mountain goat” before carefully weighing up the weapons he held in either hand, discarding the glass bottle of Tonic Wine and stabbing his opponent repeatedly with a Madeira cake.

You just don’t get that these days.

I dunno, I saw a slice of madeira cake just the other day. You may have to look a little harder, but it's still there if you want it enough.

I used to enjoy a good punch up. Always had few ales in me at the time which dulled the pain. Wouldn’t recommend it over 40 as aches and pains last way longer !!

There's this TV programme, "Fight Camera Action" - shows fights in all sorts of places caught on camera. Quite common these days. There's only one thing you can take from the programme - people in fights look really really stupid.

Unless you are a pro, very experienced or bonkers, you really really don’t want to be in a ‘proper’ fight.

We were actually talking about this the other day. There used to be a rough pub on every high street. Where have they all gone?!?

They relocated all of them to my home town, dunstable 😉

I've been in 2 or 3 fights,

I'm crap at fighting, I always come out worse.

Been injured far worse crashing my bike tho

OP
Are you a Geezer?

Geezers need Excitement

Out the club about three, to the take-away
The shit-in-a-tray merchants, shops got special perchant for the disorderly
Geezerz looking ordinary and a few looking leary
Chips fly round the sound of the latest chart entry
An incendiary waiting to blast
No harm with the contest who can throw the furthest
Behind the counter they look nervous, but
Carry on cutting the finest cuts of chicken from the big spinning stick
Then over flies a chip, flips, and hits you on the back
You spin round on the attack
'F*** you playing at? he looks like a cheshire cat, almost falls down
Your frowns and superman eye lasers don't even register
By now you want to leather this ****
And forever your gonna regret that, your choice of path
So mash his head up and your girls now fed up
But stop to think and it's never gonna be the Jackie Chan scene it could have been to end up

I'm also 50 have only ever been in a proper fight once. Well I say fight it was more having the crap beaten out of me by the local 25 year old 'ard man in his Vaxhall Corsa with all the extra trimmings who decided he didn't like the look of a sixteen year old with long hair. Luckily it was the eighties and big baggy coats were the in thing so most of his kicks didn't hurt that much.

If you want a proper fight, have one. But don't pick on a stranger as that will mean either...

A) You beat some poor sod who doesn't deserve it up, or
B) You just curl up on the floor and cover your head while someone stomps on you.

Instead, find a friend who's also up for it. No weapons and set a safe word. Then go for it. The fight will go on for longer, be safer and you'll learn more.

Join a boxing club if you have the urge for toe to toe fisticuffs. Most fights now seem to result in stabbing or mass head stomping. I had an apprentice whose mate had a straightener in a pub car park. Old fashioned one on one sort it out type of fight. The looser came back in drug dealer dads Range Rover and ran the winner over several times and killed him. One very unhappy apprentice for a long time. He was laid off as it messed with his head and then work. Very sad end all round.

Ok, so I’m 50 and never been in a proper fight.

...apart from that one you got into with Ling?

I would say you have done well, and be proud of that. Fighting is ugly and really dangerous, some people don't know when to stop, and if your on the deck being stamped on then that is really not good, the NHS is no longer to be relied upon.
That said, I had a very tearful 18yr old daughter recently, who was dumped by her boyfriend, she wanted her clothes and stuff back from his house, so I said come on lets go and get it. He wasn't there and he was hanging around in the park with 5 of his mates, in the meantime he was sending obscene texts to my girl, which started to wind me up. I just stormed into the middle of them without thinking, and then noticing that at least two of them were a bit tasty. I did my "are we going to sort this out like normal people?" only for his old man to appear, giving loads of mouth. I could never have won any fight, would have probably hurt maybe two of them by going in real quick, but then it just would have been madness.
I am an ex squaddie, who would always be in a fight, Colchester on a weekend springs to mind, being in the back of a 4 tonner driven by a couple of MP's.
I have broken my nose twice and had 3 ribs broken.
My current wife abhors violence and I think actually she is right.
If your going to do it, learn to do it properly, join a gym and learn to be quick, which at 50+ is unrealistic. Stick to yoga.
Or as my mom would say" a good run is better than a bad stand"

We’re both grown up now though and I get on with my sister quite well these days.

Broke my sister's nose when we were kids, somethg she continually reminds me of 50 years later 😳😳

Nothing glamorous about fighting.

I’ve always had a decent radar and have been content to weave my way through trouble rather than look for it. I found out in my twenties that I don’t have the capacity for casual violence - I.e. if I’m put in a situation where punches are thrown then I’m likely to not just throw punches. Not a good thing. For me or anyone else.

Plus you’d be surprised how much of a difference your age and lack of experience makes. Join an MMA, boxing or judo club if you are genuinely curious.

Sparred at local boxing club a few times. Got punched in the nose..it hurt..alot.

How about a stw fight club? I'd be well up for that. As long as we have tj as ref and I don't have to fight ton.

How about a stw fight club?

There might already be one but no-one's said anything.

Instead, find a friend who’s also up for it

Get pissed first. It hurts less (and if you're lucky, may end up as an amorous engagement).

How about a stw fight club? I’d be well up for that

How about an STW hard stare club?

Has to be done:

^^^
Who's he?

Fighting is the absolute most base way to resolve a dispute. You should be proud you've never been in one - I never have, though I'm only in my 30s. I can't imagine being in a situation where I am getting wound up enough to hurt someone, and in turn winding them up to that point too. It's just so uncivilised.

I have been in maybe 3 or 4. Even the ones more or less that I have 'won' have been painful and upsetting and resulted in lost property and torn clothes. Best avoided, you arent missing anything

I am aware of two people that have been killed after being hit by one punch. Fighting isn't big, clever or glamorous.
http://www.eahconsequences.com/

Remember the wise words of Mike Tyson

“Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the mouth”

I’d imagine 50 is definitely the wrong age to start brawling if you’ve successfully avoided it so far

fighting is stupid, and what starts as a little scuffle can turn into a whole lot of shit for you.
I have been there.

so kids, don't fight, try and use humour instead.

so kids, don’t fight, try and use humour instead.

It is this tactic that's got me into most of the fights in my life.

Some people just can't take a joke.

Fighting is the absolute most base way to resolve a dispute. You should be proud you’ve never been in one – I never have, though I’m only in my 30s. I can’t imagine being in a situation where I am getting wound up enough to hurt someone, and in turn winding them up to that point too. It’s just so uncivilised.

Self defense?

Was it a bad punchline Perchy ?

Was it a bad punchline Perchy ?

I just said..."Let me try this gag on you" and they go getting the wrong idea.

Also 50 and also not been in a proper fight.

I mean, I'd be up for it, but with the state of my back these days.....

I am aware of two people that have been killed after being hit by one punch. Fighting isn’t big, clever or glamorous.

aye, this. My mate works with a bloke who got in a pub fight. One punch, the other guy went down, hit his head on something as he went, never woke up. Bloke did a good few years in prison, saw his kids now and again at visiting time. Quite a nice guy, apparently, you'd never know.

I'm a lover not a fighter, or something along those lines. I guess I've been close over the years, but no one has ever hit me in anger, well except an ex, she did it with an open hand and nails out though, she was a bit nuts (Lousie was her middle not first name!).

I think it's something to be proud of, you've never been enough of a tool to be hit by anyone and never been tool enough to hit someone.

Take up a contact based martial art if you want, controlled violence is the way forward.

I went to a rough school and sometimes you had to have the odd fight otherwise you would get picked on by the resident psychos who'd been expelled from other schools. But such fights can get out of control. The best way to get rid of aggression is rugby I think.
Btw I think the op is being tongue in cheek!

Fighting is similar to gambling; don't play if you can't afford to lose.

I leant how to play ice hockey when I was in the military and whilst my skating isn't too bad and I can manage stick handling basics, I'll never be a 1st or 2nd line player. What I have found I'm good at though is the borderline dirty play, niggling opposition players to put them off their game, or what's known as the 'agitator' role.

What I've also noticed (and am known for) is that Im very protective of me and mine, and as I play in defence that often sees me jumping to the defence of my netminders.

As a consequence of both playing an agitator role and being (some might say "overly") protective of my teammates I often get into fights, which are considered part of the game and attract surprisingly little punishment compared to other team sports.

Fighting on ice is an experience in itself.

Using your weak hand to hold onto your opposition (I go for the collar of their shoulder pads with my left hand and crank my elbow up high to try and protect my head from their right hand punches) whilst at the same time trying to hit them is fun. If they've left their helmet on then you have to either try to remove it or accept that your knuckles are going to hurt a lot afterwards.

Whilst this is going on you have to remain mindful of your footing, watching out for discarded stick, gloves helmets etc that may trip you or your opposition trying to adjust his position in order to unbalanced you, either to put you onto the ice or to get some punches in while you get your balance back.

The odd thing though is, when the dust settles, there is a 'code' of what happens on the ice stays on the ice that most player respect. To the point that I regularly put my nursing skills into practice afterwards and help fix up my previous opponents if they have a split lip etc.

I think it’s something to be proud of, you’ve never been enough of a tool to be hit by anyone and never been tool enough to hit someone.

Unfortunately, your inherent tool-ness is absolutely no guarantee against some other tool taking a pop at you.

Sometimes all it takes is to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

If you're 50 and there's something you've never done then odds are you're not going to be very good at it. I'd give it a miss.

Sometiems all it takes is to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

What like holding two people apart during a brawl in a club - one and only time I've engaged in a fight - someone else came along and decked me whilst I had my hands full 😕

I’m a lover not a fighter

Likewise, though it's a similar technique: just get it over with as quickly as possible...

One of my best friends from school and college recently got in a drunken fight with his brother, punched him. Unfortunately he suffered bleeding on the brain and was declared dead at the scene. My mate was 33 at the time, his brother 36. Realy sad set of circumstances.
Fighting isnt cool at all. I'd be pleased that I'd reached the ripe old age of 50 not having fought someone.

Sometimes all it takes is to be in the wrong place at the wrong time

Indeed. And sometimes it’s too late to deploy the sensible ‘run away’ technique

I can confirm, after an experience a few years back that you can get into a fight very, very easily.

You don’t actually need to do anything at all to instigate it, as there are some right mad bastards out there who will assault you for no apparent reason whatsoever

What I learnt as I regained consciousness in the back of the ambulance:

It is possible to be knocked clean out with one punch

Being hit that hard really, really, really *ing hurts

You look like a right * walking around with two black eyes

🙁

Leave the scrapping to the nutters who enjoy it, and aim not to find yourself in the same pub as them

I have an advanced coward's form of radar which served me well as a yoof. I once virtually frogmarched a couple of bemused mates out of a Holyhead pub when they were oblivious to things starting to go rapidly in the wrong direction.

So no, I haven't had a fight since school, and even that was a bit pathetic.

Fighting is a game for dicks, but unfortunately I've been in quite a few (but never instigated any) stemming from moving to 5 primary schools and 4 high schools as a kid, there's nowt worse than being the new kid in school as the local school bully comes up to assert his authority, pretty much always got beaten up in primary school as i was pretty small and rotund but i stated racing motocross at 10yrs old along with helping my dad out in forestry and rapidly put on muscle so i soon learned that the best way to get the upper hand was to strike fast, preferably knock them down and make sure it ****ing hurts them enough to never try it again, balls/neck/eyes..whatever it took to get them to stop.

I used to have frequent fights/scuffles throughout my 20's (1990's) as i worked behind the bar in a local fishermans pub in town and often got swung at/punched/glassed/hit with a pool cue - it was par for the course and you gave as good as you got,  i once received a stiletto heel punched clean through my skull whilst trying to separate a large fight between two different boat crew, one of the skippers wives practically scalped the back of my head with her shoe whilst knocking a hole through my skull and jumped on my back and sunk her teeth in my neck, blood pouring everywhere so i threw her into one of those quiz game machines (remember those? ....there's nowt more fearsome than a drunk and coked up fishermans wife, think drunk honey badger on pcp. Thanks to her i got a 5 day holiday in hospital.

Thankfully i've not had a scrap/fight since the late 90's (that job had to go for my health) apart from last year when a lorry driver attempted to drive us off the road, my mum and myself were driving back from the hospital where my dad lay dieing due to ****ing medical incompetence and heading through a local 30mph zone through a village on the A75 a lorry driver was right up my arse flashing his light/blaring his horns to get us to speed up, i stuck to the speed limit but he then tried to overtake us despite oncoming traffic and tried to hit the side of my van/force us over on numerous attempts so i pulled over into the next lay-by to get his numberplate and the lorry driver stopped behind, got out and ran towards me shouting "get out of my ****ing way....i'm bigger...i'm bigger..40 ****ing tons of metal..40 ****ing tons of metal...i'll ****ing kill you...i'll ****ing kill you, and you'll ****ing get it as well (to my 65 year old mother)". I'm no ****ing good at anything these days due to progressive MS so he very easily knocked me down as was on top of me trying to punch my head but i managed to get one hand round his throat and forced my other thumb into his eye as hard as i could till he choked and rolled off me then i punched and punched his face till it was a bloodied mess then called the police. My mother witnessed the entire incident along with my dash cam recorder picking up his shouting and swearing and another car stopped so also witnessed the entire episode but the police couldn't attend as they were away somewhere else (rural area-nae ****ing police) so we left him in the lay-by still moaning but rather more subdued this time and drove home. I was shaking with adrenaline and eventually the police questioned me/took a statement the following week and the upside of it all was he got a caution, the police never questioned my mother nor the other witness and didn't view/listen to the dash cam recording

My evidence, my mothers evidence, dash cam evidence and a full independent witness who saw the entire thing yet all he gets is a caution.

Bloody hell.

I thought that chocolate tasted funny.

It must have been laced with testosterone. 😉

...then i punched and punched his face till it was a bloodied mess then called the police.

This may be why it was left at a caution- not wanting to stick you on as well. IANAPF

Get a train or drive to Glasgow and shout out Y I MAN how’s life inda ghetto

That’ll provoke a response followed by a Glaswegian smile

MoreCashThanDash

Subscriber
Also 50 and also not been in a proper fight.

I mean, I’d be up for it, but with the state of my back these days…..

Going to pm you.

I've a torn rotator cuff in my right shoulder so have trouble raising my arm to punching height. So potentially a good match.

Perhaps we should start the fight sitting down on chairs and treat it as more of an endurance event and pace ourselves?

Needs to be low impact too due to my knees though I'll make sure I'm wearing my Sketchers as they have memory foam soles.

I'll bring the Voltarol.

If you have avoided having a proper fight this long - I would do your best to avoid one for the next 50 years at least.

If it was for you then you would have discovered it by now.

I would suggest you continue to avoid them. I've been bottled (twice) and it was not a lot of fun.

Never been in a fight but I've caused loads.

Using your weak hand to hold onto your opposition (I go for the collar of their shoulder pads with my left hand and crank my elbow up high to try and protect my head from their right hand punches) whilst at the same time trying to hit them is fun

Who do you think you are? Bob Probert?

There used to be a rough pub on every high street. Where have they all gone?!?

Blame me. I used to fight a lot. It was more of a job than part of my social life. I travelled from town to town working the bars and getting rid of the violent ‘customers’. It was a hard life - people would vandalise my my car, so I used to go ‘bangernomic’ until I left town. Came to an end when I lost my friend Wade and I killed a man in self-defence.

How about a stw fight club?

There might already be one but no-one’s said anything.

What happens at STWFC stays at STWFC...

Perhaps we should start the fight sitting down on chairs and treat it as more of an endurance event and pace ourselves?

Needs to be low impact too due to my knees though I’ll make sure I’m wearing my Sketchers as they have memory foam soles.

I’ll hold yer coat, and if I’m late, start without me...

Pubs with flat roofs. It’s important to add the roof bit. Truly hard men only drink in pubs with flat roofs. None of this triangular malarkey.

I think you mean pitched malarkey, not "triangular". It's the origin of the term pitched battle - a fight in a pub which hasn't got a flat roof.

Blame me. I used to fight a lot. It was more of a job than part of my social life. I travelled from town to town working the bars and getting rid of the violent ‘customers’. It was a hard life – people would vandalise my my car, so I used to go ‘bangernomic’ until I left town. Came to an end when I lost my friend Wade and I killed a man in self-defence.

Was your first rule to expect the unexpected?

Who do you think you are? Bob Probert?

I wish.

I saw him play a fair few times (go Wings) and met him in Afghanistan, what a player!

I used to be a bit of an idiot when younger. Former soldier, rugby league player and boxer. As I played rugby league from an early age steroid use was pretty rife, along with the use of other drugs (mainly speed).
I was quite an angry person, not that I looked for trouble but I used to enjoy fighting back in my day. Been slashed in the face once, just above my eye and kicked in the face so hard my front tooth came through my lip (just under my lip).
Now I’m completely the opposite, I realise what a complete d1ck I was and how lucky I was to not get into serious problems. Spent a handful of nights in the cells, but never anything more than that.
Strangely now I still think i can handle myself, but obviously couldn’t. I used to be over 95kgs as a Rugby League hooker, I’m now 67 kgs and have frozen shoulder so can’t lift my arm!! I can’t even run away from trouble as my arm hurts too much to run.