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Instagram is like Facebook right?
Influencers sell stuff.
So I know I have the basics nailed.
Educate me further. Need to make money fast.
All recommendations accepted and attempted.
PS I'm a man.
You'll need to be fit and have boobs unless you're highly funny.
Peasy. Watch that video that the sick! Bikes bloke did on how to get lots of followers and do what he says. Take pictures of yourself doing inspirational things and doing them well. Get people to give you products to use while doing inspirational things and hush over them in the description. Also keep a list of hashtags to paste into the first comment to maximize exposure. Finally sit back and watch the money fall like rain.
jekkyl
Subscriber
You’ll need to be fit and have boobs unless you’re highly funny.
Fit. Nope.
Boobs,yes. See above.
"Funny"? Not in conventional sense. Again,see above.
.
I’ve never looked at Instagram and have no idea what an influencer is. Therefore my advice may be dubious. Now that’s out of the way....,
Sign up to a clothing catalogue and study the poses and facial expressions used by the models. Pick the ten most common and learn them. Photograph yourself in these poses whilst hanging out on mountains, in bed (looking suspiciously groomed for a bed based photo), doing handstands and shit. Fling a plethora of meaningless hashtags at the bottom of your post and before you know it you’ll have so much money you’ll be able to set fire to it like the KLF did.
Just provide good, solid reviews of products that people need.
You’re already an influencer here
thats how you got those boobs for free
Start with a picture of your forearm draped across the steering wheel of your Lamborghini (don't obscure the badge). Make sure your Rolex is face on towards the camera.
Come the revolution i will drag every so called "influencer" out of their comfortable equivalence of a bubble and make them stand in the corner of my mates slurry pit whilst showering them with a high pressure stream of fetid rancid shite, then i'll tell them to **** off and don't stop ****ing off till they get back to where they started....then i'll tell them to **** off again or i'll bury them in the slurry tank.
Come the revolution i will drag every so called “influencer” out of their comfortable equivalence of a bubble and make them stand in the corner of my mates slurry pit whilst showering them with a high pressure stream of fetid rancid shite, then i’ll tell them to * off and don’t stop * off till they get back to where they started….then i’ll tell them to **** off again or i’ll bury them in the slurry tank.
Where will you be live-streaming this? Would you like to feature my brand of high pressure rancid shite? I can send you a buttload for free if you give it prominence.
If it sweetens the deal can give you bigger boobs that Poopscoop. Or more of them.
I can give you bigger boobs that Poopscoop. Or more of them.
I sense a sponsorship deal with Eggbox Lingerie.....
Where will you be live-streaming this?
Faecebook?
Shitter?
I sense a sponsorship deal with Eggbox Lingerie…..
Check out my six-pack
Would you like to feature my brand of high pressure rancid shite? I can send you a buttload for free if you give it prominence.
I already have sponsorship from shitmaker slurry tanks/spreaders and am currently stockpiling my own shite for the coming revolution, or if Alisdair Jack (tory lickspittle) turns up at my door in galloway while canvassing for the next election i will choose to release my shite at him.
Alisdair Jack
Alister.
Never give your kids a name with 23 different possible spellings which no-one ever gets right.
It's a decision which will haunt you for ever.
Considering the shenanigans on the club beach the other day.... I think wearing a bikini thong with straps no wider than dental floss, clear dental floss mind, not the thicker red/orange stuff... then go do your best coquettish poutiest pout whilst lifting the right bra strap up ever so slightly...
That should start proceedings off nicely, then just add some fake trash jewellery in every other shot and the hits and likes will flood in.
Once you get about 50k, add a go-fund-me link to see the €’s flood in.
Simple really.
Sex Sells.
Never give your kids a name with 23 different possible spellings which no-one ever gets right.
It’s a decision which will haunt you for ever.
Wise words Mr Panther. My name has only two ways of being spelled and I’ve even been accused of spelling my own name wrong in the past because of it.
You are 50 and therefore dead as far as instagram users are concerned. If you were twenty years younger... You'd just be invisible so almost dead.
And yes to name-spelling - it really is Daren WITH ONE R.
Ok, I’m 50 and need to be an influencer on Instagram quickly. 💲
What and who are you influencing? 😀
Do you know how to apply make-up? 🤔
You could just not CARE...
why is it so important to care what others think..or more to the point judge you for. I dont and frankely hate 95% of people who are vien,pompous,self absorbed and framkely fake(which is most of the population..people laugh at me for not shaving for a week ..being covered in grease and oil..do I care..NO..)
If its financial gain ..then ...why you made it to 50..that's shows determination right?..and if so then what could you need?..
why is it so important ...
#money #lotsofit #er #thatsit
Yeah, well my 20 year old Swedish blonde housemate is trying to go down this route to supplement her modelling. I’m amazed at how low the money is until the hits get massive.
Lots of perks and freebies though.
https://instagram.com/amalia_thorslund?igshid=3x14zn17xf9h
Every time I see these posed Instagram shots i'm alway reminded of an old guy I met on a building site when I was an apprentice.
He was in a manky site hut and was sitting reading The Sun.
He held up the paper , folded open to Page 3 and pointed to the picture of the topless stunner and said...
"Do you think she's nice?"
"Yeah" I said.
"Don't be fooled, laddie...No matter how good she looks in that picture, .....somebody, somewhere is sick of putting up with all her shite!"
So based on that you are sick of putting up with your partners shite? 🤔
Of course not. She’s not on Instagram 😉
👏🏻 You win. 😁
I suggest becoming world champion at something. Perhaps mountain biking but other sports will work. Then post videos of you training etc.
Yeah, well my 20 year old Swedish blonde housemate is trying to go down this route to supplement her modelling. I’m amazed at how low the money is until the tits get massive.
Fixed that for yer. I have implants with a schraeder valve for instant inflation. Coining it 🙂
ampthill
Subscriber
I suggest becoming world champion at something. Perhaps mountain biking but other sports will work. Then payy videos of you training etc.
I went along those lines with my "epic" SDW adventure.
The only thing that influenced was people thinking of sending out a rider* to see where my broken body was lying.
Even then, they didn't actually do it.😁
Barstewards!😆
*yes,apparently STW has a mythical rider, sent out on such missions. No-one knows his name other than it is definitely not geex as he wouldn't give a **** if anyone was dead. Unless they had just posted an anti ebike thread. In which case he would find the body in order to pour petrol over it for an ad hoc trailside cremation. 😁
being covered in grease
Where will you be live streaming yourself being covered in grease?
Where will you be live streaming yourself being covered in grease?
YouLube?
Advice above on growing tits or getting good at something sound wise.
Below are different ideas for a path to riches based not on joining the influencers but feeding off their dreams.
1) There are lots of aspiring influencers. Many have rich parents or other source of cash to splash on achieving their dream. Rather than becoming an InstaInfluencer yourself, how about developing tools for all those wannabes? I am thinking e.g. deep learning models trained to identify the characteristics of successful influencers or the style of their photos. It would be a subscription service.
2) On the other side of the equation are the companies wishing to peddle their wares of questionable worth- they need to find the nubile teens and prospective world champions who are willing to pretend to like the products and post photos. I am thinking some service that pimps out the kids who make it past wannabe level, based on classification of their photos and profiles beyond simple hash tags.
Neither ideas are completely new but I think existing offerings could be improved significantly.
[Post is meant in good humour with a slightly serious side as I indulge my own daydreams of living in mid-Wales and working 2 hours a day haha]
I'm 52 & have given away lots of stickers & sold 4 T-shirts via my IG & FB accounts. Social media master me. Next year Rodney....
I’m amazed at how low the money is until the tits get massive.
Lots of perks and freebies though.
Fixed it for you.
EDIT : doh - 1 week late
🙂
You are 50 and therefore dead as far as instagram users are concerned. If you were twenty years younger… You’d just be invisible so almost dead.
LOL ... My 10yr olds instagram is buzzing... never had to do anything really.
wtf is your 10yr old doing on Instagram would be my question?