[Closed] Ok how to learn 'gravitas'

I find by eating more cake I create more gravitas.

Or is that gravity?

Shout a lot and buy a bigger audi

In speaking situations? Or something else?

If in speaking, the key is to slow down. Take your time. Think about each word, phrase and sentence as you develop them in your mind, before you deliver them from your mouth. Stop. Take a drink of water. Think again. Then speak.

a white one?

reference main board (non exec and chairman).

Yeah Q7 and make lewd remarks when you walk in the office. And get really fat and wear a pinstripe suit. Job jobbed

Find the biggest man in the room then kick him square in the balls. As he goes down stand on his throat. Then proclaim that everyone is your bitch now.

We are talking about prison, right?

main board (non exec and chairman).

Know your numbers.
Take your time.
Know what you want to get out of it.
Take your time.
Understand where what you want and what they want overlap, and where they diverge.
Take your time.
Finally, perhaps the hardest piece, have confidence in what you're saying. Gravitas, seriousness, whatever, it all comes from confidence.

Oh, and take your time.

Shout a lot and buy a bigger audi

If you did the opposite of this you'd be halfway there

Do a Winston Churchill impersonation

When talking use fewer words and even fewer hand gestures- none in fact. If you act as if people need to oay attention to you, rather than you need to get people's attention, you'll be surprised at how much they start to take you seriously

Maybe lose the red nose and the big shoes?

I reckon it’s easier to think in terms of what not to do, than what to do

Don’t ALWAYs put yourself down... don’t be ALWAYS be the class idiot... don’t ALWAYS turn stuff into a joke etc

Similarly, don’t ALWAYS try to have gravitas

Act like CFH, he thinks he knows what he’s doing.

Once you master that, next class is probably funny handshakes.

Try writing down their order and go to pret, not Gregg's

Wear more black polo-neck jumpers. Steeple your fingers.

Take the battery out of your bow tie

Act like CFH, he thinks he knows what he’s doing.

Haha!

Does that come with pay rise.

That's tricky. I would certainly concur with CFH's advice; behaving in this way will give you more [i]gravity[/i], whether it gives you [i]gravitas[/i] is altogether different.

For me, to truly have gravitas you need an absolute conviction in what you believe and say and not give a f*** what anyone else thinks.

In my workplace (aerospace) we have an senior engineer; highly competent, highly educated. He picks his words with care, speaks slowly and deliberately and if he doesn't know he'll say so. Most of all he can be relied upon to state [i]his honest opinion[/i]. This will often turn the spotlight onto his management or other departments / individuals (and I don't mean in a blaming way - just stating facts). Nobody ever interupts him, and everyone has the highest respect for him. He also happens to be extremely (independently of work) wealthy. Personally I believe this gives him a freedom to speak his mind that few enjoy. The irony being that because he doesn't need the job, he's very good at it.

I quite like this definition:
'Gravitas: My notion of gravitas (and I know there are different views) is that it is the external evidence of a deeply held conviction that the individual is totally competent to do what is expected of them and handle anything that comes their way, without feeling the need to prove themselves.'

Few people in today's workplace are able to live up to that level of integrity.

On a more practical note - I'd ask the feedbacker to be a little more specific

Talk like TED

It's good geoffj and I enjoyed his parody. The guy is certainly clever, knows the tricks and can work the audience.

But does he have gravitas?

When somebody speaks to you, let them finish then pause for five to ten seconds whilst staring them straight in the eye. Then say, "So what you're saying is...", summarize what they just said, and finish up with, "So what are the consequences of that with regard to (insert irrelevant topic of your choosing)?"

Or, when someone speaks, choose a keyword from their topic and declare "That's a very interesting word. Let's unpack that word." Then blather on about the etymology of the word and how it came to arrive at its current meaning."

People will leave you alone if you do these things.

It sounds to me as though your Line Manager wanted to say 'serious' but used a suggested synonym from Word. Useful feedback should give clear direction on what the individual wishes you to achieve. Go back to them and request clarity.

A good start would be to stop wearing that Wallace and Gromit tie

Basically just act like Darth Vader from that space general meeting scene in the first Star Wars. Choking somebody and wearing a bitchin helmet and cape combo are optional. A quid says that the word gravitas was only used because it was the word of the day on one of those little calendars.

For me it's all about lots of attributes. Yes, speaking slowly can be one of them, but if what you say is bollox, then all you're doing is talking bollox more slowly...

Confidence - in yourself and what you do. Not in an arrogant way, but with humility and understanding.
Content - when you do speak, make sure it's relevant and comes from a place of applied knowledge (I.e. wisdom)
Behaviour - be fair and reasonable with all you deal with. Be professional and conduct yourself as such.
There is also a rather large portion of 'je ne sais quoi', in other words, it comes naturally to a person, they possess that inner air of knowing who they are, what they do, why they do it and as such, have an aura of authority.

The mere fact that you're googling and asking on here would suggest that you would do well to look within.

Hiya, Boris. Hiya, pal!

In the building world it usually requires liberal use of the f word. That's ****ed, you've ****ed up,we're ****ed, what the **** is that, how the **** am i supposed to etc etc

fewer hand gestures- none in fact.

Not particularly safe for work...but this teaches you everything you need to know about gravitas.

Gravitas isn't a 'thing' - it's something others perceive, so it's about how you come across. Obvious first step is to ask what they think you're missing.

I think key elements are capability, integrity, communication, confidence, listening skills, empathy and, regrettably, looking the part.

No hand gestures? I’m screwed then. I use them when on the phone. According to that well respected scientific journal Urban Dictionary hand gestures are an integral part of having gravitas

Man Fist
The act of raising a tightly-clenched fist to the sky, while speaking, in order to add gravitas or emphasis to said speach.
Jon raised his Man Fist to the sky and declared that he would, "kick Steve so hard in the balls, his mom would feel it!".

You can't learn gravitas. You either have it or you don't. You can read books about body language, how to project yourself etc. and you might fool some people for a short period of time, but you wont be able to keep it up for long as its not your natural personality trait and as soon as the illusion starts to slip you'll lose credibility ant it'll all backfire on you.

Just best to be yourself. Those with gravitas are not necessarily any better or worse at things as anyone else - gravitas has nothing to do with the individuals ability.

Whenever I meet someone and extend my hand to shake theirs and they offer their hand to me palm side down I immediately think 'Dick' and 9 times out of 10 they are. they've obviously read the book about how to shake hands in an assertive manner. I'm quite happy to offer up a limp wristed hand shake to counter their knuckle crushing domineering 'don't mess with me' hand shake. Knock yourself out buster.

It's deceptively simple TBH - only 4 ingredients. Just go easy on the dill, as getting the balance without overpowering the fish is crucial.

Do not attempt to overpower the fish. This may result in a blocked airway and / or cardiac arrest

That was just perfect. Internet high 5.

huckleberryfatt - Member
Take the battery out of your bow tie

That is the funniest thing I've heard all day. But it's only 8.30.

My mate is a rugby playing geezer with a face like Stan Laurel and a wicked sense of humour. He's also an undertaker. If he can do it, anyone can. Consider your words and nod, like the dog in the advert for insurance. But with words.

You can't learn gravitas. You either have it or you don't

In that case there's no point giving feedback that someone needs to work on it.
Actually, there isn't a lot of point in work based feedback anyway, I've found. You need to work on changing your personality. Er, but it's my personality.

this is gravitas done to perfection

It’s like 1993 in here.

Any other PopPsyc “I can change your personality in 10 days” aficionados care to share more of this because for the MrMagoos of the world they’d be most interested, f’o S’sho.

Lesson one: never start a sentence with "Ok...".

[img] [/img]

I think a lot of it is defensiveness (in the listener) before a sentence is even half way through, you see it in tradesmen a fair bit, that look of derision as if something tricky or more time consuming is going to be asked for, it's almost a personal attack on them instead of a discussion about what and how to achieve it. Gravitas is listening and offering a constructive view on how something is going to be achieved and offering solutions not problems. It shows you want the best and to see the finished result and know how that can happen or good reasons why something has to be re-appraised.
Also a total lack of bullshit, plus if you have gravitas you point out the bullshit and offer reasons why that notion is based on fantasy and not the reality of the situation.

I guess you only get it from consistently delivering, you can't learn it from watching a YouTube tutorial delivered by somebody in a shiny suit.

Think "what would David Davis do" and do the opposite.

If you don't know the answer say "I don't know". It will add weight to your other pronouncements.

Be more Siegfried and less Tristan.

Have you considered a pipe?

Confidence. Belief in what you're saying. If you don't believe it then no one else will

Competence. Knowledge of the actual content, that in itself will give you a right to speak

Brevity. Say less, say it once, rephrase it if required. Verbosity impacts on gravitas. Preparation helps a lot with this

Presence. Be present in the moment. Concentrate on what's going on, actively listen, use body language and in particular eye contact

act like you are supremely confident

there are things you can do in order that you're listened to, mainly around picking your moment to speak.
but it's also an intrinsic quality of some people.

The first question you need to ask is, am I a cowboy or an indian?

Next, don't go into a meeting without being locked and loaded.

Once there, shoot from the hip.

Finally, remember to take no prisoners.

Whenever I meet someone and extend my hand to shake theirs and they offer their hand to me palm side

Best to tickle their palm while holding eye contact and smiling seductively.

act like you are supremely confident

I'm not sure that gravitas and confidence are necessarily interchangeable; I've met many supremely confident people who were utter knobends.

It's not something you have, it's something you earn, and you can learn how to earn it. There are some good tips above and some lousy ones. Not using your hands is like speaking with a gag. You can control a group of people like an orchestra, with looks, nods, shakes of the head, moving forward and back in your seat, putting things on the table, opening or closing hands, bigger gestures, looking at the floor or the ceiling, or out of the window. People are visual things, play on that.

Think back to your school days. There were the teachers who took a while to get calm before starting. Then there was the seen-it-all language teacher. She walked in, messed around with her stuff, found a working board pen, opened her book at page whatever then moved to center stage, swept both arms out as she stamped a foot and then pointed at whoever hadn't gone silent as she bid you bonjour with eyes scanning for someone doing something that would make them that day's target. All done with a mischievous smile.

So to summarise.......

Don’t use your hands.
You can’t learn gravitas.
Be yourself.
Under no circumstances should you ever use your hands.
You can earn gravitas (a bit like clubcard points).
Gravitas and confidence are not the same.
Be empathetic (or pretend to)
Nod a lot and only speak in short bursts about stuff you know about.
Say “I don’t know” a lot.
Don’t stand for any bullshit.
Don’t be yourself, pretending is key.
Wear a suit or something.

Alternatively just ignore what was said at the appraisal and by the time the next one rolls around everyone will have forgotten what was said at this one 😉

Alternatively, just get all Mad Maximus gladiatorial on them and kill [i]everybody.[/i]

Then they'll not be questioning your gravitas.

deepen your voice, talk slower, grow a bit taller, have grey hair.

Ok. I have a meeting on Monday with some senior chaps I am going to practise the not talking much and slowly thing and let others ramble on. As I'm the only one who has a Scooby what is going on this might be interesting.

If that fails I'm going to follow bodgy's suggestion.

The usual board type presentation goes something like this:

Short and sweet visual slide deck prepared
Rehearsed and confident in pitch understand what I'm looking for. you get squeezed to end of the meeting, 15 min slot is now 5.
30 secs in get asked random question, further random questions so you end up talking all over the topic rather than the structured planned approach...finish thinking you've just been kicked about a bit and wonder why you bothered doing any prep at all.

seriously starting to think about jacking it in and learning a trade.

I'd start with track 7, learn the chords first then memorise the lyrics. Before you know if you be belting out the whole album

I am going to practise the not talking much and slowly thing and let others ramble on

Remember to not use your hands or wave them about like you’re on fire. None of this halfway house bullshit. Commitment is a sign of good gravitas.

Don’t talk too slowly or they’ll think you are actually slow. There is a guy at our place who talks slowly and takes time to answer questions. He just gets ribbed by everybody. All my conversations with him open with me saying ‘just get to the ****ing point Geoff’

funkmasterp - Member
So to summarise.......

Don’t use your hands.
You can’t learn gravitas.
Be yourself.
Under no circumstances should you ever use your hands.
You can earn gravitas (a bit like clubcard points).
Gravitas and confidence are not the same.
Be empathetic (or pretend to)
Nod a lot and only speak in short bursts about stuff you know about.
Say “I don’t know” a lot.
Don’t stand for any bullshit.
Don’t be yourself, pretending is key.
Wear a suit or something.

Erm.. wing it...

2 pages and no mention of Culture spaceships? I'm dissapointed...

Sincerity is the most important tool in business.

Once you've learned to fake that you've got it nailed.

DT78 - Member
As I'm the only one who has a Scooby what is going on this might be interesting.
...
30 secs in get asked random question, further random questions so you end up talking all over the topic rather than the structured planned approach...

ABC!
You're there to give your message. That's what's important and what they need to hear. If random qs come up:
Acknowledge - thanks for the q, give a short answer if you can, then...
Bridge - 'that's related to my point because', or 'i'll touch on that later in the conversation..'
Continue with your message.

Media training 101 - politicians do it all the time but always forget about the 'acknowledge/ answer' bit so they just look arrogant and bluster on.

If you get it right, you look confident, unflappable and able get your message across effectively

Everything flashinthepan said.

from Sheck near the start of the thread:

Don’t ALWAYs put yourself down... don’t be ALWAYS be the class idiot... don’t ALWAYS turn stuff into a joke etc

...not everyone needs to be told this stuff, but as one of the gravitasily challenged I certainly do. I'd add that not everyone finds false self deprecation charming; jokes just confuse some folk including senior individuals you might want to go along with you; and folk you line manage appreciate a bit of sober and serious now and again, including when you're representing their work.

So for me, used to operating in zero gravitas as I am, it means remembering to dial it down a bit when going for the easy laugh in a meeting etc. Makes life a bit more tedious, but hey, we're not here to have fun?

2 pages and no mention of Culture spaceships? I'm dissapointed...

Glad I'm not the only one

but hey, we're not here to have fun?

You might not be.
I certainly am.
Gravitas be damned.

I was joking.

[img] [/img]

I’ve just been working on this for a series of presentations I’ve been doing. One of the things that has helped is some stakeholder mapping to make sure you are talking about what they are interested in.
Shape your tone for the audience, sales guys love the messages and phrases they can replay. FD wants the details and depth. Conduct risk wants etc...
The hardest change for me was in working on a verbal crux. I tend to say ‘yes?’ at the end of a sentence or statement. Consciously stopping this and allowing Your stakeholder to respond has helped a lot.

Begin every second sentence, irrespective of content, with the words: "And you're possibly not going to like this but..."

Thinking of those I have encountered who I would say have gravitas, I'd say less is more.

In general discussion, don't stray out of your area of competence. If you don't know, say so; if you're guessing, say so. DO NOT BULLSHIT.

Not sure I agree with the speaking slowly bit. I'd say speak naturally, but don't speak much. Make sure what you say is well thought through.

Doing a brief or presentation is a little different. Be well prepared, expect interruptions, and think about how you'll adapt when they say you've got 5 minutes instead of 20.

The confidence others mention will come from knowing what you are on about and only saying things which are well considered.