[Closed] Oh Lord, I'm in trouble. Help me speeding advice!

Don't tell her. Just put it in the bin .

Don't tell her it's hers.  Let her have the high ground and lecture you etc first, before 'noticing' and telling her it's hers.  She won't have much to say after that, and you can just show a bit of sympathy.

Well short of admitting that you are a transvestite and taking the hit yourself ..I have nothing to suggest ..

Good luck !😁

Not your fault, you weren’t driving.

Suggest that she WTFU and faces the consequences of her criminal behaviour.

Good luck with that. 😉

Tell her you’ve got a ticket for when you went to pick up the family on that day, see if she twigs.

any time ive advised my wife that her driving could be improved in a small area, she has taken it on board, but i notice that all the small bad habits return if I haven’t been in her car for a while.

let us know how you get on, sounds like it will be a ‘fun’ evening 😂😂

‘Oh, look, a letter about speeding? But that can’t be right, why would I have one of those dear?’

Put it on the table (open). Go out for a ride. A long one.

Scrape mine. I prefer Linchpin’s. Brilliant work.

Lay it on thick with remorse when she comes in, " I was really stupid a few weeks ago and it appears i've been done for speeding, 65mph in a 50 zone....gawd what a stupid dick........yeah....yeah i now...no need to lecture me i know it's my fault for speeding"  etc....etc then hand her the letter to read.

Let her read the letter and see if she points out it was her that was actually driving.

Could be fun?

Linchpin for the win.

Dont forget to give us an update later.

Did they include a photograph so you can clearly work out who was driving your car?

If you’re going to pretend it was you, you should get down on your knees and beg her to take the points for you.

That’d be a laugh

She's normally home by now. I don't suppose an opening gambit of 'I expected you ten minutes ago, what with the speed you normally drive' would be sensible.

Ha ha brilliant!

Onzadog ...which is why I suggested the transvestite suggestion earlier in the thread ..( Lord I'm wasted on here 😎😁)...

As you were at work you don’t know who was driving the car.

Say you'll take the rap, seemed to work well for Chris Huhne and Vicky Price. Look it up!

What bikes do you have? Dibbs on anything useful.

It does seem like an 'open letter on table and wait to see' is most simple and least games like option...

Do women generally turn into dicks once married?

I believe turned off dicks is the usual perception cynic al

So, when does the OP crawl to the laptop, bruised and crying for mercy, to update us on the response?

#prayforjonv

Sod it, I’d take the points, they’d hurt less ha ha.

PS it’s 3 points and a fine equal to half your weekly wage, be thankful it’s not 66mph or it would be 4-6 points, a weeks wages and maybe even a ban of 7-28 days.

Who gets paid more?

Is this late getting home from work a common occurrence?

Like running a bit late and speeding to try and catch up to meet family at an appointed hour?

Its one of my thoughts and contributions to this situation.

Good luck OP 😃

65mph on a doormat is impressive.

Fill in the form stating your wife was driving and send it back.  Don't tell your wife and see how she reacts when she gets her own speeding letter in a week or so.  (Kicking the can down the road)

Sod it, I’d take the points, they’d hurt less ha ha.

PS it’s 3 points and a fine equal to half your weekly wage, be thankful it’s not 66mph or it would be 4-6 points, a weeks wages and maybe even a ban of 7-28 days.

Who gets paid more?

Only if you go to court, Fixed penalty is still 3 points and £100 fine.

Clearly the OP is now in hiding....

it went reasonably well. Main defence appears to be that she'd been stuck behind a van going "too slow" for a while, so where it opened up to dual carriageway she didn't realise it was still 50 and sped past, but didn't see the camera van until she was already overtaking.

Too slow - presumably about 50-ish, obviously.

But reading between the lines, i think it wasn't entirely unexpected.

Just tell her if she rants and has a go at you tell her stop.

Not exactly difficult.

Then tell her look on Here for the fine.

New patio.

You should’ve just told the Police that you were at work and nobody else had permission to take the car. That would smooth things out nicely

Affair/she rolled it and used your credit card to buy a replacement

Then tell her look on Here for the fine.

That's a bit scary and sobering* The OP's wife missed a band B offence by 1mile per hour.

*when I say scary and sobering I'm clearly not talking about me; I'm talking about for other people clearly. I'd never speed, obvs.

Speed awareness course costs you pretty much the same as the fine even if it were offered so you only really save on points (but lose half a day of your life in a room where apparently you were the only one that knew they were above the speed limit and probably would do so again if you judged the conditions right, I was 85 in a 70 for reference...). Yeah I'm a horrible person, worse than a drunk driver yadda yadda.

How far over the limit do you have to be before a speed awareness course is not an option ..

I've attended one ..32 in a 30 ..opened my eyes a bit ( the actual course!) ..but do I still speed on occasion ..doesnt everyone ?

Most people speed, most of the time.

whether they admit it, or are even aware of it on the other hand . .

If she starts moaning, shout "grow up, and take some responsibility for your actions, your not a child" etc.

I then recommend running away and hiding. Ideally in a different house, in a different country.

From googling - I think there is still a Fixed Penalty process for 'minor' speeding so she could get a standard 3 points and £100 fine; the sliding scale is for more serious offences where you are prosecuted and sent to court (or I assume dispute the FPN)

She might, at the discretion of the Police get an offer of a speed awareness course still but some places suggest 64 (in a 50) is the threshold for that, on the other hand it's her first offence in 30-odd years so if there is discretion she might at least avoid the points.

She has bought some theatre tickets for her and our two kids for the summer which now 'she can't afford' because of the fine or awareness course that's coming. So in a roundabout way, I'm getting fined for her speeding in the end anyway........

But then there's a phrase about discretion and valour.

Say you’ll take the rap, seemed to work well for Chris Huhne and Vicky Price. Look it up!

Although she she did pretty well out of the whole situation. Certainly boosted her profile 🙄

 Most people speed, most of the time.

I think you'd be surprised how many don't. After an incident very similar to the OP I decide the worry of being caught was too much last year and now stick to all speed limits most of the time. Doing that I've realised how many cars are still slower than me, particularly on dual carriageways and motorways.

I think you’d be surprised how many don’t.

I agree. At the age of 29 I was pulled over on a very remote road in rural Tasmania. I was going about 140 kmh in a 100 zone. Instead of a fine, I clearly passed the attitude test somehow and got away with a caution.

Up until that point I’d sped on open roads and freeways as a matter of course. Even 6 years later I’m still a lot more circumspect, both because Australia seems to have police in very peculiar places, and because a few things the officer said to me about being lucky for only so long with regards to an accident struck home.

>I think you’d be surprised how many don’t.

I'd be amazed if it's over 0.5%.

Cambridge is 20mph everywhere except the ring roads.

Pretty much no one does 20mph.

I feel fairly confident in saying that most of us don’t live in Cambridge

I think quite a few of us are selectively bad. I wouldn't dream of speeding in a town, electively slow down through villages even when bizzar speed limits mean I don't need to and trundle through my own village at 20 even though I could go 30. There are places I am electivly naughty though- mostly mildly twisty B roads that I know well and know there are no hidden suprises or open enough that you can see far enough uphead. I have been on my bike going around a blind country bend when a car has come from behind and seen me at the last minute and had to use the other lane to avoid me too many times to want to be that driver.

I know, I'm going to hell. But hopefully they will give me a padded seat or something for not being totally through and through bad.

If you’re going to pretend it was you, you should get down on your knees

Hold on, if you're taking the points shouldn't she be the one on her knees?

Linchpin. Excellent.

Then tell her look on Here for the fine.

What that has taught me is that if I'm going to speed on the motorway I may as well do 90. That'll make some of my longer trips a bit quicker.

@zokes - you're not wrong about aussie police being in suprising places. I once got speed gunned halfway across the Nullarboor by a cop hiding behind the only bush for hundreds of km and a long way from the nearest roadhouse. Only reason I wasn't speeding was I'd slowed down to check out a sea eagle snacking on roadkill and hadn't got my campervan up to top speed yet!   What a ****er...I mean who isn't going to speed across 3000km of desert!

Returning to the original post and the immediate responses, OMG how scared are you of your girlfriend/ wives/ partners? It was her misdemeanour, not yours, just say ''is this you?', and then support her as necessary. With the exception of CFH and his (hopefully!) tongue in cheek post, many of the other comments just go to reinforce a lot of, frankly, 1970's prejudices along the lines of Rigsby/ Fawlty/ Stan Ogden. And BTW, you don't need permission to ride your bike, just do so at  an appropriate time for those that with whom YOU have chosen to spend your life.

I mean who isn’t going to speed across 3000km of desert

I didn't. After borking our aged Falcon in the first few hundred km I strapped the drive shaft back in place with an armful of bailer twine and carried on. 3000km and 21lt of oil later we made it to Perth. Bertha - I miss her - you genuinely could not break her. We did plug our way across it at a stately 40mph however.

I did however manage to spend much of a day perfecting the art of lashing the steering wheel to the door handle and seeing how far you could go before bricking it. Just shy of 5 miles once.

Returning to the original post and the immediate responses, OMG how scared are you of your girlfriend/ wives/ partners? It was her misdemeanour, not yours, just say ”is this you?’, and then support her as necessary. With the exception of CFH and his (hopefully!) tongue in cheek post, many of the other comments just go to reinforce a lot of, frankly, 1970’s prejudices along the lines of Rigsby/ Fawlty/ Stan Ogden. And BTW, you don’t need permission to ride your bike, just do so at  an appropriate time for those that with whom YOU have chosen to spend your life.

What were you arguing about when god was dishing out the humour detectors? Was it the face? I bet it was the face.

Returning to the original post and the immediate responses, OMG how scared are you of your girlfriend/ wives/ partners? It was her misdemeanour, not yours, just say ”is this you?’, and then support her as necessary. With the exception of CFH and his (hopefully!) tongue in cheek post, many of the other comments just go to reinforce a lot of, frankly, 1970’s prejudices along the lines of Rigsby/ Fawlty/ Stan Ogden.

Not particularly, TBH. It's a meme, I showed her the ticket she eff'ed and blinded a bit, I sympathised that between us we have one ticket in 60-odd years of driving and we agreed that where she had already committed to some theatre tickets I'd sort them out instead, no sense her going overdrawn over a speeding fine.

She went out to see her brother and our new niece today, I told her to drive carefully (poky out tongue) and she told me I was a very funny man and to **** off.

All's good here.

Convert - 'the face'? Please expound/ explain. With illustrations.

I'm going with or maybe

One portrays general confusion and bemusement of the world in its infinity permutations. The other is a play on general disapproval. Which is the closest match?

Convert; really? Genuinelyl not getting your allusions, so I'd be grateful for an explanation.

Neither am I FWIW,  lets hope politely asking leads to an explanation

Bex : Some of us, if not all were taking the piss...........and as for the comment regarding “reinforcing 70’s prejudices” ?.........lighten up

It'd be a dull world if the story went "I got home and found a speeding ticket but it wasn't me it was my wife so I showed it to her and she was annoyed and then I agreed I'd help her pay the fine"  Of course we turn it into humour / take the piss, sorry if you see it as reinforcing stereotypes from the 70's but that does come across as being professionally offended.

Fwiw uselesshippy made us laugh the most.

Still dont get the reference to face...anyone?

Have an affair with her best friend. That'll learn her.

What were you arguing about when god was dishing out the humour detectors? Was it the face? I bet it was the face.

I'm only half getting this as well. So, you are saying there's a lack of humour detectors but whose face are we talking about?

Maybe a massive A Team fan?

I assume he was too busy arguing about the face he had been given that the fact he had also not been given a sense of humor was something he missed.   Boom-tish .

Convert; really? Genuinelyl not getting your allusions, so I’d be grateful for an explanation.

Really? Must I? You know you have done a rubbish job at a throw away repost when you have to explain it…..

It was perfectly clear that the OP was joking. It was written all over the subtext and all the contributors responded in kind. No one thought the OP was genuinely fearful; it was just a playful bunch of comments about the intricacies of being part of a relationship. Misogynistic, sexist or representative of 70’s stereotypes? Not that either – these comments could have been made by a woman in a relationship with a man, a man with a man or a woman with another woman. It’s just about relationships. Note that no one went down the ‘at least she wasn’t trying to park’ gag line or any other supposed gender traits.

Your comment was poor. You are either (I hate this term but it’s early and I’ve got things to do and cba to think of another one) of the professionally offended ilk electively choosing to not see the (attempted) humour in order to have a dig or score points; or you genuinely didn’t get the context for some reason. I’m not sure which but elected  to be generous and chose the latter. It might not have been funny series of posts to you but it was blindingly obvious that is was not serious and was at least an attempt at humour.

My comment was a play on the pretty well known ‘He was still arguing about the XXX when they were handing out the XXX’ phraseology. I thought it common parlance, maybe not. Why face as the other ‘attribute’? To be honest chosen pretty much chosen at random, in haste. However, faces are expressive of attitude which married well with the first attribute (lack of ability to discern humour from sincerity).  I envisioned yours like someone either as bemused with a lack of emotional intelligence or as someone who had swallowed a wasp being dour and supercilious. Hence the images when you asked for illustrations?

Anyway, glad the OP’s conversation with partner went well (actually not, thread could have been improved with a good rant) and you both are able to laugh about it now. Even though she is going to hell for being a speeding idiot (I’ll no doubt see her there).

it's getting a bit like twitter on here.

My comment was a play on the pretty well known ‘He was still arguing about the XXX when they were handing out the XXX’ phraseology. I thought it pretty common parlance, maybe not.

Never heard it myself and its the post above yours that  means i understand it not this

How long would your post have been if you had time ? 😉

Is her name Louise?

Re the Oz posts, I got zapped by a cop with a speed gun riding my motorcycle across the Hay Plain. He was hiding behind the car and jumped up as I got there. I hadn't seen any other vehicles for some hours and it was unusual to see a car stopped off the road so I assumed it was someone in trouble and was slowing down to see if they needed help. I was doing around 5mph when he got me.

 What that has taught me is that if I’m going to speed on the motorway I may as well do 90. That’ll make some of my longer trips a bit quicker.

Perhaps not such a daft idea. National Police Chiefs’ Council (NPCC) 'suggest' that to take into account drivers attention, basically they recognise that a driver should be concentrating on the road and not the dash. They should 'allow' drivers 10% leeway with limits, also, because speedos aren't completely accurate they allow another 2 or 3mph for Speedometer errors.

So, if you're on the motorway and conditions aren't bad and your car looks in safe condition it's *likely* that if you're caught by plod or camera up to 82mph you won't be prosecuted, you might be stopped for a chat, but even that's unlikely.

Ironically, given the above, the law states that speedometers CANNOT over-read so motor manufacturers set them to over-read by about 10%, think of it as the motoring equivalent of a bakers dozen.

So, if you're driving at an indicated 90, you're *likely* to be really moving at 82mph and as the NPCC advises it's forces not to prosecute below 83mph you're *probably* safe.

Of course, you're still breaking the law so if you're driving anything other than Saintly (barring the speeding of course) or your car doesn't look in good condition you may still be fined if you pass a Police car, marked or otherwise (not that there's that many about these days) and you're cutting it very fine.

Personally I tend to drive at 80 if the motorway is clear and conditions good. 70 is a frustraiting PITA because it puts you at the same speed at the middle lane hogging mongs, and usually stuck in lane 1 trying to get into mong lane to pass a HGV and constantly changing speed which is bad for economy - 80mph is 50mpg on a 'clear run' for me.

Convert; apologies for the delay in replying but I have a job, a training programme and a life. Thank you for your lengthy explanation - you have just proven the adage that 'Women are from Venus, Men are from Mytholmroyd'. I'm not of the 'professionally offended ilk' but I genuinely don't understand your face allusion. I repeat, please explain.

This threads been ruined.

Started so well.

Was just checking in to see whether Convert has explained more yet....dissappointed....

He's saying you were too busy arguing about the shit face you were given so you missed being given a sense of humour

It seems most have missed the point made by jonv's wife that she already knew it was coming, but said nothing about it.

If I'd been in a similar situation I'd have probably mentioned it to my OH.