[Closed] Office put downs...

talking to you is like taking a shit
it takes forever and it stinks.

Sorry I've actually got nothing useful to add. 😀

I refuse to enter into a battle of wits with an unarmed man.

I do not generally suffer fools, and you sir, are intolerable.

Oh, and for what it's worth, had I been in your meeting, I'd be thinking he's a dick, and chuckled at your response.

I like to reply to "there's no "I" in team" with, "yes, but there is in ****ing arsehole"

Loses a bit with the swear filter, but you get the point!

"Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view."

"There's no 'I' in team"
"But there is a 'u' in ****"

I ended up with 'thanks for your opinion, now moving on'

Preceded by a 3-second stare, I think that would do the trick.

Flip him the bird.

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The jerk store called, they're out of you.

Oh, and for what it's worth, had I been in your meeting, I'd be thinking he's a dick, and chuckled at your response.

This. Politeness always wins out. If you need to score at other people's expense, you will win no friends. It's not a zero sum game.

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This is the look you want

This might get me banned but…

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Comeback Ever[/url]

If you're asking here for a response, you're in the wrong job...

This is the look you want

No, [i]this[/i] is the look he wants...

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Terrifying character - and terrifying hair.

This thread has reminded me of the exchange from the other guys with will Ferrell and mark wahlberg : 😆

Terry Hoitz: No, I don't like you. I think you're a fake cop. The sound of your piss hitting the urinal, it sounds feminine. If you were in the wild, I would attack you, even if you weren't in my food chain. I would go out of my way to attack you. If I were a lion and you were a tuna, I would swim out in the middle of the ocean and freaking eat you and then I'd bang your tuna girlfriend.
Allen Gamble: OK, first off: a lion, swimming in the ocean. Lions don't like water. If you placed it near a river or some sort of fresh water source, that make sense. But you find yourself in the ocean, 20 foot wave, I'm assuming off the coast of South Africa, coming up against a full grown 800 pound tuna with his 20 or 30 friends, you lose that battle, you lose that battle 9 times out of 10. And guess what, you've wandered into our school of tuna and we now have a taste of lion. We've talked to ourselves. We've communicated and said 'You know what, lion tastes good, let's go get some more lion'. We've developed a system to establish a beach-head and aggressively hunt you and your family and we will corner your pride, your children, your offspring.
Terry Hoitz: How you gonna do that?
Allen Gamble: We will construct a series of breathing apparatus with kelp. We will be able to trap certain amounts of oxygen. It's not gonna be days at a time. An hour? Hour forty-five? No problem. That will give us enough time to figure out where you live, go back to the sea, get some more oxygen, and stalk you. You just lost at your own game. You're outgunned and out-manned.
[pause]
Allen Gamble: Did that go the way you thought it was gonna go? Nope.

DT78, I think your response was a good one anyway.

It really isn't worth getting into a shit storm with the guy.

If he is wrong then your bosses will know and see he's a cock.

I might have said 'glad to see your deluded as well as obnoxious' 😀

So he went on about how much better he is, and you had nothing to say back............. awkward........... does that mean he had a point?

So he went on about how much better he is, and you had nothing to say back............. awkward........... does that mean he had a point?

Have you ever [s]worked with[/s] met people? 😉

I've met your mum.

See, it's easy 😀

😉

Great, can you tell me where she is please?!

The meaningful pause... and the use of the word "fascinating".

"That's eh......fascinating, thank you"

Don't engaage these types it is rarely worth it.

"Thank you for your, er, unique interpretation of events" or some variant thereof has got me through many bullshit work conversations

Long pause, smile "thanks"

Your response was bang on in my opinion.

Alpha.....brilliant! Il be using that later

'Unless I'm mistaken this meeting isn't about blowing smoke up your departments arse so shall we continue with my meeting?'

I think you are operating outside your sphere of knowledge

OP: I think your response was pretty good actually. Most companies don't appreciate in-fighting in my experience; if you can rise above it & try to keep things on an even keel (See transactional analysis) then you will have come out of the exchange with credit.

Don't sink down to their level, they'll win because of their experience

I'm with blurty - you said the right thing without heading for the lowest common denominator

DT you did it right in corporate land, the only thing better would maybe a prolonged silence before saying it.
Depping at a mtg i said good morning to the director who didnt know me and in return asked pointedly if I had got lost and was in the wrong meeting, told him all the good ones were busy today so unfortunately he had to settle for me as i sat down next to him, his SLT who knew me pissed themselves laughing loudly. It clearly boiled his blood and he kept hid back to me the whole time. Sometimes self deprecation is just so perfect.

One I have heard used is 'you have dillusions of adequacy'

Yep your response was perfect, sometimes adding a stare or a chuckle can also help 🙂

I have asked if people have anything else to add or can we move along now?

You are just like a Slinky, completely pointless and I want to push you down some steps.