You don't need to be an 'investor' to invest in Singletrack: 6 days left: 95% of target - Find out more
In praise of toast
Toast!
The most humble food, and yet the most exalted
You sit upon my plate, with butter, slightly salted
(actually it’s Flora Buttery unless I’m feeling like a devil -
‘cos my cholesterol was diagnosed at an elevated level)
Toast!
My goal, my spur, my reward on winter nights
I ride home up Layhams Road, 4k of hill, no street lights
Chavs and gypsies fly past me with no regard
Their s****ing passengers thinking they’re ‘ard.
Toast!
I see you now at breakfast time, beckoning to me
Loaded with marmalade and peanut butter (crun-chee)
What will lunchtime bring? Some smoked mackerel maybe?
With salad (five a day - remember?) and watch some tv
Toast!
You curer of hangovers, soother of post-operative wobble
You leveller of class, let there be no squabble
You are fast, yet gourmet, infinite in your versatility
You reign supreme in the culinary facility.
[Spoken]
Morning all. I'd like to tell you about when I was a young boy. I must have been three or four months old at the time. I didn't really know what I wanted, and if I did, I wouldn't have been able to tell anybody, 'cos all I could do was gurgle. So I sat there in me highchair, thinking one day, looking at me tray and thinking what I'd give for a meal on there. So I started looking round to see what I could have. I was rubbing me eggy soldier in me head, trying to think, and then I looked in the corner and there's a little breadbin with its mouth open, just staring at me, like. And then I looked in and I saw bread.
I thought, oh yeah, I'll have toast,
A little piece of toast.
Well, then I started getting older,
I hated this, I hated that,
Expensive state was ludicrous
And cafés couldn't cater for the finer things in life:
The upper crust was not for me,
I could tell that.
So I'd go back home,
Switch the kitchen light on,
Put the grill on,
Slip a slice under
And have toast,
A little piece of toast.
'Cos there's so much to choose from.
There's brown bread, white bread,
All sorts of wholemeal bread;
It comes in funny packages
With writing on the side,
But it doesn't matter which one you have
'Cos when you cut the crusts off,
Have it with marmalade
Or butter, cheese, tomatoes, beans,
Banana
Or chocolate if you're strange,
It doesn't really matter.
Oh no, it all goes with toast,
Just toast.
I'm gonna think about it some...
That's toast, mmm yeah,
Just toast,
That's toast,
Just toast.
Well I go down the supermarket
With me basket in me hand,
I'm walking from one counter to another
Trying to find the bread stall,
But I can't find it anywhere
And then I bump into a mother
With a baby in a basket
And she says
'Oh look, you've started him off again,
I come down here for a little bit of peace and quiet
To get some bread to go home to make toast,
Just toast,
I like toast'
Yeah, but I don't half like toast.
OK, scrape that toast, boys.
That's toast,
Yeah, just toast.
[Spoken]
I can't think about it any more. I've got to go and have some, it's no good. Here listen, I'm getting a bit browned off standing here. Me too. Shall we go and have some toast? Good idea. Why not? OK. I've got the grill on. Got any brown bread? Yeah! Have you got wholemeal bread? Wheatmeal bread? All sorts of toast. Let's go... (They proceed to make toast, accompanied by various kitchen noises.)
Paul young's finest hour, remember watching that on TOTPs
gotta be white crusty bread [b]without[/b] any sort of marmite
Toast.
It's the meal that I like most.
Toast.
slightly more sophisticated but still toasty..
I remember Luton
when I'm swallowing
my cruton
Toast!
Like bread but crunchy.
Like bread but munchy.
Like bread but warm.
Like bread but firm.
I would be at least 10kgs lighter I reckon if toast hadn't been invented.
Vegemite or proper antipodean Marmite is the best topping.
Sorry no poem, but I really really really want a Cyclon Toaster. Currently selling for £200 on ebay.
Possibly the worst lyrics ever written, from [i]Life[/i] by Des'ree:
[i]Ooh, I get the shivers
I don't want to see a ghost,
It's a sight that I fear most
I'd rather have a piece of toast[/i]
Mind you, [i]Kissing You[/i] (from [i]Romeo and Juliet[/i]) still makes me go weak at the knees. 😳