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So, chatting to a mate the other day, he reminded me that he used to live underneath a bloke who's job was making lift music...Well background music, it's just that his longest contract was with Otis, so that's what he did most. He would compose music for lifts in fancy hotels or head offices or other buildings. All day sat in front of a keyboard making the dullest most mediocre tunes. Otis would maybe say "The hotel is in Shanghai so needs to have a Chinese theme" and he would have to make 10 mins worth of shite unremarkable music. He hated it, but it paid quite well, so he was sort of stuck...
wonder if he still does it.
What other weird shit do people do, or have you heard of?
STW big hitter. I hear it's a full time gig arguing on the forum.
wonder if he still does it.
He's gone up in the world since then.
And then back down, then half way, then he got stuck on the 5th floor because someone jammed a suitcase in the doors.
I used to with a guy whose winter job was driving reindeer around.
Post-application liquid wall coverings inspector.
Curling Stone polisher
Post-application liquid wall coverings inspector.
A drying trade.
While on a work trip to the North, long train journey, so I did some CAD modelling for another job. Sat opposite me was boss of a local, small restaurant chain. He spent a good couple of hours on the phone discussing with one of his managers what size ramekins they should use to optimise the number of olives in a portion. I caught myself thinking what a massive load of fuss over so little, until I remembered I'd spent most of the journey drawing 1/4 scale models of door handles and light fittings for a model village.
Post-application liquid wall coverings inspector.
Sounds exciting!
Chicken sexer
although the link doesn't point out that fewer cocks are needed then hens so most of the cocks just go in the bin
I don't know the name for this, but...
Turkeys are grown to produce as much breast meat as possible. So much so that it is difficult for them to achieve any kind of sexual activity which is a requirement if the factory is going to have any more turkeys after Christmas. So there are people whose job could best be described as "turkey w**kers" who get the semen out of the male turkeys to artificially inseminate the females
chicken sexer?
Edit - seconds too slow damn you!
I corresponded once with someone (Admiralty I think) whose job title was;
Head, Law of the Sea
Sadly I think it was an office based position and probably nothing to do with hunting pirates.
My mum did some management training for Trebor-Bassett. They had a "Manager of Continuous Liquorice". Marvellous.
I once saw a job advert for a "Domestic Violence Co-ordinator", which seemed a bit unnecessary.
Thanks wwaswas, that genuinely made me laugh 🙂
I did also see an advert for a position in a local research institute for a Scientific Scientist.
Always wondered what the Unscientific ones did
I once met 'Head of health and happiness' at an employment training company.
My boss is the 'Scotland Director'. Who knew...
Chade-Meng Tan used to have the title "Jolly Good Fellow (that nobody can deny) when he was at Google.
Brett Tippee has been 'Director of Good Times' for years.
Brushing up occasionally with the TV industry I've met loads of people who's job seem to be, to be an awkward as possible, whatever you say, they'll say the opposite with a knowing nod as if they're thinking very deeply about exploring all avenues. I don't know what they're called though, it's a wonder if anyone does as they have their own names for every job.
They've put these blue plastic doilies in the urinals at work. Every time I go now, I can't help but think of the designers and testers of these things. Who decides on the smell? Why wasn't I told at school such jobs are available?
Many years ago in Private Eye they printed a photo of a job advert for Tampax Ltd. - Fitters Wanted.
And I assume the Otis music compiler was based at Otis, Reading. And he later did playlists for pizza companies but had to move to Gino's, Washington.
Shame he couldn't get the Schindler's Lifts gig - but that John Williams is hard to shift.
Influencer. That's pretty weird. Well, if you're around my age it is anyway.
I met a bloke who was forced to tell us all what he did for a living. It had a fancy title, but basically he extracted semen from Bulls to inseminate Cows. Poor chap did this manually.
Not sure if he gave a toss about it as a career though.
He’s gone up in the world since then.
And then back down, then half way, then he got stuck on the 5th floor because someone jammed a suitcase in the doors.
I hear the lift Music world has it's highs and lows...
Friend of a friend works in a confectionery factory. He is, literally, a fudge packer.
Another chap I know is a middle manager in some pretentious tech start-up or other. They were all allowed to come up with their own job titles (within reason), his is "End Of Level Boss."
Which reminds me,
I was once offered to choose my own job title. I suggested "Technomancer." The offer was quickly withdrawn.
Shame he couldn’t get the Schindler’s Lifts gig – but that John Williams is hard to shift.
That deserves more love than it got.
I'm the Handpicked E-sales team leader... For a forestry business
Post-application liquid wall coverings inspector.
Freelance or one of the test houses?
I used to be qualified but am now lapsed.
http://nace.org/education/courses-by-program/coating-inspector-program
We used lloyds register a lot in the UK.
I have spent time watching paint dry. Mostly when it was UV cure so relatively quick.
An old friend got a job in telesales and was tasked specifically cold-calling old folks homes and trying to persuade then to buy large scale fireworks displays.
I was once offered to choose my own job title. I suggested “Technomancer.”
As a bean counter I would have gone for “Legumerator”
I used to work in TV, £400 a day to watch the red light and make sure it doesn't go out. There was slightly more to it than that but it boiled down to if you don't have someone who's job it is just to be in charge of recording it then there's a reasonable chance the hard drive will pack up and you've lost everything.
scotroutes
Member
I used to with a guy whose winter job was driving reindeer around.
I hope he had decent seat covers!
Didn't the antlers snag the headlining?
My mate was a Giraffe at Thorpe park, lost the job because some teenagers started trying to knock him over and he punched one clean out. Wish they had CCTV.
I spent some time working on a nuclear submarine programme about 20 years ago and during one of the frequent and often re-organisations some proposed organisation charts were produced. One contained the gem of a job title "Aft Penetrations Team Leader" as well as the "Forward Penetrations Team Leader". Sadly, the job descriptions were lacking in detail of the sexual preferences of candidates.
Saggar maker's bottom knocker
I work as a pressure surveyor for an insurance company which is quite unusual. But it’s the fact I get to go around to lots of other companies and see other people’s jobs. The two most random ones were a company that made sand mounts for joining up train tracks with molten metal and a company that made ultra high quality cameras for measuring dust partials for the flour milling industry.
not a job but part of a job description
My dad started a new job with an eduction authority - at the time it was advertised the job was onespecialising in 'Art and Design' but it was at the time at 'Craft Design Technology' became a thing so by the interview 'Technology' had been added. Once he was offered the job it became apparent that 'Domestic Science' was a technology and had been added to his portfolio, incrementally lots of little extras kept being added, including things like Special Eduction and kids excluded from school.
He started the job during the week of a major eduction conference and was invited to speak - he was introduced by his boss to the audience as the new Adviser for Art and Design and Techology and - and - and - and finishing the list of subjects with a new one "..... and he's also responsible for all the pregnant teenagers in Greater Manchester"
The two most random ones were a company that made sand mounts for joining up train tracks with molten metal and a company that made ultra high quality cameras for measuring dust partials for the flour milling industry.
A few years back I worked alongside a company who's sole specialism is craning cast iron victorian artist etching presses through top floor windows. They travel all over Europe doing it.
Mr Chiaramonte described himself as an "agro-food consultant for third millennium cuisine"
I was once at a meeting with various health specialists and other partners. As we introduced ourselves one woman gave her title as Kirklees Breast Feeding Champion. I asked a genuine question about the post which unfortunately was misinterpreted and earned myself a rebuke from my line manager who was also present.
The department at my work that comes up with job titles is now called "talent acquisition and retention" rather than "HR" like it is every where else!
We don't have a HR Manager anymore. We have a Chief People Officer.
It’s all HR Business Partners these days isn’t it?
I once saw a job advert for a “Domestic Violence Co-ordinator”, which seemed a bit unnecessary.
Saw a local authority adevrt for a Teenage Pregnancy Coordinator a couple of years ago - I assume you would have to be a male to apply 😉
These irritating sales folk with the pullovers and shiny breeks at arnold clark are no longer called salesmen but product consultants
My job is getting people to go to university. That's pretty much a thing that just happens, and there's a pretty good argument that too many people already do it, and my uni is generally full up anyway. But apparently, it still makes sense to have Education Liaison Officers. Which obviously is a job title that means NOTHING AT ALL, not to mention nobody can spell liaisison so probably half the emails that anyone sends us don't arrive. My job tomorrow is to hire some alpacas. My life is meaningless.
My previous job title was Production Facilitator, basically all the boring day to day shit my then boss didn't want to do.
It was great: interviewing shop floor staff, covering for him in meetings, signing documents. Learned a lot about the business with no real responsibility, until they made him redundant and left me running the plant!