I heard the most appalling, disgusting joke when I was a kid that I couldn't even bring myself to repeat to anyone, but that still makes me laugh (somewhat guiltily) today. The thing is, I can't really share it with anyone, because a) it's too gross, and b) it's a joke that would probably make me a complete social pariah.
Anyone else have a private joke that amuses them, but that they can't share?
😐
I've got a few that my wife has prohibited me from telling my sons until they're 18.
My favourite joke has the punch line " know it? I bloody wrote it" you can make that joke as disgusting as you want 😆
There are websites for this stuff. I looked once and some were so extreme that they stopped being funny. You are probably right to to repeat it as it is so audience dependant
How about we just do one half of a really bad taste joke?
What goes "Ring ring.....ring ring...ring ring....AAAAAAAARGH!"?
My favourite joke involves, Hitler, Jesus, God and a sweary punchline about a cross.
Select audiences only, but it's just offensive rather than obscene.
thegreatape - Member
I've got a few that my wife has prohibited me from telling my sons until they're 18.
I spun my twins along for over ten years promising to tell them a joke on their 18th which they couldn't hear until they were old enough. Needless to say,when I did finally tell them they were bitterly, bitterly disappointed!
My wife pretty much forced me to tell a fairly dodgy one at a "works" dinner (her job, not mine).
"... and she hit the bloody roof !" - that one
(I like pigface's one too)
I spun my twins along for over ten years promising to tell them a joke on their 18th which they couldn't hear until they were old enough. Needless to say,when I did finally tell them they were bitterly, bitterly disappointed
My father did similar with the limerick starting 'There was a young lady from Bude', although he died before telling me the rest. I looked up a few years ago. Wasn't worth the wait.
My father did similar with the limerick starting 'There was a young lady from Bude', although he died before telling me the rest.
That's how I want to go. Halfway through a joke.
Ah yes, The Aristocrats.
IIRC I got at least a warning if not a ban from here for my fave non pc joke.
It manages to offend just about every minority group in 9 words
I will repeat it amongst friends but dare not on here
Jimdoubleyou - same joke perhaps!
Similarly, I've had two bans for telling my favourite joke... Involves a swastika...
My father did similar with the limerick starting 'There was a young lady from Bude', although he died before telling me the rest. I looked up a few years ago. Wasn't worth the wait.
Ah, the ol' obscene limerick! I have one of those I can't share as well. 😀
To be fair, I'd hesitate to tell it even to my kids when they come of age, as I would lose any respect they had for me.
IIRC I got at least a warning if not a ban from here for my fave non pc joke.
This place is worse than a Polytechnic staff common room for people liking to get offended
juanghia - looks like a few of us know the same joke and it is very offensive if funny.
Search for "Frankie Boyle, Michael Jackson's children's hospital"
It's pretty dark but providing you're not too professionally offended you'll survive!
I *really* miss Sickipedia - that was a source of wonderfully tasteless jokes.
I *really* miss Sickipedia - that was a source of wonderfully tasteless jokes.
Yeah, whatever happened to that...I used to follow it on twitter. Is it gone?
anyone know the one with the punch line "oh sorry, I forgot I had lent it to your brother"??
My fave ends with, 'I know, the dog didn't want to go camping either'
For the half jokes, are we doing set ups or punchlines?
Oh yes.
A man is driving along the road, when he spots a young boy walking on the pavement. He pulls up alongside him and says
"Hello little boy - if I give you a sweetie will you come in my car?
......."
Sickipedia is still there!
Explains why I just spat wine on my phone
Michael J Fox just got arrested for shoplifting
Serves the c-- right for trying to steal a tambourine
There's twenty of them.
both halves of my favourite joke would probably result in a ban :-/
Probably something about welding goggles.
That's how I want to go. Halfway through a joke.
Bravo!
Yep, good 'init! I call it the 'Four Sprung Dwarf Technique'
Sickipedia.org died after a hack, but indeed, .net is there, and full of naughty jokes.
Happy joy !
When I took my new cardboard girlfriend to bed, I had nowhere to put my <male chicken>.
I don't think she's cut out for having sex.
There's twenty of them.
Hahaaha, I was going to put exactly that.
Also
Sexy kids
Too much? :-/
"I could win that"
"Right children" said the teacher, "I want you to use the word ..... in a sentence"
Whats the difference between jam and marmalade?.
Right children" said the teacher, "I want you to use the word ..... in a sentence"
It will take the contagious?
"Why, haven't you got a vase ?"
It will take the contagious?
I was actually thinking "fascinate" but you'd think little Johnny's teacher would have learned by now 😀
People say there's safety in numbers
Anyone remember a joke where the punchline was 'only for a toffee'? I remember reading it in in the early 80s, in a student rag mag my dad my had bought in oxford. [url= https://forums.digitalspy.com/discussion/2096056/only-for-a-toffee-joke ]Just googled it[/url]
Sickipedia.org didn't go down because it was hacked but because the host server crashed and the discs corrupted.
The guy who owned the site didn't pay for back ups and hadn't kept his own (unlike the previous owner - that guy off b3ta iirc) and thus endeth a glorious piece of collaborative art.
Thanks to this thread for pointing me back at .net - I don't need to keep rummaging on Facebook for new jokes!
I'm assuming like a few others on here I've been hit with the ban hammer for posting offensive jokes.
I wasn't banned for this one but it makes me giggle nonetheless.
What's blue and doesn't fit?
I saw Jerry Sadowitz the other month. I will not be repeating it.
Yeah, I don't know how you pronounce it either.
There's twenty of them.
Yes, this one. 😆
Mine are:
"...and the bear said, you're not here for the shooting, are you...."
"For f***s sake can you not just make something up?"
Mine is 'first uncle Michael and now this' am Def n not posting the first bit
"Ziiiiiiiiiippp".
"It's not your lucky day, is it little boy?"
Cruder the better for me.
An old one with the punch line " ... Chunks is my dogs name" always springs to mind for me.
Bet these jokes would of been posted on Mumsnet 🙂
not found a joke that's obscene or offensive yet, just funny or unfunny
I saw Jerry Sadowitz the other month. I will not be repeating it.
Why, was he not very good? (-:
Random aside, I've met him. Wandering through Edinburgh and he was sat outside a coffee shop. I had a brief chat and got a photo, he was quite charming. I think TBH he was probably surprised anyone recognised him.
What's blue and doesn't fit?
A dead epileptic
funny but not obscene.
You're scared? I've got to walk back alone.
funny but not obscene.
Mods on another forum would disagree but that was quite a few years ago now.
'Both 6ft under and full of semen'.
'Both 6ft under and full of semen'.
What do Madeline and a submarine have in common. Not that funny but I'm sure someone would find it offensive.
My favourite joke has the punch line " know it? I bloody wrote it" you can make that joke as disgusting as you want
Ah the pianist joke. One of the very best!
'They both get sucked off in bogs' is another superb punchline.
Probably the most unacceptable joke that made me laugh (in a very guilt-inducing way) has the punchline "The A-Team".
If anyone knows it, I am sorry, but the first time I heard it was as a naive 15 year old playing for a men's cricket team and the unexpected nature of the punchline just got me. I'm not proud.
What do Madeline and a submarine have in common. Not that funny but I'm sure someone would find it offensive.
Agree completely now, think I found it funnier when I was quite merry.
I did post on here once, someone found it offensive as I was banned for posting the whole joke.
Wonder if that same person woukd report us both for posting it uo? 50/50 on the ban? 🙂 Amazing how sensibilities change over time.
Frankie Boyle, Shannon Matthews.
