Nissan jukes
 

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[Closed] Nissan jukes

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 Pook
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Would a yougov petition to make it legal to smash their headlights in with a hammer gather wide support do you think?


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 7:57 am
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Where do i sign? Ugliest cars on the road, why would anybody buy that!?


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 7:58 am
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My friend has one and I like her.


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 7:59 am
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I'd sign it!


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 8:00 am
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Had one as a hire car once. It was shite.


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 8:00 am
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Had one as a hire car once and quite liked it. Less ugly from the inside.


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 8:26 am
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there is a "nismo" juke near work.

as far as i can tell that means it has contrasting red wing mirror on its silver shell.


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 8:27 am
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Horrible looking motors that should never have made it beyond the designer's waste paper basket.

Inexplicably popular with pensioners round my way. Trying to recapture their lost youth, I suppose. Although buying a "funky" car in uber-pensioner burgundy seems to defeat the object.


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 8:33 am
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Hurl.. Where do I sign?


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 8:37 am
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One of my Students Mums has one.

She calls it Daisy as in Daisy Juke......


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 8:38 am
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Designed by primary school children as an art/craft project.
Guess the nismo effect is designed to draw your eyes to the wing mirrors to attempt to dispel the uglyness of the rest of the car.
(clever sales tactic)


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 8:39 am
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I think they are quite quirky but wouldn't own one.


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 8:51 am
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I'd happily push all of them and their "urban crossover" brethren into a volcano


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 8:57 am
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I'm in, where do I sign


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 9:04 am
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Car company makes car that responds to market shocker. STW froths over quirky car shocker.

Wouldn't have one myself but they don't take up much road, I'm sure they're reliable and efficient and they give me something to reinforce my convictions regarding my superior taste.


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 9:09 am
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Paint jobs is ugly a well:

[url= http://farm7.staticflickr.com/6043/5902368309_4a28d3c7d0_z.jp g" target="_blank">http://farm7.staticflickr.com/6043/5902368309_4a28d3c7d0_z.jp g"/> [/img][/url]
[url= http://www.flickr.com/photos/brf/5902368309/ ]Nissan Juke on two wheels @ Goodwood Festival of Speed[/url] by [url= http://www.flickr.com/people/brf/ ]brf[/url], on Flickr


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 9:17 am
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Wouldn't have one myself but they don't take up much road, I'm sure they're reliable and efficient and they give me something to reinforce my convictions regarding my superior taste.

+1

Now Range Rover Sports on the other hand, or whatever those silly RRs with the lower roofline are called...


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 9:19 am
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Granted they are fairly ugly, but not in the same league as those stupid big minis, or BMW X6.


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 9:24 am
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Compared to some of their other turds, the Juke is a handsome beast. I give you the Murano Crosscabriolet. I saw one of these last week and felt a little sick.

[img] [/img]


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 9:25 am
 DezB
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I like that people drive them around. Gives me a little chuckle every time I see one of the stupid looking things.


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 9:26 am
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I can see why some people like them - small elevated driving position. They are damn ugly in my eyes, but each to their own. Having had a couple as hire cars, they are though very small inside - particularly the boot. Plus very slow (at least the hire spec models).


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 9:27 am
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simmy - Member

She calls it Daisy as in Daisy Juke...

Personally I'd rather have a petition against people giving their cars names. Its a bloody car FFS. Dont start me on people referring to their pets as their "baby". They'll eat you limb from limb if they're starving.
*grumps off muttering*


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 9:30 am
 Pook
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It's specifically the always glaring frog lamps that do my nut.


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 9:30 am
 Pook
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And I mean frog. Like stupid frog eyes.


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 9:31 am
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Don't see what the problem is with them myself...
At least it's not a bland jelly mould shape like a lot of manufacturers seem to spew out.
They're fairly small and economical and aren't doing you any harm, are they?

Trail_rat, the Nismo one has almost 200bhp and will do 0-60 in under 7s according to Autocar, so a bit more than coloured door mirrors.


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 9:33 am
 hora
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The people who buy them aren't cutting-edge types. Its people who are trying to hard, same with the car.

Its a Nissan. The only Nissans I like are the early Nissan Cube's and they look awesome IN Japan but shit in Berkshire.


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 9:36 am
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"Trail_rat, the Nismo one has almost 200bhp and will do 0-60 in under 7s according to Autocar, so a bit more than coloured door mirrors."

does it have handling to match?

if not ill add big engine to the coloured wing mirrors- big engine and coloured wing mirrors a car doth not make.


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 9:37 am
 scud
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Seem to be the love child between a frog and Lieutentant Grubers "little gay tank" from 'Allo 'Allo.


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 9:39 am
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What about the Juke-R???

Juke with a GTR engine

[url= http://www.topgear.com/uk/photos/the-first-production-Nissan-Juke-R-is-ready-2012-10-16 ]Still wouldn't want one...[/url]


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 9:41 am
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My wife wants one, as far as I'm concerned if it's cheap to run, reliable, and can overtake a lorry up a hill it'll do. It's not ideal, but if its looks piss off so many people on here it must be doing something right 🙂


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 9:46 am
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Don't like them. I assume they're driven by people who want to be different, ignoring the fact that there are so many on the roads.


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 9:54 am
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To be fair, they should've just called it the Nissan Milf.


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 9:56 am
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Despite the fact that they're as ugly as sin from every angle, have been slated by the motoring press for being hideous etc etc, just how many of the damn things do you see? I don't understand Nissan. Most manufacturers have a super mini, a small hatchback, a family car, maybe a SUV type thing etc. Nissan have 2 (?) super minis and then 3 softroader type things before jumping to the 370Z and GTR.


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 10:01 am
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Target market was apparently 30+ people who imagine that they like to go surfing at the weekend.
Actual market appears to be pensioners.


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 10:02 am
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StefMcDef - Member

Horrible looking motors that should never have made it beyond the designer's waste paper basket.

Inexplicably popular with pensioners round my way. Trying to recapture their lost youth, I suppose. Although buying a "funky" car in uber-pensioner burgundy seems to defeat the object.

Ahh yes the same as "Old bastard red" we had a good laugh when a work mate bought one and his 80 year old mum said "Ohh Steve that's a nice colour"


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 10:15 am
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I wasn't aware they did any colour other than white?


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 10:17 am
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I drive one. I like it. :p

It's pretty sporty and economical.


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 10:17 am
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On a purely selfish and personal note, I'm a little concerned at the precedent being set that things deemed ugly by the STW masses can be voted to be destroyed.

*goes off to search for cosmetic surgery threads*


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 10:22 am
 hora
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annebr are you....a MILF? 🙂


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 10:32 am
 Pook
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Morecash - in just on about their idiot drivers inability to turn the stupid lamps off.


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 10:34 am
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Urban Thrill Ride is the Juke marketing slogan isn't it

http://www.standard.co.uk/news/london/family-release-hospital-photograph-of-cyclist-killed-after-regent-street-crash-as-warning-to-motorists-9196427.html

[img] [/img]

[img] [/img]

he family of a cyclist who died three weeks after a crash in the West End today released the last picture of him in hospital to warn motorists to take extra care on London’s roads.

Retired teacher Michael Mason, 70, was an experienced cyclist who was rushed to St Mary’s Hospital in Paddington after the accident in Regent Street on February 25.

He was placed into a coma after suffering a severe brain injury, fractured skull and broken ribs. His family gathered at his hospital bedside to commemorate his 70th birthday last Monday. Mr Mason is the second cyclist to be killed in the capital this year. Fourteen cyclists died last year.

The life support machine was switched off four days later after he slipped into a “permanent vegetative state” three weeks after colliding with a black Nissan in Regent Street.


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 10:41 am
 hora
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Whats that got to do with a car model?


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 10:49 am
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gwaelod - that post is rather unnecessary.

Cycling in London is dangerous we know that!


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 10:53 am
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Higher front ended cars tend to injure pedestrians/cyclists more in accidents - I'm guessing that's the suggestion though I know nothing about the circumstances of the accident.


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 10:54 am
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Actual market appears to be pensioners.

Old people often like cars a little higher up, makes getting in and out easier.

I'm no fan of SUVs but I doubt the Juke is going to much more damage than a normal car.

And as for joining a thread to show off about how much you hate a car - do me a favour. Are you all Jeremy Clarkson or something? At least he gets paid to rant.


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 11:00 am
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hora - Member
annebr are you....a MILF?

LOLz no, not in the slightest


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 11:03 am
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Get out of bed the wrong side this morning Molgrips? Or do you drive one?

😕


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 11:04 am
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I doubt the Juke is going to much more damage than a normal car.

Old article but

http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn4462-suvs-double-pedestrians-risk-of-death.html

Someone struck by a large sports utility vehicle is more than twice as likely to die as someone hit by a saloon car travelling at the same speed. The finding by American researchers will add further weight to calls for SUVs ­ sporty vehicles with a high, blunt-fronted body atop a broad chassis ­ to be made safer.

As I said though, no idea if this has any relevance to the OP though.


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 11:10 am
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It's pretty sporty and economical.

Well I suppose one out of 3 ain't bad. 😉

A friend's wife has one which he has driven once. He told me that the 'sport' mode made it do everything just as badly as before, but louder.


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 11:14 am
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That wasn't 3 things.

Pretty sporty

and

economical


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 11:36 am
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Get out of bed the wrong side this morning Molgrips? Or do you drive one?

I don't drive one, but I find it strange that everyone would join in to moan about something like this that affects them in no way. Now, if your partner had bought one for a family car or something, maybe.

Someone struck by a large sports utility vehicle is more than twice as likely to die as someone hit by a saloon car travelling at the same speed.

Absoutely, but what I meant to say was that I don't think the Juke comes into the category of large SUV, particularly in the US. It is not that big and has a fairly low front end.

However, just googled the NCAP ratings [url= http://www.euroncap.com/results/nissan/juke/2011/423.aspx ]here[/url], and it seems that it doesn't do as well on pedestrian safety as it does on passenger with a score of only 41%. For reference though, a 2010 Passat (ie normal car) only scores 51% for pedestrian safety, so it doesn't seem particulary bad if not the best. A Quashquai got 69% though.


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 11:52 am
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Despite the fact that they're as ugly as sin from every angle, have been slated by the motoring press for being hideous etc etc, just how many of the damn things do you see?

Who cares what the motoring press or anyone else thinks about aesthetics? That's a purely personal decision.

Beyond its looks, how does it compare to other cars of a similar size + price?


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 11:59 am
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I suspect they are probably quite good as cars. Nissan don't exactly have the coolest brand rep, and they are ugly, and yet people are buying them. So they must be doing something right.


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 12:02 pm
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I don't think pedestrians are going to fair any better with their latest offering.
[img] [/img]


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 12:03 pm
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I suspect they are probably quite good as cars. Nissan don't exactly have the coolest brand rep, and they are ugly, and yet people are buying them. So they must be doing something right.

That's what I thought. And outside of sports cars brands, are any of them really "cool"?


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 12:12 pm
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IanMunro - Member
I don't think pedestrians are going to fair any better with their latest offering.

That's a Mitsubishi not a Nissan? 😕


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 12:16 pm
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And as for joining a thread to show off about how much you hate a car - do me a favour. Are you all Jeremy Clarkson or something? At least he gets paid to rant.

As opposed to joining a thread to moan at the moaners. Is that like some kind of meta rant?

And they do affect me, I have to look at them


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 12:16 pm
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That's a Mitsubishi not a Nissan

A good point, well made 😀


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 12:17 pm
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*goes to check headlights are off on the Fabia. Just in case*


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 12:18 pm
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I like the look of them. 😀
Mind you, I like 2CV's and Doblo's too.

Couldn't own one though because they are the least space efficient vehicle since the Hummer.

A work colleague has bought one because she hates the feel of small cars but 'doesn't need all that space' 😯


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 12:20 pm
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Nissan had a well earned reputation as being reliable. Now they are part owned by Renault and use their engines....which is why I won't buy one!

On the subject of pedestrian safety one thing I have found while driving the Land Rover is I tend to drive with a lot less urgency (due to weight, automatic box, trying and save fuel and being more relaxed wafting around), pedestrians also see me better, other car drivers are less likely to cut me up so I am less likely to have to swerve and being higher up I can spot people walking out from behind cars easier. But I can see why an SUV/4x4 can cause worse injuries in a crash.


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 12:24 pm
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Higher front ended cars tend to injure pedestrians/cyclists more in accidents - I'm guessing that's the suggestion though I know nothing about the circumstances of the accident.

I used to think that might be the case but apparently it isn't true - the 30mph limit is somewhat based on the fact that if the average height car (for the time) hit a pedestrian, they would 'spin' from the collision and hit their head on the bonnet or ground, or something like that. They spin less the slower the collision, hence why the 30mph limit is so important, probably more so than 40.

With the higher cars there is less likelihood of them spinning because they are hit at a higher level.

It is something like that, they showed us at a speed awareness course (33 in a 30), which dented my prejudice against 4x4s.


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 12:29 pm
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I find this thread strange - forum members saying the Juke looks ugly but Skodas are a frequent recommendation here, and a decent looking Skoda is a rare thing (maybe only the Yeti ?)

And it is nowhere as ugly as that countryman mini.

I think the Juke looks like a little dinosaur.


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 12:32 pm
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The problem lies more with the impact position on the body than the pointyness of the car. Leg injuries are less likely to be life threatening than a blow to the pelvis/torso.

But I would like to see study results of different speeds, different vehicle heights etc as I am sure in some cases being hit by a big blunt front is better than (as mentioned above) smacking your head on the windscreen/bonnet. Although modern cars do have stringent bonnet safety requirements (ie less chance of the pedestrian coming into contact with the top of the engine due to the bonnet being too close)


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 12:34 pm
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And maybe anyone slagging off said Nissan should possibly mention what 'beautiful' car they are driving around in?


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 12:37 pm
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Rusty Spanner - Member

I like the look of them.
Mind you, I like 2CV's and Doblo's too.

Couldn't own one though because they are the least space efficient vehicle since the Hummer.

A work colleague has bought one because she hates the feel of small cars but 'doesn't need all that space'

Shows how subjective it is - I'm quite a fan of deliberately fugly cars of the Berlingo/Doblo ilk, but the Juke seems like it's all about form over function. I don't like cars that have that kind of steroidal, inflated look - like the bigger version of the Mini.


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 12:40 pm
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But I would like to see study results of different speeds, different vehicle heights etc as I am sure in some cases being hit by a big blunt front is better than (as mentioned above) smacking your head on the windscreen/bonnet

Well this has been thought about a lot, as far as I can tell. A lot of modern cars have a big soft plastic front, with the radiator well back behind it - presumbaly to allow it to deform. I also saw something on TV about this - the bonnet on a modern car is actually quite a soft place to hit your head - they make sure the hard engine is well below the bonnet so it can deform. Hardest thing to hit is probably the A pillar - that's not going to budge.


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 1:35 pm
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These crossover things are exactly the kind of car I would normally hate, but somehow the Juke doesn't bother me. It's quite nice and compact and I don't even mind the way it looks... not that I would ever dream of buying one. The 'Mini' Countryman though....don't even get me started. Surely they are going to have to come up with a new brand name soon? They're frickin' enormous!


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 1:50 pm
 sbob
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annebr - Member

I drive one. I like it. :p

It's pretty sporty and economical.

😆
Firstly, they are not "pretty sporty", they are not sporty in the slightest.
Secondly, as economical as it might be, it would be much better if it wasn't so *artificially large (frontal area is a large part of the aerodynamic drag a car creates, reduce area; reduce drag; reduce fuel consumption) and overweight.

*Cars like this just encourage shit driving by giving the driver an elevated driving position so they can still see ahead whilst driving up the chuff of the car in front.
If people learnt to keep their distance they wouldn't feel the need to drive such monstrosities.


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 2:19 pm
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This is the biggest selling 'car' in the USA. I get scared on my road bike out here.

[img] [/img]


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 2:26 pm
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For the Fugly fans - I give you the Fiat 500L

[img] [/img]

Had one on hire for a week (always fun seeing what they drop off for me), and try as I might I couldn't hate it.
It's a reverse TARDIS, but really rather fun to drive and the ground clearance came in handy clattering around Devon. Had to take both wheels off to get the bike in the back comfortably though.


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 2:28 pm
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I kinda like them, they look different. Crossovers are the perfect car for older people, nice high driving position wide doors etc which is why I advised my old dear to get one.

If you hate on crossovers you're gonna have a bad time - it looks like almost every manufacturer is going to be selling them

loving the look of the yet to be released Jeep Renegade - like a little Tonka toy

[img] [/img]


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 2:33 pm
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I've got one, it's small inside, but I rather like it. Economical, decent ride and good kit, but it has a tiny boot. Looks are subjective, but I don't really care how it looks. Company car, was cheap as anything on the list, so that may explain some of the numbers on the road.


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 2:46 pm
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The problem for Nissan is that for various reasons, people just weren't buying the Nissan equivalent to the Golf/Focus/Astra or 3 Series/A4/Mondeo/Vectra or fiesta/corsa.

The Almera and Primera were dying on their arse and the only way to win sales from the cars mentioned above was to do something completely different, hence the Qashqai and then the Juke were born.

You may not like them but they are both designed and built in britain and are a huge success which suggests that:
A. Someone got the design very right and
B. Some cars aren't designed to appeal to [s]fat middle aged I.T. workers.[/s] STW forumites


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 2:58 pm
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Nelson Mandela was relaxing at his farm when a Japanese man knocked on his door with a truckload of tyres.
Thrusting a clipboard in front of Mandela, he said, "You sign."
"They are not for me, I have already retired," Mandela said.
The man went away unhappy. Next day, he returned with a truck full of exhaust pipes and again said to Mandela, "You sign."
"I am getting exhausted with all this nonsense," Mandela said. Go away. They are for somebody else."
The man was decidedly peeved, but next day he returned with a truckload of brake pads. Nelson Mandela yelled, "Give me a break, you have got me confused with somebody else."
"The Japanese man looked at his invoice and asked, "You not Nissan Main Dealer?"

...

O' sorry, [i]Juke[/i]


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 3:05 pm
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sbob - Member

Firstly, they are not "pretty sporty", they are not sporty in the slightest.

Perhaps your idea of sporty is different to mine, but I find it sporty.

Do we need to have a TLGP?


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 3:16 pm
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Target market was apparently 30+ people

They must not far off hitting that target, musn't they? I've seen two or three round here - extrapolate that across the country and there must be fifty or more out there. 😀

Sorry - still disappointed that I misread the title as Nissan Jokes. 🙁


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 3:32 pm
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Brassneck, nice headlights in that picture up there.

(My coat? Why thank you.)


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 3:33 pm
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Perhaps your idea of sporty is different to mine, but I find it sporty.

I'm guessing you see darts as a sport 🙂

It's an overweight Micra & a Micra is far from 'sporty'.


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 7:43 pm
 sbob
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I drive an underweight Micra and it's as far from sporty as you can get. 😆


 
Posted : 17/03/2014 7:49 pm
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