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I’ve been in a ‘new’ position with a local design agency for 2.5 months having come from being a freelancer for 9 months before that. I was made redundant having been in my last full time position for nearly 9 years before, which was comfortable until we lost our biggest client hence me trying freelance. That was a tough gig so that’s why I am where I am now. At 52 and the oldest here I ended up taking a pay cut compared to my last job but at least it’s a regular salary. Everyone is nice, friendly and accommodating…to a point. The work is a bit tedious as it’s all within a niche sector. As it’s such a small team it’s all very hands on and I’m having to learn loads of stuff I’ve never had to before and often feel well out of my comfort zone - almost to the point where I’m so worried about what I can’t do it’s affecting what I can do. It’s quite pressured as deadlines are tight - it feels like I’m being carried a bit and it doesn’t sit well with me and the team will soon get tired of it too. It’s on my mind when I’m not in work which I hate and I almost feel stupid if I ask for help - I don’t grasp things quickly! There’s a lot of web-based stuff I’ve never really been interested in and it’s clear I’m not loving it here which is very much the case. Thing is - what do I do about it? I can’t see a long term future here though hopefully that’s my decision and not there’s. Freelance was too sporadic - a good month followed by a few shit months is not how I want to live - I need a regular salary but feel trapped in a job I don’t like. Anyone else had similar and what did you do?
Are you due a performance review soon? If not I'd be upfront with your manager and ask for feedback, it could just be imposter syndrome and your manager + team think you're doing a great job...
I feel for you - I'm 55 and have been in the print/colouring-in trade all my life. Used to run printing presses for my dad in school holidays.
I live in my own bubble now with a one-man-band printshop. 90% print/10% basic design. I genuinely don't think I could drop in to a team of young designers now. Tech has moved on so much, especially web design (I started in dark-rooms, cameras and hand paste-up!). If it's anything complex now I email people a list of local designers.
If my print shop had to close down for any reason I'd just get out of the trade altogether and find anything that pays a reasonable wage. Possibly take on some side-hustle artwork to bring a few extra quid in.
Self harmed and cried myself to sleep alot.
Then got some therapy.
I take my job far to seriously, don't want to let the existing management team down .plus I'm old so it takes me to learn new procedures .
I have a strong flight reaction and this manifests in imposter syndrome. The 3, fs fear , fraud , failure. I wasn't sleeping at all , constant tiredness and being shown stuff repeatedly. I spoke with a councilor and that helped. This might be partly what you're going through. Uncertainty about your skillset , worried you will be exposed as a fraud and be ridiculed and managed out the door. Thus forefilling the failure part of the trilogy.
Leading to unnecessary stress and anxiety.
Of course it could be none of the above and you may well be fine , just not clicking with people on your wavelength yet .
People talk about Imposter Syndrome like it is binary, you either have it or you don't. That is rubbish. It is more of a spectrum. But most people are on that spectrum, sounds like you are!
I constantly expect to be found out for winging it, then I rock up to a meeting and say something and think it sounds quite professional! Its a bit of a rollercoaster but I bet your colleagues are the same.
I think you just need to talk to your colleagues more, everyone likes being helpful and they will like helping you. You will then find ground where you can help them.
On a similar front - my wife moved from a small insurance office in January. Previous office was all middle-aged women, polite quiet chat, phone off at the desk and only 5 of them.
New office has nearly 30 staff, over half under 25. And culture is massively different - much more dynamic, riotous chat (wife has learnt a lot about young peoples approach to sex! 😳 ), boss genuinely doesn't care how staff approach work as long as the work is done. And Fridays are basically an all day disco with music booming out! 🪩
She hated it at first, but wouldn't go back to the old way now.
Massively, after redundancy in my 50s - got a job locally, but was a nightmare for a few years. Only thing that kept me going was that I could ride to work.
Had therapy when the anxiety got so bad I couldn't actually talk to anyone in the office without breaking into a sweat. Became unbearable.
Fine now. Been there 8 years and love it. No pressure at all, hoping it'll last til retirement. Well, at 60 I don't think there will be a lot else I can apply for!!
Had this a lot. Spent 15 years working in education sector (universities) 1st job since leaving university to study. 5 years ago i jumped a level to a lead web engineer for an agency. Was very difficult for anxiety for 9 months. Imposter syndrome was at level 11 for ages. Here i was leading a team of 5 devs and making decisons on technology for an agency that worked with some big names (adidas, ineos). Previously i'd worked on mainly internal university systems.
As time went on i found my niche. Agency working is very difficult at times due to very strict deadlines and juggling multiple projects + massive context switching.
Haaa see my recent post.
I've had s good couple of weeks and imnow getting used to it!
On the topic of Imposter syndrome, saw this today... hopefully brightens your day if nothing else