[Closed] New g/f and carpet in her toilet, along with white shag pile everywhere

If your guidance system is unreliable you may have to sit.

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Sounds like a girl who will love it if you go round immediately after a wet ride !

At least your new GF likes a good shag

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.pile carpet.

Sometimes premature urination may make an appearance...

its shoes off on entry,and clean socks

How very English.

So its shoes off on entry,and clean socks,then onto the white carpet

I'll say it. Phnarr!

Edit: 3 seconds too late *ponders familiarity of phrase*

Yup deffo sit down and make sure your little tallywaker is pointing downwards too to avoid peeing thru the gap between the seat and the pan...Or is that just me 😕

So its shoes off on entry,and clean socks,then onto the white carpet,but the toilet has white carpet also and no over spray mat.

In all honesty, I'd make hay while the suns shining. But no longer. I couldn't live with that.

fenred,no it's not just you. 😳

Toilet carpets were clearly invented by a woman.

Clean in the kitchen, dirty in the bedroom?

Toilet carpets were clearly invented by a woman.

Not so sure, the GF is almost certainly female. But she hates toilet carpets.

I'm thinking they are the work of the sort that collects embroidered badges. Or those little enamel badges that get stuck to walking sticks. Usually male.

Clean in the kitchen, dirty in the bedroom?

Sloppy eater, dirty...... err

thejesmonddingo - Member
fenred,no it's not just you.

I can't believe I fessed up to that on a public forum, glad I'm not unique tho, been worrying about that for 40 years! 😆

I can't believe I fessed up to that on a public forum, glad I'm not unique tho, been worrying about that for 40 years!

Well I can't say I've done that since I was about 3 and still had plenty of growing to do 😉 (that should make you feel bad about it again :p )

 

Are there knitted toilet roll covers too? I'm trying to build a picture here ... are you dating Hyacinth Bucket?

I'm no expert, but I reckon she's probably insane...

You could wear some really big slippers that would catch any drips.

Has she got a well kept garden and do her curtains match her carpet?

Projects girlfriend?

[url= http://farm3.staticflickr.com/2837/9458447163_e557c53976.jp g" target="_blank">http://farm3.staticflickr.com/2837/9458447163_e557c53976.jp g"/> [/img][/url]
[url= http://www.flickr.com/photos/90886684@N03/9458447163/ ]image[/url] by [url= http://www.flickr.com/people/90886684@N03/ ]piemonster[/url], on Flickr

Piss in the sink, it's the only way to be safe.

Has she got a well kept garden and do her curtains match her carpet?

She does have a selection of garden ornaments, which all stare at you when youre in the garden.Very off putting.

Your girlfriend was 30 in the 70's?

Cheers andyl, you must furnish me with your mobile number so I can call you when I'm at a low ebb/times of woe 😉

Have a pee outside against the wall before ringing the doorbell. It's the only way to avoid incidents.

She does have a selection of garden ornaments, which all stare at you when youre in the garden.Very off putting.

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RUN AWAY!

Anybody who puts carpets in the toilet, bathroom or kitchen is clearly insane.

And if it's white carpet... GOOD GOD. And starey garden ornaments?

FLY, YOU FOOL!

I know a person not a million miles from this thread who's GF (at the time) made him go to the pub across the road to have a number two...
😉 you know who you are...

Have a pee outside against the wall before ringing the doorbell

Is that a euphamism for something?

What are you doing in the garden?

Her doggy-style??

carpet in the khazi == fail.

[i]Is that a euphemism for something? [/i]

You've no idea how many times I changed that comment in an attempt to avoid just that. Garden, grass, front door, in the street...

Stoppit, you're turning me on! 😆

New favourite gif.

Poject leave a trail of muddy footprints to the loo, miss. Leave

No peeing after sex for you then... (For the benefit of the vast number of 40 yr old virgins on here, it sometimes divides into two different directions)

White carpets does suggest she's not into dirty sports!

fenred - Member
Cheers andyl, you must furnish me with your mobile number so I can call you when I'm at a low ebb/times of woe

😆

That gif needs a different type of badger at the point he stops and runs away

No peeing after sex for you then... (For the benefit of the vast number of 40 yr old virgins on here, it sometimes divides into two different directions)

Love the scene in Me, Myself and Irene where he goes to the bathroom the next morning 😀

Project's new toilet footwear.

[img] https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSFLyv5TSoLufbXu7sdlRoyMVHoa1pDKkN_Krt24gKDyWw6EOzi [/img]

Love the badger Mrs Toast.

khani - Member
I know a person not a million miles from this thread who's GF (at the time) made him go to the pub across the road to have a number two...
you know who you are...

POSTED 23 MINUTES AGO # REPORT-POST

Cheers for that fella! That's the last time I share any 'treat pics'' and tales of debauchery with cosmetically enhanced Chigwell mentalists with you!! 😀 😉

Whathaveisaidnow - Member

I'm no expert, but I reckon she's probably insane...

Possessing tits is normally the first clue. 😉

😆 LOL 😆 I didn't mention the toilet roll tubes...

[b]ENUFF ALREADY!!![/b] 😯

*puts fingers in ears* lahlahlahlah! #back to therapy I go 😀

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Project - is complimenting a lady's badger not a little bit too far? I know we're all friends, but...

Anyway, it's STW - why are you aiming for the toilet, shouldn't you be pissing in someone's shoes? 😉

Time to dust off the classic...still to be seen last week in a shop window near Fort William...
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The one Mrs toast has running across her garden.

Have you discussed this with her?

If you can't discuss this with her then I'm not sure you should be putting your willy in.

Seriously.

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We've had this discussion before.

If you've still got a foreskin and you're in a rush it sometimes gets in the way. Also, it's not unusual for your japs eye to get glued up a bit with man stuff which can alter flow rate and angle.

Also, it's like a pistol vs rifle for some people.

TBH I think you're going to have to take a dump on the carpet to set a precedent. That way early on the relationship you both know where you stand.

ell_tell - Member
TBH I think you're going to have to take a dump on the carpet to set a precedent. That way early on the relationship you both know where you stand.

errr, not on the brown patch?

As I get older the sink becomes more and more appealing - less aiming and less chance of having to lean down a bit. In fact if I was going to design a urinal I reckon it would look just like a sink.

I may have to get some slippers and a funnel and hose set.

Asked her why she has carpet and not vinyl in the toilet and bathroom she says she cant see a problem with it, and with vinyl you may well slip on the shiny floor wearing socks.

As I get older the sink becomes more and more appealing - less aiming and less chance of having to lean down a bit. In fact if I was going to design a urinal I reckon it would look just like a sink.

A few cheap hotels ive stayed at have urinal sinks fitted . 😳

All you really need is one of those all in one Crime Scene white bunny suits to wear in the house yeah?

Sounds like some sort of Clinical Theatre for surgery..

Best of luck and pee in the sink (as said)

Do let us know how you get in/on.

Plus there's a bath, surely. Is she in France? Over there the toilet and washing facilities are the same place so this issue doesn't arise.

Unless you've not got your little guy toilet trained, just aim... Aim again (best to be sure) and don't try anything too impressive distance wise. Or, go into the bathroom with some black tea and if the worst happens, 'drop' said tea over the offending area...

I think Project writes his name in the pan as he pees at home, looks like he'll miss aiming passed the r..

MUst try that BikeBouy.

I'd guess she's been single for a while, and will be again.

I'll never understand why (other) men insist on standing to piss at their own* toilets, given the aforementioned issues with aiming and the dreaded double-streamer.

Just sit down FFS.

(* naturally you still stand when at minging public toilets - mainly because sitting risks your strides touching the floor, which in most pub bogs is at least an inch deep in pish)

Mrs Toast shoots, scores!
In the immortal words of the Weasel Patrol...

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RUN AWAY!!!

yossarian - Member
Piss in the sink, it's the only way to be safe.
POSTED 2 HOURS AGO # REPORT-POST

does she have a bath tub?

Stand in the non-plug end and go nuts

It's either

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OR
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OR
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rossatease - Member
No peeing after sex for you then... (For the benefit of the vast number of 40 yr old virgins on here, it sometimes divides into two different directions

Please tell me you've seen the film 'Hot Rod'...

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Well, technically it's Klunk's badger from the 'Gifs you could watch all day' thread. I just borrowed it. But feel free to compliment me on my borrowed badger!

The point about inappropriate carpet stands.

*Has terrifying flashback to childhood home, which possessed a magenta carpet in the bathroom.*

Just wait till she comes back from a night out wi the girls to find you servicing your forks (fnarr...fnarr) on the living room floor wi oil everywhere.

My last gf tried to get me to fit carpets throughout my house but what's the point? - they'd just get filthy wi the bikes traipsing through the house and i'd get annoyed if i dropped oil over them, bare floorboards is the way to go for the bachelor male.

Well went round there today to fix a small leak on the toilet flush, ballcock problem, and noticed a small glass jewel stuck to the back of the toilet waste and another fixed to the outlet pipe of the sink.

So asked her about them and she said they where warding off evil spirits, and she had had the house Feng Shooed or something similar.There where also loads of scented candles around the bathroom some lit.And it was broad daylight and no power cut.

Any more advice.

Run away to sea, don't stop to collect any belongings, just run.

Fun Shoe your life, and make sure she isn't in it.

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This is a wind-up Shirley?

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Ahhh I know what she is..

Unhinged.

Having said that I'd adopt the mode of taking her mind off things like that and introduce her to pron.

😆

This does make for a fine thread Sir.

Hand her the laptop with STW open... We await the response.

The future consists of obsessive tidyness and multiple cats. Move on before you are trapped.

The future consists of obsessive tidyness and multiple cats.

That describes me rather well...

Well went round there today to fix a small leak on the toilet flush, ballcock problem, and noticed a small glass jewel stuck to the back of the toilet waste and another fixed to the outlet pipe of the sink.

So asked her about them and she said they where warding off evil spirits, and she had had the house Feng Shooed or something similar.There where also loads of scented candles around the bathroom some lit.And it was broad daylight and no power cut.

Any more advice.

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