[Closed] New baby, dad coping mechanisms?

Grit your teeth and get on with it, it gets easier when they're about 22

Sadly, yes was definitely there with my first, mainly due to feeding issues.

Hang on in, it does get better and it will be worth it. You are not the first.

If it does get too much, put the baby down and take 5 mins to resettle yourself. He'll respond better to you when you are calm, and won't come to any harm.

If necessary talk to the GP / health visitor, see what advice they have.

IT WILL BE WORTH IT (although you will still want to kill them at least weekly for the foreseeable - mine are 12 and 10 now)

Hang on, first few months is a sleepless, frustrating, stressful cycle of getting up, feeding, noise and interesting and unpleasant smells and sights.

Soon your little 'un will do something that will warm you to your bones and all this feeling will dissapear like a fart in a hurricane.

The first 3 months are probably the toughest.
It really does get easier, honest.

Everyone needs a bit of me time, can you cajole grandparents into helping out?
Maybe give b you guys a night off?

As a dad I find it definitely improved when they get a bit older and more interactive.

We've got 2 boys aged 3 and 5....

and 12 week old twins, who just this week have slept thru from 2300 to 0500 🙂 for the first time, so trust me, it could be worse !!

We have a 5 week old and I could have written most of your post above.

Thankfully we have some support from family which has helped a lot. My wife's mother spends some time with her in the day a couple of days a week which allows her to either sleep or do something. My parents also spend a few hours with us once a week at least.

I feel guilty when I leave for work each morning, but things are improving slightly each day.

We've introduced one bottle of formula each evening, which I do. This means that my wife can go to bed and get 3 or 4 hours of solid sleep whilst I spend time in the living with the baby. Makes me feel part of the process and a little bit less useless.

Congratulations by the way. If everyone else is right it gets easier as each month goes by (until they are teenagers).

From my experience, I found that sleeping in different rooms helped a great deal. Some people have issues with this , but the simple fact of the matter is that if you both get woken every time the baby wants feeding, then neither of you will get any quality sleep.
For medical reasons my wife was unable to breast feed, so we did share the feeding. She would go to bed around 9pm, then I would look after the baby until around 4 am. She would then take over, and I would have a sleep until 9am , then get up and go to work.
This allowed us to have quality time together in the evenings, and neither of us were particularly tired as such. Having an understanding boss ( well I told him what was going to happen and he had to accept it) helped.
You have just got to remember its a big change for both of you and there are hormones flying around (both yours and hers), but its worth it in the end.

[i]We have a 5 week old and I could have written most of your post above.[/i]

So could the majority of new dads.
I just used to go out and ride my bike 😆

Just grin and bear it.

My ordeal is nearly over - one's 20 and left home the other is 17 and only causes 2-3 sleepless nights per week now.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Solve-Your-Childs-Sleep-Problems/dp/14053196

You both need to make time to do stuff for yourselves individually too. So plan some stuff, get some times agreed and stick to it. Need only be an hour or so, but it will help.

Stella Artois!

Work on the routine for the wee one and try and give each other a break.
It's hard when it all starts as soon as you walk in the door,more so if she has had a hard day.
I would plug in some tunes and walk for miles with our first (pram and sling in all weathers)and it gave my OH time to recharge a bit.
For the first 6 months he hardly slept more than 3 hours straight,now he sleeps like the dead.
It will get easier,hang in there.

Just reiterating the above. I was introduced to a whole new level of tiredness when my boy was born and, like you do when you're tired, you get snappy and tense. It will get easier though and it now seems like a very distant memory now he's six. Believe it or not, every now and then I miss those times when he was a real little nipper. Then I remember the tiredness!

I don't really have much advice with regards to help. We just seemed to grind on, bleary eyed and in a daze. I thought it would never end but it did.

Our first wasn't a great feeder to start with so my wife out of no where put him on the Gina Ford plan. I know Gina's plan can be a bit divisive but it worked. Our firstborn went from a nightmare to manageable within a few days and was sleeping through the night from 5 months.

We have a 3 yr old and an 18months old who have just been packed off to the outlaws on their summer holidays. Time to get the bike out....

Mine are 10 and 8 and I STILL dont get good sleep every night!. Its as above really, at your stage its very hard and you will often feel sidelined. Get involved at every opportunity and get involved in the local toddler groups, they help a lot and you will see that your issues are nothing new!. Its gets progressively easier and you will end up with a system that allows some normality to return. Compromise and understanding each other is essential and you'll be fine. The sleep deprivation is by far the worst thing as your judgement can go out of the window and you can feel on the edge of sanity. IT GETS BETTER HONESTLY! 😀

Sounds standard for any new parent. You aren't alone thinking this. Try to spend more time winding...put them on your lap and roll them over - it helps shift the wind...I also found putting them on lower legs so slightly upside down helped shift wondering as well. If the wind can be helped then the unsettling should reduce slightly.

It does get better but you need to work through it and knuckle down...not easy but the rewards are there (assuming you aren't expecting junior to cloth and feed themselves from day 1!).

Also, dad tends to be ignored in the grand scheme, so accept you won't even be an afterthought for months but try to consider other half...all 3 of you are struggling to learn and deal with the new baby.

It'll come good but it won't happen overnight...good luck.

It's been over 16 years, but I can still remember just how much we argued when our first came along - the lack of sleep turned us both into irritable monsters... but as everyone else has said it does get better.

I'd also echo this advice:

From my experience, I found that sleeping in different rooms helped a great deal. Some people have issues with this , but the simple fact of the matter is that if you both get woken every time the baby wants feeding, then neither of you will get any quality sleep.

Although I'd suggest that first try getting the baby into a different room - it may be convenient to have him next to the bed, but it just means that you're all waking each other up all through the night. Move him out and he won't wake up when you start snoring, and you won't be on edge every time you hear him move. We got our second out of our bedroom at 6 weeks, and it made a huge difference. Don't worry about whether you'll hear him cry when he's hungry, he'll make sure of that 🙂

And get him onto formula at least once a night, gives you a chance to help out.

It can be tough at that stage. The feeling of not knowing what you can do to ease baby's distress can be very frustrating and also distressing in turn for you too.

It is a hard journey, we had one with colic and then twins who needed a huge amount of patience and effort to wind properly. This isn't so bad during the day, but was a killer until they slept through.

The upside, is that this doesn't last for ever. Right now though so far seems enough though I am sure!

1. Try and give mum some time of her own
2. Try and get some time of your own
3. Speak to health visitor and see if they can offer professional guidance

Recognising you are failing to cope as you would like is a massive start on the road to the solution.

Yak - Member
You both need to make time to do stuff for yourselves individually too. So plan some stuff, get some times agreed and stick to it. Need only be an hour or so, but it will help.

1000 times this. Our little girl is 3 and a half now and we only really got this sussed a year ago. It really makes a huge difference even just getting few hours away a week doing something for YOU.

I'll also echo what others have said, it does get easier and a lot more rewarding although the timescales on that are longer than you'd think.

Chin up. It's hard when you don't have much of a support network, as we found out, but you'll get by 🙂

We are 3 weeks into our second. She is being a sleep terror at the moment and like you as I can't do feeds I can't help as much as I'd like. I also struggle to settle her, at times feeding is the only thing that will work for this.

Like a poster above we are sleeping in a different room for the moment. For our first we both initially stayed in with the baby and both ended up a mess. Our current schedule consists of wife going to bed as soon as the evening feed finishes (somewhere between 8 and 10). I stay up with the monster asleep on me (sleeps better this way) till she wakes up. Typically this is around 2am, at which point we swap. This is allowing my wife to get a decent stretch of sleep which seems to be helping. Fortunately I'm not far from work so can stay in bed till 8 and we have help getting our eldest to pre school. At the weekends we swap back at around 7 and my wife sleeps for a few hours then. She is also napping were possible in the day.

All you can do is help as much as possible. Look after the child as much as you can for the period you are there to allow your GF to rest. Yes that means taking over as soon as you get home from work. It does get easier as they get that bit older.

Our first had really bad trapped wind and really struggled with sleeping because of this. She would wake up screaming in pain after very short periods. My wife went completely dairy free on a hunch and we saw an improvement within days. Turns out the baby was intolerant to the protein in milk*. The dairy free diet sucks though, especially for the mother, and after 6 months our daughter was moved onto a special formula called Nutramigen (expensive, fortunately we got a prescription for it).

* This resolved with age and careful reintroduction of dairy once weaned. To much dairy produced toxic poo at which point we backed off for a few weeks. Now aged 4 she can eat any dairy fine and has been able to for at least 1 1/2 years.

I had exactly the same thing including starting a thread on here. It is really tough but it goes get better. Our family were a good distance away and every time I saw them trying to pretend everything was great was a real struggle. I ended up waking in the night in tears and going to work at 4am as I couldn't cope with being at home.

If your feelings get any worse go the doctor as depression (post-natal?) in men is a real issue that very rarely gets addressed properly.

The best coping mechanism I had was to get out climbing for an hour one evening every week. You (and your GF) really need a little (tiny) bit of time to yourself each week to maintain sanity. I cannot stress how important that was for us.

Beyond this I forced myself to take our daughter for a full day on my own one weekend. This gave my wife a break for a day and forced me to deal with the baby properly as I had no one to pass her off to when things got difficult. This made a real difference and as soon as she had the 12 weeks inoculations I made a point of taking her swimming every Saturday. Through this I have built a good bond with her after a really difficult and shaky start.

On the medical side we thought it was trapped wind causing issues but we took her to the doctors and it turned out to be serious acid reflux and she was on baby Gaviscon until she was eating solids. Getting this sorted made the world of difference and things improved dramatically afterwards.

The only thing to remember is that it can be properly lonely for the mother with the loss of adult interaction especially if there is no support structure to rely on.

I can really understand how babies get shaken especially when people find there is little support around by way of friends and family.

Although I'd suggest that first try getting the baby into a different room - it may be convenient to have him next to the bed, but it just means that you're all waking each other up all through the night. Move him out and he won't wake up when you start snoring, and you won't be on edge every time you hear him move. We got our second out of our bedroom at 6 weeks, and it made a huge difference. Don't worry about whether you'll hear him cry when he's hungry, he'll make sure of that

[b]I'd caution against this, keeping them in your room is recommended for reducing SIDS risk ([url= http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Sudden-infant-death-syndrome/Pages/Introduction.aspx ]NHS page[/url])[/b]. As I understand it the point in keeping them in the same room is so they don't sleep as deeply because they are disturbed by you being there (not convenience for the parent)! Also there are signs that a feed is required before crying starts. Much better to pick up up these as starting the feed is less stressful when the baby is not frantic.

ours is 3 weeks old, so I might be in for the worst of it yet, but still. Things that quieten him down :

bouncing on a gym ball whilst holding him (sometimes him looking at me works, sometimes him in 'burping position' works)

going for a walk into the downs (~40 minutes) with him in the baby bjorn - sometimes shuts up straight away, sometimes after 20 minutes

not letting him sleep *too* much in the day (ie asleep for more then 2.5 hours, wake him up for a feed) seems to help him sleep at night

for wind, infacol, and lying him on his back doing cycling & squatting motions with his legs seems to get it all out.

Earplugs - this one is golden - once you're awake, pop them in. You'll still hear the crying, but apparently ear plugs stops it triggering the stress response that we're hard-wired into having. Allowing you to look after him more calmly

one thing that being a new parent does teach you is patience.

So firstly congrats.

Mines just hit 1. Ill happily admit that for the first 3 months I had my head in my hands thinking that the hell have we done. The missus looked like death, I didn’t know what to do. Everything I did was wrong and the baby just wanted boob. Its not great for the bloke but hold in there it does get better.

The best thing you can do is look after the mum. Mum will look after baby but she’ll be knackered. It will put stress on you as a couple (its hard, you need to hold it together and take a step back if things get heated. Shes always right and sort it out later). I know the olds are 5 hours away but consider getting them up for a weekend. Just to give you a break. Its worth it I promise.

Get friends round that understand. The ones that will make you a cuppa and not get you to make one. That’s the best thing ever.

I found eating lots helped. Come home with a large bar of chocolate and eat it together.

I know the olds are 5 hours away but consider getting them up for a weekend.

Only do this if there are the type that help. If they require waiting on then don't bother as it'll make things worse.

Is your partner breastfeeding, or are you bottle feeding?

My Wife breastfed for 6 weeks, but it was a real struggle & she suffered with really bad mastitis; almost needed surgery & still not right 9 months on....
So, we swapped to bottle feeding after 6 weeks and it made things a lot easier. We put our daughter onto the colic/constipation Aptamil as she couldn't keep the normal stuff down.

She refused to sleep for the first few months on anything other than one of us; she could be sound asleep until we put her in her moses basket or cot at which point her eyes would pop open & she'd start crying.
We ended up sleeping in shifts - 2hrs on/2hrs off for the first 3 months, which was pretty hard going, but not as bad as it sounds.

We don't have any nearby relatives, so found it hard to get help which sounds like the problems you are having. It does make a massive difference to have someone who can just take the strain for a short time.

Regarding the feelings of frustrations when trying to settle your baby down to sleep, I struggled with that. I dealt with it by telling myself that this was a little baby who didn't really know what was going on, but reacted to things instinctively. Any struggles to get to sleep weren't her being awkward, but just her being a newborn baby.
Someone mentioned just leaving putting the baby down for a few minutes if he's not settling. I often did that, although perhaps sometimes only for 30seconds to take a few deep breaths & try again.
Even now after 9 months, sometimes she will go out like a light while other times she will fight hard not to fall asleep - I've learnt that it's nothing personal & she's not doing it on purpose; she's just doing what babies do & I need to get better at understanding why she can't sleep & help her out.

As mentioned above - there'll be the odd signs that she is growing & developing & they really will melt your heart in an instant. That all makes it worth it - hours of misery forgotten with the faintest smile, or a little giggle.

Best of luck with it!

PS - as above - try to find the odd hour here & there so you can both get some time away to chill - even if it's just pottering in the garage, or taking a stroll.

try tipping the cot/moses basket up at one end. silent reflux can be really quite unpleasant and this really helped. you'll be surprised at the angle they can sleep at.

and then look forward to teething.... 😉

Earplugs - this one is golden - once you're awake, pop them in. You'll still hear the crying, but apparently ear plugs stops it triggering the stress response that we're hard-wired into having. Allowing you to look after him more calmly

I reckon this is a good suggestion, I kept meaning to try it.
For some reason, when our daughter cries properly it goes straight through my head and gives me an immediate splitting headache, whereas my Wife who suffers with frequent headaches normally doesn't suffer at all. She can hold her for prolonged periods while she cries like a banshee, while 5 mins for me & my head is a banging mess. I can put up with it, but it's not comfortable. I bet discrete ear plugs would just take the edge off!

The first 3 months are probably the toughest.
It really does get easier, honest.

This plus a million. Mine are 5 & 2 now, and whilst I am insanely busy, life is considerably easier than when they were babies. In the meantime, you need to develop some coping strategies. Some agreed times for you both to do your own thing sounds like a good start.

i also used to do the late night feed so the wife could go to bed as soon as possible, and also i slept in another room for a least a few nights a week.
there is no point everyone waking up to feed.

My wife also has a hectic job, but it was only after 9-10 months so she was getting annoyed by the constant baby singing/bubbletime/massage class (all an excuse for coffee and cake) and looking forward to talking to people about something else.

[man hug]Feel for you[/man hug]. My daughter is 11 months now so this is fresh..... Last night teething kept us all awake.... But it does get better. You are probably at the low now, first 8-12 weeks are hard then I noticed I was no worse each morning and it dawned we had reached the turning point. A month later and it was vastly better for me, although a breast feeding partner shouldering the feeds meant she bottomed out a month or more after me. Just hang in there. Remember you are all tired. ANY little gesture to be loving can be huge, a short foot massage, a cuppa brought, making 30 mins for her to shower and relax, helping brush her hair etc.

Keep smiling, you'll do it.

Oh and my daughter cried so loud it would hurt my and fiancees ears..... Thankfully her max volume decreased dramatically as she got a bit bigger.... Weird!

Almost everyone with children will recognise the scenario

IME no one can sustain week upon week of this without feeling exhausted or unable to cope and it can be a testing time for relationships

I used to do everything from getting home on a Friday evening until 11pm on a Sunday night that way we both managed to get enough sleep to make do.

I found a sling a great help. I was able to slip the boy in and head out for a nice walk. He'd sleep, mum could sleep and I could at least clear my head.

Was great for longer strolls at the weekend but also for a quick 30 mins of peace during the week. Even if I didn't go out I could tidy up the kitchen a bit while mum and son had a nap.

As other have said it gets easier. Try and learn to de-tune the stress and enjoy these prescious moments!

Our little one struggled terribly with wind / colic and we found that a red castle cacoonababy (stupid name) made a massive difference to sleep.

I'd caution against this, keeping them in your room is recommended for reducing SIDS risk

Live and learn, it's been 12 years since the last one was a newborn, the advice has probably moved on a bit.

Wow I'm still picking through all the posts, thanks everyone it really helps to read some of these responses. It's very easy to feel like 'this is it' and things won't improve right now.

Baby has been bottle fed almost since day one, it's complicated but boob wasn't really a long-term option. The in-laws are useful and grandad especially loves the little man, but nanny's solution to most problems appears to be placing baby in a pram in the garden 😀 My parents are 90 mins drive away but unfortunately not really interested.

Stumpy, our little man does the exact same, asleep soundly for 30 mins on mum, very carefully place him in moses (like you're handling high-explosives) & boom - the eyes ping open & it all kicks off again! Will review the angle/setup in there.

Spoke to GF and agreed a timetable of sorts needs to be put in place, so we're not debating who is doing what at 3am. Also took time out to speak to a colleague I wouldn't usually encounter, he has a 4 month old girl, his wife had called him up yesterday swearing & in tears, and he feels helpless at home as she is almost 100% breast feeding - strangely reassuring to hear this.

It's very easy to feel like 'this is it' and things won't improve right now.

Sleep deprivation is recognised as a method of torture for a reason...

Stumpy, our little man does the exact same, asleep soundly for 30 mins on mum, very carefully place him in moses (like you're handling high-explosives) & boom - the eyes ping open & it all kicks off again! Will review the angle/setup in there.

Have you tried putting him down while he's still awake and reading to him? Maybe with a hand resting on him? I used to read my eldest the newspaper 🙂

One of the best pieces of advice to come out of the NCT propaganda classes we went to was that the most important relationship in your family is you and GF. If that doesn't work then everything gets harder.

Keep talking to your other half as you have been and make sure she knows that you want to help but find it hard. You are of secondary importance right now, but things still wont happen without you.

I could have written your post 7 months ago, and at the time wanted to punch anyone who simply said that it would get better squarely in the gonads. But it did, and now its awesome.

On the point of getting them to sleep, someone on here recommended stroking them between the eyes. Worked wonders for us!

In all of this, do try to take time to step back and admire/enjoy what you've created - the early days are (thankfully you'll say at the moment!) gone in a flash.

Long time ago for us (17 and 15 years old now), but still remember the sleepless nights and colic, especially with child #2.

Just wanted to say that there's some great advice here. All the best to you, your GF and son.

I have twins, just over 2 years old. I believe that qualifies me to reply. 🙂

The first few months are exactly as you describe for most people. Welcome to the real world. BUT in the next few months the most important thing to teach your baby is how to sooth itself to sleep. Its not something that comes naturally, at that age they crave the security of being with mum or dad and you need to ween them off this and get them to learn to fall asleep, and stay asleep.

With twins this truly saved our lives, look up the 'magic Sleep fairy'. Do it. Our twins now sleep about 12 hours straight through, 7pm to 7am. sometimes they have even slept in to 8am. They nap during the day. It saved our lives.

Firstly congratulations! My little lad is only 10 months old, so all of this is recent memory to me.

The first couple of months are definitely the hardest. Hang on in there, it definitely gets easier. I remember the crushing reality that I would not be getting a full nights sleep for the foreseeable future (still haven't had one since...)

We had a regime where I would look after him until 2am so Mum could have a stint of sleep, and then I would go into the spare room for a solid 5 hours sleep before work.

We also put him into his own room quite early (about 3 or 4 months I think). I know this is against recommended advice, but we all genuinely slept better.

Once they start getting their own little personality, smiling, laughing etc, all of the hardship pales into insignificance.

Kids are all different, but some things helped a bit with us:

- We had her in bed with us, much easier for feeding and I think the closeness also helped with sleeping - we used slings too instead of pushchairs, and the thing would often fall asleep in the sling.

- When she got into a real crying fit, I'd blow gently on her face - would often snap her out of it, and she'd just give me a really annoyed look and then doze off. Six year later, she now does it to me when she thinks I'm nagging her about something 😀

-

There is never going to be the one perfect answer but (as another father to twins here) we found that the single best thing we got for our two were little blankets with knots in each corner. I stumbled across this solution after yet another struggle getting them to sleep and I noticed they were both hanging on to my thumb. I mentioned this to my wife and she went out and got these blankets and they used them as a replacement thumb (hanging on to the knots).

Still we did then go on to spend an inordinate amount on extras, spares, replacements and emergency ones 🙂

Thanks for the pointers & experience everyone, we managed a much more civilised night after 4 very difficult ones! We agreed I will bathe, nappy and feed in the evening & get him off to sleep and then I'm 'on duty' until 1am - then it's shift change 🙂 If he was kicking around in the [now slightly tilted] moses I'd get him out, wind him until I got something out, and get him back in there as soon as the eyes were closed for a minute.

If he was unsettled but not windy, a hand across the chest actually seemed to really help soothe him - thanks for that one mogrim, and I tucked in the blanket tighter and with his arms under there (rather than swinging about and doing that bloody reflex 'arms in the air' thing constantly!)

Great news OP. Some brilliant advice on here.
It's a marathon, so hang in there.
Mine are now old enough to rag round trails, climb mountains and give me grief about revision for exams - different stresses but so much fun...

Congrats OP.

Our little dude is nearly two (it's flown by) and was / still is a bit of a monkey when it comes to sleep.

The first three months were bloody hard work and we had to work really hard to make sure that we were nice to each other! I ended up in the spare room a lot so I wasn't totally destroyed for work and every two weeks my other half would have an evening / night / morning at her mum and dads so she could get a good nights sleep and recharge a bit.

In the very early days he'd be horrid between 8-11 (basically whilst I had him) and just cry and there were plenty of times I found myself wondering what we'd done! I'd end up sleeping on the sofa with him on my chest. It then got a bit better before getting worse again and we ended up using a crying technique that worked pretty well and got us going again. Even now he's an early riser - come 5/5:30 he's wide awake and ready to go.

They are brill though and it gets more fun as a dad once they're a bit bigger.

Good luck.

My little girls is 10 months this week, can't believe how quickly that time has gone. The past couple of months have been the best as she is now much more interactive; it's such an amazing feeling when I walk in to the room and she smiles, claps, and say dadda, or waves good bye.

The fact that breast feeding worked for us helped a lot in the beginning with cosleeping making night feeds easy, the trouble is that the baby won't now go to sleep at night without boob, and won't settle again without boob. My wife won't leave the baby to cry more than a few seconds without giving boob which is all very well now but is going to be a real challenge for her sleep wise when she returns to work in a couple of months. So boob or bottle there is no easy or right way.

As others have said your relationship with your other half should not be neglected (well not the emotional side, the physical side might take some time). I've learnt to roll with it when I know my wife is tired an emotional and to as long as the baby is safe small differences in parenting techniques do not matter.

Good look, it will be worth it.

Stumpy, our little man does the exact same, asleep soundly for 30 mins on mum, very carefully place him in moses (like you're handling high-explosives) & boom - the eyes ping open & it all kicks off again! Will review the angle/setup in there.

Ah, the built-in baby altimeter.

Little really to add other than it does get easier. I have a 15 week old son and he's getting really interesting to play with which really helps with the whole 'is this really worth it' question.

We use infacol before his bottle to reduce stomach pains, it seems to make things easier as before he'd wake with real screams of pain and he doesn't now.

Also, in terms of help around the house. 2 things we couldn't be without.
Ewan the dream sheep (plays womb sounds and has a soothing red light on)
Secondly is the Tommy Tippee perfect prep machine. It's quite expensive but means that night feeds take a couple of minutes to prep with no boiling of kettles etc. It all helps when trying to not wake them up too much in the middle of the night.

Both of these can help them get to sleep, and subsequently give you a little more time to sleep as well.

We also put a book under his mattress at the head end which helped, but he did end up slipping down the bed by the morning!

With our first we were a bit "oh shit, oh shit" and he was especially excellent at throwing his milk straight back due to gastric re-flux which saw the poor little sod on baby gaviscon for about 4 months (this was irrespective of what ever formula he had). He went straight onto formula from birth, it calmed down after a while and now at 4 you can pick him up, dress him, drop him in the car, drive, drop him off at his Grans all still asleep.

The 2nd one was a bit of a dream from day one, will happily go to bed awake and then drop off and sleep right through, he's 2 now.

No. 3 was due to arrive yesterday so **** knows what this one will be like.

You'll get used to it and develop the ability to cope with surprisingly little sleep.

Your other half may well change her thoughts regarding career, mine certainly has and she's Regional VP at a large bank.

I mentioned earlier in the thread about the cocoonababy, seriously do yourself a favour and take a look at it

[url= http://www.madeformums.com/reviews/cots-night-time-and-nursery/travel-cots-and-beds/-red-castle-cocoonababy/1893.html ]http://www.madeformums.com/reviews/cots-night-time-and-nursery/travel-cots-and-beds/-red-castle-cocoonababy/1893.html[/url]

Thanks for the good wishes - good luck with your new arrival Steve!

Ewan the Dream Sheep sounds mental, I'll take a look (and at the Cocoonababy too). Already all over the Perfect Prep machine, a friend basically forced us to buy it long before bambino turned up & I'm so glad she did.

Ewan the dream sheep sounds mental but does work.
It does get better, am currently sat outside with my 13 month old chasing a load of balls around the garden, its awesome

Our new born appears to like the Cocoonababy, we are also prewarming it with a water bottle (remove as baby goes into it).

We have a dream sheep but jury is out for me on it making any difference.

Sometimes you've just got to take a step back and look at the craziness of it all and have a good laugh.

My advice - just chill out and go with the flow. There's not a lot you can really control at the moment and you'll just get upset trying. Take lots of advice & experiment till you find whatever works for your family.

We've got a 14 week old who has suffered badly with wind from the beginning. We tried comfort milk which didn't help, she's much better on aptamil. Infacol made things worse, we've just started using gaviscon which seems to be helping loads, but we just need to get the right balance as it can lead to constipation.

We got so much conflicting advice from health workers, none of which really helped and actually just frustrated us. Remember that your little one isn't seriously ill, so long as she's gaining weight and generally happy, she'll be fine.

I know being told it will get better doesn't really help you right now, because right now things feel so hard/helpless.

We started to see improvement at 13/14 weeks. We feed her every 3 hrs during the day and try to make sure she gets good naps, and now, for the past week she's slept from 9pm until 8am without waking. This will happen to you, hang on in there.

Edit - ours has been in her own room for many weeks now after a few weeks downstairs with us on the couch overnight, then progressing to the landing outside our bedroom, then to her own room. We've never felt bad about not having her in our room, she's way too noisy!!

Further edit - struggling with the seettling process is no surprise when you're knackered. You have to make sure each of you gets a good night's kip every now and again, it makes a massive difference. Sleep in a sparer room if necessary, just make sure you each get your turn. Once he's sleeping through, things will be so different

Regarding the cocoonababy thing, we were lent a puddle pod thing which is similar, but not as expensive.
I think officially you aren't meant to let them sleep in it, but everyone apparently does. We did and she was fine in it.

We put it in the cot.
When she got too big for it, we transferred her directly to the cot with some rolled up towels either side of her to comfort her and that worked a treat.

massively +1 for Ewan and the Perfect prep machine

OP

We had similar circumstances, I was working 5hrs away within a few weeks of baby 1 arriving and he came out via c section. Family 3 hours away.

I honestly don't remember how we did it but currently slumbering upstairs are 7 and 4 year old boys who are (to us at least) amazing (& infuriating) and proof you can muddle through. I guess we did it because you have to and your post above seems to be leaning towards the sort of coping strategy we ended up with.

Mrs g-d did all the night shift feeding on mini g-d 1 (breast fed) and I did nappy changes and intermittently slept in another room to stay fit enough for work and then at weekends it was all 3 (then 4) of us - team effort. Barely rode the bike for the first year.

No. 2 we used bottle/formula and breast. I did a late bottle feed (night owl me) so she could go to bed early and then do the dream feeds and I'd sleep through and get up for work. I'd get in and cook.

Also on no.2 if he was unsettled at our meal time I would go walkabout round the house with him to chill him out. Mrs g-d then got a chance at a hot dinner (mine was hot when she had to feed him when dinner was out). Even a little thing like your sausage and mash still being hot when you eat it can be a bit of a boost.

I'm pretty good on no sleep but it tested me to my limits.

One other thing, which I find when work starts to overwhelm everything else (whether at baby stage or just generally) is to just tune out what I'm missing out on (bike riding usually is what suffers these days) and accept and focus on what I have to do rather than think about what I want to do.

My work throws up lots of intense short term projects that are not work/ life balance friendly. If I rail against it I'm less productive and more unhappy.

Ear plugs - not just for trying to sleep with, but when he is grizzling and crying and you are walking around with him at 2am getting stressed out, it cuts down on the terrible annoying and upsetting noise they make.

I imagine noise cancelling headphones might work as well.

Give a set to your wife as well.

Not much I can add, but certainly try putting him down on his front not his back. Just because "the book" says that's how you do it doesn't mean it's right (it used to be the standard way!).

Also - live to work or work to live?

Just remembered something that worked for us. Our first baby's sleep pattern was reversed - day was night and night was day. We used a large 'rainmaker' (Think that's what they are called.) a cylinder filled with beads that you invert at intervals to let the beads drop slowly from top to bottom. IIRC it works because a lot of babies like white noise and it helps them settle.

Feel for you. My boy is 14 months now and loads of fun. The first 7.5 months were awful. We had no more than 4 hours broken kip. With no family support we were close to breakdown tbh. As soon as you start getting some proper sleep everything will be easier.

Other thing we've got is 'bedtime bunny' a soft toy he has at night which you can clip 4 dummies to. Most of his waking when he was a little older was the dummy fell out and he couldn't find it. He wasn't fussed by Ewan, he just gets chucked about....