Never mind the right wing fulminations... what would you self-identify as?

An ocelot

sounds a bit like...

The Flaming Lips - I can be a frog

Negative, I am a meat popsicle

A Sloth set on world domination if I only I could move a bit quicker and have a bit more determination

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If I identify as Boriss Johnson, will the fail pay me a million a year for making up culture war bullshit?

I JUST WANT TO BE MYSELF!!!

A friend does research on lying, specifically about when children learn how to lie, and what they do with that knowledge, she often goes to preschool to test this theory with kids by reading them Snow White, kids who haven't yet learned to lie don't understand why Snow White doesn't know the the old woman is in fact the Wicked Queen; they know, ergo she should as well, anyway, besides the point, when some-one points out a news-story based on "Children told researchers" she cites a paper from a Californian university that "found" that up to 55% of school aged  boys between the ages of 13-18 in California had lost a limb, or have a prosthetic limb. When asked, the boys wrote that the limb loss was due to fighting in wars, alien invasion, or fighting with sharks.

I  want to be a ring tail lemur, please.

Probably go with a tree. And just make rustling noises not in response to anything.

My wife is Irish.
Her pronouns are yer one/herself.

I am the wind. Sometimes quite literally, usually after beans.

she cites a paper from a Californian university that “found” that up to 55% of school aged  boys between the ages of 13-18 in California had lost a limb, or have a prosthetic limb.

Not relevant to topic as asked but I love these stats. Up to 55%...... so could be none then?

To the question as asked. I identify as 'concerned parent'. When I see cockwombles like Laurence Fox burning pride flags in his garden and see the small but vocal minority that support that sort of behaviour, I know the UK is still not a safe place for some people, let alone the wider world with 'less enlightened' views. And I worry that it's not getting safer, in fact the opposite.

So while the OP is intended as light hearted and I take it as such (I'm part concerned parent, mixed with dog, FWIW - happy to curl up and sleep, will do tricks for a biscuit, basically here to please my owner) it's a fine line between that and those that deliberately claim to identify as something odd as a means to belittle and ridicule. Let's stay the right side of the line.

Panda video is brilliant and I think Mrs B is on to something.

Not sure what I'd identify as but according to the quiche I ate last night, I am a family of four!

The UK is a rather dystopian place. It seems as though its place in the world is slipping and it's becoming a laughing stock.

Interesting piece in one of the big German dailies on the weekend about the state of its politics and an apathy amongst the population.

I'm reluctant at times to tell people that I'm from the UK.

The UK can do better than the current trajectory it is following.

I identify as a bald, chippy, graphic designer from Ramsbottom.

I identify as a cyclist, despite my performance on a bike suggesting otherwise.

I'd choose to be a grizzly bear.

Spend all spring alone foraging for nuts, berries, and other stuff to eat.

Go and have a good old fight, and then a shag hopefully.

Then spend autumn getting fat eating ridiculous amounts of salmon before having a nice sleep through winter.

The UK is a rather dystopian place.

Maybe, but this current nonsense attempting to oppress a tiny minority of people who can already find it hard to find their way in an often hostile society, along with a lot of other wedge issue stuff, is "imported" (or rather, if you follow the money, "imposed" on the UK) from other countries. It's far from a unique UK problem. Some of the States in the USA are well ahead of us in going backwards.

The OP's other half might be right...

Sorry, I wasn't going to, but sod it... I'm posting it...

[ any similarities with any poster is purely coincidental and in the mind of the viewer only ]

I'd identify as a Tory government minister. Just think of all that booze, drugs,  groping, long holidays, ace salary and a pension to die for.

A Capybara. Small, robust, furry and gets along with most things and people. Generally unflappable. Likes baths.

@Mister-P, you are doomed identifying as a cyclist, the most despised 'lifeform' in the Universe.

Me, I'll be a Jedi.

Joking aside, if I had a choice I'd identify as a cis-gender, heterosexual male.

Then I'd get punched, groped, verbally abused and spat at a lot less.

But apparently I choose to be the way I am.  Hey ho.

I identify as thin

a tree.

I identify as Me.

https://postimg.cc/NKQDjG3p

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i love little owls so a little owl or a small dog like a yorkshire terrier with an extra loud bark 😀

A cougar, obvs.

I know this thread is a bit of fun but there's a serious issue here, this entire non-story from shitrags like the Express is a narrative fabricated to belittle and discredit an already heavily persecuted and widely misunderstood minority. "Oh, if you can identify as a woman then I'm going to identify as a cricket bat!" It's straight out of the Piers Morgan playbook and it makes me come over all Malcolm Tucker.

Sorry, I appear to have Drac's sponge.

Also,

it makes me come over all Malcolm Tucker.

I had to be very careful in proof-reading that.

I'd like to identify as a Quokka, the happiest animal on earth.

However, with my luck it's more likely to be "That's him officer, the one on the left"

^100% agree. And in fact, I think the original story was actually a school wind up anyway; whether it's too sensitive a subject for someone to use it as a vehicle for wind-up or not is possibly open; hijacking it to demean and belittle the whole orientation / gender identity movement definitely crosses the line.

https://twitter.com/Otto_English/status/1671070747287011328

According to the size of the fruit and nut bar I've just demolished, I identify as a family of four.

a student in Wales who claimed one of their classmates had identified as cat for three school years – and would “meow rather than answer a question in English”.

perhaps the classmate was actually speaking welsh, but the student identifies as a person who doesn’t want welsh culture forced on the welsh, so didn’t realize!

It's such a load of bollocks! Looking back on my school days there were a couple of kids who were clearly gay or whatever through the lense of retrospection.

They were and are friends of mine. Although life takes you in different directions so they are more face book acquaintances, they are lovely people living good productive lives.

I don't care a damn about anyone's sexual preference.

I do care when certain elements of the media are force fed down my throat about how it's so disgusting and horrible that people who are gay/bi/trans or whatever, insert you're own acronym here.

1. I'm far more concerned with the attitudes of those who feel it's some kind of personal threat to them personally against something that really doesn't affect them at all, now that is weird.
2.  One gay couple I know have adopted a young child, and knowing them, that child will have an excellent upbringing, at least far more excellent than some heterosexual but dysfunctional couples I know.

It makes me wonder as a heterosexual, why people are so afraid.

I JUST WANT TO BE MYSELF!!!

I'd happily be anything other myself.

One gay couple I know have adopted a young child, and knowing them, that child will have an excellent upbringing, at least far more excellent than some heterosexual but dysfunctional couples I know.

The two aren't mutually exclusive.

One gay couple I know have adopted a young child, and knowing them, that child will have an excellent upbringing, at least far more excellent than some heterosexual but dysfunctional couples I know.

MrsMC works in adoption, quite a high proportion of adopters are gay, from what she says. They are also invariably secure, stable, loving, and very tolerant and patient with kids who have issues from their early life experiences.

One gay couple she has dealt are in the process of adopting a third, the 11th child of the birth mother to go through care, and full sibling to their second child. MrsMC will get another beautifully written card in thanks, and a stunning bouquet of flowers (which she will have to declare)

I'm fairly sure she'd prefer to be married to a gay bloke, if given the choice!

I think the original story was actually a school wind up anyway

Thanks for that link. Colour me shocked.

Does anyone know whether Muslims are planning to ban Christmas again this year?

Looking back on my school days there were a couple of kids who were clearly gay or whatever through the lense of retrospection.

There was a lad at our high school who at the time we all thought was slightly odd. Years, decades later it came out (so to speak) that he was gay and I thought "oh my god, of course he was, how did we not realise?!" (Mind you, this was school in the 80s, you'd get called a puff for talking to girls.)

I’m far more concerned with the attitudes of those who feel it’s some kind of personal threat to them personally against something that really doesn’t affect them at all, now that is weird.

It does seem to be a particular trait of the right to be obsessed with what everyone else is up to. What difference does it make to them? The whole backlash against same-sex marriage for instance, you'd think it was about to become mandatory. Make a comment about vegans and watch all the preachy carnivores descend. A bloke wants to wear a dress, well why the **** not, it's probably nice and airy in summer. A woman has a heavy tan and wears a headscarf. A rape victim wants the Morning After pill. Any of this affects them how, exactly?

These *ing **** quarterwit arsehole *s need to find a hobby that doesn't involve hating other people for the crime of existing.

I dunno, as ****ing ridiculous as they are there's a certain appeal about the platypus. Laugh it up mother****er, you won't be laughing when my claw venom kicks in.

Joking aside, if I had a choice I’d identify as a cis-gender, heterosexual male.

Why? Don't you know we are the most repressed people out there? You forgot white BTW.

An ocelot

Buyers remorse more like.

I identify as a brilliant but eccentric genuis. Sadly, not all my bosses respect that.

The two aren’t mutually exclusive.

I didn't say they were, please try to refrain from putting your words into my mouth.

It will only make you look stupid.

The "kids identify as cats" thing is a meme that got adopted by culture warriors. It is, of course, total bullshit.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Litter_boxes_in_schools_hoax

Does anyone know whether Muslims are planning to ban Christmas again this year?

No, it was the Muslims last year, this year it's us Loony Lefties' turn.

Apart from the fact that ‘they/them’ pronouns go back at least as far as Shakespeare, but it’s taken a few right-wingnuts until now to make a big deal about it, and much of this stuff is overtly considered and political posturing and in this country is mostly the Daily Heil just doing what it does best.

And what do I identify as? Like someone up there ^^, a sloth. I’m inherently lazy, and now I’m retired, I’m really starting to relax into the whole concept.

A mountain...

I seem to have strong anti-authority Anarchist tendencies.It doesn't result in an easy life.

Apart from the fact that ‘they/them’ pronouns go back at least as far as Shakespeare,

The ironic ****tery with this is, "you" is inherently plural, it's only relatively recently that it's become singular and no-one bats an eyelid about that. The singular form is is thee/thou. So if thou can cope with "you" referring to a singular then thou can do the same with "they."

I'm an annoying bugger who hasn't reached my potential, so I'd identify as the wind:

It makes me wonder as a heterosexual, why people are so afraid.

Yep,it’s a weird one,all these unwritten societal rules.

I’d happily be anything other myself

same

Spent the day at the zoo. Most animals were just chilling… but this dude, Chief, was having the most fun by far. I wanna be Chief.

The ironic ****tery with this is, “you” is inherently plural, it’s only relatively recently that it’s become singular and no-one bats an eyelid about that. The singular form is is thee/thou. So if thou can cope with “you” referring to a singular then thou can do the same with “they.”

My understanding is that you can be singular or plural whereas there is a diminutive form, only used for friends or those of social equal or below. Thou is used either as a plural or to show respect to someone of higher social standing. More or less the same as the French use of tu/vous (the French words for you).

Thee/ thou does sound very old fashioned now but being gender neutral maybe it should make a comeback.

PS no intention to put thee in tha place there, just my understanding of olde language from Quakers in the family.

PPS can I be whatever animal is best at work avoidance. Occasional bicycle magazine reader?

but it’s taken a few right-wingnuts until now to make a big deal about it

If you want some-one to blame, blame the evangelical Christian right in the US, their current target de jour is obviously Trans folks, but once those folks have been threatened/terrified into silence, they will go for the gay folk. You may have thought that battle had been won, but you'd be wrong.

Thou is used either as a plural or to show respect to someone of higher social standing.

It fell out of use because of the ambiguity of politeness it causes within the upper classes, (who are you addressing? The whole or the individual?) and as in most things, Hoi Polloi just followed suit. It would be kinda cool to have Thou and Ye back in fashion though.

It would be kinda cool to have Thou and Ye back in fashion though.

Tha should get thi sen up here...

I would identify as the "Just Read the Instructions "

I’m an annoying bugger who hasn’t reached my potential, so I’d identify as the wind:

Are you me? Maybe we could swap self-identity every other day so you be the tree, I'll be the wind one day, I'll be the tree you'll be the wind the next. A different self-identity four times a week, how exiting!

I identify as a Yamaha RD350LC.

<p>I found myself in a little desk bound internal dialogue whilst writing to an intersex person about whether a singular “they” should be accompanied by an “is” or “are”. I ended up settling on “is”, which the person in question ended up telling me they liked, even though they hadn’t considered before. </p>

I think I’ll just carry on identifying as a

FAT OLD GIT

am getting used to the idea of collecting my OAP  next year so it seems even more appropriate 🤣

Half the time, so 4 days a week I identify as a 'roided up bodybuilder.

The other 4 days I just laugh at them.

Procrastinator.

Tha should get thi sen up here…

I know it's a joke, but there's an interesting point to be had here. Thee/thou falling into disuse was not that long ago. That's how my grandparents spoke, "thee" and Lanky corruptions like "tha" or "ti." I still regress into it occasionally.

whether a singular “they” should be accompanied by an “is” or “are”. I ended up settling on “is”

I find that interesting too. Arguably perhaps, "they is" sounds wrong but "they are" is wrong. Maybe it sounds wrong mostly because we're just not used to it.

Mind, compare with singular "you." If you said "you is" when addressing one person you'd sound like a mockney gangsta, innit.

Seeing as Ali G self identifies as a black man, if we don't acknowledge him as such would that make us racist?

Bit whatever you do, don't call him 'cis'.

Well, no, it would make us idiots. "Self identification" doesn't mean what racists, homophobes, TERFs and general assorted other bigots would have us believe that it means.

Ali G is a fictional character, Sacha Baron Cohen routinely lampoons this sort of stuff.

A Honey Badger because look at them. Honey Badger don’t care, Honey Badger don’t give a shit.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=4r7wHMg5Yjg

Er do we have to identify as anything 🙂

I identify as a Yamaha RD350LC

I identify as your younger brother 'YPVS' 🙄

I was joking cougar,  I just thought it was amusing that you had cited that character in a conversation about identity... perhaps unwittingly.  But who needs wit when you've got a barrage of insults at your fingertips eh?

Of course I understand that Ali G is a fiction. Much like the concept of self identification.

Perhaps the cat in this conversation belongs to Schrodinger

I have changed my mind.  Cat it is.  Get up early.  Faff around for a while.  Eat .  Have a nap.  Show disdain for everything.   Change my mind about what is nice to eat.  Repeat .

But who needs wit when you’ve got a barrage of insults at your fingertips eh?

I was surprised. Apologies if I misunderstood.

Nuance in text is difficult, emotive subjects doubly so.

A lot of light hearted threads turn deadly serious within a few post lately. We need a good, classic ‘My neighbour’ thread to ball balance out the seriousness.

I have changed my mind. Cat it is. Get up early. Faff around for a while. Eat . Have a nap. Show disdain for everything. Change my mind about what is nice to eat. Repeat .

What you have just described is a child aged about 2.

The advantage of the child is of course that it does not deposit the occasional dead grey squirrel under the dining room table (probably).

Nuance in text is difficult, emotive subjects doubly so.

One of the the very few posters that has an actual dog in this fight managed it well enough, so what's your excuse?

Some of you should put down the internet for the day and go for a walk.

But how would anyone signal their virtue if they didn’t squawk and shout and call others bigots?

A pair of slippers.

Not the new and comfy type.

But how would anyone signal their virtue if they didn’t squawk and shout and call others bigots?

Good point, well made.