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My colleague and his wife had a due date of 29 Feb for the birth of their second child. There was a concern over the blood pressure of his wife, she was whipped into hospital and baby was born on 16 Jan. Baby was very small - just under 4lbs and was in neo natal intensive care for the first few days. My colleague's wife's blood pressure was still pretty erratic so she was also kept in hospital but got out yesterday. Baby is being fed via tube and being monitored but isn't on oxygen or anything anymore. There is no word of when baby might get home. When the baby arrived my colleague was told that the situation with his wife being in hospital, having a baby in intensive care and a toddler to care for meant that he was not really on paternity leave - it was more family caring responsibility leave. My colleague and I are secondary school teachers - the only teachers of our subject in school. It is prelim exam time and it has been made clear to me that since we have no idea when my colleague will be back I am expected to do all the marking for our subject on top of having my timetable adapted so I have all the classes who are being presented for exams and having to set work for the classes that are being covered by other staff. This is not helped by having a Faculty Head who is a teacher in a different faculty. who can't do any of these things as he isn't a subject specialist. Am I being unreasonable in thinking that school is being overly generous in their open ended arrangement seeing as how baby (although still in neo natal) seems to be doing ok. I had thought that once baby was at this stage he might come back to work (at least part time) then take the rest of his paternity leave when baby came home. I can't help but think that lots of organisations would not be nearly as generous. I would be interested to hear of other people's experiences.
Yes, you're being unreasonable, but it's not unreasonable to expect that your employer try a bit harder to provide you with extra support during this period.
Yes you are, but so is the school expecting you to pick up the slack.
Yes you are being unreasonable.
Your gripe should not be with the person who has had to take off extra leave because of an ill tiny child, your gripe should be with the school and the lack of contingencies for one of you being off. It could just as easily be you having to take an extended leave of absence for something unplanned.
Yes, you are being unreasonable.
As a father of a baby who was treated in neonatal intensive care for 5 weeks* - and operated on within 10 hours of being born - and then 5 further operations before she was 1 year old - I'd politely tell you to stuff your timetable where the sun don't shine.
(*21 years ago now).
As above. I'd suggest that the problem here is your employer trying to roll two problems in to one.
It's not the case that they have to be less supportive of your colleague to take the load off you. They need to deal with their staff to work load ratio as they would in any other industry
As above... your colleague is not doing anything wrong, your employer, however is... they only have 2 people that can do 'task A', so if one is off sick or on leave or whatever, your employer should have something in place for that inevitable eventuality.
Your colleage is probably stressed out of thier mind, so absolutley should be given some leeway in a situation like this.
What muffin-man said. Having a sick baby is so unbelievably stressful that I wouldn't even have answered the phone to work at the time, never mind contemplating going into the office. If they'd pushed me to go in I'd have simply told them to do one.
employer being the arse hole.
Yes, you are being unreasonable in expecting your colleague to be back at work currently.
No, you would not be unreasonable in saying to your employer that what they have asked you to pick up, is not acceptable.
I can’t help but think that lots of organisations would not be nearly as generous.
Its really sad that people think like this. I used to, I suppose, based on poor previous experiences.
Where I work now, what they would be getting is a card in the post from all their colleagues, wishing them all the best, and 'come back when your ready'.
This should be the norm, not an exception.
You are being unreasonable but I can see why - your employer is being more so.
As above… your colleague is not doing anything wrong, your employer, however is… they only have 2 people that can do ‘task A’, so if one is off sick or on leave or whatever, your employer should have something in place for that inevitable eventuality.
I mean, its not like this particular situation is one that we give them 6 months or so notice of either, is it...!
I mean, its not like this particular situation is one that we give them 6 months or so notice of either, is it…!
What do they do if one is on paternity leave and the other one is injured in a car crash or something?
Absloutley nothing by the sounds of it!
Am I being unreasonable in thinking that school is being overly generous
Yes. Life trumps Work.
That said, I think it's totally reasonable for you to expect the school to replace your colleague during their absence. Supply teachers exist. The whole 'baby' backstory isn't really relevant to anything as far as you/work is concerned, the reason they're off doesn't matter. Your colleague could equally be off because he'd been hit by a bus and hospitalised for six months himself, then what would the faculty do?
As an aside, the answer to "if I don't do this then it won't get done" is "well it doesn't get done, then." No employer is going to take on extra staff when they've got one employee daft enough to be doing the work of two people.
Thanks for the reality check everyone. I accept I was being unreasonable due to my employer's total inability to support me better in picking up the slack. Just to be clear I'm totally supportive of my colleague which is why I'll do my best to cover his workload until he returns. Mods please can we close this thread now. Thanks.
I'd be temped to put a greivence on record... I mean it's one thing standing in for a colleague little & urgent things here and there... but to take on thier entire workload at a critical time for the students is just irresponsible.
I had a simmilar thing happen in a previous role, and my response was "I'll have to do it out of hours, lest my daily work load will fall behind", and I want double time for it, or I'm not doing it".
That was the last time I got asked to do that!
I’m totally supportive of my colleague which is why I’ll do my best to cover his workload
That's not supporting him. It's supporting your employer (and I suppose, the kids).
New parents at our place get 6 months leave on full pay now.
I can’t help but think that lots of organisations would not be nearly as generous.
Every employer I've had have had their faults (sometimes major), but I think all of them would have been at least as understanding in similar circumstances.
the school should be getting supply teachers in. IMO not unreasonable to cover extra work for a few days. totally unreasonable to cover it for weeks and weeks.
What does you union rep say?
For me this is another situation where you go to your boss and make it their issue. " I cannot do A,B C and D in my contracted hours, which has top priority and which can I drop"
Just to add, unlike a lot of jobs the OP’s responsibilities aren’t really to his employer but the kids he teaches (and now his colleagues). I’m not saying the school shouldn’t help, but it’s almost certainly not as simple as just bringing in supply (if indeed any are available).
I’ll just add one more thing…
We had months to prepare for our babies surgery and further problems. We knew we’d be straight to neo-natal.
The parents we saw in there who looked most scared where the ones who had no reason to think anything would go wrong. It’s a frightening place and you feel useless.
But yes - your employers should be helping you with some temp staff.
the OP’s responsibilities aren’t really to his employer
Thier reponsibilities are absolutley to thier employer, legally speaking, they're paid to do a specific job according thier contract of employment.
Not 2x thier job.
It's only right they are passionate and feel some responsibility toward the students, and therefore they have a resposibility to thier own well-being, they cannot do the job to a satifactory standard if they are doing the work of two people.
The law is due to change so parents of children in neonatal care will be entitled to paid leave as well as their maternity/paternity leave
another +1 to yes, but your employer should be doing something to alleviate.
I'd also note, from 16/1 to now is 8wd. Statutory paternity leave is 2 weeks. I know they've said this isn't going to be treated as PL but if it was you'd have been in the same situation, what was the plan if baby had arrived as planned on 29/2; would you have been expected to do it then?
What would they do if he opted for shared parental leave? You could have to do this for 50-odd weeks!!
Have i stumbled on to Mumsnet by mistake?!?! 😉
Thanks for the reality check everyone.
Don't worry about it. You sound stressed up to the eyeballs, so it's understandable. No wonder so many people are leaving teaching.
If my employer asked me to take another's ones work.
I would just ask them which half they want done? Mine or their's?
Then I would make sure the moaniest little gobshite in the class got wind if it and have it spread to the parents how their darlings ard being failed.
Am I being unreasonable
yes
in thinking that school is being overly generous in their open ended arrangement seeing as how baby (although still in neo natal) seems to be doing ok. <br />
is dad doing ok? From personal experience it’s a pretty scary time. In the absence of a supportive employer many a GP would recognise the stress a new dad in this situation was under and sign them off sick…
…of course if you really want to land your employer (and your students) in the shit you might also want to talk to your GP about your stress levels!
I can’t help but think that lots of organisations would not be nearly as generous. I would be interested to hear of other people’s experiences.
I don’t think the arrangement you describe is particularly unusual, albeit some employers are ****s. Presumably though people go into teaching for various reasons, at least some part of which is that employers are usually not dealing with the absolutely lowest denominator of what they can get away with. Most employees would be proud of the way their organisation is supporting a colleague in time of difficulty. It’s impossible for anyone here to say if the timetable modification and setting work for cover teachers as well as doing all the prelim marking is reasonable. It sounds like it might be, but only you and your management can work that out based on your abilities, the size of the classes etc. Some people would embrace the challenge, they might well be the sort of people who go on to be promoted and expect that level of commitment from their teams. Without doubt some get a mysterious case of norovirus for just long enough to self certify!