[Closed] Need to Vent

mate you are at the best possible place. just stay with him and keep showing him love, and your partner.

greatest thing in the world kids.

good luck

Good luck buddy, my little one was born with a cleft pallette, query on 5 different genetic conditions, 3 holes in her heart and a cyst on the base of her brain 10mm from her spinal cord. She's 7 now.

I know exactly how you feel after spending 2 weeks on a neo-natel ward, be strong and be there for your partner and little one. Enjoy every moment you can and all will be good.

It can be tough but as I say be strong and don't be afraid to show your emotions.

I wouldn't call that a rant. Sounds like a really tough and emotional place to me. I'm sure everything will be OK very soon. Kids have a way of making you think the very worst. Next moment they are bouncing about like nothing was ever wrong

It sounds like he is stable and in a safe place. Hopefully the staff are keeping you informed too. Keep strong fella, I'm sure it has been a huge shock and will take time to process. Best of luck to all.

My son ended up in an incubator on his second night after screaming himself blue when the nurses took him away from my wife to 'give her a break'.

As you say the fear you feel is like nothing you've ever experienced.

Tell your wife how you feel - you can still support her and she'll understand.

I hope your boy is ok, they're generally tough little blighters, babies.

Babies are tough. My son was severely ill when he was born, intensive care the day after he was born. As much as people rant about the NHS they do know what they're doing. Having gone through something similar my only advice is to look after yourself and your wife because the Doctors will do the rest. I nearly fainted in the IT unit as I had forgotten to eat and drink much for a couple of days. My wee boy had a couple of difficult years (22 admissions and 8 operations) but he is nearly 5 now and he is the best wee boy eva!! Stick in cos it will all be fine.

Edit: with a name like funkmasterp, everything's gonna be fine 😉

I know a baby that had some scary breathing issues; into IC from 2 days old where he stayed for several weeks. I'm 36 now and a pain in the arse 😀 . I'm told it was really hard for my Mum though, so above comments ring true.

Best wishes to you all x

My wishes, prayers, mantras and love is with the 3 of you.
Certainly puts "what tyres for the Gobi Desert" concerns into perspective.
Good luck to you all.

Thanks all for the kind words. Letting myself cry now they are both asleep. They gave him a lumber puncture last night and sent off bloods, both came back showing signs of infection, but thankfully not meningitis.

His heart rate, oxygen levels and blood sugar are all now within acceptable levels. Thanks to the staff here he is doing really well. It'll be a minimum seven day stay.

Just keep flashing back to running holding him. I know it's stupid considering he's getting better, but I am terrified and it's knocked his mum's confidence.

Thanks again.

have nothing to add except i wish your son a speedy recovery.

Hope this seems appropriate.

Last two lines fella.

and it's knocked his mum's confidence

She's a Mum now, she'll be reet.

Sit tight, they're tougher than you think. Best of luck.

keep being postive - you are in the best place. Keep feeding/sleeping while you can. Your missus and little one need you at your best/most positive!

Oh and remember the feelings you have now when he first comes home drunk/crashes your car/costs you an arm and leg at Uni..............and rides on 2 wheels, unaided, for the first time. 🙂

Genuine thanks to you all. It's why I lurk on here, it's the best forum I have had the pleasure of stumbling across.

Last Weekend my major concerns were staff issues at work and what bike to swap my Bfe for. That all now seems utterly irrelevant.

I had grave concerns all through the pregnancy that I wouldn't bond. I cannot put in to words the love I feel for him.

Your comments have helped me, made me laugh and made me appreciate how lucky we are compared to some of the things you have gone through.

WELL DONE FOR GETTING HIM TO A&E FELLA!!!

Out first had to go back into hospital and onto IV antibiotics after only being home 3 nights. Coming home to an empty house on my own with all baby stuff everywhere was terrible!! Like you I needed to chat - I ended up chatting to a friend online who I've never actually met in real life for ages 🙁

The little guy pulled through fine and he's just a couple of weeks away from his 6th birthday 🙂

I really hope it all works out for you all.

No problems buddy, babies are tough liddle mudders, I thought I was a strong person till I held Olivia for the first time, then there was no stopping the amount of tears of happiness that I shed.

If you ever want to chat drop me a line to the email address in my profile.

When you really, REALLY need them the NHS kicks ass.

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Lt3IOdDE5iA&feature=kp

Friend of mine's sister has just had a little boy.

Six months premature, weighed 500g.

Hospital is performing miracles, keeping him safe. I don't possess the parent gene, but I can't even begin to imagine what them / the OP must be going through in situations like these. Best wishes, sir.

Good luck to you all, hope you're over the worst. Don't forget to get some sleep yourself, and call any useful relatives in to give a hand, too.

Speaking from experience.... Make sure you talk to your partner and don't bottle things up.
And make sure she gets as many cuddles with baby as she possibly can.
And be prepared to cry when anything that involves babies in ICU comes on the telly ( I still do 7 years later).
The bonus to all this is that you will see just how great the NHS can be !

All the best fella; sounds like you made the right choice. Our second was born with her stomach outside her body and some other related complications. She was whisked off quick smart by the doctors, which was a tricky time for us all. After a middle of the night operation, all was well and the care she received from everyone at the hospital was impeccable. Take some time to breathe now, get some rest yourself and enjoy every minute as a father of a family- even the tough times.

First son had a tough birth- ventouse snapped scared the shit out of me then wife got possible mrsa infection

All turned out fine in the end but it is incredibly frustrating that you feel for them so much but can do so little

They are tougher than you realize and the NHS and modern medicine work miracles

Been in high dependency special care with two of my girls. It's tough but the best place. I really really feel for you and wish you all the best. Make sure you get some rest also.

Don't worry, I'm sure he'll be fine. We just had our third last month, he got shoulder distocia (stuck half way out basically), and when they managed to pull him out he was blue, limp, and not moving at all. It took five minutes of the doctors inflating his lungs with a bag before he started breathing by himself.

They resuscitated him right next to us, and my missus was in hysterics watching this happen. I was totally calm all the way through (don't know why though). He spent the next 5 days in ICU, and the level of care and attention they get in there is amazing (compared to our first two who didn't have such complications and went straight onto the post natal ward). It's amazing how many extra little things they tested for in ICU, that could easily affect a healthy baby but would never be picked up.

It sounds like yours had low blood sugar from birth, but they don't usually test blood sugars just after birth unless mum has gestational or regular diabetes. The reason ours had to stay in ICU for so long was because his blood sugars took a while to come up to normal (but once they've got there, they shouldn't drop again).

Congratulations on becoming a dad... It's a massive emotional rollercoaster even without any complications.
By the sounds you have passed your first major dad test with flying colors and did the right thing getting to a&e.
Try and get some rest as he's in good hands... you will need all of your energy in the coming weeks.

Sounds like you saved the wee fella there - what more could the boy want from his old man? Had something similar with my second one - all birthed and so on, went off to get the oldest from school to come and meet her wee brother, get back to the maternity unit to find he's gone. Sent up to SCBU to find him hooked up to goodness knows what, pipes everywhere, wife in bits, but thank goodness she woke up and saw he was blue and not breathing! One week later, home we go.

I knew what all the machines did and beeps meant when the third one did the same thing, so it was much easier to play it cool in front of all the SCBU nurses. They told me that SCBU is the one part of the NHS that get whatever they want, no expense spared. So sit tight, nag them to let you cuddle him, and you'll be fine.

All the best.

All the best OP, I'm sure he'll be fine. Get used to the worrying as it's all you'll do for the rest of your life I reckon! We've been lucky with our two, both healthy, but I still wake up if one of them squeaks/snorts/burps/farts.

As above, make sure you and the wife talk everything through - communication is key!

Just saw this as I was about to go to bed.

My heart truly goes out to you, we had something nearly exactly the same happen just over 10 years ago. I was sat exactly were you are now and it is with out doubt the hardest thing I have ever faced in my life (I'm a double cancer survivor to give it some prospective).

I don't even have any words of comfort that will help you now you have so many what if's and why's going on in your head and it's making you feel sick, tbh thinking is the worst thing you can do and the only you will do. We were in neonatal for 2 weeks (I think, can't remember most of it) and I put myself through mental torment for every minute of it.

As the dad I felt it was my job to be strong and positive and that what I tried to do, even though I was in pieces inside. Not saying it's what you should do, just saying what I did.

Babies are tougher than us and I'm sure your lad is fighter. I'm sure he is in the best place he can be (although I guarentee you feel they should be doing more, even if you know they can't). The frustration ipa do uncertain is killer.

I realise I ha nt helped at all, I just wanted you to know your not alone. We are here for you to vent all you like mate and all my hopes are with you tonight.

I will definitely be donating money towards equipment or whatever they need. They have given so much care and attention to both of them.

The nurse has just been and told us they only need to check his blood sugar every eight hours now. It's brilliant news! We called him Eben, which means stone or rock in Hebrew and the little man is living up to his name.

Spoke to my wife rather than keeping it bottled in. I'm going to go home to try and sleep / eat. They are both in good hands.

Thanks Singletrackers! What tyres for a proud new Dad?

The nurse has just been and told us they only need to check his blood sugar every eight hours

Quick, take advantage an go get some sleep, cos over the next few years you'll get nowt! 😉

I was actually waiting up to see if there was an update and really glad to see such a great progress report. Genuinely chuffed, as a lot of people will be (including those that lurk and don't post).

Do get some sleep though, and eat, as it looks like you're going to do. Best wishes to you all again and would be nice to have a bit of an update when you find the time.

I will definitely be donating money towards equipment or whatever they need.

Maybe just do a charity bike ride instead 😉

funkmasterp, best of luck to you, your mrs and little Eben, parenting is without doubt the toughest job you'll ever do, but it's absolutely fantastic, enjoy every moment as every stage is so fleeting as they move on to the next, after what you've been through I suspect these moments will be even sweeter still.

Good luck. Hope everything goes well. Sorry can't add more. Keep your chin up.

I've known him for four short days and I feel a love I didn't think it was possible to experience.

That's fatherhood. There is no other feeling like it.

I had grave concerns all through the pregnancy that I wouldn't bond.

I felt the same after being 'told' this might be the case during a pre-natal class or whatever they are. Utter bollocks IME. Sadly that may not be the case for others though.

Only word of advice I can give is don't be afraid to ask questions. And by that, I mean ask the same question to every nurse/doctor/consultant you want to, as you will likely get conflicting answers. Use their feedback to ask more questions. Be positive and be strong.

God, the tears sprung up there for a second. Mrs Removed had a very difficult labour and I well remember the feeling of panic as everything went horrifically pear shaped.

Hang in there.

Can't really say don't worry but babies are hard little b'stards you know, hang in there and be strong.

Just had a 28 weeker. Been in an incubator for weeks. Shit happens.

As a new dad (5 months in) and a doctor you did everything right. They are in good hands, enjoy the great times ahead....

How's it going a day on funkmasterp?

He's been taken off the glucose drip as his blood sugar has stabilised. The incubator has gone and they are checking regularly to make sure his temperature is stable. Feeding is the only worry. They may have to put a tube in if his intake doesn't improve.

Mum and Dad both got some sleep and food last night and today. It's amazing the difference it can make 🙂

Thanks for asking.

😀
Good news, good luck.

Pleased everything's going pretty good matey! Those PICU & HDU nurses are awesumz aren't they?
Biased opinion cos I'm married to one!

Delighted to hear it fmp, sounds like his going in the right direction, give him a big hug from all of us!

Pleased everything's going pretty good matey! Those PICU & HDU nurses are awesumz aren't they?

They really are. Everbody from the Doctors, nurses and the support staff and cleaners have been amazing.

[quoteJust had a 28 weeker. Been in an incubator for weeks.

How is your little one doing, hope he or she it's improving?

Glad it's getting better. We had something similar though not as extreme and it's hard. The job those people do is amazing, when I have money I will be making some sort of gesture. Ours wouldn't feed, wasn't very responsive and got taken in and onto a drip, Mum couldn't leave the bed so I was down there all beardy and highlandish trying to talk to nurses in Spanish and look like I knew what I was doing holding a sick baby. It was a few long, long days and then everything got better. Thoughts go out for you but seriously those people will look after everything, although it sounds like he is also lucky to have a dad who knows what he is doing. I hope things sort themselves out quickly and you can get home and start enjoying life inside the baby bubble!
Typing one handed as my chubby wee monster is sucking my arm waiting for her bottle! A funny story from our experience... Our was born at 10lbs, in the intensive care all the other babies were less than half that. The looks we got were hilarious, I honestly think people thought wtf is that [i]thing[/i] doing here, is [i]it[/i] going to eat the the babies!

He starts really screaming and his breathing had changed, so we took him to A and E. His blood sugar wasn't even reading. On the way to the paediatric ward he became unresponsive, went limp and was barely breathing. I had to run to the ward clutching my first baby thinking he was going to die.

That happened to my son, and is how we discovered he was allergic to diary. He's fine now, and 5. It also happened to my 1yo daughter last December 27th, we are working with Great Ormond Street to find out why in her case, as she's fine with diary. Because it's unresolved I currently find it hard to sleep at night worrying that she might seize while I'm asleep and I can't help her. TBH I'm shit scared on a daily basis and I can't believe it's happened with both our kids.

What others have said are correct, they are tougher than you think, and the nurses and medics are very very capable at looking after them. Your little un is in the right place. Good luck fella, I'm sure you little un will be fine and keeping you awake for all the right reasons. Be strong for them.

Ace news.

Kryton57, I really hope you find out what's causing issues for your daughter.

Dougbasque, your comment made me chuckle. Chubby babies are the cutest ones though.

He's started to have small issues with his oxygen levels again. Just spent time calming my partner down. Can't begin to imagine how it's been on her. Just been hugging and reassuring her. Will try and get a midwife to come and check up on her soon.

Thanks once again all for the concern, posts and moral support

Hey.

All the best mate, once they start taking the aid equipment away its onwards and upwards.

My second was born at 33 weeks unexpectedly. Let me just say, if we had 15 minutes of traffic, she wouldve been born in the car. On intensive care for 3 weeks after birth with feeding tube and all the other gadgets.

We managed to take her home with the feeding tube still in use as its really not a massive task. Where are you? Keep pushing for home tube feeding scheme if it comes to that.

Youll treasure him SO much when you're home, sometimes whispering things to him to tell him how precious he is...I certainly did with mine 😀

Just had a 28 weeker. Been in an incubator for weeks. Shit happens.

27+5er here. Its a rollercoaster and some of the hardest days of my life.

Hope you all come out the other end alright.

During the 3 weeks ours had ups and downs with various things. Oxygen levels, temperature, gaining weight, losing weight. They monitor it all so closely, they dont miss anything.

sometimes whispering things to him to tell him how precious he is

Hell, yes! I remember standing on the Atlantic coast, with Little Miss CFH in my arms. I told her how much she means to me, while the waves broke. She looked at me with her stunning blue eyes and smiled. She was six months old at the time. Could she have known what I was saying? Who knows.

Stay strong. It will be worth every tiny little bit of effort.

Fantastic news, made my day that. Nice work on Mum reassurance too despite your own stresses.

They may have to put a tube in if his intake doesn't improve.

I had that, plus another one to breathe - chicks dig scars so don't worry if that happens 😀

Babies are incredibly tough little buggers. If ours is anything to go by he'll hopefully totally surprise you by going from not being very well at all to awake, alert and ready to go home in the space of a day!

Hang in there, keep talking to the missus, and keep us all posted. Already looking forward to the post where you tell us all you're taking him home.

Thinking of you all. Our first couldn't get oxygen levels up and ended up in theHDU. It was a weird feeling, one min ute you have your new baby n your arms, the next she is whipped away from you.

Hope all is going in the right direction as it did for us.

All my best wishes to the three of you.

Best wishes to you three, nice name EBEN

Had a minor freak out earlier as he wouldn't wake to feed and didn't kick off at all when nappy changing. Lovely Doctor came in, took a good look and said you've only seen him ill / agitated, you may just have a lazy baby. Now setting alarm to prod him awake for the next feed.

Became obsessed with the bloody heart rate / oxygen level meter too. Oxygen kept dropping and setting the alarm off. Turns out they're a tad unreliable!

Can't believe the support you guys are giving. I've been showing my partner some of the posts and she was shocked (in a good way) at how supportive strangers on the internet can be.

Best wishes to all who are going through similar or worse. Can't wait to post a picture of my son from his home.

Pics from home will be great, but don't rush it fella. Just be there for Missus (as you are doing), post random thoughts on here and when money-bucket is home, then post a pic and we'll all get a bottle of something out to toast you all.

How's it going this morning OP? Hopefully all good.

That's fatherhood. There is no other feeling like it.

As a new father, I concur. I'm sobbing just fro reading the OP!

Became obsessed with the bloody heart rate / oxygen level meter too. Oxygen kept dropping and setting the alarm off. Turns out they're a tad unreliable!

A week in hospital listening to those and the IV monitors going off every few minutes all night almost drove me nuts 🙁

Got a week old miss blobby jr at home here and she is quite lethargic, needs a good stirring to wake up for feeding a lot of the time. It's not unusual apparently!

Got a week old miss blobby jr at home here and she is quite lethargic, needs a good stirring to wake up for feeding a lot of the time. It's not unusual apparently!

Yes, miniZ seemed to be a narcoleptic when it came to feeding. She seems well enough three weeks later...

A week in hospital listening to those and the IV monitors going off every few minutes all night almost drove me nuts

Miss Kryton Jnrs was the same. After 2 days I'd worked out the difference between a genuine alarm and the ability to reset a false one myself.

I did end up resetting my boys one quite a few times but the other three babies on the ward... 🙁

A week in hospital listening to those and the IV monitors going off every few minutes all night almost drove me nuts

108 days has burnt those alarms into my subconscious. I can hear them from 100yds away.

Hope things are improving.

It's reading posts like these that puts life into perspective.

If I've had a rough day at work or something's not quite gone to plan, I'll occasionally have a moan to the missus about never having any good luck, blah, blah, blah.

The fact is, I've got 3 wonderful healthy kids who have never really given me any health concerns. Granted 2 of them had to have assisted births but that was it. As I said, the OP and some of the others that followed makes me appreciate just how lucky I am.

Great news on the improvements with Eben's condition btw, this time next year you'll probably be praying for him to sit quietly and give you 5 minutes peace! 😀

Overwhelmed by the kindness shown by you all. More good news today! Eben has been for another X-Ray and it showed, what was described as sprinkles of salt throughout his lungs.

This is either an infection or michonium(?) swallowed by him. He was covered in the stuff when he arrived. The midwife said he was the dirtiest baby she had seen in years.

He has so much more colour now, is feeding better and is really alert. Mum has been getting more rest too.

I know I keep mentioning it, but I am genuinely moved by the kindness you have all shown.

Fantastic news, you can breathe now if you want!!! Pop some photos on when you get chance!

Great news. Kids bring out the best and worst emotions (as in they bring you such happiness, and occasionally they worry the hell out of you).

Pop some photos on when you get chance!

Agree, everyone loves a baby picture

Those PICU & HDU nurses are awesumz aren't they?

I lived with a couple of PICU nurses for a few years - they were by far the messiest women I've ever met. Washing-up would approach bio-hazard critical levels before it was addressed, the contents of untidy bedrooms would spread far and wide, personal lives & love affairs in constant disarray, etc etc.

But I never felt the slightest inclination to take 'em to task, despite the unending domestic chaos. However grim a shift I had at work ('adult' nursing), it was [i]nothing[/i] compared to what they faced on a bad day. I sure as hell wasn't going to ask them to tidy up. 😀

OP - it might not feel like it right now, but you'll draw strength from these days. All the best to you and your new family.

top news funkmasterp

now that the littleuns on the up, I can say this as it wouldve been in poor taste before

but you shouldve called the thread

'need to vent(ilate)'

igmc

That made me laugh Kimbers! How do you actually post pictures on here? Staying awake tonight and doing the little guys late feeds. My missus is shattered from the past few days and I am concerned about her mental state. Concerns will be raised, but I think sleep is a good start.

Hi, I've been following your story for the last couple of days - I'm so glad your little one seems to be doing better, as has been noted they are strong little buggers. By recognising how sick he was and getting him to the hossie you saved him, kudos to you my man.

Sleep is good, gives the body and mind time to reboot..

My thoughts are with you, I'll keep looking out for your updates...

Dave

Keep talking to the missus, it's a seriously tough time for mums and they can be all over the place emotionally even without added complications. Hope she's doing ok.

Another one here who can identify with what you are going through..

First daughter was born via unplanned C-Section, and all was good. I went home for a shower and came back to hospital to find she'd been rushed into SCBU due to her blood sugar level plummeting. It was very scary at the time but you'll be surprised how quickly you get your head around it when they are on the mend.

Our second daughters arrival was a different story altogether..
My wife went into labor a month early, and all was good (baby was just about to pop out) when my wife started feeling some crazy pain down one side (had an epidural in but it wasn't working) I thought she was having a stroke.. and then the baby went into distress, with an irregular, faint heart beat.
The next thing I knew we were running down the corridor to Theatre, as my wife went through the doors I was told to get some scrubs on, and they'd give me a shout when I could go in.
I got gowned up, and waited, and waited..
after almost an hour sitting on a plastic chair outside theatre I'd pretty much convinced myself that one or both of them were dead..
Then a group of nurses wheeled an incubator containing a tiny baby out of theatre, and said all was good with the baby, and 'someone would be out to talk to you about your wife in a minute'

I slumped back into the chair, convinced she had died on the table.
another 30 minutes passed, and them a team of people wheeled my wife out of theatre on a bed.
She was still asleep, but still alive.
The first thing the obstetric surgeon said was 'don't have anymore kids'
He then went onto explain that my wife's previous C-section scar had given way during delivery, and the baby had literally fallen out of the uterus inside her, and was drowning in blood.
On a scale of 1-10 for measuring signs of life, the baby had measured 1/10 and needed to be resuscitated repeatedly to bring her back to life.

My wife had over 200 stiches, two blood transfusions and 3 days in HDU.

Our Daughter spent 8 days in SCBU, and had her stomach pumped 15 times due to it being full of blood.
She was starved of oxygen for 8 minutes, but thankfully there was no lasting damage.

The doctors told us that statistically there was only a 1 in 300 chance that both mother and baby would have survived that situation, and it was the first 100% success they'd had at that hospital.

My daughters are now 6 and 3, and you'd never know there had been any issues with either.

Sorry to hijack your post, but it is still good to talk.
Cheers and good luck,

Matt.