MyHermes: Divide by...
 

[Closed] MyHermes: Divide by Zero

394 Posts
163 Users
1 Reactions
1,727 Views
Posts: 251
Full Member
 

[i]I will ask the parcel to be returned to sender.[/i]

Narrator: "The subsequent investigation proved the gap in the space time continuum we have all experienced started with this event"

[img] https://qph.ec.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-4ab1ca4991b2097977790e4745e04ac8 [/img]

 
Posted : 01/12/2017 8:28 am
Posts: 3319
Free Member
 

I am loving this! Marvellous work yourguitarhero, marvellous. 😀

 
Posted : 01/12/2017 8:29 am
 DezB
Posts: 54367
Free Member
 

[i] delivered within 5 working days.[/i]

Have you got the tracking info for this?? Cheeky bastards - all those delays, then they still give themselves 5 days to deliver!!

 
Posted : 01/12/2017 8:35 am
Posts: 0
Free Member
 

Am i the only one thinking this is going to end with [s]"you broke or terms of service, we have your soul, now you must work for us until we see fit to discharge you"[/s] "congratulations, you discovered and passed the my Hermes interview process"

 
Posted : 01/12/2017 8:38 am
Posts: 12
Free Member
 

I think this is all one of those covert MI6 employment tests. If you can decipher the inner workings of MyHermes, and actually get a resolution, then geopolitics of states on the edge of civil war should be a piece of piss.

 
Posted : 01/12/2017 8:47 am
Posts: 5617
Full Member
 

I like that it's goodwill to refund the postage cost, how can it be goodwill when they failed to deliver the service you paid for, that's a refund you are fully entitled to.

Sounds like a very dodgy driver, I wonder how much they are losing through his route?

 
Posted : 01/12/2017 8:49 am
Posts: 251
Full Member
 

 
Posted : 01/12/2017 8:54 am
Posts: 0
Free Member
 

I will ask the parcel to be returned to sender.

Nice touch

 
Posted : 01/12/2017 9:00 am
Posts: 13554
Free Member
 

This is one of my all time favourite threads

 
Posted : 01/12/2017 9:36 am
Posts: 4421
Free Member
Topic starter
 

*looking forward* to putting in a complaint after all this reaches its resolution (though, that may never happen in this geological epoch)

 
Posted : 01/12/2017 9:38 am
Posts: 0
Free Member
 

This is the best advent calendar ever! 😆

 
Posted : 01/12/2017 10:51 am
Posts: 1262
Free Member
 

I like the idea of us sending parcels to your (full of expensive things..).

Also, did you not get a funny look from the staff at the shop you dropped the parcel at? Surely they would have seen the address is (probably) a 5 minute walk away..

 
Posted : 01/12/2017 11:13 am
Posts: 3073
Full Member
 

I think the delivery driver knows you personally, been playing away by any chance? 😉

 
Posted : 01/12/2017 11:16 am
Posts: 1442
Free Member
 

My Henning Kjaernulf teak coffee table is now officially lost and probably being burnt on the bonfire in some chav's backgarden 😐

i didn’t expect it to turn up, after all if your last drop of the day involved the M25 and south circular at about 5pm and it’s your van/diesel it’s not surprising they couldn’t be arsed to deliver it.

 
Posted : 01/12/2017 11:26 am
Posts: 1528
Free Member
 

Been following this one since the beginning. Did a few Google searches on myHermes to see if this thread was showing up on the front page. Alas it wasn't. I did find this link on the Guardian which was an interesting read about being a myHermes courier.

https://www.theguardian.com/money/2016/jul/18/life-as-a-hermes-driver-they-offload-all-the-risk-on-to-the-courier

 
Posted : 01/12/2017 1:25 pm
Posts: 1451
Full Member
 

Still no update to the tracking. Disappointing.

Can't help but think that the OP's actions could have triggered the beginning of the end.

 
Posted : 01/12/2017 1:41 pm
Posts: 1442
Free Member
 

no mention of the money you can make by stealing the parcels though.
so many incidences of “your parcel has been delivered” but they have never even been to the property, what do you think happens to those parcels?

 
Posted : 01/12/2017 1:46 pm
Posts: 1262
Free Member
 

I bought a Burgtec stem recently (from STW actually) and after not receiving it for 2 weeks I contacted the seller. He check MH tracking and it had said that it was lost, so seller starts the claim route. Low and behold a few days later my stem arrives repackaged in a MH bag. I wonder if they chased the driver and he came clean..

 
Posted : 01/12/2017 2:40 pm
Posts: 1451
Full Member
 

Ooh tracking has updated this morning. Exciting.

05/12/2017 06:32 At the national sorting hub

 
Posted : 05/12/2017 12:13 pm
Posts: 22849
Free Member
 

I'd like to take this opportunity to option the movie rights for this thread.

 
Posted : 05/12/2017 12:20 pm
Posts: 76786
Free Member
 

How have they not noticed that the delivery address and the return to sender address are the same?

 
Posted : 05/12/2017 12:27 pm
Posts: 1442
Free Member
 

i have just filled in a ‘denial of receipt’ form for the sender of my stolen parcel, you have given me a glimmer of hope 😕

 
Posted : 05/12/2017 12:34 pm
Posts: 953
Free Member
 

OP - I'm liking your persistence....

and

I will ask the parcel to be returned to sender.

This is getting even more interesting.....I reckon when this eventually concludes you could 'sell the story' and make some money !

 
Posted : 05/12/2017 12:53 pm
 colp
Posts: 2500
Full Member
 

Maybe, but what if he posted off the screenplay with Hermes?

 
Posted : 05/12/2017 2:48 pm
Posts: 1294
Free Member
 

Insure it for the value of the potential royalties, assuming it's the next summer blockbuster.

 
Posted : 05/12/2017 2:54 pm
Posts: 3964
Full Member
 

My Hermes delivery driver has graduated from slinging parcels over my fence to putting them in my black rubbish bin.

I'm not sure if this is progress or not.

 
Posted : 05/12/2017 3:30 pm
Posts: 14111
Free Member
 

I was due a delivery yesterday.

Despite someone being in all day, they’re sorry they missed me. Not sorry enough to leave a card it would seem.

Chances on it arriving today......

 
Posted : 05/12/2017 3:35 pm
 myti
Posts: 1813
Free Member
 

This thread is ace. Waiting with bated breath. I've sent and received with my hermes in the past but will think twice next time.

 
Posted : 05/12/2017 3:49 pm
Posts: 932
Free Member
 

Chances on it arriving today......

Nil

What do I win? 😆

 
Posted : 05/12/2017 3:50 pm
Posts: 4421
Free Member
Topic starter
 

SUPER EXCITED!!!!

 
Posted : 05/12/2017 4:00 pm
Posts: 0
Free Member
 

This thread?

[img] /revision/latest/scale-to-width-down/382?cb=20130915015608[/img]

 
Posted : 05/12/2017 4:19 pm
Posts: 0
Free Member
 

A friend just reported receiving a "you have a parcel" card from MyHermes with absolutely no information on it. Just a blank card... also in the Edinburgh area.

 
Posted : 05/12/2017 4:51 pm
Posts: 4421
Free Member
Topic starter
 

Had an Amazon delivery at 7pm on Sunday evening, and another right now. Even where there is no parking outside the house at this time.

X

Got excited that it was my Hermes guy

 
Posted : 05/12/2017 4:52 pm
Posts: 6811
Full Member
 

[img] [/img]

 
Posted : 05/12/2017 5:16 pm
Posts: 22849
Free Member
 

Meanwhile at the other end of the M8 it seems that any parcel with an '8' in the addresses and 'Bishopbriggs' is getting left in my Alzheimer-suffering mums back garden regardless of with the intended recipient in the next street or over a mile away.

Thanks Yodel

 
Posted : 05/12/2017 5:45 pm
Posts: 14111
Free Member
 

Myhermes are now deleting things from the tracking record.

Apparently I’m due to receive my parcel today......

 
Posted : 06/12/2017 6:42 am
Posts: 4421
Free Member
Topic starter
 

Yes, my complaint history was "revised" so that the item was delivered* and the complaint "resolved"

*didn't mention it was delivered back to the sender

Anyway, been up since 4 waiting for my parcel. It's like waiting for Santa when you're wee

 
Posted : 06/12/2017 7:04 am
Posts: 6769
Full Member
 

Found 2 empty Amazon boxes dumped in Hampshire for 2 addresses in Wiltshire - sent Amazon an email where I provided details / tracking numbers.....

Their email reply was "sorry your delivery was received in poor condition" FFS

The suspense of this thread is excruciating!

 
Posted : 06/12/2017 7:56 am
Posts: 14111
Free Member
 

FWIW, I received a parcel via DPD on Monday and that’s still showing as out for delivery.

There must be a lot of middle managers in the courier business swearing a lot at this time of year!

 
Posted : 06/12/2017 8:10 am
Posts: 251
Full Member
 

We need to think bigger. Any volunteers?

[i]In the mid-1960s, Australian athlete Reg Spiers found himself stranded in London with no money to buy a plane ticket home. Desperate to get back to Australia in time for his daughter's birthday, he decided to post himself in a wooden crate.[/i]

[url= http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-31700049 ]http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-31700049[/url]

 
Posted : 06/12/2017 8:25 am
 DezB
Posts: 54367
Free Member
 

I was fairly pleased with my recent DPD delivery - ordered 2 items from the same shop at the same time - one (a jersey) was delivered to a neighbour, the other (tyre) was taken back for return the next day. Odd! Anyway, I went on the DPD website and said to leave the tyre by the front door. They did and emailed me a photo of it sat by the front door. Sweet.

 
Posted : 06/12/2017 8:33 am
 pb2
Posts: 0
Free Member
 

Great idea OP, I kinda knew were this might go as MH are fine until it goes wrong and then they lie and lie and lie. They really don't give a toss, I'm am convinced their business plan allows for X% failures and therefore why spend time and money trying to resolve built in failure. Concentrate on getting the other 95 or 96% there roughly on time and in one piece.

I'm sure if I ran a huge business pumping >£500k or more business through MH I might get a better level of service but for mere Joe Public its a pure lottery as to whether it will arrive.

My latest brush with them had them claiming the parcel was still out for delivery --- see your tracking info they say ---- when the parcel was right next to me having been returned to me earlier without any prior notice.

When I would not back off they conceded it had been returned because they had made 3 attempts to deliver and couldn't. I had the the guy buying the stuff conferenced in to the call. I asked when had they tried, big silence then they came up with one random date, why no card lefts, more silence. I pushed on and then some genius said they could not deliver the parcel for security reasons 😕

What security reasons we both wondered, I'm sorry we cannot discuss security with you ---- catch 22 ----. They then sent me a message saying how pleased they were to have resolved my problem 🙄

They are without doubt the least trustworthy business I have dealt with in many years, I understand Yodel run them close but honestly avoid them like the plague unless you have a defined regular route that works and then hope and pray the drivers don't change.

 
Posted : 07/12/2017 12:28 pm
 DezB
Posts: 54367
Free Member
 

[i]They then sent me a message saying how pleased they were to have resolved my problem[/i]

😆 Brilliant.

 
Posted : 07/12/2017 12:33 pm
Posts: 0
Free Member
 

I've got myself a rogue one too 🙂

I've sent over 200 parcels with hermes and had one damaged parcel in that time and one go awol.

However I dropped off a parcel at a shop in Yorkshire on Sunday and tracking hasn't moved from 'dropped at parcel shop'.

 
Posted : 07/12/2017 12:41 pm
Posts: 13722
Full Member
 

07/12/2017 10:58 Delivery will be attempted between 11:00 and 15:00 today

Ohhh exciting times...

 
Posted : 07/12/2017 12:59 pm
Posts: 39347
Free Member
 

Attempted. Doesn't mean they will actually attempt it at logie view though bruneep

 
Posted : 07/12/2017 1:14 pm
Posts: 0
Free Member
 

Literally the last thing I did before opening this thread was book a MH collection for tomorrow. I'm kinda wishing I'd ticked the insurance option now...

In other news... this has got to be a late contender for Thread of the Year!

 
Posted : 07/12/2017 1:18 pm
Posts: 0
Free Member
 

Ohhh exciting times...
Too right! There goes my afternoon smashing the F5 key

 
Posted : 07/12/2017 1:22 pm
Posts: 4421
Free Member
Topic starter
 

I got the notification of the 11:00 to 15:00 delivery slot at 12:38.
Just home at 13:30 and no parcel yet, or card.

This is exactly what I needed after a minging uni exam this morning!!!!

 
Posted : 07/12/2017 1:35 pm
Posts: 3383
Free Member
 

[img] [/img]

Noooo!

 
Posted : 07/12/2017 1:56 pm
Posts: 4421
Free Member
Topic starter
 

I realise I mistyped in my previous one - it was 13:30 when I wrote the message.

I got home at 1- cos I'd cooked my lunch, tidied up and sat down on the computer before typing that post.

So.... no danger they tried to deliver at 13:25

 
Posted : 07/12/2017 2:11 pm
Posts: 12
Free Member
 

It’s essentially a perpetual motion machine. The parcel will forever be in transit.

 
Posted : 07/12/2017 2:14 pm
Posts: 4421
Free Member
Topic starter
 

Do you think this will be like last time? One fake delivery attempt then many "delays, please wait 24 hours" and nothing for a week until I message them????????????????????????

 
Posted : 07/12/2017 2:16 pm
Posts: 17250
Free Member
 

It’s essentially a perpetual motion machine. The parcel will forever be in transit.

Like a buttered cat?

 
Posted : 07/12/2017 2:18 pm
Posts: 4421
Free Member
Topic starter
 

These two lines in the tracking seem so ominous now:

18/11/2017 18:58 Entered the Hermes network
18/11/2017 18:57 Entered the Hermes network

 
Posted : 07/12/2017 2:18 pm
Posts: 4421
Free Member
Topic starter
 

If I win a prize for thread of the year.... please post by Hermes!

 
Posted : 07/12/2017 2:20 pm
Posts: 0
Free Member
 

I wonder...

if you reinvested the insurance to put a new empty box into the Hermes network for every 'attempted delivery'

...am I right in saying that assuming 6 attempted deliveries of each parcel per month. Would there be 2.2. billion(6^12) parcels in the network after a year?

 
Posted : 07/12/2017 3:04 pm
Posts: 11
Free Member
 

I'm wondering if the OP is the driver.....

 
Posted : 07/12/2017 3:18 pm
Posts: 43056
Full Member
 

[quote=deepreddave ]I'm wondering if the OP is the driver....

That would explain why he's never in when he tries to deliver it.

 
Posted : 07/12/2017 3:19 pm
Posts: 4
Free Member
 

deepreddave » I'm wondering if the OP is the driver....

That would explain why he's never in when he tries to deliver it.

Genius

 
Posted : 07/12/2017 3:24 pm
Posts: 12
Free Member
 

That would explain why he's never in when he tries to deliver it.

It's Fight Club all over again.

The first rule of delivery club....never leave a card.

 
Posted : 07/12/2017 3:25 pm
Posts: 11
Free Member
 

^^^ it's all making sense. Finally.

 
Posted : 07/12/2017 3:26 pm
Posts: 45
Free Member
 

Well seems UPS aren't so great. I was able to go online to change my delivery date to be next Monday, yesterday they didn't try to deliver stating this as the reason but then they tried today and say they'll try tomorrow. Hopefully they'll also try on Monday.

 
Posted : 07/12/2017 3:39 pm
Posts: 4421
Free Member
Topic starter
 

[quote=scotroutes ]deepreddave  » I'm wondering if the OP is the driver....

That would explain why he's never in when he tries to deliver it.

My head just exploded like that Scanners movie

 
Posted : 07/12/2017 3:56 pm
Posts: 4421
Free Member
Topic starter
 

Guys.... should i post another one?

 
Posted : 07/12/2017 3:57 pm
Posts: 0
Free Member
 

Yes but get them to pick it up.

 
Posted : 07/12/2017 3:58 pm
Posts: 36
Free Member
 

Post two things. One small box, one big box. We need data granularity.

 
Posted : 07/12/2017 3:59 pm
Posts: 3860
Free Member
 

Durr. Of course!

 
Posted : 07/12/2017 4:00 pm
Posts: 80
Free Member
 

Yes but get them to pick it up.

this, very much this

 
Posted : 07/12/2017 4:03 pm
Posts: 12
Free Member
 

Guys.... should i post another one?

Yes. But this time put a GPS tracker in there.

Or even a better a cheap Nokia phone...the one with a week plus of battery. After a week ring it and maybe someone will open the package and answer. Then you can give 'em the good 'ol Liam Neeson.

 
Posted : 07/12/2017 4:07 pm
Posts: 1689
Free Member
 

This reinvestment of compo scheme definitely has legs. It could turn into a crypto currency, maybe called Shitcoin?

 
Posted : 07/12/2017 4:09 pm
 pb2
Posts: 0
Free Member
 

Do it and if I could give you the credits they said they would give me for screwing up I would be delighted to pay for the collection --- A collection addressed to yourself would be the ultimate spoof ---- please please do it 🙂

 
Posted : 07/12/2017 4:09 pm
Posts: 12
Free Member
 

This reinvestment of compo scheme definitely has legs. It could turn into a crypto currency, maybe called Shitcoin?

I just don't think it'll deliver on the investment.

 
Posted : 07/12/2017 4:13 pm
Posts: 43056
Full Member
 

Yep. Returns will be poor.

 
Posted : 07/12/2017 4:14 pm
Posts: 281
Free Member
 

I suggest the OP gives out his address and we all send him a package.

 
Posted : 07/12/2017 4:18 pm
Posts: 1689
Free Member
 

Good idea but the joke is that he lives on the moon, or alternatively in a box in Hermes' returns dept.

 
Posted : 07/12/2017 4:22 pm
Posts: 28406
Free Member
 

I wish I had seen this thread before I sent my nephew and niece (who live in central Edinburgh) their Christmas presents, by MyHermes... 🙂

Can I join the 'wait and see' brigade?

 
Posted : 07/12/2017 4:25 pm
Posts: 4421
Free Member
Topic starter
 

^ uh oh

Will book a collection and drop one off at parcelstore

Will write delivery and return to addresses on them

 
Posted : 07/12/2017 5:07 pm
Posts: 28406
Free Member
 

If they arrive but not yours, we'll at least confirm just how much your driver detests you.

 
Posted : 07/12/2017 5:09 pm
Posts: 13
Free Member
 

They have to be stealing them! being that incompetent would be too much effort! The only guarantee is they will lie about it!

 
Posted : 07/12/2017 5:30 pm
Page 3 / 5