[Closed] My son took an overdose last night 😢

my heart goes out to you. I can offer virtual manhugs, wish I was able to help more

Now I feel more useless than ever before and am clearly failing somewhere along the line.

Nope, you're not failing, you're just in a really shit situation.

Losing their Mum is obviously going to be really difficult and for a whole host of reasons out of your control, not everyone can cope well with such a loss.

You're doing a great job, just hang in there - it will get better over time.

youre not failing at all mate, from what ive read on here youre doing a top job, the kids are dealing with a lot of heartache, same as you.

on the plus side, he told you when hed done it which sounds more like a confused cry for help rather than definitely wanting to see it through.

my lad has also self-harmed quite badly, was also stockpiling pills to end his life (hes older at 24), and also told us hed done it. hes in the local MHU now and weve had many years of dealing with the mental health services.

not sure if youve read my recent post on 'autism and mental health', its only a page or two down if you want a read, and it goes without saying, drop me a mail if you need to chat. its my username at gmail dot com.

all the best mate, we're always here for you, the help on here is invaluable as you know.

☹️ I feel so heartbroken for what you and your family are going through. Lots of love and virtual hugs from me.

Sorry to hear this, can't offer much practical help, but do know where you're coming from. My son's 13 and has cerebral palsy. He's getting more frustrated with the limitations it places and has often said he wants to die and has self harmed. We've had to move knives out of reach in the kitchen. At least with his CP he'd struggle getting pills out.

Don't ever think you've failed him. You've done more for your kids than others could.

I can't offer much of use, except to give my sympathy and say it's a really shit situation - you're not failing, you're working through it together. And it's a LOT of work. But it won't always be shit.

You haven't failed the poor lad. He just needs more help than you can probably give. You've got the other children and yourself to think of too. Hopefully, this cry for help will give the assistance you both need.

on the plus side, he told you when hed done it which sounds more like a confused cry for help rather than definitely wanting to see it through.

Hang on to that thought, it is what stood out for me in your OP.

Otherwise all I can offer is sympathy and a reassurance that things can get better. They really can. You know they can. He knows they can.

Thats awful for all of you Gnusmas

You sound like you really do care about your kids, but the situation you & your kids have and are still going through would be brutal on anyone

Cant imagine how on earth id cope with what you or your kids have been thru & still going thru, on top of all that theres a once in a century global pandemic to deal with!

Keep doing your best and just hope it helps to know that a bunch of complete strangers on an internet forum are all rooting for you.

Tough times and I have nothing to add apart from my to say my thoughts are with you.

You haven’t failed, from reading everything over the past couple of years you have my total admiration for your bravery.

Al I can't think of anything much to say that others have said, only when I was 16 I must admit to having a few suicidal thoughts.
I was living in a well off happy family so you have nothing to feel guilty about

You certainly haven't failed him or your other kids, he came to you for help when he realised what he'd done. This shit isn't easy for anyone at the moment but be in your situation and be locked down like we all are is ridiculous, I honestly can't imagine how I'd cope.

Stick in there mate, and be there for him when you get to see him again, he'll need a massive ****ing hug. And so will you I reckon!

Stay strong family gnusmas.

Aw jeez. So sorry to hear this. Don’t blame yourself, you’ve all been through a lot I hope he recovers.

Sounds ****ing awful..hang in there, hopefully he's in the right place to get help.

Christ, I can't help with so much of this. It really doesn't help to add to the already sensible comments above, but you aren't failing. As others have said, it'd be hard for you on your own to deal with the loss of a partner, but with 4 kids, job stuff, the global situation we find ourselves in, you are doing an amazing job of getting through each day.

You are stronger than most of the rest of us and bumps in the road, even major ones are inevitable!

Good luck, stay strong!

As others have said, you're not doing a bad job, you're doing amazingly well with the challenges that are thrown at you. You've managed to maintain your relationship with Alex so that he told you what he'd done, and you've got him somewhere where experts can look after him. For the moment, that's all you need to do for him, so try not to worry that you can't do anything just now. Focus on looking after yourself and the others; things will improve.

hope your son is OK, the only advice I can give you with your son and self harming is (which will be easier said than done) is try and keep him away from alcohol if you can or at least try and drum in the need for moderation.

Can't offer more than a virtual man hug.

**hug begins**
I/WE think you are an amazing dad who continues to inspire others. I am genuinely in awe of how you have coped in recent times.

I have been to very dark places in the past but with the support of others spend most of the time in a happier place these days. I'm sure with support Alex will be the same.
**hug ends*

This is not your fault. You have done an amazing job trying to keep your kids and yourself together.

I'm no expert, but around a few who are. The fact that he came and told you makes me think he didn't really want to end it. Hopefully, this will give him a chance to reassess what you are all trying to deal with, and engage with some support services.

Heart goes out to you. Must be awful trying to cope, now of all times, but you are doing a great job

Heart goes out to you all.

Hope he’s ok.

It's not easy being a parent.

A massive man hug from family oldnick. Fingers crossed he comes through this episode ok, and don't talk daft "feel I've failed" etc, you are still there batting for your family, you are a one man no-fail-zone, honestly :). Some problems are just too big for one person to shoulder, so keep reaching out for help and support (which most definately includes looking after you).
Stick at it, we are all rooting for you.

Awful, but

Then came downstairs to tell me he’d done it

You're a great dad. He could have done a lot lot worse. You're still his rock. That's not failing. I hope he's OK. Losing a parent is just terrible.

Stay strong mate and hope he makes a full recovery AND u get some help that you've been waiting for Now.

Thinking of you all, take care. X

I don’t really have anything helpful to add, except supporting thoughts.

Oh man that is a really tough gig for you all. Thinking good vibes for you.

Al, you are a star. What you have been doing for your kids is pretty phenomenal, especially under these current conditions. I'm pretty rubbish at writing stuff like this so I'll just remind you that all of the comments above are spot on, especially the references to Allie telling you what he had done.

When we are allowed to move around more bring him and the younger ones over. The flowers they planted already starting to look pretty good. And I have some firewood for Alli to attack with an axe. Maybe the bloody dog will even behave, who knows? Could be fun, might be a total disaster. Give me a bell if you want mate, Ambrose.

Alan, my heart goes out to you. This is not your fault, you care so deeply and that is why you and he find it so tough. The reason he came down and told you is you are his default, his place of help (even if when things kick off it doesn't feel it. We have one who does that, knowing that home and family is the place he can do these things and yet still have unconditional love).

If I could help, I would. As things stand, we missed that ride last summer, we need to organise one this summer.

This is not your fault. It’s not your sons fault either. You have had an incredibly tough hand dealt to you. You have done amazingly well in these circumstances. As much as it’s hard to hear as a parent, you can’t fulfil all of his needs - no parent can or could in, even in the best of times. You have been there for him, you are there for him. That’s all you can do.

Take care.

Jay

Then came downstairs to tell me he’d done it

As several have said - that's the bit. He turned to you; you're NOT shit at this.

Most important thing is to make sure he knows he can/must turn to you next time he's desperate too

Hope he's OK

Bloody hell that's tough to read.

As someone who's been on both sides of the coin I can tell you that it's not your fault at all. The fact that you're all still going after all you've been through before this is a credit to how well you've all pulled together in the face of severe adversity. The current situation worldwide is tough enough for a lot of people, add on your history and it's unthinkable how tough you all have it.

Take comfort in the fact that he came and told you, this is key. If he was in any way feeling he couldn't trust you he wouldn't have come to you. Also just because he has got to this stage does not in any way mean you have failed as a parent. There is no such thing as a perfect parent and when you're in the mindset of doing something like an overdose you are not thinking correctly or rationally.

The best advice I can give to you is to make sure he knows that you are there for him, either as direct or secondary support or both. We are also here for you all in whatever capacity we can. Never be afraid to ask for help.

I have tried to read/reply to this thread three times and welled up at each attempt.

I believe (as others have said) that you should take comfort in the fact that he came to you. It shows he trusts you and you are in communication.

I don’t know what else to say.

Hang in there!

I am so sorry to hear this Alan. Please don’t think you’ve failed in any way, shape or form. You truly haven’t and you have being doing a phenomenal job under circumstances I can’t even imagine. Really wish I could give you a big hug right now I genuinely do.

Wish there was something more I could do or say to help you. Please keep this thread updated and keep venting if it helps you.

We've (family Sandwich) been there and done that and I can confirm that nothing in this world will come close to that ever again. On the plus side he talked to you, keep talking if that's what he wants or just sit quietly with him. (A useful life-skill all of it's own).

Have a hug from me Alan and I hope that it comes together for you, it's going to take time though. Come back and talk to us as your going to need us.

1, He probaly took some tablets as a cry for help and to get attention as he came down stairs to tell you , and ask for help.

2, He is now in hospital getting help, and a freindly chat off a nurse or other person.

3, Dont ever blame yourself, youve done your best for all the kids.

4, you will both have time away from each other, to think things through, to sort your heads out, at what must be a horrendous time for thoughts for both of you. Time apart heals.

5, At 16 its a difficult time for all of us,and it seems more difficult for the kids now,from when we where all 16,perhaps call round and see his close freinds and explain how you feel to them and ask if they know of any problems your son has that you are not aware of.

6, and repeat no 3 frequently.

Best wishes for the future.

Hi all. Bit of an update.

I've had a couple of texts with Alan and Alex is recovering at home thankfully.

Alan is completely knackered but really appreciates the support on here and will be along when he's able to.

Cheers.

gnusmas, you are twice the man I am and your kids are so, so lucky to have you.

I wish you all the best and I hope you are all in a better place soon. Being 16 is tough at the best of times.

Stay strong mate, your a fantastic dad.

Tough times for everyone just now. Being 16 and exposed to fakenews and other nonsense must be tricky. The future is uncertain and the talk of financial meltdown when leaving school and job hunting must add alot of pressure to the youth of today.
just be there for him when he wants to talk

Sorry for the delay in replying, been a difficult couple of days,but thanks to granny_ring for the brief update.

I was literally on the phone all day to various people - social services, camhs, doctors, hospital staff etc. And to family to let them know as well as follow up calls to find out how he was. By the end of the day I was exhausted and wrecked.

He'd been monitored all night and all day, had a medicine drip and a fluid drip. After the doctors were satisfied it was safe to discharge him he had to wait for a visit from camhs too to make sure he was OK. He was then discharged from hospital Friday early evening.

Had a good chat with him Friday night, told me some things that were bothering him. All of which I knew already, but everything coupled with the fact it would have been Lyanda's birthday last Monday tipped him over the edge.

The pain in his stomach is now easing and he's able to eat some food now which is a good sign. Hopefully he will have learned from this experience, but the person who dropped him off informed me he has said he will do it again which is a worry.

I've told him I'm pleased he came to me after he did it and I'm glad he feels like he can talk to me if he wants to. He's wandering around extremely sombre since he came home, but is giving us all hugs sporadically and has phoned family off his own back to apologise and talk to them.

Thanks for all the support again, I really appreciate it. Its difficult to turn to anyone when there isn't anyone physically to turn to.

Thanks for the update, every day is a learning day , every day is the start of a new day.

Not much else to add but just this current situation doesn't help matters either with mental health. It's hard on a lot of us but in your situation I can see it's a lot worse. It's definitely not your fault though. It's a shitty situation life has dealt you, but you have our support.

Hi Alan

One thing your lad should not feel he needs to do is apologise for being ill. It's the luck of the draw if you are healthy sometimes. All you can push is "This too shall pass" which as a teenager he will not quite get, they usually want to be everywhere last week.

All the best

Mike

Thanks for the update big man. It's appreciated, Alex and you have been on my mind.
Best wishes to you both.

Glad to hear that he is back home with you. Please keep us all up to date with progress

Oh for ****s sake Alan I'm in bits about this. You have been the most solid person anyone could have been, given what you have been through.

I'm not afraid to say tears are rolling down my face trying to type this.
You are and will forever remain one of the best people on the planet.
Hell you took time out from your own personal torment to give me support.
I'm not going to be much use to you but please please please don't ever forget you are the best dad in the world.

I really wish I had something practical to say to you Gnusmas, unfortunately all i can say is I really, really feel for you. You're clearly a very decent guy and an outstanding father, i just hope things pan out well. I, and lots of others on here, are thinking of you and rooting for you, good luck mate!

Al- I'll post the flower seeds ASAP tomorrow. Sunflowers and pumpkins I think you said the kids wanted?

Good to hear he's back home relatively safely.

Don't ever forget that pretty much any of us would be willing to be on the other end of the phone for you if needed. Even if it's just so you can vent, yell or just hear a fresh voice. All you have to do is ask.

Not much of an update, but an update.

Alex seems to be doing OK at the moment. The stomach cramps have finally stopped and at the moment showing no other signs of any side effects which is good. He did say to the person who dropped him off that he will probably do it again, which is a worry but trying my best to make sure it isn't possible. Hoping he was just venting.

He's had a phone appointment with camhs last Monday and an emergency appointment with the psychiatric doctor at the hospital on Wednesday, another phone appointment again on Monday. He seems to be trying harder with the other 3 too and interacting with them more.

I've also had phone contact with various people about him so will see where that goes. I've also had a phone call from social services. They had an anonymous call from someone saying they were worried about us all. I asked them what did they know about our situation so I could quickly fill them in with what's happened, their answer surprised me. They told me things that I have only shared here. I'm not annoyed, but whoever it was, thankyou. You've got further in one phone call than I have in a year! They are putting calls out this week and hope to have a plan of action for the week after. I'm a bit sceptical of it all as I've been let down so many times this past year but I'm trying to keep an open mind. Hopefully things will start happening and in a positive way.

Good luck gnusmas

Indeed, best wishes to you all, and take every bit of help you can get.

there are some pretty awesome people kicking about on ShonkyTonkWorld.
you stick at it gnusma, I hope you gat all the support you need.

So pleased to hear things seem to be a bit better, baby steps and all that though.

Just keep talking to him bit not forcing the issue and trying to do things as a group. I know that's difficult at the moment. I've only got 2 kids but they moan like bloody crazy whenever we suggest going for a walk or something at the moment. The boy will go out for a bike ride but my daughter is a stubborn so and so, and even though she actually like riding her bike still bloody moans about it all the time....

Any way, sounds like you're doing the right things.

Not been on here much over the last few years but I still lurk and wanted to add my support - mental health can be a minefield to understand and heartbreaking to witness but so glad that things are moving in the right direction for you all (love the beautiful family pic on the thank you thread). I appreciate that you have been in contact with various folks and are probably swamped with information right now but if you or your son are in need of any further help or info, the folks at MIND are wonderful and if you’re not up to speaking on the phone, they have online help (it sometimes takes a while but they will answer). You've been through tough times for sure - please take care and stay strong - it will get better.