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Sorry to hear the bad news. You come accross as the oppositie of how he was. Time to focus on family and be everything he was not to you. Take care.
Condolences hora. I'm not sure if reading about other people's similar disasters is any help, but if it helps you, for what it's worth...
Mine went in '91. My mum went in '55 when I was four. In '57, my stupid, weak and bullying father married a complete bitch who immediately found herself in a power struggle with my older sister who had helped look after me during the gap.
My Dad punched sister in the face one evening in '58 in a furious row and my last memory of her is of her sitting on her bed, mopping a bloody broken nose when I had been told to tell her that "dinner was ready", as if nothing had happened.
On his death, he left everything to the bitch, who left it all to my step-cousins when she died, and it wasn't tuppence-halfpenny.
Parents. For many of us, the best we can hope for is to not be like them.
Chin up.
Monksie I want to have a drink one day. Baldy, yep. Whereas I always knew not all men couldn't be as bad a parent as mine. I will just be a big brother to my son and take it from there. Right....... Time to ride 😀
Sorry to hear about your lose hora, sometimes the people that let us down the most inspire us to be become the people we are today.
My parents divorced when I was just over a year old and my last contact with him was when I was about 18months. I will be 33 in january.
My sister (2years older) recently made contact with him and says that he is very keen to meet me and to be involved in my life however I feel that I have never known him, he has never been a part of my life and if it hadnt bee for my sister finding him it would be 31 years and counting (or not as the case maybe).
I dont know what I would think or feel were your news to be mine.
It must be incredibley difficult for you to have such conflicted emotions now that yours has passed away however you will find hope, strength and comfort from those dearest to you.
Have a good ride 8)
Ive only started seeing my father after nearly 18 years. He was an habitual adulterer, alcoholic and used to beat my mother in front of me and my brother from the age of 5. He also used to steal from us. When we were 14 we escaped our home with my mother taking absolutely nothing bar a few clothes, leaving my father and the house behind.
Whilst all these things were terrible I have learnt to be positive from them. My children who are now 8 and 5 are beautiful whom I love beyond words. At times I find it so hard to reflect on my childhood and wonder why my father reacted so badly in front of us. Sometimes I mentally place myself in my fathers shoes and wonder how could he have behaved this way as my kids are now roughly the same age as I experienced it. It's just unimaginable to comprehend. However, I always have to deal with this as it is always there. It never leaves me. But one thing is always at the fore, it has shown me what a crap dad he was and how not to raise my children or be a husband.
I now see him and he realises what mistakes he has made. There is no turning back the clock but I forgive him and we have moved on. I just felt that the anger I had for him was wasteful and we all need a second chance. He never saw me get married, celebrate the birth of his grandchildren or other events in my life. So in some repects he has paid the price.
What I am trying to say is that life moves on. If I were you I would concentrate on the here and now and put every ounce of love and care in to your own children. Thats all that really matters now.
As you know, this life is short and bittersweet, so squeeze every drop out of it Hora.
Sorry for your loss Mark.
Estranged or not, you should still allow yourself to grieve.
Hora
I will just be a big brother to my son and take it from there.
Just be a father to him Hora. Sons need guidence, boundries and love.
A lot of parents make the mistake of trying to be their child's friend, which all sounds very nice, you need to be a parent ( a good and kind one), there is a big diffence imo.
sorry to hear, hope your head stays sorted.
Sorry to hear of your loss and I hope you come to terms with it all.
You sound as if you have a very understanding family who knew exactly what your father was like and perhaps tried to make up for it. Try to look at this as an opportunity to accept any reaching out they may instigate. You'll never know how lovely they may be unless you accept their offers. More than anything they may be able to give you a sense of perspective about your past and possibly information you may only have guessed at. Family know alot and it's often only when you ask, they tell.
Deepest sympathy Hora, grieve in the way that you feel is right, and take the time that you feel it needs.
my dad died last year, it wasn't a major surprise given he had terminal cancer but the level of collateral damage he decided to do was unforgivable. I didn;t speak to him for a couple of months before he died and while i suppose i maybe shoudl feel bad about that quite simply I don't. I spent my whole life trying to live up to his high expectations and then found out he was a completely twisted lying evil person who had done some despicable things. That, when you live in a smug bubble of the 'perfect upbringing and family' was like a large punch in the c0ck to me. I'm a reasonably sane, rational person but this completely stumped me, i had to seek some professional help to try and talk through how I felt and not end up a bit of a basket case. I spoke to my mum at length, almost like the first time in my life as an adult and able to freely express my opinions and be me. One day it dawned on me (as i rode my bike up a very long painful hill actually) that he was a very negative impact on my life and that I needed to put that all on a box, concentrate on me, my wife and the rest of my family. Be a better person and make a lasting impact on those that i love and love me. So far so good but it was a year long voyage of discovery.
It was a good ride and slowrider came out with his bloody nice dad!
It was a good ride and slowrider came out with his bloody nice dad!
It was a good ride and slowrider came out with his bloody nice dad!
Really sorry to hear of your loss and the feelings that your having to deal with.
I'm 'estranged' from all my family and have been for 3 years and its stories like yours that makes me think about re-considering my decisions about them and getting in touch again. Cant help feeling that the emotions in doing so would probably be harder than having to face up with a death.
Was also surprised how so many on here are also in a similar situation with their families, makes you wonder....
Take care....
Epo live life with no regrets. Even though I had every right to never speak to the fella ever again I regret not showing him his Grandson.
Sorry to hear about this. Sounded like a difficult relationship which must make it hard to "know" how to feel.
Seems like you're taking it remarkably well. I will be a total wreck when my dad expires.
I will be a total wreck when my Mother goes.
No matter how poor my Mum was she has always found money (or offered help) to others.
That money should have been hers.