[Closed] my Father has died

Sorry to hear your news.

Bad news, chief. Grief can be a complex thing, so try not to fight it, and don't beat yourself up - decisions taken were done so for good reason. Your son wil be fine with it.

Definitely time for a south Manchester catharsis ride.

I've not seen my dad for around 16 years, and one day will have the same news. I imagine that although nothing will change on a day-day basis...the finality that his death has brought is going to knoc you about.

Have a beer with your family, hope all is well.

hora, i saw my dad 3 times, once when i was 3, then when i was 16 and in his coffin.
never knew him, but still felt a bit sad at his funeral.

chin up mate.

I'm very sorry to hear this.

Condolences Mark.

I'm pretty much estranged from my dad too. Can't ever truly sever the familial bond though.

When you loose your dad no mater what the circumstances are its going to be a bumpy ride. I think in yours it will only add to the pain, find someone you trust to talk to about it,it'll help.

Sorry to hear that.

I'm not actually estranged from my father but only see him rarely as he takes no interest in me or my side of the family (not even so much as a birthday card for my kids). He actually moved a couple of years ago and didn't even bother to tell me - only saw him this year after I tracked him down after finding out someone had tried to murder him with a hammer.

The odd thing is that we're not even on bad terms when we do meet - it's just that he's completed uninterested.

Sorry to hear that Hora. Take care. I'll always miss mine.

Sorry to hear that Hora, my sperm doner left when I was 4, don't really have much use for him now.

If you decided to live without him in your life, perhaps it was for the best.

Time is great for helping us learn how to deal with all sorts of internal turmoil, ridefree!

have 7 family members do not really have anything to do with any of them. still like you i am waiting the phone to ring as mum dad in their late 70s, to much pain to get involved with my family so cut free and live in my own world with 2cats a wife and 4 bikes never been so happy

Commiserations Hora

condolences....i have a simialr setup and i often wonder how id feel if mine went..

spend loadsa time with the folk that matter and care i reckon

He was well known to the Police for the wrong reasons. The plain clothes officer who called on his sister to give her the news indicated that he'd been on the force many years and he was aware of him. A violent man in his time. Evil. The estate runs into six figures and I am excluded. Am I bothered? I'm cut up with the old memories that have resurfaced. I really didn't want this day to come.

Sorry for your loss Hora.

Oh hora. What mixed up emotions for you to deal with. 🙁

Things can not be undone now so do keep looking forward and enjoy your son.

Take care.

Mark, sorry to hear your news mate. Your grief will possibly take a strange path for a few weeks. Try not to fight the feelings too much and try not to feel you have to man up about things.

It was your decision to live your lives apart so you need to stand by that for your own sanity. Try not to dwell on the regrets. Talk to friends and loved ones who will support you through the process.

I can only sympathise, not empathise. Take care fella.

Hora; might be an idea to look into some sort of counselling, as it sounds like you've got a lot of pent-up feelings about this. Could be a good move; your family could suffer from your issues, without you even perhaps being aware. Just something to consider.

hope your ok dude this can't be good whatever the circumstances, i'm lucky to have made up with my dad after many years of bad feeling, have an estranged sister tho but that's another story.

I've not seen my old man for something like 20 years and can understand that you had your reasons and have your life in order. As others have said, condolences and chin up and as Elfin says maybe talk to someone who has experience of these things.

I told the coroner that I have lived a good and just life. I owe my son guidance and duty. Thank you guys. I feel loss. A father figure is such a honour and hard task isn't it. I am not bitter just feel sadness.

Sorry to hear your bad news mate. Try not to dwell on what might have been mate. Get up early in the morning and head out on the bike for a few hours. Then go online when you get home and buy some new forks! Hope to see you for a ride soon, email in profile mate.Chin up.

On a lighter note a guy sat next to me in the pub just said bingo has a face like al pacino......hmmm time to leave

I told the coroner that I have lived a good and just life. I owe my son guidance and duty. Thank you guys. I feel loss. A father figure is such a honour and hard task isn't it. I am not bitter just feel sadness.

That's exactly it. If his legacy as a shit dad is that you are a good dad...that's something to feel good about.

Sorry to hear of your loss Hora. Just accept that for whatever reason, things turned out the way they did.

Sorry about your news 😥
pooch's are nice to have at these times though, even if they look like Al Pacino, 😯
He must have been pi....drunk 😉

As my father said when his mum died:

[i]'She was a horrible old cow, but she was still my mum'[/i].

Same applies. Its ok to feel the loss, even if you thought him a get.

My condolences.

I have nothing really to add to the above but to say I am sorry.

I forgave him yesterday. Partly for my sanity.

Echo what TJ says but remember matey, you can't choose your family only friends. Take care buddy and chin up.

You have my sympathies Mark. I'm sorry for your loss despite your circumstances. It's still never easy.

sorry to hear this mark i dont have great relationship with my Dad he is cold and unemotional. At his wons mums funeral he looked like he was waiting for a bus ..he was not hilding itin there was nothing.
Being a better Dad should be your goal and it will be easy
Chin up fella

I forgave him yesterday. Partly for my sanity.

A massive step. Be the bigger man always hora. Well done. I'm confident you'll work through this if that was your first step.

that's hard. all you can do is keep on trucking for the sake of yourself and your family.
there's no such thing as a 'normal' family in my experience, and much of life takes place behind closed doors.
keep the good let the bad go. Selah.

A good father is a precious thing, sorry to hear about your sad loss, even with such history, take care of yourself and your family.

Mark My father died 12 years ago last week. I still miss him almost every day as he was not only my father but my best friend & my inspiration (I'm honestly typing this through tears as we shared so much)
[url= http://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/obituary-professor-paul-l-hancock-1192274.html ]Obituary Professor Paul L Hancock[/url]

So sorry Hora, for you and your family, dont beat yourself up over it, talk about it theres a lot of us to listen, oh and have a cry, somewhere on your own is best, it will help.

Mrovershoot I bet you are very proud :). I have spent most of my life feeling embarrased(?) Infront of my family. Felt lesser even. Even though all were friendly and always willing to come out of their way to help me I've purposely avoided all invitations. Maybe this should now change.

The one thing that does annoy me is the Executor of the Estates attitude. I asked I he was ill before and if I could have any old photos or home videos from the property and I was told 'no'.

Sorry for your loss, make something positive by trying hard as a dad.

PS howcome no hora abuse on this thread?

I've been grieving for almost 25yrs. No one to correct me. Mrshora was and is my anchor. (Well sometimes ball and chain!). Time to get pissed. Thank you guys. Stw is full of likeminded-nerds. 🙂

Sorry to hear about this Mark. If you fancy a ride or a just a chat give me a call or email. I'm heading out to rivi in the morning if you fancy a ride.

Andy

sorry to hear that Mark 😐
maybe there are opportunities to repair bonds amongst the family now

Look after yourself fella.

That's bad news.

Even though you had little contact I can understand why you feel sad.

Go and have some drinks as you said.

Andy longshot but binners is riding rivi/darwen tomrrow as well if your solo? I'm doing the jacobs loop with the hayfield descent included tomorrow if you have more available time. 11am start at barber booth. Btw all of my family have always been there for me. All sides. Its just me who has avoided and sidestepped all of them. Why they were patient and always offered their time gawd knows. Last year I avoided my second cousins wedding. Wasted her money on the place/seat that she had offered me. Gawd I'm an idiot. A bloody nice family.

Gawd I'm an idiot.

True, but that's why we love you. 🙂

You can at least recognise yer own faults, and accept you can change. That takes courage.

Have one on me, Hora. Binners'll pay.

Cheers Mark, not solo and don't have much time tomorrow (wife & xmas duties). Heading up with a neighbour so will leave it this time. If you fancy ride over the festive period let me know and I'll do my best to get out.

Andy

Commiserations. If you have the strength, you might want to consider how the rest of the family is dealing with this too and see if they need support. Doing so can help you. As already said above, don't dismiss grievance counselling - I'm currently considering it myself.

Sorry to hear of your loss.Chin up.

Strange the emotions we still feel even when someone dies that we dont actually like.
Sorry for your loss Hora .

Condolences Hora. Was in a similar situation a couple of years back.
Hadn't been in touch with my old man for 20 years, for various and complicated reasons. Despite the anger I sometimes felt, it was sadness and pity that came through more in the end as he missed ever seeing my sister's beautiful kids come in to the world or later on my gorgeous (me, biased?? never!) daughter's arrival. Being a Dad now makes you realise the impact and responsibility parents have and it's a minefield trying not to screw up. It's sad to say but my dad was a role model in the sense that I don't want to be like him in so many ways. It's a tough, confusing time. Ideally, we'd all like to have perfect parents, siblings etc but that's not really how it tends to pan out for most of us. Take care of yourself.

Sorry to hear man, your dad's still your dad I guess

All the best

sorry to hear of you're loss ...

1- Sounds like the world is a better place without him in it

2- Sounds you are better off now he is gone

3- Sounds like its time for your Dad to finally make a positive contribution to you - try [url] http://www.contest-a-will.co.uk/ [/url]

Really sorry for you Mark.

Chin up mate.

jesus fotorat!

Sorry to hear about your loss, however much, or little bearing it has on your life.

kaesae - Member
Sorry to hear that Hora, my sperm doner left when I was 4, don't really have much use for him now.

If you decided to live without him in your life, perhaps it was for the best.

Time is great for helping us learn how to deal with all sorts of internal turmoil, ridefree!

My sperm donor also left when I was 4.

I traced my grandparents when I was 21 and through them got in contact with my old man in Hong Kong. We met and got on fantastically, travelling out to see him in HK and he's been over here a few times.

I have 2 sisters that I would have never even known about had I not got in touch and my life is richer for it. Your situation may be entirely different Kaesae, but don't write off ever meeting him again unless you have good reason.

fotorat - that is a particularly insensitive reply.

Sorry for your feeling of loss hora. My old man left when I was 9. He shows up xmas day each year with pressies for my children. He's a stranger to them else. They dont know him, and usually hide. Annoys me. He avoids me, as the eldest of four. Probably because I remember best what we went through as young children because of his boozing. He was a selfish bar-steward, short & simple. Thinking of what we went through makes me very angry.

A blast on the bike will help you start to put stuff in place.

sorry to hear that.

Hora feel for you, enjoy your ride tomorrow and don't beat yourself up. Carry on being there for your lad, and maybe say thanks to MrsHora for being that rock.

Sorry to hear that Hora. At least you can try to be the best dad ever to your little one.[i]

Have one on me, Hora. Binners'll pay.

Hora, you're a bigger man at times then most of us here. Be such again and make sure you don't suffer alone. Get Mrs Hora to have a pint with you, make sure little Hora-sprog knows your love, be yourself.
RIP Hora Senior, however mean/nasty/careless you might've been.

hora - Member

MrOvershoot I bet you are very proud :). I have spent most of my life feeling embarrased(?) Infront of my family.

So I say you are going to be better than your dad.

Condolences hora

Elfin's right about counselling too. If there's stuff in your head you can sort out, that will only be a good thing for you and your boy.

Sorry to hear that Mark, I hope you can find a way of making sense of stuff.

Sorry for your loss regardless of what went on... Not seen mine since my mum finally kicked him out when I was 11 (36 now)
After seeing him get pissed every day, treat my mum like crap, never let me have friends round, beat my big sis up... understandably I don't see him now. He briefly popped round one day after they'd split and he broke into our gas meter while my mum as work 🙁
I can also recall him robbing a load of cash I'd collected as a schoolkid to give to a cancer charity. Needless to say, he's never seen my kids and I don't even know if I'd go to his funeral but still, you've lost your father and it's still a lot to take on... 😉
Ditto comments above, be the best dad to your kids and have a good drink. Despite what folk say, getting hammered does sort a lot of crap out in your head if you're with someone that cares... Chin up bro...

🙁

Bummer fella 🙁

Hate knowing that I'll hear that news one day - I love my Dad

Growing up I always assumed that all parents are like mine. Life has shown me that isn't true 🙁
I am very lucky to have a fantastic dad and so are your offspring 🙂

Mark its really sad that you have lost your Father in these circumstances.
You can't beat yourself up for something that happened a long time ago.

You have your own family now, put all your energy, effort and love into them.

Hold your head high Hora, I wish you the very best.

I fear I have the same thing coming, 20 years since last contact and no real hope of reconciliation. I feel sorry for my Dad and wish he had a forum like this to show him what's important in life before it's too late. It's been mentioned before and it is so very true: when you've seen how not to do it, you know how to be a great Dad.

Sorry for your bad news Hora.

Stay positive for your Family.

Deepest sympathies. Don't the the if only thing whats done is done, another chapter in life and now to continue writing new ones.

Sorry to hear your news.

My dad died 12 weeks ago, & we were very close, the pain & sense of loss subsides slightly day by day.

good post baldspot. you've articulated what I've been meaning to say.

Condolences Hora (and to you too Druidh, Gary_C and anyone else who's grieving at the moment).

Talking to your mates is fine, but sometimes talking to strangers is better - Elf and Druidh's comments about counselling are spot on.

Take care.

Yep, pretty much what everyone else says Mark/Hora, know you get a bit of stick on here but hope you know that people are thinking about you and your family.

take it easy mate.

Find your own way Hora.
One of my brothers sat talking to our dad for over two hours at the end of his funeral. Just telling him how he had made him feel, how hard he'd wanted to make him happy and how he was going to have a good life despite his upbringing.
That made him happy and gave him closure.
I spat on his grave and got myself the hell back to my family in New Zealand.
That made me happy and I was never open enough to need closure.
Everybody is different.

I told the coroner that I have lived a good and just life. I owe my son guidance and duty. Thank you guys. I feel loss. A father figure is such a honour and hard task isn't it. I am not bitter just feel sadness.

In prescence or absence it's an important relationship. My relationship with my father isn't as open as he probably believes or I wish and he is very old and will be gone soon. That will be tough - as I'm sure this must be for you Hora and you have my sympathy.
It might be the thing that I'm most proud of to say that my almost fifteen-year-old son is my best friend but it would definitely be the proudest thing to hear him say the same.