[Closed] My boy will not eat proper food!!!

He is Very strong willed

what about you?

Does he have some kind of behavioural diagnosis?

Starve the little ****.

On a serious note my girlfriend's son is like this and so is his dad. She has had battle after battle trying to get him to eat something different to no avail and had pretty much given up.
We went to France last year and he only drinks blackcurrant which was next to impossible to find. After a day or two he was drinking anything he could get his hands on. Same went for the food after a few days as well.

It's not a massively bad diet really though is it?

Just be thankful he isn't addicted to doughnuts!

hunger's good kitchen.

REALLY hungry kids will eat anything....fact

My son was pretty much the same. When he started school, he wouldn't eat school dinners so just had packed lunches for first twelve months.
He is now nearly 8 and quite happily has school lunches (although sometimes defaults to eating a ham baguette).
Key thing for us was to back off and within reason don't try to force him to eat things. We generally all sat down as a family to eat meals but often made a buffet style of various foods - some of which he would eat, some of which he wasn't quite so keen on. Provided your boy doesn't just eat rubbish all day I really wouldn't worry too much.

PS his younger sister eats anything! Some kids are just different.

hungry kids eat... set boundaries and give him proper food and nothing else. as soon as he gets the message that this is the food he is getting and nothing else he is likely to eat. plus give time limits on eating... minivader takes aaaaages to eat but has spead up considerably after loosing out on food and puddings for a few weeks.

3 kids here, assorted ages, and the main thing we've learnt is not to stress about it. Offer decent food, and if he eats it great, if he doesn't, as above, he will once he's hungry. Ours have all had phases, the fussiness comes and goes, so does the appetite.

Does he have enough energy to be an otherwise normal 4 year old? If so, stop worrying and let him get on with it.

I know we have probably been too soft with him.
But now the HV has said to plate up his tea (a smaller portion of our tea) and if he does not eat it he is going to have to go hungry until breakfast!
He leaves and goes hungry!
Sometimes cries his self to sleep complaining he is hungry.
I want the best for my boy obviously but this is killing me!

kids manipulate... stay strong and he will get the message.

He has loads of energy!!
He usually gets up at 7.
Nursery 9-3.
And sometimes i will take him on a 2 mile balance bike ride and bed time is when he falls asleep at about 9 or 10!

I know we have probably been too soft with him.
But now the HV has said to plate up his tea (a smaller portion of our tea) and if he does not eat it he is going to have to go hungry until breakfast!
He leaves and goes hungry!
Sometimes cries his self to sleep complaining he is hungry.
I want the best for my boy obviously but this is killing me!

That would be heartbreaking, but will probably work in the long run.

Maybe rather than clear his food away at the end of dinner, leave it available, and even if he's going to bed saying he's hungry, just offer him his tea. He has a choice then. My 7 year old gets mysteriously starving as soon as it's bedtime. Never starving enough to eat plain bread or fruit, oddly!

My 3 year old is very similar to this. He had reflux from a very young age and also a form of epilepsy that doesn't include a physical fit (Panayiotopoulos syndrome).
Off the top of my head he will eat porridge,rice crispies,toast with marmite,beans,chicken noodle soup,hot dogs,sausage,chicken nuggets,chips,rice pudding and jelly .Like most children he loves sweets and chocolate as well but the above list is all he will eat and if we try to feed him anything else he tries it then either wretches or throws up.
We're hoping as he gets older his diet will improve but he doesn't appear to be unhealthy and is on the go from getting up through to bedtime.Our own diet suffered for a while as we were eating the same sort of food as him but it made my older son/wife/myself start to put weight on and become very lethargic. Now we just feed him the food he will eat and make a seperate meal for the rest of the family.
I'd try not to stress about it too much unless it appears to be affecting his health.

Our boy (33 month)has got a lot less fussy lately .Partly because his nursery are very good and provide a wide range of foods ( though I have not received a clear explanation of Indian spaghetti) . He also cooks with me and has learned to taste ingredients as we Cook so is constantly trying new things . Doing pizza he has started on a range of cheese tomatoes olives capers anchovy mushrooms all of which he would refuse previously when just served to him at the table.

A colleague's kid would only eat plain pasta or mcdonalds fries! Specialists basically said he's healthy so he's ok and would grow out of it, which I think he eventually did.

Don't make an issue out of it though, 4 year olds are stubborn enough already! Get advice is my advice!

HTH!

I want the best for my boy obviously but this is killing me

You're his Dad, not his best friend. There are occasions when you need to do things that won't please him, because they're the things that a parent has to do.

A very similar story here. He'll only eat Pasta with butter, crackers with either marmite or butter but not both, crisps, occasionally the white of a fried egg but never the yolk, juice or milk to drink, etc.

ADHD sounds a bit unlikely but there are other things to rule out such as an over-sensitivity to textures or even a very mild aspergers which is pretty common in us males. The following article might be interesting - [url= http://www.autism.org.uk/living-with-autism/understanding-behaviour/dietary-management-for-children-and-adolescents/dietary-management-restricted-diet.aspx ]linky[/url] - perhaps worth considering other behaviours, what teachers report, etc?

GSI-MAN - Member

I am at my wits end and me and the Mrs are finding this really hard!

Advice needed please

Have you guys actually asked your parents (both sides) for ideas? After all your boy got his behaviour from both of you. I bet both your parents have dealt with both of you successfully so why not try the tried and tested methods?

Some good advice here!
Thankyou all for your feelings and thoughts so far!

We messed up with our first one - he eats a fairly varied diet on the whole but is too lazy to chew, only eats peas (with ketchup) or baked beans for vegetables, we still (he's now 10) mash up stewed pear and mix it in his porridge which is the only fruit he will have, only drinks milk, water or hot chocolate.

Should really have been addressed when he was 3-4 years old but his little sister came along and distracted us which with hindsight is a shame. Not helped by the fact that his mum is a faddy eater as well.

Trying to get him to even touch, let alone taste, new foods is a nightmare, especially with fruit he can come across as on the verge of a panic attack. But he's bright, he's growing, he's never ill, so we stopped worrying about him. Occasionally he tries something different and astonishes us all by eating it.

Will be interesting to see how he copes with secondary school, school cooking lessons and fending for themselves with the Scouts in the next few months.

His little sister takes after her dad though - if it can't outrun her, it gets eaten. But she wisely - like her dad - never eats asparagus or artichokes. Vegetables beginning with "A" are just wrong!

A "friend" of ours had a son who was a fussy eater and an only child. For various reasons that son was sent to live with his cousins for a summer at about age 8. The cousins consisted of 4 boys aged 12 to 6 and the dinner table was best described as "the quick and the hungry". The son returned a changed person...

A possible view point from your sons perspective:
I can remember the tears from both myself and my parents about me trying to eat 'normal' food. The whole thing of going hungry as they tried various tactics. It never worked. I've then put up with the almost finger pointing as people realise there's a freak who only eats certain foods or blame my parents suggesting it was their fault.
I've always had a bad diet.
Working with my wife over the last 7yrs, it's got much, much better. Trying to figure out what the problem the first step. I struggle with certain food textures. I have cereal dry, if I add milk, it's a non starter. I could drink the milk seperatey along side my cereal, but together, nope. When I was younger I could start to gag or even vomit before the food was in mouth!
I'd even been to a hypnotist who reckoned my sub-conscious was protecting me from something, but it wouldn't say what! I did manage to hypnotise my way through eating my first ever full Christmas meal, though it was more about trying to be 'normal' and social than enjoying the food.

GSI-MAN - Member
I know we have probably been too soft with him.
But now the HV has said to plate up his tea (a smaller portion of our tea) and if he does not eat it he is going to have to go hungry until breakfast!
He leaves and goes hungry!

That sounds hard but it's probably what I would suggest. And his diet doesn't sound bad. At one point our eldest would only eat chicken nuggets and garlic bread.

Do you eat together? A family meal can encourage them to eat. Not you all sat around telling him to eat. Just eating together. And praising him when he tries something new.

My youngest daughter could often be persuaded with a race. First one to finish your peas. And let her win!

Advice needed please.

Use fewer exclamation marks.

I can remember the tears from both myself and my parents about me trying to eat 'normal' food. The whole thing of going hungry as they tried various tactics. It never worked.

My story is very similar. Now in my 40s I'm nowhere near as bad as I was as a kid, but it's still difficult. Because make no mistake, in my case at least it was a phobia, and needed treating as such.

For me personally, turning vegetarian was a huge turning point; things got a lot easier when I removed the pressure of that base revulsion.

Starving, forcing, making a big deal, none of these things helped. It just made me more traumatised. Use positive reinforcement rather than negative. Find 'similars' - he likes cheese and yoghurt, what other creamy things can you try? Wheatabix with 'stuff' in, Shredded Wheat, variations on a theme? If you're trying something new, use tiny amounts rather than a pile of food.

If you're trying something new, use tiny amounts rather than a pile of food.

Spot on. With ours the first step was just to have some on the plate. Then move on to just sampling it.

Yes we all eat together at the table and have praised him big time when he tries a new food. Never thought I would get emotional seeing him eat a chip.
Sorry about the exclamation marks.

I was terribly fussy as a kid. I now eat and try anything. Still not a fan of fish but have tried enough to say I don't like it. Eldest daughter 12 eats anything and is willing to try anything.
Son 9 is fussy as ****, lives on chicken in any guise eats a bit of fruit, doesn't particularly like chips (WTF) loves beef products from mince to steak to burgers. Eats no salad whatsoever. A proper wrong un.
He's fit as a fiddle and has been like it for 7 years now. He had a sickness bug at 2 ish and had previously eaten anything. It all changed after that.
Im sure he will get better so please don't go for the ADHD option just yet.

From the other side to all these strongarm tough love parents - I was a stubborn bad eater as a kid. My parents tried starving me out of it and they cracked before I did. They tried everything except backing off and letting me do it on my own terms.

I badly wanted to eat the same food as everyone else - it was a great source of stress and fear at every meal outside of our house. But I couldn't handle their pressure on me.

I would strongly advise against the starvation technique. Food and the giving of it is a fundamental vehicle for love, trust and security. Denying this to a little kid is terrible, and will probably not promote the kind of security he needs to change.

If he goes through his days knowing he's not a good boy for his parents, that could also be pretty damaging.

You're his Dad, not his best friend.

You need to be his best friend. He trusts and loves no-one like you. However, being a best friend doesn't mean you don't parent.

Thinking about it,

That's quite a 'runny' diet; I wonder if texture is an issue? How is he with soups?

I'm thinking something like cream of mushroom or chicken soup might work, they're not a million miles away from his creamy safe world. You could sieve it first so there's not 'bits' or lumps in?

Sorry about the exclamation marks.

This is the Chat Forum, we don't subscribe to that sort of nonsense. (-:

Remove all the high calorie treats from the house.
Set time aside to eat together.
Offer him some new foods together with the stuff you're giving him now.
Rome wasn't built in a day. Don't force the issue kids use food to gain control over parents.

Ignore the post's saying starve him he'll eat when he's hungry enough. That's bollocks you'll only be storing up psychological crap for when they are older. What ever you do don't make a big issue out of this keep it low key.

Easier said than done I know.
Good luck.

We have one who is now 11 and has probably never eaten 'properly' but seems quite happy and healthy but it does involve a fair amount of work and pain including going without if they don't eat. What we've gone for is:
quantity is important - don't overload the plate, it's got to look manageable

if they won't eat then plain bread is available rather than just their favourite thing again. They don't need to go hungry

don't put everything on the plate at once. Start with a little vegetables (if that is what they won't eat) and then the the thing they like once that is eaten

Don't make it a battle every day otherwise meals get depressing and you may be creating other problems. A little ground at a time

There may be a real physical problem so it's worth keeping an eye on what works and what doesn't but it may also be mental. They have to learn to eat and it isn't always straightforward

and good luck - it can be horribly painful

After much perseverance we have a 4 year old "good eater," which, according to the laws of parenting and those who know best, is the true marker of being a good parent! Nothing else says you are a good parent than having a child who will eat everything (not that ours does), if you have managed this you are a success.

Clearly this is rubbish, you are a good parent because you care about your child, listen to their needs and try to do your best for them. There may be many reasons why your young 'un won't eat and it sounds like you are searching as many of them out as you can. All kids are different and many different things work to get them to eat. Some are natural dustbins, some are more cautious or more aware of textures and tastes.

The best advice I've seen here so far seems to be based on, don't make it an issue or you'll really make it an issue and, let's be honest, there is nothing more stubborn than a 4 year old who doesn't want to do something.

It takes time and patience and lots of deep breaths and ignoring and trying not to get concerned but you'll get there. Good luck.

Same worries, my 15 (Yes, fifteen!) year old lad eats:
McDonalds Chicken nugget meals
Chips
Potato waffles
Greggs sausage rolls
Cheese on roll or bread, (sometimes brown bread).
Brioche choc chip rolls
Cheap cheese n tomato pizzas
Tea or diluting juice
Nutri grain cereal bars, must be strawberry flavour.

Pretty much no fruit or veg, and very little meat.
This worrys me greatly to be honest, but he's a fit lad and is very rarely ill! He plays football at a decent u15 level, and is the top sprinter in his year at school.
He's been like this for years, and we realise its probably our fault for not nipping it in the bud, but the drama was simply too much at teatime. I don't think its a dislike of food, more a phobia of certain things. The only sweet he eats is Ice cream, and he doesn't really eat any Mars Bar-esque type stuff.
I just worry that he'll never snap out of it though, it wil leventually affect his health I reckon. 😕

bed time is when he falls asleep at about 9 or 10!

don't take this the wrong way, but for me, that is way to late for a 4 year old to be going to bed. without patronising you, my 4 year old has a bath with his younger brother at 6, then is in bed for 7, and asleep for 7.30. I think you need a proper routine in place at bed times, this will reinforce who's boss as well.

as others has said, you're his dad not his mate, he needs to learn he goes to bed when you say its bedtime, he eats what you ask him to eat.

bed when he falls asleep at 9 or 10

and there's trouble brewing right there! 4/5yo should be out for the count by 7:30 at the very latest.

You as parents need time off too, which you won't get with a infant running around at 10 at night.... We have a 13 & a 14 yo and they are upstairs by 9:30 on a school night, they don't have to go to sleep but it's essentially "quiet time" from then on.

Same worries, my 15 (Yes, fifteen!) year old lad eats:
McDonalds Chicken nugget meals
Chips
Potato waffles
Greggs sausage rolls
Cheese on roll or bread, (sometimes brown bread).
Brioche choc chip rolls
Cheap cheese n tomato pizzas
Tea or diluting juice
Nutri grain cereal bars, must be strawberry flavour.

I must admit i thought binners was older that that.

and there's trouble brewing right there! 4/5yo should be out for the count by 7:30 at the very latest.

Hmm. We read all that stuff, heard the same from lots of people, and also heard all the complaints about the kids who wake up at 4am and won't go back to sleep. Our 4-year-old is in bed around 8.30ish, asleep by 9 usually, and sleeps right through until about 8am. With food, she gets what we're having (though sometimes in a more bland version) - if she doesn't want it she doesn't have to eat it, we don't make a big deal out of it but don't make her anything else either. If she's hungry she eventually eats, if she isn't she doesn't. The plate just gets left on the table.

I suppose it could be classed as lazy parenting, but we distinguish between things that could do her harm (running into the traffic) and things that won't. Time she goes to bed and what she eats aren't big issues, really.

if she doesn't want it she doesn't have to eat it, we don't make a big deal out of it but don't make her anything else either.

my grandad used to look after 10 grandkids during the summer. if you didnt eat your dinner, you got it for breakfast.

you ate what you were cooked.

apart from sprouts; no-one likes sprouts.

My kids are similar..

I can't stand it and have battled against it tirelessly exhausting every method we could find, but I've realised that I'm just compounding the problem..

It's a behaviour learnt very early in life, soon after weaning when they battle for control at mealtimes, and it's very easy for a tired parent, anxious for their child to be nourished to give in to the child's power trip..
What then compounds the problem is that food is one of those fundamental basic human requirements so instinct and territorial behaviour, power struggles etc are going to be very strong around the subject..

I've given up the constant battle with mine and as long as they are getting the basic food groups every day I'm satisfied although I still aim to introduce new food every month or so with varying levels of success..

you may take this with a pinch of salt though cos it's only my own musings and I'm barely cognisant enough to scratch my own arse

FWIW 4 year old in bed by 7.30pm

All kids are different, so you just have to go with what feels right with you at the time.

Personally, I wouldn't worry about it too much. It sounds like he's healthy and his diet isn't really that bad. I would just keep giving him healthy choices and back off a bit from forcing him. Once you make a big issue of it, it only gets worse.

Strong willed is good in life and should be encouraged. But it means that they like to make their own decisions . All you can do is teach them right from wrong, and give them plenty of options and experiences. Start making the choices for him (like what to eat) and he'll choice the opposite just so he feels he's in control.

All easy to say I know, and difficult when battling with them. If it helps, kids are generally fussy eaters, especially at 4.

Isn't this what pudding is for?

Finish dinner or no pudding. Worked on getting my sister and me to eat pretty much any vegetable my mum put in font of us - except for broad beans, but there [b]are [/b]limits.

And I like sprouts. They're good roasted too.

Have you tried plain pasta and rice? - I'm looking at his list of likes and seeing only mild flavours. My lad doesn't like sauce on rice or pasta.

You may find things improve massively once he gets to school and has a new environment with a peer group that's eating all sorts of stuff.

I was a fussy kid, his tastes will change.

I would eat meat, potatoes, peas and carrots only, no other veg. Salad made me gag, I rarely ate fruit unless it was part of a desert.

I now eat everything and anything, there genuinely isn't anything I don't like, so things will change.

Is there anything he *really* likes to eat? Maybe encouraging him to make the right choices by rewarding him with things he likes would work? If you eat a spoonful of that, you can have this type of thing. But you have to be firm, and if he doesn't keep his side of the bargain, don't relent.

Don't worry too much about it, I was a very fussy eater as a child, parents tried force feeding, starvation and pretty much everything else. All these techniques achieved was to strain my relationship with my parents and damage my self-esteem. I was lucky that I got over it very young and now eat pretty much everything.

I have worked with very damaged and traumatised children for years, the most important skill in my line of work is patience. Weird quirks or "difficult" behaviour can be a symptom of another problem. Maybe your son does have ADHD, maybe he doesn't (most diagnoses of ADHD in my experience do more harm than good) but I wouldn't worry too much about all of this. I think the key to overcoming this is (and this sounds a lot easier than it is) to be patient, understanding, loving and accepting. Eventually, your son will become confident enough to try other foods and move on from whatever is causing him to get stuck with this issue. Oh, and get him to bed earler, 7pm is about right I think.

Give this website a good going over, it is right and (trust me) really does work...

[url= http://www.uea.ac.uk/providingasecurebase/home ]Secure Base[/url]

At his age, it is more important that your son feels love and can trust you than it is for him to conform to "normal" patterns of behaviour imposed on him by people he grows to fear and mistrust.

we had a similar issue with our son...we found that a combination of backing off/being strict/letting him go hungry or thirsty helped....it was a case of knowing when to do the aforementioned.
we also found it helpful in helping him understand why he needed to try different foods...explaining this to a 4 year old can be tricky so we kind of used the "green giant advert" technique.
we used his own favourite toys and characters on him...i.e. fireman sam eats all his greens/ spiderman eats all his fruits and thats why he's so strong etc.
we also used an reward/incentive chart on him...this does work but has to be strictly reinforced

Yes to early bed time Crankbrat was going up for bath stories bed at 7pm we brought it forward to 6.30 and have seen an improvement in behaviour as he is less tired and cranky . He had started to drop his naps at nursery and this was having an impact on tea time behaviour .

One of our twins is like this to an extent. There is now an established narrow repertoire of meals that she will eat, but they do include all the food groups so she is healthy. She will have pasta, ham and 3 types of vegetables whilst the rest of us eat a roast. As others have said, we have accepted this as she is strong willed and I am not sure that she likes strong flavours

She also recognises that she may like different foods in the future.

We reward for eating all vegetables = one treat. Clear your plate and you can have all the chocolate you can eat, there is rarely enough room for much, but I have found it a great motivator!

We also reward and praise for trying new foods, she ate a strawberry yesterday.

You certainly need to sort the bedtime thing out - he should be in bed soon after 7, and certainly asleep by 8.
Our youngest is 3.5 and she is normally in bed by 7.30, and asleep soon after 8.

As for the food, don't make a big deal out of it, but it does need sorting.
Ignore all those insisting you need to starve him in order to get him to eat - introducing small amounts of new stuff without making a big deal is the way to go - mini versions of your dinner.

My kids eat pretty much anything, however this was forced on the oldest (who is 7 today) as she was milk/gluten intolerant from birth, and diagnosed as a coeliac when she was 5. (she eats diary now) so she had to eat a varied diet due to lack of options!

They have dinner at the child minders 4 nights a week so eat whatever is dished up (roast dinners/fish pie/jacket potatoes/pasta)

You need to sort it for your own benefit as much as his - to put it into context, our eldest asked to go for a curry to celebrate her 7th birthday this evening - now isn't this nicer than McDonalds!

Don't make an issue of it each time he doesn't eat. Just leave him to it. Apparently I was a poor eater when a kid, keep being told I only ate bread and water. Never affected me and , Jeez, I love my food now.

Seems like he is eating at least some of the proper foods. If he is fit and healthy then leave him to it.

I'd echo others comments. Its not easy seeing them go hungry but it will work. Offer them the food and if they dont eat it fine. However, if they do dont make a big deal of it as this can backfire. Its all about not giving them control over you! Try to make meals as just something you do for the time being rather than an event (if this makes sense).

It will work. My eldest is nearly six. Really fussy but now eats more and more new foods. Also it goes in cycles which I guess relates to growing. Some weeks he eats like a horse other weeks almost nothing.

A final point. Some advice is to not make pudding a treat i.e they only get it if they eat their greens. Treat it as another part of the meal. Not sure I fully agree but we do it anyway as its a good way of getting them to eat fruit!

Good luck.

I was a massively fussy eater as a kid, and still am to a certain extent.

The only tip I'd give you is to try and avoid making it an issue.

I was really thin as a child, and barely ate anything. I just didn't like food. The times where mealtimes turned into a battle of wills with my parents are burned into my memory and I still can't eat some foods because of it.

When they eventually just said "sod it", and stopped watching what I ate, I found it much easier. Being distracted at meal times by general conversation, but being made to sit at the table made me just kind of pick at food, and eventually made me realize it tasted OK, and the texture wasn't to horrific.

For years after I only really ate because I was hungry, but over time, I've actually come to enjoy eating, and now struggle with being a bit of a porker!

Sorry if it has been asked already, but do you eat as a family, all sat together at the table?

Its not easy seeing them go hungry but it will work

Not necessarily. If the kid is just a bit sassy, it might. If the kid has a proper phobia or psychological problem then it won't, and will most likely be seriously damaging.

Oh and another tip with vegetables - cook them soft. My mum loves crunchy vegetables, but I couldn't bear the texture. When I learned to eat them it was when I cooked for myself as a student and I could soften them up and take the edge of the vegetabley taste. They are also sweeter when cooked soft. I still prefer them softer now, although not falling apart of course.

I was a fussy eater when i was younger and I still used to have to have my veg mashed until i was about 11 as it was the only way my parents could get me to eat them. I agree with Molgrips about the well cooked veg, and I still only eat veg if its cooked til its soft.

I only really started to become adventurous (for me) with food when I started going to friends/girlfriends for tea. Its a lot harder to refuse food when someone else's parents have cooked it and so I used to force things down and discover that I actually quite liked certain things! It used to drive my parents mad when they found what I'd been eating at such and such a persons house because i'd never touch it at home.

In the end I just resorted to telling mum that the reason I ate them elswhere was because they were a better cook than her 😀

Ok forgive me if I reiterate things other's have said.
The problem with mealtime issues is that food is a simple area for kids to exercise control. Fussiness is a way for them to do this.

The crying himself to sleep due to hunger show's the manipulation and that there's still enough energy in him.

The earlier the food fussiness is tackled consistently the better. It might be worth moving the clock on 15 years...

The behaviour is entrenched and he will not eat a balanced healthy diet so his health suffers (constant colds etc...), social interactions (i.e. going to a restaurent) become problematical (will only eat x & y which reduces the options) and his education has suffered.

My ex- and I argued about her philosophy of "you shouldn't make a kid eat what he doesn't like", I was right but she had custody.
My youngest with the Mrs tried it on, cue several tricky holidays in France when he was little, but were on the same page. Now he's 16 and eats most things, even the stuff he doesn't like. He's even eaten prawns at a friend's house, just to be polite.

The problem with mealtime issues is that food is a simple area for kids to exercise control. Fussiness is a way for them to do this.

Maybe sometimes, but not always. I had a deep seated phobia. I would be terrified of staying at people's houses. At age 16 an exchange trip for a week caused serious anxiety, and despite desperately wanting to be normal and eat the food, I couldn't. I tried and almost vomited, and I felt utterly humiliated and ashamed. Even though by this age part of my brain knew that the taste wasn't really that bad and I desperately wanted to eat, I couldn't.

However I should point out I was exceptionally healthy as a kid, and bigger and stronger than most. I ate things in tomatoey sauces, and I ate beans and drank juices. This apparently was enough to keep me healthy!

So for some kids, maybe it's a control thing, but not for all. You have to decide if he is just trying it on or has a real problem.

Johndoh-Yes we all eat together at the table and have the tv off so no distractions
We have tried to encourage him with the reward chart thing but no joy.
We only plate him up small portions but no joy.
We leave the plate there for about 30 mins-1 hour for him to go back too but still no joy.
Again from an early age he has never gone to sleep early.
He is not the type of little boy you can put to bed at 7 and read him a story and he falls asleep.
Thats another story!!

It could be worse, it could be my nephew. He's nearly 9 and it pains me to see how he has his parents under total control (the food is only part of it). Incidentally, they were fairly old when their only child was born and are rather precious, which certainly doesn't help them or the kids for that matter.

Anyway, from seeing him in action, I understand the difference between a fussy eater and what the OP may be experiencing. It's a hard ride, but you really don't want this several years down the line.

He is not the type of little boy you can put to bed at 7 and read him a story and he falls asleep.

A four yr old child will eat whatever food you choose to give them as they have no other choice.
It isn't ****ing rocket science.

A four yr old child will eat whatever food you choose to give them as they have no other choice.

a) not necessarily, if they are stubborn enough they will starve themselves to the point of physical harm

b) what effect do you think that would have on the kid?

OP: does your boy know why he has to eat his food? Our kid knows all about noo tree yents and why she needs them.

Awww he sounds like my boy. Fussy little bugger.
We go for the "don't make an issue" approach. He will frequently eat no tea except a bit of fruit. Tough luck!

molgrips, don't necessarily agree about the vegetables, mine will only eat carrots raw, for example. So I guess it depends on the nature the fussiness takes!

My boy definitely has a sensitive sense of taste! I used to try and sneak, say a pea, in with a mouthful of pasta pesto - he would chew it, I'd think I'd got away with it, then he'd spit out the pea eat the rest and pull a face. Also give him a delicious bit of chocolate and nut cake and he won't eat it as he can taste the nuts, even though he loves chocolate cake.

We have also tried sending him to school dinners, thinking that over time he would start eating new things through peer pressure. It hasn't worked, we keep getting lectures from the school about how they are worried about him and we're not getting value for money as he doesn't eat. (He is not skinny and eats an enormous breakfast, so I am not worried)

At age 16 an exchange trip for a week caused serious anxiety..

Er..

The earlier the food fussiness is tackled consistently the better. It might be worth moving the clock on 15 years...

The behaviour is entrenched and he will not eat a balanced healthy diet so his health suffers (constant colds etc...), social interactions (i.e. going to a restaurent) become problematical

My 2 year old can be a right fussy little sod, some days he won't eat anything, others he'll demolish everything in sight all day long.

He often sits down with us at tea time and has a little plate of whatever we're having, anything from a pasta dish to a tandoori chicken biyrani (?) with all the trimmings!! The boy certainly has a taste for spicy food, and there's no bad after effects either 😀

Patience and figuring out what he likes and introducing new things along the way is where it's at. Because of his love of grown up food, getting him to eat little kids dishes is a walk in the park now cos they look the same

in bedby 7.30 and eat what you're given or not at all (throw them a bone though [not literally] make something familiar that he would eat and mix it in). Eat with them. Don't bargain with them, don't hover over them with the spoon. Eat yours, comment on how delicious it is and how nice it is to eat tea together etc.

If that doesnt work [s]beat him and lock in the cupboard under thestairs[/s] persevere

I know hindsight is a wonderful thing but for any would-be parents reading this, our kids:
a) eat just about anything they're faced with
b) are flat out by 8pm every day without fail and sleep through til 6

The food thing... we did baby led weaning. None of this mushing everything up for them. They ate what we ate from 6 months. Now obviously we weren't giving them chunks of steak and stuff but veg, bits of bread, ham, cheese and stuff were all put in front of them to play with, try eating etc. Obviously only works if you've a decent diet but its something I'd reccommend to anyone.

The bedtime thing is all about routine from day 1. 7pm start and then its bath, bedroom with a book each whilst the little one has his milk and then shove both in bed, put their music box on and walk out the room. Done.

Davey that ain't the answer to everything as we did baby led weaning too, and my eldest is still super fussy.

I was a little stressed out about weaning my daughter as the eldest was so fussy, so one might think my "stress levels" or whatever would rub off on her, guess what, she eats everything. I think, although there's stuff you can do to mitigate it, it's just the luck of the draw to a certain extent.

Also I think the bed time thing is a red herring. OP isn't moaning about bedtime?
Mine go to bed late (8:30-9), they get up late (7:30 or later). It works for us. We're too disorganised to get them to bed earlier and we don't like (or have to) get up really early (i.e. 7:30 will do in the week even though school/nursery runs are a bit of a rush)

A four yr old child will eat whatever food you choose to give them as they have no other choice.

I like my children so I'd rather they didn't starve themselves.

It's difficult for me to offer advice, as my daughter is a brilliant eater, and children are individuals. All I can say is what worked for us: baby-led weaning and (trying) not to make a fuss if she didn't want to eat. We have a simple rule of "you don't have to eat it but there's nothing else". Very easy to say of course when your kid will clear her plate most of the time.

Get some pictures of starving Biafrans and scream at him about how lucky he is?

That's what my mum and dad did, althouggh the BBC provided the pictures.

You know,

I get frustrated in the tech threads on here sometimes, where an OP goes "my computer doesn't work" or some such, and half a dozen people come wading in with solutions when it's far from clear what the problem actually is. One of the things I'm trying to hammer into the junior techs at work is to do some ground work before trying to escalate problems; what are the symptoms, what OS is it, what's changed, what errors are you getting, what have you already tried?

Strikes me that the same is happening here. Half of us are trying to solve the kids being difficult, the other half are trying to solve the kids having difficulties. Without knowing whether they're being awkward, playing confrontational control games, or gripped in abject terror, there is no one-size-fits-all solution.

So that's what you need to do first. The boy won't eat. [i]Why?[/i]

My 3 year old is very similar to this. He had reflux from a very young age and also a form of epilepsy that doesn't include a physical fit (Panayiotopoulos syndrome).

carlosg - Totally off-topic, but Panayiotopoulos was my neurologist. Top bloke and I have him to thank for being fit-free for 15+ years (just in case you're cursing him...). You have my sympathy.

Cougar is a wise man.

Funny how modern children have conditions that were unknown when I was young. How did we ever get to grow up and have successful careers and normal adult lives?

By struggling like hell in many cases.

By struggling like hell in many cases

I agree entirely, but wasn't that the driving force in many cases?

molgrips - Member

a) not necessarily, if they are stubborn enough they will starve themselves to the point of physical harm

I've helped bring up more children than most and have never come across this situation.
Not once.
Once the kid is hungry enough they'll eat whatever is in front of them. It doesn't take long.

<swoons> at sbob - what a big man, what a 'helper'! Do you have any kids of your own or do you just pop out from under the bridge to help incompetent parents as a hobby?

AD - Member

<swoons> at sbob - what a big man, what a 'helper'! Do you have any kids of your own or do you just pop out from under the bridge to help incompetent parents as a hobby?

Have you not heard of foster care?
I'm happy to help anyone that needs help, they don't need to be a parent or incompetent.
I've even got a "thank you" card from someone I helped, it's on my desk in front of me and cheers me up when I am feeling sad, which is quite often at the moment.

What do you like to do to help people AD?