[Closed] Mummy is Daddy gay, and how does it affect us as a family.

They may encounter this in later life...

Family, wife and children- the same effect as any divorce.

Friends- no effect whatsoever.

Work/teammates- no effect whatsoever.

The wider sporting community- hopefully some effect as it encourages more gay players to come out.

Nigel Wood, the chief executive of the Rugby Football League, told the Guardian the sport was proud to be open to all.

"I feel it's hardly an issue worthy of comment because why shouldn't a player come out and say that they're gay?"

That's probably the most important comment there.

But how does it affect the family, wife and children,along with freinds and work/team mates

Children may need a bit of explaining that some people are gay and its OK. Family and mates shouldn't be affected at all. if it is an issue for them, they prob don't fall into the friend catagory.

"I feel it's hardly an issue worthy of comment because why shouldn't a player come out and say that they're gay?"

Welsh rugby union star Gareth Thomas came out in 2009 aged 35 and switched to league the following year.

"But why should they feel that they have to come out and say that they're gay to anyone other than immediate family?
It just brings sexual orientation to the table when it's not needed, in my opinion."
As did the old form of marriage. People should be able to publically acknowledge their sexuality without pressure to keep it secret . Or should I not hold my wife's hand when we are in public?

In the current age when there is still a lot of prejudice about especially for younger people coming to terms with life it is important to see that respected public figures can essentially say "me too I am just like you."

Fair play to Keegan. I think by coming out he makes it easier for others to be open about their sexuality if they choose to be. Culturally we are still in a place where being gay is seen as less acceptable than being straight. When it's the non-issue it needs to be, people won't need to come out.

Although within most of society it is perfectly normal and accepted to be gay, it is still rare for professional sportsmen to come out. For him to do so is an important step for acceptance in the sport. Hopefully, this will encourage others and then it will become a total non issue.

my mates dad (now sadly deceased) was gay, Justin Fashanu was a family friend in my youth & I wouldn't be that surprised if my dad came out on his death bed, so hear hear to all those hoping for it to be a total non issue is soon as possible

Fair play to Keegan

It's not fair on his wife or his kids.

But it sure seems like he got a get out of jail free card ... everyone saying what a good man, how brave etc....

Not it my book, he's a nob if the highest order ... IMHO it's deporable to break up a family... I dont think he's someone we should be looking too to help steer our moral compass.

Ro5ey - Member
Fair play to Keegan
.... is it Bollox !!
It's not fair on his wife or his kids.
But it sure seems like he got a get out of jail free card ... everyone saying what a good man, how brave etc....
Not it my book, he's a nob if the highest order ... IMHO it's deporable to break up a family... I dont think he's someone we should be looking too to help steer our moral compass.

I won't mince my words here. You need to take a very long, hard look at yourself before being so judgemental and posting rubbish like that. I'm sure you (like all of us) are not a perfect human being.

It's just the same as anyone else leaving their partner with kids in the picture

It's maybe a bit shittier than leaving for another woman, but that's against a background of prejudice and ignorance throughout society (just today on my office there were some heated words said after someone used the word gay in a negative way)

IMHO it's deporable to break up a family...

Even though I agree, I think you might be missing the point a touch.

I won't mince my words here. You need to take a very long, hard look at yourself before being so judgemental and posting rubbish like that. I'm sure you (like all of us) are not a perfect human being.

He has a point though - he wasn't exactly totally honest with his wife before they got married - you could say that he was less than fully committed to the idea of their marriage and she would have liked to have been aware of that - instead of him misleading her...

I think a

[img] [/img]

may have been hit

Why so Jamj... ?

"I feel it's hardly an issue worthy of comment because why shouldn't a player come out and say that they're gay?"

If this is true .... and I believe it should be.

Then our hero has just dumped on two young kids and a loving wife.

How d'you think they are feeling right now ...?

How d'you think they are feeling right now ...?

not great I imagine but then again so are many more partners & children of separated couples, hardly the best excuse for taking a pop at the guy is it?

You'e right of course. Its much better that a wife and children spend their lives with a father and husband who was living a massive lie

That'd be better for everyone involved. What could possibly go wrong?

I,m sure his wife would have rathered he 'be true to himself' before he got married,another selfish self obsessed sportman(oh yeah sorry he's gay,can't say anything against him then.)

Ro5ey - might have been a good idea to read the article first...

Keegan Hirst, who is separated from his wife, said the time had come "to be true to myself".

Hirst said he only recently came to accept he was gay when his marriage broke down.

So the marriage had broken down already, and he was then able to come to terms with his feelings. Whoops, you plonker 😆

I,m sure his wife would have rathered he 'be true to himself' before he got married,another selfish self obsessed sportman(oh yeah sorry he's gay,can't say anything against him then.)

Yeah... you're right too. Everyone who's gay know it the second they enter the earth. They're never confused or conflicted, at all. It's just really straightforward, this sexuality lark. There's no stigma to it either. Especially in a sport like rugby.

Its not taken any courage to do this. It just a purely selfish act!

Christ! Its like the 1930's on here sometimes. All these people with their perfect *ing lives, and their absolute knowledge of absolutely *ing everything 🙄

If there was no stigma attached to being gay he may not have lived in denial and tried to live a "normal" life. However, there still is a huge stigma attached to it causing young gay men all over the world to deny their sexuality, suppress it, lie to themselves, lie to others, kill themselves or in places like Russia, be killed. Who's to say how many end up believing their own lies but are living in misery.

Try and imagine be openly gay in school, as a teenager, even as a young man in your early twenties and think how ostracized you would be before you start criticising this guy.

hardly the best excuse for taking a pop at the guy is it?

So he's just destoyed three lives directly, with a fallout for many others... but that's OK... 8O.

Edit after Ajamtom post

I'll keep digging, shall I ...? 😆

+1 Binners

Edit

Ro5ey - now I know you are talking s**t, wtf do you know about their personal circumstances, my wife & I parted company 20 years ago (parents to three 20 something boys) pretty sure their lives aren't destroyed

So he's just destoyed three lives directly

Do you have any evidence for that? Plenty of parents separate without destroying anyone's life.

Not a personal raw nerve for me. I have known and accepted my sexuality since I can remember. Luckily enough for me I am heterosexual. I say lucky, because being heterosexual and growing up in the 1970's and 1980's was likely to be easier than being gay.

This guy has had a relationship breakdown and at the same time and maybe partly through this process has come to realise/accept that he is gay. Being gay isn't choice, isn't wrong and isn't his 'fault'. The family hasn't been split up and who says he abandoned his children. It may be a surprise but he can still be a very present and good father despite (Gasp!) being gay and not living with the children's mum. He is more likely to be a great parent if he can accept who he is too. It's easy to say he should have known better and that he has lived a lie - but he's 27 for chrissakes - who totally knows themselves at 27 or even at any age really.

Let's put this in more perspective. He hasn't 'stolen' all his wife's fertile years or prevented her being happy without him as a husband. His children won't be forever scarred by having divorced parents or a gay dad. Children are better off in a happy stable home where people are not living a lie and putting themselves under that pressure. Children with loving, decent parents are pretty adaptable after all.

So he's just destoyed three lives directly, with a fallout for many others... but that's OK... 8O.

So he's just destoyed three lives directly, with a fallout for many others... but that's OK

Why has he destroyed 3 lives? Has he immediately become a bad father because he's gay? Oh yeah... all gay blokes are perverts and kiddy fiddlers aren't they? No gay man could possibly love his own children, could they? He'll be in a nightclub, in a pair of hot pants, snorting poppers, and touching peoples bottoms. He's probably forgot he's even got kids

That is the generally accepted view from 1927 isn't it?

He hasnt destroyed anyones life, he is wealthy enough to support his wife and children, and appears to have support from those around him, andthey are probably offering support to his wife and children.

Possibly at the first meeting with his wife and in the long term there was real love there for her, but the over his overriding gay sexuality started to rear its head, something that must have caused imense conflict in his head.

Lets hope he can become a role model for other gay men, in sports and senior positions, like the other rugby player, the baseball player, cant remember their names, Grahame Obree cyclist along with Tom Daley jumper.

absolute knowledge of absolutely ****ing everything

No

Just any fella (or woman.. straight or gay) who messes thier own family up... is a ****t.

So

Has he immediately become a bad father because he's gay? Oh yeah... all gay blokes are perverts and kiddy fiddlers aren't they?

Of course not

But immediately a bad father for breaking up a family .... yes

And if that makes me old fashion.... then call me Alfred and find me cutting my front lawn using a push mower with my shirt sleeves rolled up.

But immediately a bad father for breaking up a family .... yes

I'm sorry, this is a big assumption on your part. You can still be part of the family yet be divorced from your spouse. We don't know he's broken up the family at all. Also, living a life in some kind of denial will likely harm the children more.

But immediately a bad father for breaking up a family .... yes

I'm divorced. I'll just let my kids know that I'm a **** and I don't actually love them. I can't, after all. I'm incapable of it due to my moral weaknesses. Home wrecker that I am.

So the only qualification, in your world, for parenthood is that you can maintain a relationship with the childrens mother, no matter how ill advised this is?

How's the view from up there? Do you not get vertigo?

Hallelujah, and all that

[img] [/img]

First openly gay rugby (league) player? Just Ian Roberts, maybe 20 years ago?

The problem I have is that the only people I actually know who are divorced/seperated from their other halves. Did so for completely selfish reasons and they have royally dumped on all others involved.

It clouds my judgment on the matter.

Binners I have no knowledge of yours or any others situation on here.

But its the internet you end up reading carp sometimes... sorry I was the one who typed it today.

My mum and dad divorced*. My dad didn't abandon me and my brother, we were not betrayed or forgotten. We were still a family. My parents in common with many in the same situation still cooperated and communicated well. My parents still cared about my brother, me and each other. My parents remained friends until my dad died. This isn't unique or special, IME it's quite common.

*And no, my dad didn't leave my mum for a man - or in fact anyone else.

binners - Member
I'm divorced.

Holy shit dude! I thought you were perfect! 😉

Binners I have no knowledge of yours or any others situation on here.

Indeed. But you feel obliged to condemn us all for our perceived failures and weaknesses.

I'd imagine that before reaching the decision to do what he did, he agonised over it for years. It must have been incredibly difficult. I don't believe many people casually end relationships like that for purely selfish reasons

A bit of understanding might be a bit more beneficial to everyone involved, rather than lofty condemnation, which will achieve nothing.

But its the internet you end up reading carp sometimes... sorry I was the one who typed it today.

Yeah... well don't be getting too used to it. Thats my bloody job!

But its the internet you end up reading carp sometimes... sorry I was the one who typed it today.

Wouldn't worry, it's usually me.

normally you get married to someone because you are attracted to them and love them.

So either he was attracted to his wife and loved her, or he didn't and misled her from back then.

Not really an admirable thing to do. It might have been different if he hadn't committed to the children.

By rights the divorce should saddle him with a very hefty maintenance burden.

normally you get married to someone because you are attracted to them and love them.

No evidence that wasn't the case.

So either he was attracted to his wife and loved her, or he didn't and misled her from back then.

That's a massive assumption you've made.

By rights the divorce should saddle him with a very hefty maintenance burden.

50% of the cost of raising his children to the level when he was married perhaps? Maybe plus an amount reflecting his wives lost earnings during period of her marriage?

Holy shit dude! I thought you were perfect!

My fallibility comes as shock to many. Not least me 😀

So either he was attracted to his wife and loved her, or he didn't and misled her from back then.

That's a massive assumption you've made.

So if he was gay, how could he be attracted to his wife?

Not that much of an assumption.

If you're attracted to someone of the opposite sex, you're not gay.

If you're not attracted to someone of the opposite sex, then you don't marry them...

My previous girlfriend but one had dark hair. After we split up, I went out with someone with ginger hair. Was I deceiving the first with my hidden desires for a bit of ginger?

Rachel

gay, how could he be attracted to his wife?
Not that much of an assumption.

Here's another thought, maybe sexuality isn't that clear cut for everyone? I know one now openly gay man who was so massively in denial he thought he just wasn't interested in sex and had a low libido. Loved his now ex-wife though and still does. For her it all became much clearer when he realised he was gay and opened up to her.

My previous girlfriend but one had dark hair. After we split up, I went out with someone with ginger hair. Was I deceiving the first with my hidden desires for a bit of ginger?
Rachel

Yes, obviously! 😀

Come on Turnerguy. It's not that clear cut. Admit it.... When you see those artful black and white shots of Beckham in his boxers.....?

Ginger Rachel, for shame. 😀

It's the pale skin.... oops

Got to admit I have a weakness for red hair.

It's not that clear cut

It should be pretty clear cut if you feel enough commitment to get married, and have kids.

Fair point. Becks is already married

It should be pretty clear cut if you feel enough commitment to get married, and have kids.

The clear cut problem is that you are doing your absolute best to not understand - because you don't want to.

You must have had it when you go for a curry after the pub? You order rice with your chicken tikka masala, but by the time it arrives, and you've had your nice seekh kebab starter, you realise you should have gone half chips.....

It's like that

We've all been there.

The clear cut problem is that you are doing your absolute best to not understand - because you don't want to.

not really - if he is gay/was confused about his sexuality then how could he ever have had enough commitment/attraction to his wife to get married and lead her into feeling safe enough about the stability of their relationship that they should start a family.

Sounds like a feat of deceit and dishonesty to me.

The problem I have is that the only people I actually know who are divorced/seperated from their other halves. Did so for completely selfish reasons and they have royally dumped on all others involved.

Is there another option? I'm pretty sure nobody gets divorced for any altruistic reasons.

Am I the only one who finds it strange that someones sexuality is news?

This life partner stuff works for some and doesn't for others. We need to stop getting so hung up about it . And stop worrying about gay people having families.

My previous girlfriend but one had dark hair. After we split up, I went out with someone with ginger hair. Was I deceiving the first with my hidden desires for a bit of ginger?

You disgust me. How could you be so dishonest to her, why didn't you be open with her from the start and say you prefer Gingers? She could have died her hair.

Sorry my judgement is clouded but my obvious denial that sometimes relationships break down.

teadrinker - Member
Am I the only one who finds it strange that someones sexuality is news?

I don't find it strange, compare it to some of the crap the media puts out and it has a certain validity!

However, I don't care. Not in a negative way, but in no way shape or form does another humans sexual identity matter to me. But, I can see how it could empower those who have yet to step out and be themselves.

Sounds like a feat of deceit and dishonesty to me.

I give up. Literally, I give up.

Just perhaps at the time he met her he loved and fancied her, they formed a relationship, got on well, decided to get married and had 2 children , like a lot of people do, then for some reason his gayness started to trouble him to such an extent he decided to tell his wife and freinds , then decided to put his story to the media to help people in a similar situation get help or to realise theyre not flukes or weird, but to accept their sexual feelings for a fellow human.

Am I the only one who finds it strange that someones sexuality is news?

However, I don't care. Not in a negative way, but in no way shape or form does another humans sexual identity matter to me.

My thoughts exactly moose.

And as for if he should have got married or not that's neither here nor there. Surely the only important thing now is that regardless of everything they both just love there children.

As a son all I'd want from my parents is for them to love me and be honest with me, together or not. As a parent all I want to do is love my children and be honest with them and so far that's been a pretty easy thing to do.

I've a confession to make. When I was younger, and less certain of myself and my sexuality, I experimented.....

With gingerness

There. i've said it.

Don't judge me!

A couple of people on this thread need to send their attitudes back to the last century where they belong.

Binners, I'm considering starting a support group. Talking and tea to sort it all out.

got on well

that's a good reason to get married, right there.

See l've always had a soft spot for gingers, but the wife is blonde.

Now if l was to go and run off with a red headed lovely, leaving my wife n kids ld be a massive git.... of that lm as clear as crystal

Relationships break down it's true and sad and sometimes there is nothing that can be done expect make good of a bad situation and both sides my know it.. 🙁

But then there are times one of the parties just thinks the grass is greener and it's that get my goat

Night night

I played in the same amateur team as Keegan for a couple of years. Although I don't profess to knowing him closely I can say for certain he didn't announce this with the intention of wanting to be plastered all over the national news. Knowing the area and environment he grew up in, I can see why he thought he had to 'have a girl friend and have kids' being gay was not something that would have been accepted very well at all.
I've spoken to with some of my mates who know him a lot better than me and to say they are all shocked is an understatement. But not one of them thinks any different of him. The amount of public support from his friends and team mates is testament to the kind of bloke he is.
And I'm damn sure he will continue to be the best dad he can.

the guys obviously a self serving publicity seeker.. been gay is normal.. so whys he telling everyone hes normal.. i dont go running to the papers to tll everyone i m normal why did he feel the need to?

Chicken Tikka Masala?
Do you have a nice half of shandy with that?

Ffs, get a grip man.

the guys obviously a self serving publicity seeker.. been gay is normal.. so whys he telling everyone hes normal.. i dont go running to the papers to tll everyone i m normal why did he feel the need to?

Just perhaps the media had got hold of the story s/h and he was just amnouncing himself the feeling he had before it was sensationalised by the media rags.

Now he can be a role model for other dads in similar situations, and younger lads who have the same feeling, as for being Normal, its only seen normal in some sections off society and in some families,lots of kids get made homeless every year due to neaderthal parents who throw them out onto the street or want allow the male partner into the house.