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Anyone tried it, thinking about it? My mum has a decent sized house that due to ill health her and my step dad only now use part of. Theyve offered us to move in. Would split the house so that we have our own separate living spaces. Clear financial incentive for us. We have children now away and studying but they would still be about and staying at home for periods. I have reservations and keen to hear thoughts or experience people might have?
Thanks
Did it during lockdown - was tough at times but really good for my mum to get to spend lots of time with her baby grandson.
Hard not to fall back into parent-child roles for many people Inc me and my mum can be quite overbearing. If you have clear boundaries I'm sure it can work well.
My parents did it with their parents ( and me for a couple of years) when my grandparents health deteriorated
they lived completely separately in the same large house - their own sitting rooms, kitchens, bathrooms. As they are all a stroppy bunch ( yes i am the easy going one!) this is the only way it could work
Could you share a kitchen ( my mother and her mother could not so they put a second kitchen in) #they even had separate bits of garden!
I don;t remember it being difficult particularly but they were all very clear, bought the big house together and clear bondaries were set
Are there enough rooms so you can have separate sitting rooms? KItchens? Enough bathrooms?
Had my dad and my nephew living with us for a while, not such a bad plan but it really does depend on facilities and personalities rather than generation. ie my dad and nephew got on okay, where as they both drove me mad 😬
Late 70s we did it with my grandparents for 2-3 years - biggish house, separate living rooms.
I remember quite happy times, but I also remember a feeling of relief on all sides when they got a council flat and moved out.
My aunt and grand parents did it for years (the aunt had the top floor as a flat and the grandparents the bottom floor, each with their own kitchens & bathrooms). They had some hassle about having a second kitchen upstairs (both from a building inspector check and not having to pay two lots of council tax), although there was an internal door to the upstairs it wasn't a full conversion to two separate flats but apparently the building inspector couldn't get his head around that (or perhaps he thought they were trying it on and would convert them to separate flats later).
About 10 years ago we moved in with my folks (Scotland) when their place got too much for them, sold up ours (South East).
They then rented a small cottage 100m away after a while, more due to it become available. We then had one of the old barns converted into a separate 'annex' where Mum now lives (Dad passed).
Best thing we ever did, and I'm 100% sure Mum would say the same thing. She's really got her own house, and so do we, but now she's in her mid-80's it takes the 'pressure' off her - so I just organise stuff that she struggles with (anything online, car etc). Just share the garden and utilities. We have her over for tea a couple of times a week and she's always out in the garden with our dogs.
Just agree the finances first.
Could you share a kitchen
Yes, check out their washing up habits.
Yes my ex and her mum did this they both sold up and bought a large house that they could sub-divide. They rub along reasonably well. I think you have to be honest right from the get-go about your expectations and boundaries though.
Yes, we did this 6 years ago with my mother in law. She sold up her house in the North East, we sold our house in Leeds, pooled resources and bought a place with a granny annexe already built, and with land enough to extend further.
She essentially has her own 2 bed bungalow with bathroom, kitchen, lounge, conservatory. We have a 4 bed family house. Both joined with an internal door into a shared utility space. Shared garage and front grounds, we split the rear garden.
Accommodation-wise, it works well. The MIL is quite a difficult character so there are not infrequent tensions, but it works well enough. She's still fairly independent, but that will likely change over the next 5-10 years. Overall, it's a better arrangement than if she'd stayed living 100 miles away and increasingly needed support and care, but you do need to think about the potential difficulties of different personalities and priorities, as it also has the potential to be fairly disastrous.
Are you all going to sleep in the same bed like charlie and the chocolate factory?
We once bought a flat which had an interconnected door to the neighbour, the chap lived in ours, his wife next door. The 2 flats combined were massive, far bigger than a family house as in total there were 4 double bedrooms, 2 lounges, 2 kitchens. Value wise it would be cheaper than a 4 bed house, but obviously no private outside space.
When I was maybe 9 or 10 I remember going to look around a massive tayport house with a granny flat with my family and my mum's parents. It soon became apparent the expectation was we'd be in the granny flat. It was never talked about again and the concept was never again revisited.
Thanks all. Yes separate kitchen bathroom etc although no lounge. Real possibility that will drive us mad so doing a trial period before committing. Re finances itb do you mean bills cnl tax etc?
Whatever deal you make on finances must be explicit, discussed and written down otherwise its the easiest way to fall out