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So, Jnr is growing up and it seems I’m about to expose him to all the anti thesis of the virtues we’ve taught our kids. Now I’m not niaive enough to believe he has been exposed to swearing via school or sports, (virtual) hedge porn etc as a growing teenager, but I’m about to take him on a MTB ride where “man things” punctuated by sweary fun times will talked about.
I’m feeling a little uncomfortable, perhaps becuase I’m introducing him to a side of his Dad he’s never seen yet, so perhaps it’s more about me and less about him? Do I just let his experience grow naturally, are there “talks” needed?
Any tips appreciated 🙂
a side of his Dad he’s never seen yet,
Let your friends, not you, take the lead on "new" topics, swear words etc. but also make sure you also join in so he knows its ok.
Following. I've got at least a decade until I need to worry about this stuff.
My lad has been into 'trackdays' with us for a long time... Lots of overnighters at track with drunk mates...
He's now obviously moved into MTBing and has plenty of riding mates who are not only older, but far more partial to a swear word or 3... He still doesn't swear in front of me. But it wouldn't be the end of the world. He's 16 and making his way in the world, it's up to him how he does that.
All of your worries will fade into nothing when you realise you cannot keep up with him on the hills😉
My lad actually prefers riding with the grown ups and has been out with the MNPR lot, NBT, Bunnyhop and a few others from here. Weirdly he views Binners as some sort of deity.
I find that he'll listen to advice more from them than from me, because I'm his dad.
He started when he was about 13 and really enjoys the banter, humour and occasional burst of foul language.
It's important to teach growing kids about context - what is OK and when plus when not and of course importantly why.
Bear in mind he will have been learning this for many years already - from the transition of "holding daddies hand" away from school whilst not being seen dead doing anything similar with his mates to swearing with his mates but being good as gold at home. I'd see this as just an extension of that - plus he gets to see that grown ups modulate behaviour too, and that it's important.
he views Binners as some sort of deity.
I'm rarely one to criticise people's parenting but you've done something very wrong somewhere along the way I'm afraid.
On the plus side you can use him to open your car boot if you've had a few Shandys.
Christ all of our kids, (mine and my 2 sisters kids) have been seen us in some right states and heard stuff they probably shouldn't have at parties and on holidays, but they know what they are allowed to repeat or what words we can but they can't say!
I push the line of man stuff or blokey bollocks with my son when we're out together biking or at cricket/rugby matches. His face usually tells me if I'm going over the line. I find it funny to make him a bit uncomfortable sometimes. Its good for the soul. And how knows I'm basically a lovable nob head!!
He's 15 and was at a party last night at a friends and was allowed a couple of fruity ciders. Controlled environment, but gives them some freedom to be young adults.
I've still never heard my dad say the F-word, he's 87.
I went to work aged 13 at my family's haulage firm.
My great uncle Stan (not short for Stalin, unlike great uncle Len- Lennin) gave me a very quick introduction to "man things".
Only time I've ever heard my dad swear was after he BELTED his thumb with a hammer while smacking some broken bit of lorry.
I'd say it will be fine
My nearly 23 year old now has a right "potty mouth", especially when trying to get him out of bed for work.
You get your 23 y/o adult son out of bed for work? Really? Wow.
My nearly 23 year old now has a right “potty mouth”, especially when trying to get him out of bed for work.
I assume you mean "it's my paid employment" by "for work" not "so they can get to their place of work on time"?
One of our group brought his son who I teach. Yes he was surprised at the language. I thought we were on best behaviour.
Ex truck driver here .. nver used expletives at home infront of the kids .. Until my lad came with me driving ne day and saw the *work place * how is eyes opened that day 🙂 Its a right of passage for kids to learn all aspects of adulthood . Hes now 19 and weve not long since had a week away together climbing and doing lad stuff needless to say his mental breakdown on Mont Blanc and my less than calming attitude to the predicament would have left even the dirtiest mouths shocked.
Weirdly he views Binners as some sort of deity.
Clearly the lad’s a Buddhist.
Clearly the lad’s a Buddhist.
Worried he'll come back as a worm?
A bit of "off duty" interaction with adults does him no harm. Seeing them as normal blokes rather than authority figures.
Seeing them as normal blokes rather than authority figures.
Thats a very interesting point when you know their current adult inteaction, is family, teachers and sports coaches as authority figures.
+1 on interacting with a wider range of men (And women) being a really good thing as they reach the right age.
What's going to happen in this Manworld that you're worried about, beyond swearing? Devil's advocate here, but is this 'Manworld' actually a bit embarrassing? I'm not part of any ride groups that interact in ways I wouldn't want my kids to be aware of. It's one thing to be out with adults and hear the odd swear word (if you think your kids haven't heard these words, you have much bigger problems ahead of you!), it's another thing to be transported back to some sort of 1980s version of a building site where women are objectified, or weekends talked of in terms of 'conquests', or whatever. I wouldn't want my kids to be part of that, but then I wouldn't want to be part of it either.
Good point. I wouldn't want to ride with that sort of group either.
My mates are just big kids with bad knees. Being 16 years old actually puts him at an advantage.
I'm guessing he's around 13 or 14, if that's the case you have absolutely nothing to worry about, He's clearly not embarrassed by you otherwise he wouldn't be joining you on a ride and if it's language you're worried about, unless he's at a high school with an imposed vow of silence he'll have heard it all anyway.
but is this ‘Manworld’ actually a bit embarrassing?
Not speaking for the op but my riding group is a bunch of 40+ year olds who get dressed up in silly clothes to go playing with toys in muddy woods and among other things are known to make motor bike noises as we pass each other, then proceed to bounce around like a crazed spaniel that needs letting out for a wee in anticipation of post ride (mid ride, start ride) cake.
It is pretty embarrassing.
Harry_the_Spider
Full Member
My lad actually prefers riding with the grown ups and has been out with the MNPR lot, NBT, Bunnyhop and a few others from here.
Ah yes your lad is very good at listening. Although I think he was quite safe with the likes of me, however being with nbt and binners mmmm 'strokes chin' wink.
Kryton - I agree with Hannah as long as the conversations aren't full of macho bulls**t, it should go well.
@stwhannah - pretty much the same reason you have a women only forum right? So we have male male/bonding sessions man to man type conversations with like minded relevant people. It isn't ...
it’s another thing to be transported back to some sort of 1980s version of a building site where women are objectified, or weekends talked of in terms of ‘conquests’,
...for the people I hang around with either.
He's 14 soon to be 15 FWIW.For sure he'll have heard most of the vocabulary before but its a different environment for him, which is what my OP was about - bringing the gap between the now and then, if indeed its needed.
Hopefully the adults in the group would self moderate a bit too if necessary.
Was going to post some pictures of my lad on group rides, but there are a few other dad/lad pairings in there too so I won't. I hadn't actually realised how many teenagers have been out until I looked at the photos.
One thing that you may notice is that he'll go and ride with others in the bunch and largely ignore you.
I think adult role models (that aren't parents/teachers) that show the kind of behaviour you'd like to see in your kids are a good thing. It's one of the things I like about when my kids come out with me - usually riding, or to see bands - they get to see how other adults live. Broader horizons and suchlike. Somehow it seems all the more important when it comes to my son - there's a lot of 'how to grow up being empowered/smashing the patriarchy' type stuff for women and girls (and parents of girls) but not quite so much of the 'how to bring up boys that will help smash the patriarchy' or even just 'how to express your feelings' type info. Showing our sons guys that behave in ways we think are good seems like a good start.
Showing our sons guys that behave in ways we think are good seems like a good start.
Right. Aside from the ediucation into more adult vocabulary, it develops his social skills, he sees adults have fun too, group dynamics, how people help and rely each other, maybe some bike mechansics/problem solving skills... and all the other nuances we could list for an MTB ride.
Its not the same and I wasn't suggesting he gets a social education based on watching re-runs of Men Behaving Badly to that I'd be refuelling him with 6 pints of Stella.
To my mind, it's about respect and appropriate behaviour. I was probably in my 40s before I properly swore in front of my mother (and older still before I heard her do it). If he's old enough to be exposed to the "adult world" then he should be old enough to understand not to call his sister a See You Next Tuesday across the dinner table.
I swear far too much, but I wouldn't do it in a business meeting.