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Can I have a swift rant? Currently living with MIL until our buyers and sellers get their acts together (which is another rant in itself!). Was supposed to be for less than a month but now looks like we'll be here 'til mid-December (if our buyers finally complete!).
MIL flat out dislikes me. That's fine, I can live with that but the problem is, she can't keep it to herself. The second she's through the door, she finds something to pick a fight about. I'm currently doing all the housework and 90% of childcare before and after school - this will stop soon as I have job interviews lined up (Asda tomorrow, oh joy).
She's just so ****ing rude - treats my wife and I like children, constantly undermines our parenting in front of our four year old and can't ask for anything in a normal, civilised fashion. All requests / complaints are either a full on attack, or made in a VERY loud voice from another room, speaking to herself ("I DON'T ASK FOR MUCH BUT IT'D BE NICE TO SEE THE PATTERN ON MY CARPET UNDER ALL THIS DOG HAIR" for instance, despite hoovering very thoroughly, just before she comes home).
I *get* that it's her home and she's had wife and son staying since February and now me for two weeks, upsetting her routines but we are bending over backwards to please her and I'm slowly realising that's an impossibility. She wouldn't hear of us renting and insisted on us coming to stay.
The tension and deeply unpleasant atmosphere are rubbing off on the wee man too - his behaviour has nosedived. Wife and I are enforcing strict manners, tidiness etc but MIL can't help butting in. When he apologises for minor infractions, he gets, "Weel, ye dinnae SOUND very sorry to me - no story at bedtime! (I do the bedtime story)".
My lip is literally painful from biting it so I've decided that as soon as the first pay cheque comes in, I'm renting a room in a shared flat - it's either that or there's going to be an almighty argument - I don't mind falling out with her but am keeping myself in check for the sake of future familial relations. Currently kneeling on our bedroom floor, working on the computer without a desk because she claims the computer will get hot and burn her table - I was getting it out at 9am and putting it away before she came home at 1pm so she never even sees the bloody thing. She really is going out of her way to make life unpleasant 🙁
Just as an example...
MIL - "How's the washing coming on?"
Me - "Oh, I've brought in the stuff that was dry and left some damp stuff on the line for a bit"
"Aye, but how's it coming on?"
(confused) "Er, I've brought some in and left some out"
"Aye but it cannae be dry"
"Well, I only brought the dry stuff in (smiling nervously)"
"Aye but it's NAE DRY - IT CANNAE BE!"
"I did check it prett..."
"IT'S NAE DRY - THAT'D BE IMPOSSIBLE. I'M NAE ARGUIN' ABOOT THIS!"
It's all at about this level of nonsense.
Anyway, rant over, sorry! There is probably light at the end of the tunnel but if our buyers drop out, we're royally ****ed!
Just kill her, you know you want to.
She's Welsh, that's your problem.
Can I have a swift rant?
You said 'swift' but that went on a bit. 2/10
Why argue? Just smile and ignore it. It's what I do with my mother.
Only problem comes when she's actually asked me a direct question and I can't recall what it was!
Do you still get pudding?
You know your wife will turn into her mother sure as eggs is eggs don't you?
Credit card and live in a hotel for a month.
What did your wife have to say on the matter?
MIL - "How's the washing coming on?"
Me - "[s]Oh, I've brought in the stuff that was dry and left some damp stuff on the line for a bit[/s] Fine"
Ad-lib with 'I don't know' as appropriate
You're welcome
I was with MIL until the comment about the pc burning her table, hahahaha seriously!
Get her drunk. Let her try and be arsey whilst hungover. Maybe introduce dog and little one to the chase granny game. You know, just to make her feel wanted and all that.
dangeourbrain - Member
You know your wife will turn into her mother sure as eggs is eggs don't you?
Happy to report that my wife is almost the opposite of her mum (so far...).
Weeksy, if I had the means, I'd be off.
Cha****ng, my wife also gets bollocked despite being as close to a model daughter / mum as it's possible to be. So she's also getting a bit frayed round the edges but like me, is just grinning and bearing it.
Senor J - pudding? I wish!! It's starvation rations despite us paying 3/4 of the groceries bill. Everything's accounted for, so I've taken to keeping a few packets of digestives in my room. Made the mistake of having a peanut butter sandwich after (my tiny) tea one night and MIL got all offended and huffy for a few days.
My son has just 'got rid' of his future MIL. Stayed with him for 3 weeks while waiting for stuff to get done on their new house (over the road from my lad)
She was like, 'eeh Mark, you need to tidy this/do that/sweep this & clean that' My lad just said, 'Had ya jets there Shirley, (she's called Sheila but he calls her Shirley) I'll just pop down the solicitors to check the deeds for the house AND SEE WHO'S ****ING NAME'S ON IT! 😆
Dangerbrain is correct.
Run away. 😉
Unfortunately it’s her house so you have to suck it up while you’re there, but as soon as you move into your house get ready to lay a new patio.
Fine Ad-lib with 'I don't know' as appropriate
Just smile and ignore it. It's what I do with my mother.
^^^^^^^^^
Sound advice.
Sympathy for you all, it'll be over soon.
Spike her drink with valium
Remind her, that when the time comes, you'll decide which care home she ends up in.
Ha! Thanks to all. Nipping out for a loaf of bread as I've had eight slices for breakfast / lunch - have to stuff my face and replace everything daily before she gets home at 1pm. If I don't, I'm ravenous by about 4pm.
Sounds like my mother
me thinks the lady doth protest too much.
she.
wants.
you.
Don't know if it's any help but my MIL is ace, as is the FIL.
As a side issue I once 'entertained' my old long term partners Mum after we'd split up. 😉
She suffering from OCD Or anxiety control freak.
Either put up with it, ignore her or move out.
My own Mother is like that and my Father loses his temper.
I booked her a psychiatrist. Diagnosed OCD and anxiety due to back pain - workshops on how to deal with pain without abusive behaviour.
I would move out personally. Why lose your health and sanity.
Buy her a power kite, that would cheer anyone up.
let me know if you can get ant 241 deals on getting MIL's taken out (by a hitman) (no not for a meal)
When you do get your own place go no contact for at least 6 months. Take your son out somewhere else or on holiday on her special occasions like her birthday 'oh sorry we've already booked to go away that weekend' just to be petty.
Are you buying somewhere nearby and if so ...... why?
let the old bag fester by herself.
Frankenstein - Member
I would move out personally. Why lose your health and sanity.
Oh, we fully intend to. Offer accepted on the new house but they keep putting the completion date back. And our buyers are dragging their heels but hopefully, they complete on Friday so at least we'll have the money for the new place.
Are you buying somewhere nearby and if so ...... why?
let the old bag fester by herself.
1) Yes.
2) I ask myself the same question daily.
I do have a lot of sympathy for her - she used to be just about OK to know, if not to live with but her husband died about three years ago and she's been a bit weird ever since. If it was up to me alone, we'd live very, very, very far away.
Probably best to suck it up and hope your sale/purchase gets sorted ASAP.
As a slight aside we have issues with my MIL undermining authority with our kids - Granny doesn't always know best - f***in' annoying!
It's because your wheeling your uncleaned bikes over her axminster and keeping them in your bedroom. And airing your bibshorts in the kitchen.
If Not, do that
I too have great in-laws. It’s my mum that’s a PITA. I moved about 90 miles away and that seems to have done the trick.
funkmasterp - Member
I too have great in-laws. It’s my mum that’s a PITA. I moved about 90 miles away and that seems to have done the trick.
My folks are moving back here to Aberdeen too - it's going to be a lovely cosy family affair... Actually, I get on very well with my folks (perhaps because they've always lived nine hours away).
Credit card and live in a hotel for a month.
I'd say the same. I know you said you couldn't afford it but if you can't you'll just have to suck it all up. Nothing will change your MIL 🙁
Hopefully having a rant on here has got things off your chest a bit and relieved some pressure.
If she's going to be a PITA regardless of what you do, you may as well give her a good reason to be annoyed with you.
Ask her what the issue is?
Leave some old peoples homes brochures around the place..
Move furniture around while she's out and deny all knowledge.
Make up a new name for your son (with his help) and insist he's always been called that.
Add a few mm to her walking stick every day (the twit's style) and convince her she's shrinking..
greet her every time she comes home with a great big kiss and a hug. Say you've missed her.
Take up transvestism with her clothes and cook dinner wearing heels and fishnets.
Tricky one. Never mind 2 4 1 deals.. plenty of us here for group hitman deal.
My MIL is disabled and now on her own as she mithered my FIL to death.
She isn't too bad but you can't go round to just visit. You get jobs to do.. She will constantly phone when something goes wrong. It's usually the heating is 1 degree to warm or too cold. She won't alter the thermostat herself even though she can get to it.
Just get a bit sarchastic. Take the piss a little. That washing issue tell her to get off her bum if it's not good enough.
MIL - "How's the washing coming on?"
Me - "Oh, I've brought in the stuff that was dry and left some damp stuff on the line for a bit"
"Aye, but how's it coming on?"
(confused) "Er, I've brought some in and left some out"
"Aye but it cannae be dry"
"Well, I only brought the dry stuff in (smiling nervously)"
"Aye but it's NAE DRY - IT CANNAE BE!"
"I did check it prett..."
"IT'S NAE DRY - THAT'D BE IMPOSSIBLE. I'M NAE ARGUIN' ABOOT THIS!"
"Ok, check it for yourself and if you don't think its dry you can put it back on the line. Thanks for being concerned"
Then walk away......
Be overly nice (not sarcastic) but put the ball back in their court, make the only solution to her problem an action she has to do herself.
The wife and I sometimes feel sorry for the Mil as well... but then she goes and proves us right.
The other week the Mrs and I were away for a cheeky 48 hours without the kids (who were at my parents) que the wife getting a narky text message. Last year the same thing happened, but it was me who received the text... "Do you and Sara argue about me alot?" ... (Bear in mind I can count on one hand texts between us)... No, you old witch, we both think the same ... I should have replied.
Actually to be fair she doesn't just wait until those weekends... the wife's Bday, kids bdays or mine tend to be "celebrated" by the MiL being a pain in the arse .... She has to be the centre of attention by any means... It's wholly predictable.
Well her loss... the night before we got the text this last time we were in discussions of how to sort Xmas for the Mil benefit ... no longer.
Shock tactics needed..
Just tell her to shut the **** up when no one else is in earshot ..then vehemently deny it when she complains ..
She has your balls in a vice now so what have you got to lose ..?
Ro5ey - MemberThe wife and I sometimes feel sorry for the Mil as well... but then she goes and proves us right.
The other week the Mrs and I were away for a cheeky 48 hours without the kids (who were at my parents) que the wife getting a narky text message. Last year the same thing happened, but it was me who received the text... "Do you and Sara argue about me alot?" ... (Bear in mind I can count on one hand texts between us)... No, you old witch, we both think the same ... I should have replied.
Actually to be fair she doesn't just wait until those weekends... the wife's Bday, kids bdays or mine tend to be "celebrated" by the MiL being a pain in the arse .... She has to be the centre of attention by any means... It's wholly predictable.
Well her loss... the night before we got the text this last time we were in discussions of how to sort Xmas for the Mil benefit ... no longer.
**** me - do we have the same MIL????
Mine's always treated the kids as a pissing contest between her and my folks.
You say your buyers are dragging their heals and have not completed, so why are you not living in the house you still own?
uselesshippy - Member
Remind her, that when the time comes, you'll decide which care home she ends up in.
I suggest a one way ticket to Dignitas. Tuesday's are better, cheaper flights!
Whack her over the head with a spade and bury her in the garden?
Seems like the decent thing to do.
I suggest a one way ticket to Dignitas. Tuesday's are better, cheaper flights!
and then
Whack her over the head with a spade and bury her in the garden?
Sorry OP, sounds like a rubbish situation, I'd try and be out as much as possible and keep out the way when you need to be around.
have you thought about giving her one ? May ease the tension a bit!
She's Welsh, that's your problem.
Actual proper lol 😆 😆
My step MIL invited us round and then wouldnt let us i the house once...****ing odd doesnt cover it.
MIL and SIL both had better offers for Xmas and declined ours last month...yay...changed their minds this month 🙁
Turkey goes in at 7.00am I go off out on bike for a good few hours then hide in the kitchen getting pissed pretending to cook.
I get on much better with my MIL than my actual Mother....
Mil. "What's the washing doing?"
You. "Go and have a look!"
You aren't helping your self are you?
It's Your life you decide how you live it.. simples.
As Jimmy748 asks, if you still own your house, why have you moved out? If you have cleared it out, could you not get a few essentials out of storage and treat it like indoor camping for a few weeks? 😆
Or just read "Matilda" for ideas on how to deal with her............
Cheers
Sanny
Is she fit ?
So.
Unfortunately it’s her house so you have to suck it up while you’re there,
This. Her house, her rules. However,
("I DON'T ASK FOR MUCH BUT IT'D BE NICE TO SEE THE PATTERN ON MY CARPET UNDER ALL THIS DOG HAIR" for instance, despite hoovering very thoroughly, just before she comes home).
Why are you hoovering her house and doing her laundry? You should bitch that she's providing you with squalid accommodation and it's just not good enough. Fight bastard with bastard, I say. She's only being like this cos you're rolling over and taking it. "I've just hoovered, if it's not good enough then do it yourself next time."
Or, get her on her own and ask her what her ****ing problem is. (-:
She wouldn't hear of us renting and insisted on us coming to stay.
WGAF what she'd hear of? If you can afford to move out, move out.
The elephant in the room though is, what does your wife have to say about all this?
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WTF are yo doing still living there. I donb't care the cost - I would be out of there tomorrow and never step foot in the place again. Life is too short to spend time with toxic people. short term rental, hotels, hire a camper whatever it takes even if you are paying of the credit card for a couple of years
Nothing is worth the psychological abuse yo are putting up with - and that is what it is - abuse
Take a shite on her pillow.
God I hate having to agree with TJ 🙂
you are not alone mogrim! like a stopped clock - right twice a day 😉
Yeah come on user justify your life choices to a load of faux friend strangers on a cycling website!
Swap the fridge door left hand opening to right hand opening
Then deny all knowledge
Just imagine a cool, still pool of water....and holding her head under it
Take a shite on her pillow.
... I vote this, the Welsh bint.
I'd not last a week with that situation. I'd be out. Living in a tent if necessary!
If the OP lives in Texas this isn't going to end well....
If the OP lives in Texas this isn't going to end well....
Oh.
Cheers for the laughs and the sensible advice 😀
The house we're selling is in Sunderland, the new one which we hoped to be living in by next week is in Aberdeen. All our stuff is in storage, we can't let the old place and although I do plan to rent a room in a shared flat, I'll still have to come back here because I have a four year old!
Both MIL and wife work (mil P/T, and I'm still applying for all sorts of crappy jobs so I don't mind doing housework and the majority of childcare.
Yes, life is short, yes, this woman is toxic but we're all kind of stuck with it whilst we're still having to pay the mortgage on the old place.
I do have a small business which is already up and running again but it'll take time to build it up again, thus the crap job in the meantime...
I think Mine is on so much medication.
She is full on all the time; I can’t stand it.
She is a warning for not going on anti depressants.
I’ve seen here people wanting to come off them.
It’s not good.
My immediate family want me to go on them.
I say no.
It will go on my doctors record.
Nothing will change
My MiL does not speak any English, I maintain very limited Cantonese, the result, we get on very well.
Note: she is a lovely lady, from what I can gather.
Sadly, the only way to get her out of your life is going to be divorcing the wife and possibly selling the kid.
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.
YOu mean a warning for not going on the wrong antidepressants?She is a warning for not going on anti depressants.
My MIL is incredibly toxic, I recognise an awful lot of what's been said in this thread.
Ultimately, there's little you can do but take yourself out of the situation. You can either challenge her back each time she undermines you, or you can disengage from her making clear that you feel that you're in a no-win situation.
I'd just be dropping hints there might be a connection between her treatment of you and the quality of nursing home she ends up
Ask her when she's free for a morning. When she asks why, tell her you want to make an appointment to see a psychiatrist because you think she has some mental health issues. She probably won't speak to you for a month. Job done.
Also "I'D BE NICE TO SEE THEE PATTERN ON THE CARPET" You - "Why? Have you seen it, it's ****in' horrble, no wonder you never hoover" = at least 3 weeks non-communication. Are you complaining about her food. Bring home a Big Mac and fries. Just tell that you were hungry and fancied some real food.
MiL is a lazy passive manipulative drug and alcohol fuelled nightmare. Though she did come a cropper when FiL went into hospital for a few weeks and she had to start doing things around the house and walking the dog!
right guys, in all seriousness we must have enough for a group buy in hitmen?
Or maybe we can get them all on the same coach trip to dover cliffs?
Open to suggestions?
Strangle her until you see the life drain from her eyes. Job done and you get to burn a few calories.