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following a comment in another thread on here, I once left my flat to go to my folks for lunch, got into my car and realised i'd forgotten my coat so went back to my flat to find my then housemate going at it over some 'niche'* images.
"Oh, you've caught me red handed" says he 😯
what's yours?
*foot/boot content
Rolled back into car park after solo night ride with lights off, having browned out a few minutes earlier. Flipped lights back on to find my wheels, only to highlight a couple of the "light on their loafers" persuasion, doing the hands on shoulders thing..... Thought I carried it off well by calling out "evening" and just going about my business, (but quite quickly to be fair).
Going sailing early one sunday morning, to find two very attractive ladies running naked around a roundabout in high heels, with people shouting encouragement from nearby window.
Flip side...
I was staying in a B&B in the New Forest with my wife (then GF). We had been out riding the day before (me on my steed, her on a hired bike). She was knackered and didn't want to ride it back to the shop so I said I would. She disappeared off in the car and I decided to nip back in to the room to curl one out.
As I sat there I heard someone come into the room so I made suitably grunty noises but the owner of the B&B didn't hear my grunted hints and walked straight into the loo.
She was suitably Hyacinth Bouquet and was utterly mortified at walking in on me and apologised again and again, including in front of other guests at breakfast the next morning.
I was in my bedroom wearing my sisters jeans with a scarf and roadie cap on backwards. My mum thought 'no my son has finally become a shallow, deviant who follows cycling fashion' 🙁
found a guy running about the woods in only brogues and a dress shirt!!
this was 3pm on a friday afternoon!!
lordswood for any one local!!
encountered couple having what appeared to be fully clothed sex or just drying humping in middle of single track. literally rode around them through the stinging nettles. 30 minutes later on the way back out they were still there.
Wandered up stairs on eth bus only to find some bloke shagging the back seat. Then had to watch it for the entirity of the journey as the security camera cycled through its images.
A friend answered his door to me whilst seemingly doing up his flies.
His hoover was on, as was his computer (though all windows were minimised).
I didn't ask but he explained that he'd dropped a bowl of crisps under his computer work station so was hoovering them up. errr Okay mate.
saw a couple having carnal fun in a bay window - as they were clearly exhibitionists I stopped passers by and started cheering and offering encouragement eventually they got embarassed and scuttled off when there was about 10 of us. Seen many doggers on night rides.
Oh on getting caught my GF at the time once fell down the stairs drunk on way to the bathroom I went to help her up our flatmates appeared and thought [as we were naked] we were humping in the stairs ...neither of us could rememeber it the next day and it came up when she was complaining about bruises.
When I was about 11 walked in on my parents hard at it 😯 not what you want to see.
I still say the Toyota Yaris I came across in a carpark in the woods. Two girls, one guy inside at it. I almost shouted at them out of jealously.
Jammy Bastid.
the Toyota Yaris I came across
literally?
I went travelling with two mates for a few months, usually staying in one hotel room to keep costs down. Two of us headed to the bar, the other one hung about to "have a shower" and said he'd come and meet us in a bit...
I forgot something, went back to the room.
Frosted glass door panel plus brightly lit hotel room plus dark corridor equals full on silhouette of him cranking one out sat on the end of the bed...
He was a tad shocked when I knocked on the door... I think I may have ruined his rhythm…
Hmm I walked into that one literally..
all 3 were naked, the girls were teens/early 20's as was the lad. How they managed it in there and what they were thinking....heaven knows. All I know is I was bloody jealous!
He's got a Yaris, 2 girls is just Karma
Naked woman on Westminster bridge at 4pm in the afternoon, being pursued by 3 blokes shouting at her in German, trail of clothes leading round County Hall.
In san francisco one lunchtime, loads people walking about or sitting on steps or cafes eating lunch. Notice guy in the middle of the street take his shoe off hold it up in the air then throw it on the ground unzip his fly and get down and start shagging it.
Also saw someone shagging an exhaust pipe on a jeep wagoneer a couple of days later also in san francisco, weird city.
I "happened upon" a naked ramble in the wild hills of Northumberland one day. all old and saggy unfortunately...
what they didn't realise is that further round the hill they were going to meet up with the route of a charity fell run 😈
Brighton beach, saw the naked beach signs. Walked swiftly up the huge shail banking expecting lots of naked students etc....
Yep, it has scrawny, wierd and nasty looking men laying there 😆
Not walked in on but was driving back from a surf trip in devon when an Audi in front was swerving across two lanes repeatedly, this carried on for about 5 mins, was about to flash the guy and give him some abuse when a head popped up from his lap, his girlfriend/wife had obviously been giving him a noshing whilst he was driving, we ended up overtaking him and all four of us in the car were cheering and waving to them as we passed them, they were both a little red faced.
In my previous job as a Gasman I've walked in on some very odd sights! On service visits once we'd finshed the boiler we were supposed to go round the house and walk the heating system. Check the rads, cylinder etc.
One house I'd finished the boiler and asked the owners permission to go round the house and check. He said fine so off I went. Downstairs was fine so off I popped upstairs. Into the study, yep all ok but whoa!!! the room was full of shelves stacked with hardcore gay porn DVDs! Gay straight or whatever you'd have thought the householder would be a bit embarrassed to let you see all this.
As it turns out the next room was a fully equiped S&M dungeon with chains, whips, masks and man size thigh high PVc boots! I did a quick about turn and bottled going into the next room. Not at all what you'd expect in a respectable suburban house!
Going back downstairs I wondered how I was going to face the householder, I couldn't wipe a silly smirk off my face. I think he was more embarrassed than I, but I couldn't help wondering ifhe'd sent me up there on purpose to guage my reaction and to see if I was in The Club so to speak!
Riding through Casa de Campo several years ago when something caught my eye, a white ar5e bobbing away taking pleasue in one of the park's employees!!
On the other side, I got home very late one night, many, many years ago. My parents were upstairs (and upside down house) with some family friends. When they heard me come in, they began singing "we know hat you've been doing!". As they all came down the stairs they stopped open mouthed. I looked down to grass stained knees and grass in the toes of the shoe.
I guess they did know what I had been doing! 😉
I guess they did know what I had been doing!
playing in your den in the back garden?
We were on our way down to the SouthWest a few years ago and my wife accidently dropped an earing down the drivers footwell, I spent a good few minutes telling her to leave it there when a car behind us started swerving from side to side trying to get passed. Eventually they overtook us and shouted things like "corr bet you loved that" and "was it good". Totally bizarre.
they were both a little red faced.
Perhaps she was more than him 😉
playing in your den in the back garden?
Got it in one. 😥
darkcove - He'd probably got a funny idea about what visiting repairmen did after watching some of those DVDs.
Whilst out running on the Ridgeway I cam across a couple having sex and completely naked. I slowed my pace a bit and they were clearly shocked. But they were about to be even more shocked because coming round the corner was a massive group of elderly ramblers.
I mean fancy doing it on the Ridgeway?
A mates friend came home to find her male lodger with pants down and todger in hand asleep with a documentary about submarines on the telly in front of him. His response 'I wasn't *ing to this I was *ing to the tennis earlier 😕
Ohh, I was once riding through some woods in Harrogate and came a cross a little old lady taking a wizz (clearly caught short). She desperately tried to get up and make herself decent whilst her dog (which she was still holding onto) tried to attack my bike and pulled her over.
Exploring some old mining tracks on Dartmoor a few years ago followed one down to a river and stopped there for lunch. 2 girls and a guy appear on the far bank about 50 yards upstream, strip off and have a bit of a skinny dip (it was a lovely day for it).
They didn't seemed phased at all when we crossed the river and shouted a cheery HELLLLOOOOOOOO at them.
lol @ mastiles 😆
House that backed onto ours - the frosted bathroom window was never capable of masking the owner's frequent and vigorous solo sessions in the shower. Same chap never seemed to realise that at night, his open Velux window was usually at the right angle to highlight similar activities when in bed.
Wasn't really a case of walking in on it - rather opening the back door to be greeted by it on too frequent an occasion.
Not walked in on but a girl who used to live next door to us (converted flats backing onto shared yards)...one summer we all had our windows open and she was always very vocal...
When she reached her 'peak' she used to shout (and I mean shout) OH YES I AM COMING I AM COMING YES I AM COMING. Following this.. The amount of times you could hear laughing from around the yard - mainly from men...
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Walking through a nudist beach in the south of france, saw a guy who had found an inventive way to keep his car keys safe. They were on a ring. dangling off the end of his kn0b.
Mastiles -always fun with a couple of mates on a nightride in Harrogate, is to run the descent down the left hand side of Valley gardens past the sun pavilion and the colonnades.
enough to make a grown man blush 😯
Mastiles -always fun with a couple of mates on a nightride in Harrogate, is to run the descent down the left hand side of Valley gardens past the sun pavilion and the colonnades.
I shall have to remember that one 🙂
Not exactly rude but certainly bizarre. Was walking in the Brecon Beacons last August with some friends, the clag had really come in and it had turned into a really miserable cold wet walk, so the last thing we expected to see when we got to the top of Pen Y Fan was a bunch of druids or something preaching to some deity in the driving wind and rain. Utterly bizarre
On a group ride in mid-Wales and as we turned a corner we saw a middle aged (being nice here) lady in high heels, fishnets and a leopard skin dress 'amusing' herself while her partner in crime filmed her using one of those old style (i.e. huge) VHS camcorders.
Would have been less funny except we saw them twice more in more and more remote locations further round our 30 mile route.
Brother came back from a stint off-shore to stay with some mates in Sarf Lahndun. Said mates were very taken with the(semi)naked young lady in the back bedroom of the house that backed onto theirs- you could see right into the room. Brother takes one look, turns pale and marches around to see the young lady- who just happenned to be our half-sister!
Pics please?
not exactly walked in on but.....
Friend of a friend used to work out of Poole on a fishing boat. On the way out to sea one day he needed to lay a pipe so grabbed the usual toilet bucket, and went round the side of the boat outside the cabin and kegs down did the balancing over a bucket at sea manouver.
What he hadn't accounted for though was the ferry packed with tourists that then floated past that side of the boat with hundreds of people laughing and pointing. Mid curl the best he could do was grab some worm ridden newspaper to cover his face. Although it didn't stop him being recognised by some of the tourists in the pub on his return.
Perhaps not quite on topic as I was "walked in on" sort of.
Working outside years back there was no loo in the field we were working in and I needed a dump. It was very foggy so I didn't need to go too far to be out of sight and went about my business a few hundred yards form where we were sited.
Mid dump, the fog just lifted like it hadn't been there just then a farmer on his tractor in the next field, 25 yards away, went past looking at me in horror.
"Morning" I said as I squatted over my steaming log.
Lesbian three way, with stuntc0cks, on a beach in Spain. A Tuesday morning at around 1030.
Which was nice.
Na, that was Ton, SfB and TJ in drag.
</mindbleach>
While at uni, after a particularly chemical-fuelled night out clubbing in Manchester my mate Dave dissapeared early as, coincidentally, did my rather attractive housemate.
We all went back to ours afterwards, not thinking much of it. As ten of us walked through the front door he was lying there in the middle of the front room with her doing a full-on Cowgirl on him. They were both bollock naked apart from Dave who'd politely kept his Argyle socks on.
Obviously none of us have ever mentioned this to him ever again. Honest. Not like every time we go to the pub or anything 😀
Old neighbours house. Asked to feed his cat and whilst I was doing this my best mate, who had come round with me, went for a nosy. Mate was a bit shocked when he found the neighbours satantic mass altar (best description I can come up with).
The neighbour then went on to become a mormon. I was never sure which was more disturbing! I hoped that he was a subversive satantic mormon. Weird guy though.
Like some of the others here it was more a case of someone walking in on me. Staying in a hotel in New Orleans, late afternoon I had come back to the hotel. Desperately needed a dump having not produced anything of note for a couple of days. Anyway, mid dump, and to be fair it was a bit of a minger, there's a knock at the door and room maid walks in. Doesn't take her long to notice the "aroma" in the room. Starts to cough and comment about it - she is clearly not alone. I make a suitable noise to indicate I am still in residence at which point she splutters an apology and races off with her mates, giggling and exclaiming to them about what she just walked in to. I couldn't help chuckling to myself.
I went to my mate's 18th B'day bash many years ago where the only drinks were vodka, vodka or vodka. Got plastered in no time together with a girl I'd been asked to look after. Not many memories of the latter stages but... some time later my Dad, when I visited with my then GF now Mrs Hairychested, produced a photo. Me, laying on the grass in the front garden of our house, and the girl, kneeling and, ehemmm, keeping me entertained. I don't know when he took it, he isn't telling.
Ages ago, working late, walked over to my bosses office with the stuff I'd been working on to drop off on his desk, threw open his door to be confronted by his hairy arse giving one of the young secretaries an energetic seeing too.
Sadly not myself, but a school mate of mine walked in on his dad having a ham shank... Now, I don't want to give the wrong impression here, I don't want to see my dad with his lad out but on the other hand, just imagine how much easier that made it for him through his teens. "Having a w**k son? Good on you"
Not me but a couple of mates of mine. They'd been for a night out in London with a couple of French girls who were over visiting, and after a good few beers they're back at "Steve's" flat. "Steve" ends up in his bedroom with one of them and "Mark" has the living room to share with the other. The obvious ensues but midway through "Steve" needs to use the bathroom which is situated right at the back of the house; ie. involving a walk right past "Mark" and (iirc) "Sophie" who by now has her hands (and other 'parts') full.
Needless to say this causes some disruption but after some cajoling "Mark" manages to muster sufficient enthusiasm to resume. At which point with perfect comedic timing "Steve" finishes crimping off a length and cheerily makes his way back through the room. At which point there's no coming back no matter what "Sophie" tries. And by all accounts, she tried a lot......
Much like Binners, this event which happened about 20 years ago now is not relived every time Steve and Mark - if indeed they are their real names - are ever in the same room together. And it raises an interesting dilemma - does it count as a tick on his map of Europe or not?
8-9 years go I rented out a room to one of my best mates (affectionately known as Wolfman). One Saturday afternoon, I returned home with my new gf only to find the front door locked, but could hear an industrial sounding noise coming from within. Hmm, that's weird I thought; the noise, the locked door and the fact Wolfman's car was out the front.
So I unlocked the door, stepped inside and realised the noise was coming from upstairs - it was kind of hoover-like. I ushered Sue into the living room and went to investigate. Sure enough, Wolfman's door was closed. Ok, I thought, he's just having a tidy up. So I went to open the door but the carpet on the other side had been pulled up to prevent it opening normally/quickly. So I pushed it open as far as I could and literally 2 feet in front of me was a vision that will haunt me forever ... there was Wolfman standing virtually with his back to me - naked, glistening like he'd just come out of the shower, with poor old Henry Hoover's nozzle aimed at what can only be described as a black sock on his old man! Not what I expected (and certainly not what I needed). Needless to say I beat a haste retreat downstairs.
Not walked in on but ridden past.
Around about 1030 on Saturday morning riding along [url= http://www.multimap.com/s/ioKAXxoB ]this[/url] trail I spotted a Zafira parked up on the side of the track.
Sensible car - lots of room inside. From a distance it didn't look like anyone was inside.
As I passed the car a glanced in and saw a couple in the back going at it hammer and tongs.
I wish I had had the presence of mind at the time to stop, tap on the window and ask them where I was on my map.
1030 on a Saturday morning!
Gwyder forest, mid sunday afternoon a few years ago, couple going at it very enthusiastically in the front of a car.
Local (cheeky) trail, has a short narrow bridge over a ditch, get to bottom of ST to find short fat man shagging taller quite well dressed woman on the bridge, both stood up leaning against the single handrail. Polite "scuse me" sees me getting past without skewering either with a bar end. She was either mega embarrassed at getting seen, of had just cum (ohgodohgodohgod being repeated as I rode past). Maybe my lycra clad arse helped......
Neighbours at the back have not realised that everything they do in their bathroom is visible - normal people fit a bathroom window blind, don't they?
working at the outdoor show at the NEC a few years ago and i went behind the drapes of the main theatre to sneak out for a cheeky marlborough light and came across the standby shell scheme builder having a hand shandy with a copy of the Daily Sport spread out before him.
😐
I never EVER pick up a newspaper on exhibition derigs any more
At Afan a couple of saturdays back, crossing the bridge to get to the start of the wall trail there was a young lady in stockings and an overcoat and a nearby man with a professional looking camera right in the middle of it.
She had one of these on, if anyone recognises her?
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As it turns out the next room was a fully equiped S&M dungeon with chains, whips, masks and man size thigh high PVc boots! I did a quick about turn and bottled going into the next room. Not at all what you'd expect in a respectable suburban house!
where on earth else would you expect to find it, S&M is as much of a safe middle class suburban activity as oooooh..... mountain biking
I've had a similar one to you theotherjon, rocked up to a respectable hotel and through the window was an 'art' photo shoot taking place on the pool table
we all had a gawp then the model turned round and stuck her tongue out at us. they closed the curtains after that 🙁
bumped into quite a few shagging couples at corporate events, nothing get colleagues bumping uglies like a free bar and a sales award
The top of Carn Mharm in January,a few years ago,crisp winters day.Girl kneelng in front of bloke..well you know.I would not have minded so much,but there were no other footprints in the snow,How did they get there?Hats off if thats how they celebrate a Munro!
[url= http://dairyofanineptmountainbiker.blogspot.com/2010/05/my-eyes-my-eyes-rinse-them-in-bleach.html ]Big long winded but the full horror is soon revealed.[/url]
Now that *has* put me off my sausage butty!!!!!!!
I know "Full man on man Bumming" ho ho.
Big long winded but the full horror is soon revealed.
you're just a big cuddly homophobe 🙂
man with a professional looking camera
Ti29er ?
I once saw a man stroking a dog's belly (nothing untoward you might think). But as I walked further past him, from a different angle, he was clearly doing something else to the dog that probably liked more! 😳
Lowey > "Cox Green" - not brown, then?
Do you mind, I'm mentally scared enough as it is.
I'm mentally [b]scared[/b]
very Freudian - scared of what you might discover in yourself ?
Some years back at Wisley one evening in the summer I came across a full on bit of group entertainment, the young lady in question seemed to be incredibly busy and nubile and those in the queue seemed intent on maintaining their "interest levels" shall we say.
There were about 15 chaps and her.
I wished them all a good evening as I rode past.
7 pm and very, very odd.
Sorry I thought that was how you spelt scarred. Is that right ? 😳
Some mates from Uni visited my house a few years back. Went out, met a few local friends, one of whom had a fit friend along. So Uni mate pulls friend-of-a-friend and takes the house key off me to head home. About an hour later I headed back (obviously pretty leathered) and burst into the spare room after not finding him anywhere else. Needless to say he's conkers deep, but casually looked over his shoulder and says "Now might not be the best time, Jim".
Too leathered at the time to care, but it was f-funny recounting it the next morning over hungover bacon sarnies and is now a stock phrase whenever we meet up.