Most pain you’ve ev...
 

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Most pain you’ve ever been in

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 ton
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Interested to see a few people here saying morphine doesn’t work for them.

morphine is THE best and worst drug at the same time.
the ability to self administer it from the little clicker thing whilst in heart surgery recover, is awesome.
but the horrendous truly terrifying dreams caused by it take some getting over.

in the heart unit, the amount of men having vivid horrible dreams is not something i ever want to see or hear again.


 
Posted : 17/01/2024 10:10 am
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vivid horrible dreams

I hear that, but think it was Tramadol that I struggled with. I pretty much begged to try something else.

I was in some sort of half sleep thinking I was in a scene from a sci-fi movie where I couldn't move and had hooks in my flesh all around my body. With the general pain I already described that was a pretty low moment. I do have to wonder why I'm still daft enough to ride bikes!


 
Posted : 17/01/2024 10:28 am
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Molar abscess

Lying awake at 3am crying and seriously contemplating getting pliers from the garage and pulling it out myself


 
Posted : 17/01/2024 10:38 am
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Worst thing about the infected tooth pain is not being able to do anything about it.

But easily the worst pain I've had is after keyhole surgery on my shoulder. It was only brief, as I came round from the anesthetic and the person standing over me said how you feeling and I went AAARGH, so they put me back to sleep. But I'll never forget the intensity of that pain and it means I'll only go for an op if it's COMPLETELY necessary.


 
Posted : 17/01/2024 11:03 am
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First day of our holidays in 2012. My son, who was then aged 4, decided to jump through my newspaper and land in my lap. As I was reading the afore mentioned newspaper I didn’t see this coming, and he landed knees first in my nuts. Which hurt.

The day after, whilst still suffering from what was best described as a dull ache, I was filling up the car at Morrison’s in Bodmin when the pain properly hit. I bent double with such force that I hit my head on the car roof and collapsed on the forecourt. Somehow got to the Bodmin minor injuries unit and flaked out again in the car park.

Blue light job to Truro Hospital for a night on the ward and a scan of my tackle (bruised, but otherwise serviceable). Got out the day after and had to get a taxi from Truro to Bodmin to get the car, which was left abandoned across a couple of parking spots outside the medical centre. Wife and kids had already had to get a taxi from Bodmin back to the holiday house in Looe.

Painful in both the nuts and the wallet.


 
Posted : 17/01/2024 11:15 am
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Dental pain has got to be up there for some of the worst you can have, but I'd also offer a back spasm that was like a wee midget stabbing me in the back for 10 hours straight before a phone call with a GP suggested that I "did sound like I needed something to grip it" and was prescribed some diazepam. At least I could get to sleep. Still walked around bent over like a 90 year old for a couple of days until I could bear to stand up straight. I think it took me a good 10 minutes to shuffle from the bedroom to the bathroom, and I was desperate. The thing that stays with me was how exhausting the whole thing was, it felt like I'd gone a couple of rounds with Bruno while running a marathon.


 
Posted : 17/01/2024 11:26 am
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a back spasm that was like a wee midget stabbing me in the back for 10 hours straight 

Oh yes!

I was in a pub one night sitting on a stool. Sneezed and somehow managed to put my back out. It felt like what I imagine being stabbed felt like. I was completely immobilised. To make matters worse, it was a downstairs cellar bar and the bouncers had to carefully carry me upstairs to a taxi


 
Posted : 17/01/2024 11:34 am
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 jag1
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Another one for the burst appendix.  The actual bursting was painful but ok and I felt better for a couple of days before my insides filled up with gunk and I curled into the fetal position.  The worst bit was when they physically flattened me out for the scan, that made me scream.  The surgeon was really impressed that he'd never had to use as much wash out liquid on anyone else before to clean up their insides.

On a lesser note I had an ear infection which had me considering if I could stab my eardrum with a pencil to burst it.  Thankfully it burst on its own due to the pressure of the infection and the relief was instant and wonderful.


 
Posted : 17/01/2024 11:51 am
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Broke me calcaneus (heel bone)  when a kid on scooter crossed in front of me whilst I was going full pelt on my cycle home from work

catapulted me in the air, nice secutrity guard from front of Iceland picked me out of the road but I decided I could ride the 1km to charring X hospital 1 footed, which I could

It was dismounting in the ambulance bay that I got wrong, fell on my heel again and screamed like a baby

anyway got wheeled into a&e, doped up and all was good, sent home in taxi with my bike until about 3 am when I woke up after the drugs had worn off and was trying to pull my cast off I was in so much pain, settled down after I had some codeine but the thought of that pain stayed with me

honourable mention to stomach ulcer I gave myself after too much partying on my 25th birthday


 
Posted : 17/01/2024 11:59 am
 rone
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Tooth abcess flare-up and nasty lower back spasm that appeared from nothing.

Not at the same time.

 Closely followed by the multiple sneezing fits I had when I had cracked ribs.

Yeah that's one I don't want to repeat either.


 
Posted : 17/01/2024 12:01 pm
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Acute pancreatitis induced as a side effect of a high dose of  (60 mg daily) of Prednisolone to treat pulmonary vasculitis.

What started as a dull ache betwixt diaphragm and stomach around noon soon escalated.

By 19:00, I was in abject agony. It felt like hot drills were simultaneously boring into the original pain site and now my upper back.

I took myself upstairs and stood at the bedroom window gripping onto the window sill and groaning.

I went back downstairs and Mrs. S asked if I'd showered as my hair and face were drenched with sweat.

Soon after, I vomited. From the settee, I hit the living room wall 12 feet away. That's projectile.

My temperature hit 40C but we resisted a trip to A&E as it was Saturday night and we feared the pissheads and associated aggro.

After being fingered up the ass by a doctor, they took bloods. Amylase was sky high so pancreatitis was diagnosed.

It took about 72 hours to resolve and during this time, no food or drink!

Awful experience.


 
Posted : 17/01/2024 12:38 pm
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Oh, also needed a toe nail lancing as there was a haematoma under it that needed some pressure relief. A&E doc actually unbent a paper clip, sterilised it, and stabbed it through my big toe. It was extraordinarily painful for the nanosecond it touched the flesh under my nail. If I ever need to torture information from some-one; I'll know what to do...


 
Posted : 17/01/2024 12:42 pm
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I'd like to say it was when I got my arm broken in the Mega or smashed my nose in, but actually probably either:

- Toothache when I was about 19

or

- Putting my back out in my early 30s (mildly prolapsed disc IIRC)


 
Posted : 17/01/2024 12:46 pm
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I smashed up my elbow pretty badly when I was 11, the accident didn't actually hurt at the time and only slightly hurt before my op. But after the op, the pain was incredible, enough for me to be on morphine, which only took the edge off.

Although the time I cracked my scaphoid was incredibly painful despite being a tiny bone.

Actually when my back has gone into spasms or when I get nighttime calf cramps, they're sore enough to bring tear to my eye.

For context, I've banged myself up a fair bit over the years which has resulted in surgeries, including eye operations but the elbow was definitely the worst.


 
Posted : 17/01/2024 12:51 pm
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I forgot about the time I passed a bladder stone, now that was sore, although over pretty quickly. I think the pains that last a long time are the worst.


 
Posted : 17/01/2024 12:53 pm
 ifra
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I Fully ruptured my Patella Tendon last June, description from surgeon was worst he had seen it was shredded into oblivion. The pain from that was phenomenal. Went through two tanks of gas and air and  loads of morphine before I even got into the hospital, pain was like nothing Id had before. Only just starting to see progress now


 
Posted : 17/01/2024 12:55 pm
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Worst pain I have ever had, and perhaps I have been lucky, was having Shingles.


 
Posted : 17/01/2024 12:57 pm
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Compound spiral fracture of the Tib and Fib caused by jumping from a wall with a friend on my back...It was a 3.5m drop, the guy was ~95kg - I'm 75kg. Blood and bones everywhere. The pain an shock when I stood up and straightened the limb and watched the bloody bones slide back into my leg like Wolverine's claws retracting into his hands almost caused me to black out.    I then tried to walk to the hospital which was almost as dumb as jumping in the first place.  


 
Posted : 17/01/2024 1:25 pm
 lamp
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Worst one by far was when i ended up in A&E with what i believe to be a trapped nerve in my back. I had to call an ambulance as i had no idea what was going on....never had pain like it!  I've had the usual (if you're a mountain biker!) dislocated shoulder etc, but never had pain like the trapped nerve!!!


 
Posted : 17/01/2024 1:31 pm
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Appendix, teeth or when four muscle groups in both legs cramped simultaneously after that evil climb out of Gleann Lichd

Totally immobile, I did not hit 200 and win the World Cup, but stifled screams because I had the grumpiest bothy companion going.

I imagine that’s what Asimov’s neural whip is like


 
Posted : 17/01/2024 1:31 pm
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Had toothache a few times, usually pretty bad. However, the worst thing I have experienced is very high intraocular pressure (when you get too much fluid in your eye). Nothing would touch it, took all the over the counter stuff I could thing of. Rang the eye infirmary and went in, they said the only thing that could fix it would be to stick a needle in my eye to drain off. That was terrifying. After that I had some tablets to stop it happening again.


 
Posted : 17/01/2024 1:44 pm
 Keva
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another ankle joint here. Fell off my bike when a pedal strike hit whilst cornering. Sat up to find my right foot was pointing a three o'clock and kind of hanging off the bottom of my leg at a funny angle. Tibia, fibia and talus smashed. 25yrs ago now. Paramedics said we're going to have to push it back into place, you might want to look away. Gave me the gas to breathe in and I snuck a quick look, he twisted it and slotted it back in like it was a light bulb. That made me feel a bit sick. Got put on a stretcher and lifted into the ambulance, it suddenly felt like I'd been lifted twenty feet into the air, I looked down and was three feet off the ground! Got to A&E and injections of morphine didn't really do much. It took three operations and about two and half yrs before it was anything like back to normal.

Sprained the ligaments in my Sacroiliac joint about six years ago, that was horrendous pain. Couldn't stand up properly for several weeks, was crawling round the house on my hands and knees. Now when people say they've got pack pain I know what they mean.

Double root canal in my front teeth under the bridge I had to have fitted years ago. That was a pretty impressive amount of pain once the anesthetic had worn off.


 
Posted : 17/01/2024 2:04 pm
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Interested to see a few people here saying morphine doesn’t work for them.

The fun bit is the doctors eyeing you up as a junky who has built a tolerance up.


 
Posted : 17/01/2024 5:05 pm
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I've broken a few bones, had viral arthritis (which stung more than a bit), but the most pain I've had was from something totally unknown.

Sat at work one day, I felt this sudden onset of pain in my abdomen. I just sort of froze on the spot. My colleague looked a bit puzzled and asked if I was ok - apparently I'd turned an unhealthy shade of grey.

Anyway, I ended up in hospital shortly after. Nobody was available to see me, and I didn't get any pain relief. I had maybe 3-4 hours of hitherto-unfelt (by me, at least) pain. It got to a point that I almost didn't feel it any more - I was hallucinating, and felt detached from it.

Around about the time a doctor arrived, the pain began to subside. A couple of hours later I was fine, and the pain never reocurred. Most bizarre!


 
Posted : 17/01/2024 5:14 pm
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Chopped my thumb off in a bike crash. Back in the day when you had a computer sensor on the fork, I decided it would be a good idea to adjust it on the fly and went over a bump. They aren't called bladed spokes as a marketing gimmick!

2 weeks after reattachment gangrene set it which added a really bad smell to an already unpleasant experience. Most of it survived, but not all.

Closely followed by 6 lumbar punctures in 4 days after a separate bike crash to initiate a blood patch in my spine. 4 were delivered by trainee doctors who used me as a pin cushion because it was lumbar puncture week on their syllabus.

Otherwise, tooth pain really does bloody hurt!


 
Posted : 17/01/2024 5:16 pm
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Not sure whether the ouch but temporary pain of having a foot on backwards is worse than repeated migraines with their associated ‘how bad will it be this time’ uncertainty (where top of the scale was the pain made me throw up so hard that I put my back out).

The foot pain was four hours from telling my beloved that rather than putting my foot down gracefully at the end of the ride I had in fact broken my leg to a team of French medics pulling it out and popping it straight. That was a bad four hours - waiting for the ambulance, being manoeuvred into it (I could be stoic when it was still but moving was whimper inducing), an hour’s drive down roads which suddenly felt like it might as well be a farm track (more whimpering) through X-rays and medics gathering round with pain relief and working on their course of action. To be honest, the difference between foot on backwards and foot in right direction was from off-the-pain scale to bad but deal-able - much more than any pain relief they gave me.

The only good (and weird) bit was working out that despite their not being where they were supposed to be, I could still wiggle my toes. The other bit was the French doctor going into ‘soothing speak’ just before pulling my leg straight - suddenly French at a speed I can fully comprehend.


 
Posted : 17/01/2024 5:26 pm
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Snapping my leg in two when I was a nipper was pretty uncomfortable.


 
Posted : 17/01/2024 5:32 pm
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when four muscle groups in both legs cramped simultaneously

The best ones are where you desperately try to straighten out the first muscle, which then sets off all the others.


 
Posted : 17/01/2024 5:35 pm
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Cracked ribs and hiccups.


 
Posted : 17/01/2024 5:38 pm
 atbr
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Ingrown toenail removal on both big toes, under local anisthetic is the worst pain i have been in.


 
Posted : 17/01/2024 5:46 pm
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Tore my big toenail half off, it was still attached but sticking up at 90°. I went into shock 😖😖


 
Posted : 17/01/2024 6:09 pm
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Broken femur. That hurt.


 
Posted : 17/01/2024 6:11 pm
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Due to a burst appendix ( I was four so don't remember the pain of that one) I now have post operative adhesions which cause stomach blockages, very dangerous, the pain goes all the way up to 11, last for hours and pushes you to the edge of consciousness, less than good.


 
Posted : 17/01/2024 6:14 pm
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Hmmmm, a few come to mind.

Wisdom tooth infection, enough said.

Breaking tib/fib and needing a whole bunch of metal in my leg to stick it all back together.

Breaking 3 ribs, having them plated back together. That wasn't too bad except I caught a chest infection in the hospital and spent the following month crying in pain every time I coughed, which was rather frequent.


 
Posted : 17/01/2024 6:29 pm
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Gout/ arthritis sufferer here,

attacked both knees a few weeks ago right knee worse than the left. <br />it happens in either knee once or twice a year. It’s so painful I have made serious enquiries into having my right leg amputated.  I’ve bashed myself up quite a bit over the years but knee gout is by far the most pain I have been in. <br />The gout/ arthritis attacks my ligaments and tendons, cycling however really helps with recovery. <br />lots of good online help from the gout association if any one needs it. 


 
Posted : 17/01/2024 6:35 pm
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Open heart surgery - check.

Broken collar bone and walking out - check.

Broken foot and cycling / hopping 2 miles home - check,

Double open hernia repair followed a day later by vomiting bug - check.

But the worst was blood flow returning after a massive thigh haematoma. Felt like I could feel the blood bubbling in - and all I could do was scream.


 
Posted : 17/01/2024 6:37 pm
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Bike park Wales 10 years ago this week I believe. Over bars, knee hurty scream. Mate arrives, I compose myself but by hell it hurts like ****. Right says mate eventually, better see if you can walk, put some weight on it, oh ****, oh ****, mayday. Top of leg goes one way bottom of leg the other!! **** that hurts.

Turns out I had torn the cartilage in knee and the ACL was still attached but had torn off with a bit of bone it was supposed to be attached to...needed to ops to sort that out.


 
Posted : 17/01/2024 6:49 pm
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Due to a burst appendix ( I was four so don’t remember the pain of that one) I now have post operative adhesions which cause stomach blockages, very dangerous, the pain goes all the way up to 11, last for hours and pushes you to the edge of consciousness, less than good.

Off topic and just an idle pondering really, is there something you can drink to loosen things up? like the human equivelent of drain cleaner?


 
Posted : 17/01/2024 6:50 pm
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MTB bike crash. Double open fracture at the ankle with foot snapped and 90 degrees to leg requiring open flap ankle surgery. That was a mere scratch compared to the pulmonary embolism blood clot 4 weeks post surgery which was a level of chest pain I didn’t think was possible. Dental pain doesn’t even come close.


 
Posted : 17/01/2024 7:51 pm
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Not sure whether the ouch but temporary pain of having a foot on backwards is worse than repeated migraines with their associated ‘how bad will it be this time’ uncertainty (where top of the scale was the pain made me throw up so hard that I put my back out).

that’s what I hate about migraines, the unknown factor. How bad will it be and how long will it last. I’ve had a few, including the one in my OP, where I would’ve genuinely done anything to make the pain stop. Had one for about 18 hours once, lots of vomiting so pain killers weren’t working. Just laid in the dark on my bathroom floor. Curled up under a duvet crying and seriously hoping I could sleep or die.

When I broke my elbow it hurt but I could rationalise the pain, knew it was finite and it could be ignored to a degree. Putting n a T-shirt even made me laugh despite smarting a bit. A really bad migraine is the opposite of that I guess. Not funny, impossible to ignore and just seems like some form of punishment out of nowhere.


 
Posted : 17/01/2024 8:03 pm
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Infected ballbag after a botched vasectomy.

That was pretty special on the pain front. 

I’ve hurt myself a lot over the years but cortisone injection in my elbow was one of the most painful too!


 
Posted : 17/01/2024 8:13 pm
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Mattyfez, it's not constipation, it's your bowel being strangled by the adhesions and closed off, it kills quite a lot of people as the bowel can burst, I just have to be careful and aware.


 
Posted : 17/01/2024 8:19 pm
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This thread has evoked some dark memories…

Aged about 12, my feet slipped off my crappy plastic pedals on a very small jump and I landed on the saddle with such force that I bent it. With my testicle. Apparently I threw up and then lay on the floor for about 15 minutes before hobbling home after the excruciating pain subsided. Several years later, I’m 15 and becoming aware of the need to examine one’s self periodically. Anyway, I find a large lump which scares the bejesus out of me. I trundle off to hospital for a scan only to find out that it was a lump of scar tissue from the aforementioned crash. That’s right….I’d partially split a testicle. No wonder it hurt so bloody much.

My separated shoulder aged 26 hurt a lot, coupled with that horrible sick realisation that it’s going to be a long road to recovery…

More recently, back spasms had me so sobbing and unable to move from lying on the floor for 48 hours.


 
Posted : 17/01/2024 8:28 pm
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Mattyfez, it’s not constipation, it’s your bowel being strangled by the adhesions and closed off, it kills quite a lot of people as the bowel can burst, I just have to be careful and aware.

Ahh right, hmm... I wonder if that's something I need to be wary of? I'm pretty much fine since my appendectomy, but I do sometimes get a dull ache in that area... nothing I'd call 'painfull' and it seems to pass quickly...but I wonder if that's the same thing?


 
Posted : 17/01/2024 8:39 pm
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Off topic and just an idle pondering really, is there something you can drink to loosen things up? like the human equivelent of drain cleaner?

You can take Laxido sachets/drink to loosen things up, I have to take 4/day due to internal damage/bowel peristaltic dysmotility issues and my spms doesn't help much either


 
Posted : 17/01/2024 8:41 pm
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Sciatica for me.
Recovery from a double hernia repair which took me about a year to really recover from.
Hobbling around was bearable but stairs induced electric shock therapy down the legs from buttock to calf. Causing me to shit my pants. The pain was as if I had been plugged into a 240v socket.

Been paralyzed by back spasms which was really scary but didn't hurt , till the feeling came back then it really hurt alot


 
Posted : 17/01/2024 10:01 pm
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In the following order for me:

1. Toothache or tooth infection - resulted in extraction as no amount of pain killer etc could stop the pain.  The pain just shot straight to the brain.  No escape 24hr non-stop. Temporary relieve was a very strong dose of pain killer resulted in the entire body feeling numb.  Went straight to dentist to get it extracted.

2. Sciatica or some sort of severe back pain affecting the entire body - the entire body felt stiff like a log and even with a slight movement resulted in agony.  When walking I felt like I was carrying a double-decker bus on my shoulder and crashing my pelvis.   If there was no movement the pain would be minimum.

3. Locked knees - both knees (sometime one knee) got "locked" and the entire leg was so sensitive that a slight movement or trying to massage calves muscle (the knee cap had no muscle so focus on the calves) would be agony with instant pain.    As long as I don't do sudden movement the pain would be minimized.


 
Posted : 17/01/2024 11:24 pm
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jumping from a wall with a friend on my back…

<br />@daffy presumably you were making an intentional effort to win a Darwin Award?


 
Posted : 18/01/2024 12:01 am
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when four muscle groups in both legs cramped simultaneously<br /><br />

I was always susceptible to calf cramp playing football for some reason. The worst I ever had was playing rugby. Towards the end of a tough game I dived to tackle someone and in mid air both calves went simultaneously. One is annoying but both together leaves you flapping around like a fish out of water. I took two teammates to push them back into shape. 


 
Posted : 18/01/2024 12:18 am
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Today came close to the most pain ever....

I've had a dodgy back since boxing day - sneezed and my back went.

Got a bit worse after a couple of days but managed to get an appointment with the chiropractor, he diagnosed muscle issue which was squeezing my disc. Massage, acupuncture, stretching icing it.

Been pretty good and getting better until yesterday when it felt a bit tight.

Got up this morning and suddenly felt like someone had simultaneously knifed me in the back and tried to rip my legs off....

Couldn't stand straight andy legs just went due to the pain - I'm crouched on the floor next to the bed trying to get back up and close to passing out. Never experienced anything like it.

Got onto the bed and flat on my back - pain!!

Call to 111 and they suggested getting to local urgent treatment centre - I asked how that was going to work considering I couldn't stand or walk let alone drive.... 

"You could get a taxi"

"But I'm stuck, can't move or stand...."

"erm, let me see if I can get you a Dr appointment by phone"

Which she managed and I'm now on a happy mix of Diazepam and Naproxen......


 
Posted : 19/01/2024 10:55 pm
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Got up this morning and suddenly felt like someone had simultaneously knifed me in the back and tried to rip my legs off….

Thats the damage from the chaletan bone cruncher. 


 
Posted : 19/01/2024 11:09 pm
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Was about to post similar in regard to the chiropractor and their diagnosis, I went to one out of curiosity years ago as a mate (no longer - he went flat earth/vaccine denial/conspiracy nut job) and he was utterly convinced that the 90° curvature of my spine could be fixed by manipulation, obviously through months of appointments @ £60 time, he also diagnosed that I had a kidney problem and offered me a personally mixed homeopathic dropper solution to cure me, Needless to say I left without letting him near me which is probably for the best as see below

Spared jail for sexual assault

Hope you get some relief from the meds dirkpit74 and the docs get you moving again and diagnosed correctly.


 
Posted : 19/01/2024 11:50 pm
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Paper cut


 
Posted : 20/01/2024 12:09 am
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I have two versions of being in immense pain.

The first was getting Chicken Pox when I was 21. Had it for a solid week and was absolutely covered in them so my whole body was throbbing and itchy. After the first day I genuinely spent the next 6 days either under a shower or in a bath as it was the only way to even remotely relieve the pain. Couldn't eat for the whole time thanks to having Pox in my mouth! I've got multiple scars all over my body from it. The pain wasn't bad in itself, like a bad nettle sting, but when it's constant and all over your body it quickly escalates. More than happy to openly say the experience reduced me to a gibbering wreck who just sat there in the foetal position under the shower crying for hours non-stop!

The second was when I shattered two teeth simultaneously thanks to a particularly hard knock to my jaw. Two open teeth with exposed nerves really, really hurts and what was worse was I didn't have a dentist so had to brave the local hospital. Thankfully it's a University one so got to have them both removed quickly as long as I let students observe but it was still nearly a whole day of having knives constantly pushed into my jaw. The instant relief as the second tooth came out was unreal.


 
Posted : 20/01/2024 12:16 am
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Small change compared to some stuff posted on the thread, but toss up between...

- Coughing / sneezing with a couple of cracked ribs following a muddy mini-enduro at FoD a few years back (inadvertent superman down the second half of the Corkscrew).

- Various bouts of what might or might not be Gout (GP not overly helpful with this) over the last few years - feet/toes/ankles/fingers swollen and immobile. Yelp out loud painful if any weight or strain put on them.


 
Posted : 20/01/2024 12:33 am
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Having slipped on crutches so I stood on my busted heal closing the blinds in the bedroom, Next thing I knew I was lying on the bed (5 feet away) seeing stars and swearing very loudly. It hurt worse than anything else I've done and I've done a lot of stupid things resulting in broken bones and other injuries.


 
Posted : 20/01/2024 3:18 am
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Shattered clavicle was the most painful injury for years. Then I had kidney stones which was worse !! 


 
Posted : 20/01/2024 6:27 am
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Dear god some of these are terrifying.... I think the most pain I can remember was dislocating my shoulder on the old Still woods DH track in Bristol. The dislocation didn't really hurt (the crash was big enough that I may have been in shock) but it was the using a tree to pop back in that hurt.. pretty sure I briefly blacked out.

I also and to this day not sure how I did it managed to go over the bars, rotate perfectly that my open legs bracketed a tree trunk and then basically slammed my nob into a tree. I was so winded I couldn't scream so pretty much just gurgled weakly on the floor for about 5 mins.


 
Posted : 20/01/2024 7:57 am
Posts: 2495
Free Member
 

Summer of ‘78.
Just went on forever.

At the local harbour, boat hire ensured the place was rammed.
Add to that a steady stream of tourists arriving on hire bikes.

Someone agreed to let me take their adult sized hire bike for a spin.

I must have swerved to avoid a dog, and I sailed off the embankment to land perfectly on my coccyx.

I should have screamed, but in true ‘star-trek’ style I managed to “divert all auxiliary power to life-support”, and (very daintily), made it home without making a complete ass of myself. And then collapsed😂😂😂


 
Posted : 22/01/2024 5:01 am
Posts: 2495
Free Member
 

And yet, I surpassed such idiocy.

Middle-age, dodgy prostate.

Rather than simply packing the underwear with tissue, and having it move around whilst asleep, I had an even better idea.

Why not buy a groin-protector from Amazon, pack it with tissue. “That’ll buy me a few more seconds on the way to the loo”, I laughed.

First couple of days, such success.

Problem is, these groin protectors are rock-solid. Like they’re carved from solid teak, solid.

Rolling on my side, I was suddenly awoken by my entire 18 stone bulk, bearing down on one of my testiklons.

Not only was that a ‘rude awakening’ but now, every day is vasectomy day.🙁🙁🙁


 
Posted : 22/01/2024 5:10 am
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