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As its that time of year again when we can make a complete tit of ourselves at the xmas doo and them hang your head in shame...
We head out every year and every year someone seems to take on the lead role with some quality exploits over he years. This years award goes to my colleague who "weighed" the companies director's (65 yr old) ample hooters from behind her whilst she was mid way through her thank you speech. The funniest thing i've seen in a long time, you should have seen those bad boys bounce!!!
So go on shame your colleagues or best of all shame yourself!!
Our soon to be new Production Manager pierced his tongue, nipple & knob with a paper clip in front of everyone.
"pierced his tongue, nipple & knob with a paper clip"
he's either very supple or used a very big paperclip...
Or he has massive moobs and a eye wateringly large knob!
I generally try to avoid the works christmas do, but went last year and had a real good treat! One of the nursing assistants got completely mullered and decided to tell the medical director exactly what she thought of him, then got her (equally p****d up) boyfriend to come over and chin him. Not content with this, she left the pub (after giving precise directions as to where they could insert her job), went home, and 'accidentally' set fire to her dog. HoHoHo!
i dangled my md over the balcony outside the pub in the food place at the trafford center....
it went down very well, his wife was yelling in my ear 'drop the ba5tard' 8)
😯
I'm going home immediately and locking the door.
I had to skip mine this year: I was ill and thought the perfect storm scenario of a kilt, too much beer, and a nasty dose of the shits, was probably one best avoided 😀
Ours was friday
fellow trainee got off with the head of HR department who is engaged
at the time he was our hero - monday morning rolled round he didnt feel so clever !
Now he is worried her boyfriend is a UFC fighter......we are cruel buggers !
I dunno, I reckon a kilt would be an advantage in that situation 😉
I walked out of the bogs with the old man still hanging out. A work colleague (female) tucked it away for me.
I don't drink at them anymore; that way I remember everything...
Ours are pretty tame though where I work now, although the stories of strippers (male as predominantly female/gay male workforce) and such from years gone past are pretty funny.
However, at previous place, a group ended up back at the bosses place to carry on drinking. Husband of couple who owned the business, stumbles up stairs, doesn't return; someone checks, he's passed out upstairs but otherwise ok. drinking continues. people leave, just my mate and wife boss. They end up in a big pash just as husband boss wanders back downstairs... oops... job hunting start to the New Year after that one.
i dangled my md over the balcony
I thought 'md' was a euphuism for a scary moment then.
one of the "larger" ladies I work with felt she couldn't walk to the next bar so I volunteered to give her a piggy back. She started to slip down and said "lift me up lift me up!" So i did that thing where you hunch them up, only the centre of balance changed and I flicked her over my shoulders and straight onto the pavement. Face first. Broke nose, few missing teeth, neck injury, severe concussion, couple of nights in hospital. Great way to end an evening. Weirder still I broke a girls ankle on my stag do, T'wife wont let me out on my own anymore in case I accidently assault any other women!
I don't know what happened ( ok yes I can guess ) but our office Christmas party was last night and coming back from lunch just now I noticed a couple of empty champagne bottles in the trash by the bus stop and a pair of pantyhose draped, perhaps appropriately , over a small bush just outside the entrance.
who says romance is dead?
My boss had £20 on me and one the analysts getting it together at the do one year - I convinced him that he was about to win if only we could finda room so he lent me his room key. His room was thoroughly trashed when he burst in with the spare key and a camera 10 minutes later.
Mind you, that was the year she told me that if I hadn't already got two women on the go at the time, it would have been my lucky night. One of life's great opportunities missed, I fear...
Or he has massive moobs and a eye wateringly large knob!
PMSL!! 😆
many many years ago I turned up early at the "sHabbitat" christmas party, in Browns, proceeded to quickly drink neat gin for an hour before everyone else arrived, sent back everything the waiters gave me, verbally assaulted every single person there and left the restaurant in the usual manner, via the kitchen with the fire alarms all going off. Was last seen zig zagging down a street homeward announcing "fxxk em! fxxk em all poncy twxts".
I'm not proud but it did make for an entertaining following day at work 😀
not a christmas do but on a average midweek works bowling night we were given two drinks tokens each, a meal and free bowling.alright so far.but 50% of people drove and so had soft drinks(not covered by vouchers)vouchers then went to the drinkers-que revelry! one particualy gobby guy at work got suprise, suprise, incredibly gobby when drunk and as he see's himself as a "mans,man" wouldnt turn down a dare.next up there food being thrown, insults being thrown, dares to him to down pints (where he always wins as we, couldnt be bothered to try) people were sat at the dinner table smoking joints etc.it was bedlam!all the sober people were soon gone and it just got worse.ended up with gobby bloke falling down stairs and cutting his head.his collegues sober wife turns up to take them home and is not impressed, he has to go in the boot of there small 4x4 where he honks up repeatedly.is then dropped of at home and apparently was found by his wife asleep in the front garden.
strangly he wasnt at work the next day.
god i laughed so much that night (and also honked as well :lol:)
Most epic xmas do for me - 2 years ago, when I'd just started at my current place, we were drinking from 11am as we were doing a 'Rock Band' thing at Turnmills. Come 10pm we were pretty worse for wear... and I got it on with my current SWMBO. Yay!
My sister (lawyer) told some stories last year, including a gobby Aussie woman at her place who was suspended, sought legal support and never went back to the office...
Hmm best I had, woke up in a strange place, turns out I had had a pretty good night in the staff quaters at a local hotel with one of the waitresses (long b4 I was married btw)
a bit crap but it still brings a tear to my eye.
years ago i used to work in a really poncey investment fund place in Dublin. The owner was Irish version of Alan sugar so he would take about 30 of us to his favourite very expensive restaurant.
the other IT guy fancied one of the HR girls so after silly amounts of very expensive wine i convinced him 'he was in', he then proceeded to get under our table and try and make his way to her table and pop up next to her with a rose in his mouth (each table had a rose in a little glass vase)
he attempts this butpops up at the bosses table with the CEO and a load of other toffs, craps himself and knocks a load of wine over them.
(you had to be there really!)
Hmm best I had, woke up in a strange place, turns out I had had a pretty good night in the staff quaters at a local hotel with one of the waitresses (long b4 I was married btw)
"I pulled" is hardly an epic exploit
"I pulled" is hardly an epic exploit
it is for me
🙁
anyway, speaking of Xmas dos, it's ours on monday and la barlow will be ratted
I never go as I like to maintain a distance from the embarrassment, but I really enjoyed hearing the tale of one memeber of staff who'd recently accepted a job offer with us and was just working her notice period at her old employer. Despite not having started yet, she was invited to our the christmas party to get to know the team she'd be working with.
She ended up trying it on with the CEO (of a very large national newspaper publisher employing thousands) in front of his wife, fighting on the floor with one of the other girls and then retreating to our branch manager's hotel room, locking herself in and smearing red hair dye all over the walls while screaming and crying.
Her job offer was revoked.
I also got so drunk once that I tried to scale a temporary fence and ended up bring it down and snagging my trousers on the top. I was hanging at 45deg by my ankle and thought (for one stupid minute) that it would be a good idea to sleep there until the morning. It was about minus 4 that night.
When I woke the next day it looked like the four horsemen of the apocalypse had ridden through my house and my best trousers were torn to shreds.
I was walking home from a christmas do totally smashed when i was aproached by two yoofs. they asked me for a cigarette, when i said I didn't have any they proceced to kick the living sh*t out of me. I was found unconcious by the police about 4 hours later (my watch had stopped at the time of the beating) 7 hours in hospital, stiches up my nose, mouth, fractured arm, brusied and cracked ribs. broken nose, black eyes. right old mess I was
[i]This years award goes to my colleague who "weighed" the companies director's (65 yr old) ample hooters from behind her whilst she was mid way through her thank you speech. The funniest thing i've seen in a long time, you should have seen those bad boys bounce!!![/i]
similar thing happened at one of the lab dos here this year, however, it was not appreciated, HR now involved, police and some twunt is gonna end up on the sex offenders register and probably wont keep his job!?
I bloke I used to work with woke up the morning after our xmas do lying by the side of a railway line, missing his laptop bag and with several broken ribs having fallen 15ft off a small bridge and remained unconscious for most of the night!
Good job it wasn't very cold.
>Good job it wasn't very cold.
I think that would have been the least of his worries had he fallen onto the tracks 🙂
That's how Norman Croucher lost his legs in the 60's.
A friend who is a titled lady was working for a large ad agency in the mid 80's. Completley over the top Xmas party, virtual orgy in the board room, various coke fuelled break downs fist fights everything. All this topped off by the MD being found by builders suffering from exposure in a skip on Gt Portland Street the following morning.
these are fantastic..keep it up! 😆
la barlow will be ratted
Can't believe I nearly missed that. Time and location please
went back to mate's house after xmas party to carry on drinking about 6 of us. woke up next morning to be told i had hosed down the tv and video in the sitting room and also filled one of the girl's handbags with pee.
(Not actually a Christmas party) With colleagues in a hotel and we're all in the bar after dinner. There's a lot of booze flowing, and the new guy is starting to get weird. I go for a pee to see him standing at the urinals, old chap in one hand, other hand in a fist pounding the wall yelling "come on you c**ts!".
Next see him back in the bar where he, and my ex boss (now a big cheese) start getting ratty with each other at the bar. Cue ripped shirts and yelling, followed by the new bloke hurling a dining chair over the bar, smashing glasses and bottles before stalking off. He never returned to work.
Some time later, my ex boss - shirt still ripped wide open - needed a pee but, instead of bothering to find his way to the toilets, staggered to the corner of the room and unzipped. As he's splashing away, there's a shout of "Oi". He was peeing on another (senior) colleague who had fallen asleep on the floor.
And none of this explains how someone else woke up fully dressed in a suit of armour....
😀
I used to run bars / clubs so have seen my fair share.
Favourite Christmas one involves my mate Tim. We've been out all day and night on our Christmas do and it's gone 4am. There's the last few stragglers sat in our lounge and after a period of silence Tim just spouts "You know what mate? You should wear leather pants more often round the office".
He always denies having said this, however there were several witnesses...
The bit that worried me was the "more often" comment as I've never owned a pair of leather pants 🙂
our rather epic christmas ball ended up with about 200 battered engineers, a 2kW PA system and a small terraced hous in Sheffield, the neighbours, and the neighbours neighbours, and the neighbours neighbours neigburs (you get the idea) were not happy!
Ohh and shouting at a deaf guy to stop pissing on your stairs is rather futile, he cant hear you!
cant belive there are not more of these....
Very entertaining! It's ours tonight 😯
Got a blow job of a senior HR manager when i was the junior IT tech in an alleyway between pubs. Very good too.
She left her husband not long after and we met up a few times 😉 - i was 21 she was 42 and wanted a full on relationship which I didnt so she ended up going back to him. All after a drunken xmas party.
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This is brilliant, some of the stories are just brilliant!
and mine tonigh!
Mrs Yinn will also be in attendance, so it'll have to be giving the managers some home truths, rather than shacking the fit bird from account management!
friend of a friend goes back to a female workmates house,husband is out on his do, and they have it away on the floor, she goes upstairs to use the loo, comes back downstairs and he leaves for home
when he sobers up the next day he remembers having a poo in a video cassette box and puting it back on the shelf, he never mentioned it to her and she never mentioned it to him
>he remembers having a poo in a video cassette box and puting it back on the shelf,
Like you do...
Ours are very very boring
.
However, a mate was telling us after football that at his Xmas do the night before, he had his knob out in front of his "boss" and a photo was taken.
The lesbians in the "office" were pole dancing and showing colleagues their clit rings.
All a bit far fetched, until... boss=Chief Inspector. Office=Station.
Then you just [i]know[/i] it's all true 😯
Used to work for a German company in Shropshire, they foolishly had a brainwave to curb drinking at the works do by just having a 1 hour free bar before the food!!! Cue loads of completely bladdered blokes with several pints lined up before their turkey dinner. It was one of the few times we saw the German board of directors in the flesh so one guy off the shop floor decided it would be hilarious to grab the mic that the General Manager was due to use to make a speech and do a Basil Fawlty don't mention the war act/ Nuremburg rally speech on the stage while we were eating. The Germans thought it was hilarious but the English management didn't see the funny side and the guy was subsequently sacked, the evening was rounded off by the Sales Manager's wife pouring a pint over the MD's head which didn't do his career much good either. Christmas parties were banned threafter.
Can't believe I nearly missed that. Time and location please
Dore pubs in the late afternoon
can't help but remember when I was working in a geotechnical consultancy in London. We used to go the pub every friday nights and some week nights too. Every time it ended back at the boss house or in a club. these nights were fuelled by alcohol and Class A usually.
one friday night back at the bosses' place, we ended up all striping stark naked and taking it in turn to run down his street carrying an umbrella.
Monday morning in the office we all carried on as usual.
ONe other night four of us (2 girls and 2 guys) ended up in an upmarket club in Coven garden. We ended piled up on a sofa, snogging each other in turns. got thrown out.
Ah, happy memories. I now live in France where the christmas party is a very posh meal with wine but saddly everyone is fairly well behaved.
Mrs Mugsy
I shagged my boss who was head of the department at a christmas do a few years back. She was nice and a real looker but terrible at the job. After the events she didn't show up for two weeks then left so it was a win win situation.
he remembers having a poo in a video cassette box and puting it back on the shelf,
Wait... she still has a video player?