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Massive reels of loo roll fitted in the office traps. The force required to turn the roll in the dispenser is greater than the tear strength of the paper.
Only a matter of time before someone breaks open the dispensers and puts the rolls back on top of the cisterns. Where they were prior to them fixing the dispensers that presumably had been broken because the force required to turn the roll was greater than the tear strength of the paper.
But it has good WiFi coverage right?
Excellent!
Ours is worse.
Combine useless paper dispensers, with 4 traps, 2 of which are semi permanently blocked because our clients neither have solid poos, or an ability to use anything less than a mile of looroll per visit. The third has a broken lock and the 4th is the disabled loo.
And contactless flushing, which means if you're 6ft+ you shoulder activates the flush unless you adopt a hamstring numbing hunch to avoid the wall.
There is no wi-fi.
oh yes. Not only do they tear, they also tear somewhere around the roll, not at the exit point of the dispenser. So you then need either the dexterity of a yorkshire vet to get elbow deep into the dispenser trying to find the end, or you have to manipulate the roll round to get the end to the exit point.
Then, because the paper is microns thick, and not visible without an upside down periscope, locating the ridge where end sits flat against the roll becomes impossible and you vainly rotate the roll in the forlorn hope the hidden end suddenly decides to reveal itself.
And then repeat, all over again.
Then who gives a shit? I mean literally, who goes for a poo at the office instead of the comfort of their own home?
They're only checking Ladbrokes or STW, neither of which needs paper but they both need good interwebery
My work allocate exactly 2 mins of light to finish your poo, if you don't hit that deadline you either have to sit in the dark or open the cubicle door and walk around to activate the PIR sensor.
Then who gives a shit? I mean literally, who goes for a poo at the office instead of the comfort of their own home?
If you hate your job then a 15min dump on company time is bliss.
And contactless flushing, which means if you’re 6ft+ you shoulder activates the flush unless you adopt a hamstring numbing hunch to avoid the wall.
It's not a courtesy flush when the only courtesy extended is surprising you with the sudden surprise of an icy splashback.
I mean literally, who goes for a poo at the office instead of the comfort of their own home?
Eh? Who DOESN'T, do you mean? A 10 minute sit down, at my hourly rate, it's like being paid £2.50 for doing something I actually rather enjoy.
My work allocate exactly 2 mins of light to finish your poo, if you don’t hit that deadline you either have to sit in the dark or open the cubicle door and walk around to activate the PIR sensor.
That darkness was a blessing in the old office of my last job. It was almost like a sensory depravation experiment, my own fortress of solitude and thinking in a crazy world.
But only if you were doing twos. If you were peeing in the urinal it was like some sort of messed up roulette that tested your balance and your ability to aim.
Then who gives a shit? I mean literally, who goes for a poo at the office instead of the comfort of their own home?
If you hate your job then a 15min dump on company time is bliss.
The one thing I miss since retiring is being paid to have a crap.
Not very work safe but apt
i used to get paid to poo.
but these days the facilities arent up to scratch, plus the thought of going cheek to cheek with some of the folks that work in the same building sends shivers down my spine.
Poo at home. clean, tidy, decent bog roll, ipad.... dreams.
open the cubicle door and walk around to activate the PIR sensor.
Before wiping is complete?
"Actually rather enjoy" perhaps a bit strong for the experience but otherwise whole heatedly agree why shit for free when you can be paid to!? 😆
Before wiping is complete?
How would you know in the dark?
You can't hurry these things. That way is the way of the pile
Council maintained buildings, they'll re-arrange the stalls, but the placement of the throne stays in the original position 🤦♂️
Then who gives a shit? I mean literally, who goes for a poo at the office instead of the comfort of their own home?
Being older and suffering from mild IBS, I couldn't even contemplate only using my home loo. Enjoy your good health (while it lasts)
One unit ( new build) I worked in had a shower between the mens and womens changing room for both to use. It was around 1m wide room. door each side opening inwards. When you used it to secure the door you dropped down a shelf for a seat that blocked both doors. Seems like a real neat solution? there was no way of opening either door if somone collapsed etc in the shower with the seat/shelf down. Everything really solidly built. I never used it and I don't know if anyone did. so dangerous.
Whilst I try and avoid number 2's at the office the plumbing in our office toilets is terrible. More than 3 sheets of paper and it won't flush and it takes about 10 minutes to fill (what I assume is a shared cistern between cubicles) so if you do need a second flush attempt you're stuck waiting, even worse if someone uses a different cubicle and tries to flush whilst you're waiting...aaaargh.
How would you know in the dark?
Friction?
Scratch n Sniff?
How would you know in the dark?
How do you know in the light? Dunno about you but I can't see my own arse anyway.
At least... not the relevant area.
That darkness was a blessing in the old office of my last job. It was almost like a sensory depravation experiment, my own fortress of solitude and thinking in a crazy world.
Surely if you're deprived of vision the other senses become more acute - in that setting heightened auditory and olfactory senses don't sound like much of a blessing.
Does the dispenser have an adjustable brake to increase friction? Some do, to allow more or less roll to be pulled depending on the setting.
you either have to sit in the dark or open the cubicle door and walk around to activate the PIR sensor.
Take the first option and then wait for someone else to come in and set off the sensor. Followed by "oh thanks, I've been in here for an hour waiting for someone." No awkwardness at all.
Does the dispenser have an adjustable brake to increase friction? Some do, to allow more or less roll to be pulled depending on the setting.
A bit like the reach adjuster on a Hope brake?
you either have to sit in the dark or open the cubicle door and walk around to activate the PIR sensor.
But your phone is in your hands, with a light built into it, no?
Amateurs the lot of you
This is a proper convenience on an Austrian campsite with great WiFi
Then who gives a shit? I mean literally, who goes for a poo at the office instead of the comfort of their own home?
Hey! As a manager I get paid to give a shit so I will.
I our place it's the height of the dispensers that's the main bugbear they are about 2ft off the ground and the roll ejects from underneath. Absolutely fine if you're 3 ft tall but if you're a grownup and wipe standing, it's a major pain to extract paper whilst bent double, trying to avoid lacerating one's wrists on the sheet cutter.
if you’re a grownup and wipe standing
I’m sorry, what?
Wot Hannah said, and she knows her shit.
stwhannah
I’m sorry, what?
Don't make out that I'm the weird one.
When wiping standing, how far apart do your feet need to be?
edit:asking for a friend 😉
I’m struggling with the concept of two minutes to take a shit. That’s barely enough time to get comfortable
Standing always. Sitting down - no way jose.
This forum has taken a decidedly scatalogical turn recently.
Going to start an "I crap in my hands then clap them above my head" thread to see which weirds it smokes out.
but if you’re a grownup and wipe standing, it’s a major pain to extract paper whilst bent double
Honestly, is this a thing? Have I been doing it wrong for 44 years?
It is not often I am properly shocked, but the idea of grown ups standing up to wipe their arse has completely skewered me. WTAF?
If you are sitting down how do you get your hand in? its just wrong on so many levels
By leaning upper torso forward, which then provides the perfect amount of splay.
How do you achieve that in a standing position, my ample buttocks are closed when standing (unless as per above, in some weird "how far apart do your feet need to be?" stance)
edit:also asking for a friend 😉
Before wiping is complete?
How would you know in the dark?
Questions you've always wanted to ask a blind person but can't....
My buns of steel* are clenched and pert when standing, how the hell do you manage to wipe without adopting a power stance of great power?
Well isn't this apposite (always wanted to use that word).
A week or two back I done myself a slight back injury. A strain down the left side of my lower back. It made things like tying shoelaces a bit painful, but more worrying is that lifting a cheek became almost impossible. Absolute agony so I had to resort to the standing wipe for a few days.
To think that people have been doing that all their life is utterly ridiculous.
How do you achieve that in a standing position, my ample buttocks are closed when standing (unless as per above, in some weird “how far apart do your feet need to be?” stance)
Pretty sure Neneh Cherry knows.
The traps in our locker room are too high for most folk, I'm a short arse (sorry) at 5'6" and my feet cant touch the floor without being some sort of zen yoga master. These were fitted by someone at least 6' is my guess and they thought it would be funny.
dutch teabreak
You know those dispensers that send the paper out of some little cats-arse via the middle of the roll? That if one was so minded they could easily push the paper back in and simultaneously disguise and amplify their crime by stuffing half a sheet of paper back in to catch out the next unsuspecting occupant?
It could be those.
Be grateful it isn't.
The one thing I miss since retiring is being paid to have a crap.
It's nice to give a shit about something in your job.
If you are sitting down how do you get your hand in? its just wrong on so many levels
How the hell do you think disabled folk manage it?
This is honestly the weirdest thing I've ever read, I'm sure there's a very telling Venn diagram of folk that wipe standing up and folk who habitually leave skid marks. How the hell do you stop it going everywhere as you stand?
Jesus, this is getting a bit much even for me...
So we have sitters and standers. Are there any other methods of area wiping we don’t know of? Anybody take it as a chance to exercise and perform squats whilst wiping? I’m firmly in the sit camp. Although I met try standing in the name of science and report back my findings.
You know those dispensers that send the paper out of some little cats-arse via the middle of the roll? That if one was so minded they could easily push the paper back in and simultaneously disguise and amplify their crime by stuffing half a sheet of paper back in to catch out the next unsuspecting occupant?
I just assumed it was shit (sorry) design, but given the array of weird behaviours my colleagues exhibit, I'm now suspecting sabotage.
As a lifelong stander, I'm now confused
Although I met try standing in the name of science and report back my findings.
Of course, I suspect there will be many experiments today.
And indeed, I gave standing a go. Wow, I have had a revelation and things have become clear to me that were not before.
.
.
.
.
you lot that stand to wipe are even more wrong than I first thought.
This thread could not be more STW, everyone comes in with an opinion, doubles down, and starts insulting anyone who tries to suggest an alternative.
Just needs a couple of big (s)hitters to come in and start blaming Corbyn/Starmer/Brexit so we can have 4 more pages, a ban/flounce/closure.
Well I'm now starting to understand some of the more unusual "decoration" that I've found in some loos - henceforth I'll just blame the stand wipers. And to think they walkwaddle among us...
This thread could not be more STW, everyone comes in with an opinion, doubles down, and starts insulting anyone who tries to suggest an alternative.
Peak STW would be refusing to even consider the alternative. I point out that I have considered, even to the extent of trying it. And so now I can definitively say that you're wrong. Faecal FACT
Peak STW would be refusing to even consider the alternative. I point out that I have considered, even to the extent of trying it. And so now I can definitively say that you’re wrong. Faecal FACT
To be fair, I've never considered you to be Peak STW, you're usually a voice of tolerance and reason. Which is a pretty radical opinion on here!
I am wipe-position agnostic, whatever works and fits the situation. For me, it's all in the journey and how I got there, you know, the experience.
Unless it's after a really spicy curry, then all bets are off
Unless it’s after a really spicy curry, then all bets are off
That's what all these portable jet wash things are for.
I’m a lifelong stander. The next question to be asked, because it was once a debate had Chez BH, is, back to front or front to back…?
Brexshit
I'm reporting nearly live.
My standing experimentation results are in.
It's a no from me.
I’m a lifelong stander. The next question to be asked, because it was once a debate had Chez BH, is, back to front or front to back…?
Be careful not to rub yourself up the wrong way.
Well, I for one am going to try the "dark side" on my next visit. You never know, I could have been doing it wrong for the last 54 years.
I knew there where a few wrong 'uns on here but all these sit to wipe folk? Jeepers even some folk who usually have sound opinions are sitters.
Wrong 'uns the lot of you with flabby arses
Back to front or front to back matters little for men - but for women its front to back
But you sitters male or female are still wrong uns!
I have a not unhilarious image of all the standers trying, and failing spectacularly, to use a bidet…
After a brief period of experimentation I have determined that I am a "croucher". Any lower and there would be a risk of falling over. If there were crash mats available I'd have pushed it further, but the risk of being found spark-out with my pants round my ankles clutching a very small piece of loo paper (see my original post), having toppled and nutted the door were too great.
Sitting, with a slight cheek lift for access. Anything else is just spreading any by-product around as you clench your cheeks to stand, shirly?
Oh, and:
"The boss earns a dollar while i earn a dime, that's why I poop on company time".
use a bidet…
You can keep your forrin ideas off this thread.