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Is a Louise involved!?
Tinder is always the answer to whatever the question is.
I always wanted it to be a Lotus Elise S2. But I don't have that kind of money.
My OH (after going through menopause) understands why some men have them 🙂
stcolinFree Member
I always wanted it to be a Lotus Elise S2. But I don’t have that kind of money.
That's a good point; there used to be Loads of Elises' running around on the roads but I've not seen one in years. Have they all been wrapped around trees by now?
On a slightly less jovial note.
Yes OP. Well, not been through, going through. It's awful. I dread weekends and ....
Ah fuggit. Just yes. Not going into details but yes.
Ducatti is the correct answer.
I'm 39 and can feel one coming on. At what age is it appropriate to start?
Ducatti is the correct answer.
I'd prefer a Triumph.
That’s a good point; there used to be Loads of Elises’ running around on the roads but I’ve not seen one in years. Have they all been wrapped around trees by now?
I'd imagine quite a few ended up that way. Plenty as track cars. But they've kept sneaking up in value and a decent one is now £20-25k. Numbers keep dwindling too.
I'm hoping I've accepted it for what it is before I make any really rash decisions, but it's not a fun place to be.
It feels like somewhere between work, kids, and marriage I've lost whatever 'me' was, and now I'm not sure what it was in the first place!
*This is the therapy forum, right?!
A mate of mine who has just turned 50 is currently doing the whole internet dating game (he's unattached so not like that) and has about 7 women on the go (or in the pipeline as he likes to say), as well as caning the booze and party drugs. A mutual female friend accused him of having a midlife crisis, to which I replied that he's not, he's just having a midlife. 🤷♂️
If it flies, floats or, erm, provides ‘emotional support’, rent it.
My dad had a small one. Bought a MGTF 160, then a couple of years later a new Mini - not the BMW one.
Vans and a dangerous hobby is where it is at. Just bought my second van to allow me to spend more time doing the latter.
I was happily working in a bike shop till 2020 with no real thoughts of retirement any time soon, then Covid happened, I am immune surpressed (Ulcerative Colitis) so going back to work when it was over was more of a risk, next thing I moved to Portugal (daughter already lived here) and am now happily grandparenting (someone had a plan!) for my newest 'neta'. It's been a tough few years and things could've been really rough but all in all it's all panned out quite nicely. I still feel a bit like I should be doing a 'job' sometimes but then I think 'where would I find the time!'
I have a couple of friends nearby that are in similar positions and the cafe culture over here lends itself to a lot of chatting.
I, too, wanted an Elise. Unfortunately one of my daughters has got into horses. By the time she's 18, I think I could have bought myself about five bloody Elises. And my wife keeps moaning about why we don't get to go to nice places like Thailand on holiday. Errr....
What are you looking for? You are still the same person you always have been but you have grown, you are still defined by your work, your family and your relationships, overall your achievements and interactions with others. What do you feel you have lost?
I'm a HR Systems Manager, a dad, a granddad, a husband, sometimes a cyclist, definitely a canoeist. None of these things totally defines me. I look back before these things (and to be honest) I was a bit of idiot - do I want to relive my youth, hell no. Would I like a mistress or fast car, nope. Don't think I could improve on the woman I have and going fast is overrated.
What is the problem?
OP you've come to the right place....
Didn't think I'd had one, but then there were a few years after my mother died when I spent most weekends surfing, saying in vans in carparks round the country hanging out with guys in smelly neoprene.
I don't regret that but I do regret not spending more of that time with my kids.
I used that as justification for buying a house on the coast (realise I've now lost the room if I hadn't before), on grounds that the kids can come too. Then spent more weekends renovating the bugger. Looked round and the kids were teenagers with no desire to go off for a boring weekend with parents.
My mid-life crisis turned into a Honda CRV and commercial pilot training (for son2). Horses look cheap compared with flying. Anyway, what one needs for any crisis is… a new bike!
in my case I’ve been surveying track superbikes, and not the ICE variety.
As I’m effectively behaving the same as I have for the last 50 years, and I’m 70 in July, I haven’t reached that point yet. I’m continuing to add to my tattoo collection, a couple more are being added next Tuesday. 😁
Yeah, I bought a jump bike last year, DMR Trailstar same as my youth. I've also got back into skateboarding. Got to be cheaper than a sports car. Better for the environment too.
As for an affair/new wife, that sounds like entirely too much hassle. I'm also rather attached to the current model.
It's deffo a thing, just don't let it get in the way of enjoying life as it is currently, which is probably better than you think.
Feeling like I'm going to have one soon. Kids mostly grown up, impending separation with the OH.
Not sure what form it should take, currently leaning towards lots of gigs and expensive (for me) hi-fi. Not got anywhere to store a fancy sports car yet - maybe that'll have to wait a few years until I get a new house with a garage.
I always wanted it to be a Lotus Elise S2. But I don’t have that kind of money.
I was just thinking the other week that Caterhams were quite reasonable value at the moment...
I do what I want when I want
Whatever your description is of that matters not
Definitely in it.
Buying my way out of it isn't something that's entered my head. (Though now you mention it restoring an old Midget or BGT or something would be fun.)
For me it's manifested as a questioning of everything. The realisation that I'm perhaps not the person I thought I was, and that I've probably been kidding myself about a few things over the years. That things I once liked or felt were important actually aren't. However, the biggie has been this growing sense of the fragility of everything around me. I've led a lucky and charmed life, but things are now starting to get real - illness, elderly parents, losing mates, changing relationships, career questions, money worries... all of that stuff. And it's all left me feeling a little floaty, dreamy and lethargic tbh. Like I'm disappearing from every day life. I mean, I'm obviously not, that would be weird. But, yeah it's a weird feeling.
Not a crisis as such. A new perspective on things perhaps?
I would bloody love a midlife crisis (the buy a stupid car kind), but it's more realistically a "vanishingly small chance of a retirement age crisis dependent on how much I am being rinsed by my kids for university/housing/vehicles etc at that point"
Having re-read that, it sounds waaaaaay more dramatic than it should!
Definitely in it.
Buying my way out of it isn’t something that’s entered my head. (Though now you mention it restoring an old Midget or BGT or something would be fun.)
For me it’s manifested as a questioning of everything. The realisation that I’m perhaps not the person I thought I was, and that I’ve probably been kidding myself about a few things over the years. That things I once liked or felt were important actually aren’t. However, the biggie has been this growing sense of the fragility of everything around me. I’ve led a lucky and charmed life, but things are now starting to get real – illness, elderly parents, losing mates, changing relationships, career questions, money worries… all of that stuff. And it’s all left me feeling a little floaty, dreamy and lethargic tbh. Like I’m disappearing from every day life. I mean, I’m obviously not, that would be weird. But, yeah it’s a weird feeling.
That so sounds like me, thanks for posting!
I am no longer fit for purpose, the thing i am has been just what my other half needed for 30 years. Now my other half needs something else.
What i need is irrelevant.
I do what I want when I want
Funny, that's exactly what my wife said. Sounds so easy when you write it down, but for me I can't see how it's realistic. Very glad to hear it's not just me trudging through this though.
oldmanmtb2
I am no longer fit for purpose, the thing i am has been just what my other half needed for 30 years. Now my other half needs something else.
What i need is irrelevant
I went through something similar a few years ago, the thing that helped me was to try to remember that I knew things would in time get better even if it was impossible to believe that they ever would.
And to remind myself that all things that are happening do in time become things that happend.
It was the fact that the very worst had happened that actually gave me the confidence to meet people and go on dates, something I'd never actually done in my life until I was in my 50's and something as a young man would of terrified me.
My ex wife and I get on well, I don't think we ever lost respect for each other and I know we still care about each other but I just was no longer what she needed. It was utterly devastating at the time and came out of nowhere for me but that was probably just my failure to notice the signs
I hope that one day soon this for you will be something that happened and not something that is happening
I’m too tired and skint to have a midlife crisis. Lost all interest in life so no idea what one would even entail. I just sort of go through life and look forward to sleeping. Used to be a really sociable person and now jus want to sleep as it means not having to think or interact with the world. The downside being that sleeping just leads to another day of the same shit.
That’s a good point; there used to be Loads of Elises’ running around on the roads but I’ve not seen one in years. Have they all been wrapped around trees by now
around 10 to 15 years ago a lot went to Australia because their $ was strong and the Elise was cheap.
Radio 4 and a shed.
Though fancy selling the rental and buying a 964.... just ****ing cos.
I spent today getting my old elise running again, spent the last 5 years SORNed and ignored but as its now mine as part of the seperation/divorce its now in need of an MOT.
Todays list of jobs was get the engine running, then fix the clutch (slave cylinder), free off the alternator, free off the brakes and then finally get the drivers door to actually latch when its shut. I can now get it onto a trailer and round to mine then hopefully over the next couple of months itll be through an MOT and back on the road.
I think I'm probably eligible to chip in on this...
Aged 52 with an amicable but lengthy separation in progress, 5 months of psychotherapy in the bank with a number of highly likely diagnoses for me, a new job I walked out of (and temporarily straight back into my old job), a house sale / purchase required, and some other "stuff" going on...
I've taken what little savings I have and am currently blowing them on travelling.
I spent 3 weeks in northern Thailand travelling by Honda Click 125 scooter and then met my son in Bangkok for 2 weeks of island hopping.
I then flew to Kathmandu and brought a brand new £200 MTB and am typing this with weary legs having cycled the long way around to Pokhara on dirt / rock / sand roads through rural Nepal.
I'm gonna fanny around here for another week and then back to the UK.
I'll have spent all my money. In Bangkok I successfully interviewed for a new job in the UK so I arrived into the UK on 28/03 and start work on 02/04.
Sometimes you just gotta say **** it, take a chance on destiny and see how the karma rolls.
I still return to the same life situation, but I've had a bit of a reset.
I don't really see it as a "crisis" more a temporary breathing space in a transitional phase of my life.
If your interested in the cycling bit there's some pics on my IG: cyclesofmartin I also chucked a load of stuff into my IG stories but you'll have missed that now.
Mine is a bit late at 62 and rather thrust on me by circumstance. I have documented a fair bit of it on here and its been a couple of years
Bought a very expensive Shand and rode it to Spain
Redecorated my flat and made my bedroom a boys bedroom complete with lego models
Went to my first rave for decades and spent it with my hair in plaits with luminous flowers juggling under uv lights
Commisioned a binners artwork
Sent my old bsa for a very expensive engine rebuild
Im now in the Yukon visiting pals. As well as loads of firsts in outdoors stuff I have been roped into going to a murder mystery night in drag, doing a lipsync contest and singing at an open mike night
Say yes to everything ( after a very brief risk assessment ) and be excellent to myself has been my mantra. Its been interesting
@Tjagain. That brought a tear to my eye. Both sorts. I’m 52 and have the off wobble. Embrace it all I say, and hop on your bike OP. (That autocorrected to OAP). I’m convinced this phone is listening to me . .
My midlife crisis began at 50 when I bought a Berlingo. It continued when I bought a Porsche
......(for £500)
Rock and roll.
A lot of the things people are saying they are doing are not really a crisis though are they. Having more time and money and spending it on what you want is not a crisis, it is a good thing.
A crisis suggests you are not really yourself and try to be something that you are not or have never been in a desperate last bid.
My biggest purchase for quite some time was a Nissan Qashqai, a brown one. I don't think I am close to a crisis. 🙂
I passed a Honda s2000 the other day and thought, Ooooo, but then I'm off to andorra in the summer and considering taking an empty bike box and visiting production privee on day 1.
A lot of this sounds familiar, especially
"It feels like somewhere between work, kids, and marriage I’ve lost whatever ‘me’ was, and now I’m not sure what it was in the first place!
Less coke and hookers, more Citalopram and therapy.
I’ve lost whatever ‘me’ was
Funny you should say that, I think I’m finding myself again. Demoted from Sales Manager to an Enterprise sales role, I’m back hustling and with customers and after presenting a 2 year business plan/account strategy to my CRO came away glowing after being told my work, effort and detail is likely the best across a company of 80 sales people.
Sometimes like it or not you need to accept your place on life’s ladder. I’m good at this and can provide for my family. Do I really need any “more”?
Horses look cheap compared with flying.
A neighbours daughter got into it sufficiently to get to the Olympic trials, i suspect the horses that she had cost more than a commercial pilots licence (they sold one for knocking on 200 grand)
oldmanmtb2
I am no longer fit for purpose, the thing i am has been just what my other half needed for 30 years. Now my other half needs something else.
Bin there, dun that. Last 5 years of the marriage (and the 19 year relationship), now all 5 years in my past.
What i need is irrelevant
Well, i got a new MTB, and a new road bike, and had a lot of fun flirting on various dating apps, and then IRL too...
Some of it was really needed, most of it was just a lot of fun. (Fun was needed too!)
For me it's been getting into Enduro's and BMX racing haha!
Horses = LOTUS
(lots of trouble usually serious!)
😁
Just to help everyone's midlife crisis's, Midlife Crisis was released 32years ago!
I'm fortunate not to have suffered with a mid-life crisis, mostly through changing jobs a couple of times and then going part-time
I'm now too old for all that and expect to do the shed, classic car, etc, thing on retirement. We'll see how that pans out!
I think it goes in waves, with different symptoms at each. I did the classic restore/build a ridiculously overpowered sports car bit in my mid forties. I’ve led a bit of a charmed life, and of my relationships have broken down, but the fear of getting to the end of my life without having spent enough time doing the things that I think I’ll find fun was definitely a thing. I got through that phase, but now I think I might be entering another as my last child will leave home in a couple of years, my last parent has just died, and there’s a real anxiety about prematurely entering old age coming on. No idea how phase two is going to manifest itself, but there’s every chance I’ll be a dick again by 55.
I got a unicycle around my 40th birthday.
I suppose that's also roughly when I took up running semi-seriously. Maybe that was a couple of years later.
A bit cheap and healthy compared to most alternatives!
I was just thinking the other week that Caterhams were quite reasonable value at the moment…
@rich_s - now there is a man talking sense.
the only issue (well ok i have a few but ) i have is that to get a caterham i need a bike storage shed (to free up the garage) - which will cost at least as much as the caterham. then i need to sell my old VW camper. and maybe a few bikes. if i get the caterham the wise will want her loft conversion.
its a dangerous precipice im sitting on hahah!
Funny you should say that, I think I’m finding myself again. Demoted from Sales Manager to an Enterprise sales role, I’m back hustling and with customers and after presenting a 2 year business plan/account strategy to my CRO came away glowing after being told my work, effort and detail is likely the best across a company of 80 sales people.
Sometimes like it or not you need to accept your place on life’s ladder. I’m good at this and can provide for my family. Do I really need any “more”?
@kryton57 that's a lovely response, thank you. I mean, I'm here for the 'coke and hookers' and Lotis Elise comments too (I have a MK2 MR2 myself...) but this was genuinely insightful. Maybe the 'accepting your place of life's ladder' is the precurser to doing what you want when you want.
the only issue (well ok i have a few but ) i have is that to get a caterham i need a bike storage shed (to free up the garage)
We converted half our garage about 6 years ago into a utility room. The rest is now bike storage. When I specc'd it, I was sure I'd measured it and made enough space to fit a Caterham in *just* in case (without the spare wheel on the back).
Sadly, at some point in the process I'd not realised the builder/SWMBO changed something and I'm 960mm out. So that means I'd have to rent a garage/storage unit in addition to buying it.
This depresses me. I couldn't even plan my own mid-life crisis correctly. 😔
A great post from Kryton, who has been quite open about some of his battles.
Just need to find a way back down to my rung on the ladder.
I’ve had a few. Generally just an excuse to buy new toys.
Sadly, at some point in the process I’d not realised the builder/SWMBO changed something and I’m 960mm out. So that means I’d have to rent a garage/storage unit in addition to buying it.
This depresses me. I couldn’t even plan my own mid-life crisis correctly. 😔
i wouldnt be so hard on yourself - i just think someone planned for your mid-life crisis just a weee bit beter then you did.. haha!
you can always cut a caterham sized slot in the utility wall and blame the MLC!
My biggest purchase for quite some time was a Nissan Qashqai, a brown one. I don’t think I am close to a crisis.
No, you may be in need of an intervention. 😀
If it’s any consolation, few people own Caterhams for long. It’s like that cool niche bike you really need but ride a couple of times a year. I was in the fortune position to be able to drive one whenever I wanted (my friend and I share our midlife crises) and could rarely be arsed with all the pissing about. Amazing fun for an hour though. Maybe hire one at a track? The Elise on the other hand is much more versatile and easy to live with - but you do need a slightly bigger garage.
I owned one for 3 years as my only car and drove around 8,000 miles a year in it - I was 25 though.
So at 56 I suppose I have been there and done that as I have with a lot of cars when younger which I guess is why I have nothing to try and recapture in any sort of way of a crisis when it comes to cars. These days my only requirement is comfort and ability to deal with potholes and floods.
Might have missed the nuance in the OP, but why is it then all, what car to get!
Thought the usual ST answer would be get to the drs and get testosterone looked at for a start. It's not exact, but the drop in that in middle age impacts a lot of men and triggers the listlessness and searching to replace energy and drive that could be lost.
But...new bike anyway to be on the safe side!
I was thoroughly in the mid-life dissatisfaction hole. Wonderful family and kids, but unhappy with my self and starting to get some support.
Unfortunately, cancer is now going to take my chances of ever having the life I want, so just make sure you do something about it now, while you have the option..
Might have missed the nuance in the OP, but why is it then all, what car to get!
Because this is Shoppingtrackworld. Basically a huge percentage of the people on STW are just interested in buying things, and fiddling with them.
Some most of the replies on the thread have been grossly insensitive to the OP and just been a trigger for people to witter on about their favourite purchases, actual or potential.
A few people, like kryton have actually engaged with the OP, but not many 🙁
I'm not sure where midlife occurs but I might have missed any crisis by managing to get early retirement as a 50th birthday present. That led to a huge change in my life - expensive IT geek to LBS worker, massive uptick in cycling, eventually a van then converted to campervan, moved away from a city to the Scottish Highlands. In the midst of that both my parents died too. It's hard to say what might have happened if I'd stayed on in my IT career (pretty sure it would have made no difference to my parents lifespan 😂 ), but maybe I'd have had some sort of desire for change.
I got sick of being tied down by too much stuff. Sold my Beemer, shotgun, antique bureau, surfboard and cottage and moved to Sheffield for access to the Peak, real ale and more like-minded people. We are more into doing than owning, got away 11 times lasy year. Just back from the West of Ireland and visited a mate there (62, cyclist, 100 press-ups a day, presses kin huge weights) only to discover he'd had a heart attack 10 days before. Big wake up call about defining your priorities. Love other people's old MR2s and Boxsters but would be irritated to hell by owning one and prefer our completely dependable 16yo car.
Op, there is a very fine line between a mid life crisis and depression, have you considered a chat with your GP to see what they think? It's completely normal to feel this way but don't just ignore it if it's been affecting you for some time.
Try to think of it as your chrysalis phase🦋
https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/midlife-crisis-depression.htm
Have a read of the link for a rough guide to where you're at.
Say yes to everything ( after a very brief risk assessment )
This is the way.
I had a mid life crisis in my mid-thirties. The job I wanted made me depressed and unwell and I left it.
However in the long run it triggered a new and better period in my life. I got some therapy, stopped focussing on what I hadn’t got and whose fault it was, and instead started trying new things.
I had fun, made a bit of a dick of myself, lived out a few clichés (Porsche and much younger girlfriend) but most importantly stopped being scared about what others would think and instead started exploring and trying new things.
Since then my life has been infinitely more rewarding, even if it is not really substantially different to how it was before. The difference being that now I’m doing things because I’ve chosen to, not because I’ve felt obliged to.
Is it possible for a third of life crisis? I'm 31 and after finally getting on the property ladder and gaining seniority in my career I find myself at a loss as to what my goals are in life now.
We don't want children or a dog so it seems all there is left is to work until I can retire then die, whilst trying to pass the time with nonsense in between?
I'm struggling, though a degree of that is clearly circumstantial. I've had a rotten 12 months.
One thing I have come to realise though, in an "advice you'd give to your younger self" kind of way is: buy less stuff, do more things. No-one ever lay on their death bed thinking "man, I wish I'd had less fun." Your prized vinyl collection, books, bikes, Lego, artwork, half-rotten Elise on the other hand, that just becomes something for someone else to have to dispose of.