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I felt today was the right time to write this, and I hope I don't regret it. No doubt not alone, I've been through an interesting yet puzzling year and it wasn't until late in the year when I started googling, and then some settled thinking time over the Christmas period I realised what's been going on. The article I've linked to there was provided by another forum member on another thread, so I won't take credit for that, but I feel it explains mid-life transition very well.
And so it is, that I realise many years ago in my late twenties as was drinking enough to puke nightly, enjoying the bars and clubs of London and taking as little responsibility at home (by myself) that I could whilst slowly occurring debt by Vodka Redbull's and a disregarded mortgage, that ultimately I wanted what I never had when I was younger; a stable family whilst being a respected professional employee and a father to children that love me.
I've achieved that in some respects by luck and circumstance -theres been a lot of hard work too. I'd not have been on the straight and narrow as quickly if I hadn't met my wife; I couldn't have managed my finances well if I wasn't forced after being targeted and robbed of my wages in my early 30's (a long story), and I wouldn't be able to think as clearly as I can today without the anxiety struggles I've dealt with over the last few years, In short I have so much to be thankful for that have led me to these circumstances, which is and as that article states "having reached the top of the first mountain only to be disappointed with the view".
Only thats not entirely true. Its been harder than I ever admitted on this forum to reach that mountain top, yet I'm not "disappointed" with the view at all. I sit here calmly, grateful to all that has led to this point. I've enjoyed the company of my family more than every before over this Christmas period, I'm lucky to have a built a relatively good financial future, a house, garden and an annual holiday (if these things are important), and I'm lucky that between all of that I get to ride my bike in some fabulous locations and share that with others - on here and outside in the real world. I'm grateful mostly that I finally feel I don't have to constantly please other people outside of my four walls.
This Christmas then I finally and unexpectedly let out an inner deep sigh, whereby I accepted that I'm a mid-lifer; a senior adult if you like. In a single breath, that sigh cleansed my soul more than I'd ever imagined I was capable of. I know now I no longer desire to go out on the and compete with "the kids" at work, favouring a single short, grown up drink with my wife before retiring to bed. I don't want to show off, I don't want a trinket, I know I don't want to be in the limelight. Laddism has died within me and I like the thought of proverbial still, summer evenings. I look at my children and want to build their future, show them the world, spend time with them and teach them to make sensible decisions whilst providing a solid foundational home for them to return to after their mistakes and travels, knowing they can always come home for a hug with Mum & Dad.
At 47, I don't know what I want or what the next chapter holds. I'm looking at the second mountain in my life - the middle to end of my journey - and can't think of what it may or should contain. I don't have a plan, but yet I'm content with that - content with the thought I'm in a transition and it feels best to just wait. Wait and see how things pan out over the next few months, don't rush, don't be influenced or judged by others just wait. And in that, I feel I'm very, very lucky to be content and be in this position where there is nothing, but actually there is everything for me to sit upon an muse over time.
I appreciate that with my past on here this perhaps sounds a little "about me" - its deliberate because I realise now I have achieved little in the world compared to others exploits and knowledge and I don't want to make any ill-judged comparisons - and will be disregarded by some as such with a sneer, but I write it because I feel that others will no doubt be going through or approaching the same phase of life and perhaps it'd be helpful to know your not alone. I'm not a good writer on forums but I didn't want this to come across as a "woe is me" thread, but a picture of mid life transition in a "eye of the storm" perspective perhaps. As I type I'm not sure if I'm achieving that.
You know what? Its OK to be this way, to be you, and you aren't alone in your questioning about the future. None of us knows what the future holds but perhaps with a pause and a little reflection perhaps we can step aside from the rat race for a moment and see something that quantifies a direction and some stability that has a small impact on all of those around us - virtually or physically - to achieve something better for them than today, whatever the definition of "better" may be for you or for those you can help.
I am for one, very lucky and appreciative of the life that allows me this pause for reflection.
I'm sorry for my past behaviour on here toward some threads and individuals. I know now there were angst ridden responses, juvenile attempts at establishing my presence, or uneducated efforts at seeking inclusion. This forum is a great education in many facets in life and a huge help to many and should be regarded as such whilst disregarding such rogue elements.
And so, in my last ever school report my then teacher wrote "Stephen (Steve, aka me) is the Peter Pan of the class, the boy who never grows up".
I think that this Christmas and 31 years later, I finally grew up.
Deep.... I read about 30 of the words, but hardly any of them together...
Can you give the simple version ?
Can you give the simple version ?
I skipped to the end. He finally grew up.
You know what? Its OK to be this way, to be you, and you aren’t alone in your questioning about the future.
Has always been the case.
Good on you, Kryters.
Nothing wrong with being comfortable in your own skin.
* fist bump *
(you're not too grown up for fist bumps are you?)
ah, not that kind of transition.
One of the good things about this place (and there are many) is that you see that lots of other people question the same things that you do and are in a similar place. Enjoy your time of reflection
One of the good things about this place (and there are many) is that you see that lots of other people question the same things that you do and are in a similar place. Enjoy your time of reflection
And are all of a similar age, which means we all have similar issues and thoughts..
Some of us just leave it to others to type it out, then read and go "errr, like yeah"
It's been interesting over the years reading Kryt's journey... You've come a long way, and theres so much more to this life yet...
Happy New Year Kryt's & Family.
(and you lot, but we'll no doubt have a HNY thread at some point)
Kind of in a similar place, and having turned 50 this year I'd kind of come to terms with where I was, and started working towards where I wanted to be heading next, work wise, family wise and personal wise.
Plans have had a few set backs, but I've come to terms with that and looking to work round them.
I hope 2020 works for you and yours
Happy New Year, make the most of it. Life is a juggling act, on those occasions when you're keeping all the balls in the air without a struggle enjoy it.
ah, not that kind of transition.
I thought he was buying another bike.
One of the good things about this place (and there are many) is that you see that lots of other people question the same things that you do and are in a similar place. Enjoy
your time of reflection
I do feel I'm missing out on something quite profound, e.g. I have never questioned head angles and wouldn't know where to start....
middle to end of my journey
And now my watch is ended... 🙂
Plenty more bikes to be bought an miles to be rode yet ya wet sod.
Don't worry mate. I like you.
Too long but I did read most of it (and definitely enough to get the sense of it).
Have a great new year you, you, you.... Grown Up
I understand where you're coming from perfectly. Latest incarnation for me is I'm contemplating a Grand Tourneo Connect as a better car option (loads of space for camping gear and family adventures) than a new moderately fast and interesting hatchback FFS! I think I may have reached peak carpet slipper.
Just for all those other middle agers...
https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=U8b88US-6ts&feature=share
(And I love this song)
I have never questioned head angles and wouldn’t know where to start….
Just saying "not slack enough" is probably pretty safe, TBH.
I gave up when I realised there was a link for even more reading!! I cut to the final statement and assumed it was overall probably a positive post? I hope so, and hope that makes a good start to your new year 👍
I read it all,
summary: when in his 20s took load of alcohol that he couldn't afford to get hammered, now, at 47, only takes one drink which he can well afford.
Happy about this, Life's good 🙂
You should write one of those self help books.
At 47, I don’t know what I want or what the next chapter holds.
Young man, yes young compare to me you are young, the next phase of your life will be to calm your mind down (not easy that) but well done for all your achievement.
I’m sorry for my past behaviour on here toward some threads and individuals. I know now there were angst ridden responses, juvenile attempts at establishing my presence, or uneducated efforts at seeking inclusion.
What's wrong with having a bit of fun with a bunch of old STW people ? Yes, some of them here are "old" 😁
Thanks all and yes it was intended to be positive. Gaus1777, good grief no one wants to live my first set of growing pains via a self help book especially until I learn to write coherantly, but life's lessons are there to be learned eh?
Happy NY everyone, here's to being at the start of an more learned outlook toward the future.
'Well I guess I should confess that I am starting to get old
All the latest music fads all passed me by and left me cold
All the kids are talking slang I won't pretend to understand
All my friends are getting married, mortagages and pension plans
And it's obvious my angry adolescent days are done
And I'm happy and I'm settled in the person I've become
But that doesn't mean I'm settled up and sitting out the game
Time may change a lot but some things may stay the same
And I won't sit down
And I won't shut up
And most of all I will not grow up
And I won't sit down
And I won't shut up
And most of all I yeah I won't grow up'
We aren't done yet Kryton57. Still some mischief in us.
Sell all your watches.
Buy a guitar. 🙂
And happy new year to you and yours.
Anyone else think this was gonna be a sex change thread?
Anyone else think this was gonna be a sex change thread?
Nope, but it's an all inclusive forum if you've got something to get off your chest (or on your chest) 🙂
My moons have have got bigger over Xmas tbf
Good on you Kryton. Self realisation is a good thing.
I’m not as good looking as I was, or as fit. But at 45 I’m as happy as ever.
Need to ride a bit more this year though!!
Great post, good on you for writing and sharing
This reminds me of one of Billy Bragg's best stage gags. I saw him (ahem many years ago) when Bryan Adams was top of the charts for what felt like 100 years with "Everything I Do - I Do It For You" to which BB's reposte was "imagine the drama every morning getting him to flush the toilet?!?"
I couldn’t have managed my finances well if I wasn’t forced after being targeted and robbed of my wages in my early 30’s (a long story)
Alludes to a much better story than the actual story.
I feel I’m very, very lucky to be content
this is the main thing though, if you're happy, you've done it right.
Done worry, we all grow up eventually. Just at different rates. I never did the copious alcohol stuff and still don’t. Middle aged before my time.